CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE - Beatings, Brat-Boys, and Bellhops
Me and Eddie sealed the deal up in Canada - we're partners through and through now. As we kissed, our arms around each other, I told him about wantin' to take a honeymoon somewhere, like Miami Beach. All kinds of stuff goes down there, like spring break, yada yada yada, and so on. So I put it to him like this, "now, me and you been together for a while, never really did nothin' for ourselves, like a vacation or anything. A true gumshoe's work is never done, but we gotta get away for a bit, just you and me. Forget that we're gumshoes, forget all that stuff goin' on. Crimebustin' ain't all what me and you are about, ya get my meanin'?" Eddie nodded his head and says, "yeah". "Now how's about me and you goin' down to Miami for a few days, just me and you, bein' with each other, just in our own company, we ain't even gotta do nothin', just be." "Sounds good - I've been wantin' to get romantic with you for a long time - just have you look into my eyes, just to talk to, make love to, sit on the beach lookin' at the sunset, holdin' hands, all that stuff. Sounds nice." "So why don't we just take off now - I ain't got no cases brewin' - be fun to get away from it all."
So the two of us took off for a few days in Miami Beach, stayed at some real swanky joint with satin sheets - the two of us coulda gotten lost in all that - we did the jacuzzi - note to self, get one installed when we get back, that'll take Miami Beach back with us, oh, yeah, get some satin sheets, too - then one night we took a real romantic walk on the beach, hand in hand, then just sat on some rocks just watchin' the waves crash against them. Eddie wore these hip-huggin' silky swimtrunks - the cuffs wrapped 'round the top of his legs like Saran wrap. they barely covered his package, though, that was kinda out there, it just begged ya to rub that crotch of his. He didn't need to put silk over that, his package is as smooth and silky as that. Don't get me wrong, my boy ain't no shaver, he even uses conditioner down there, makin' it all so smooth and shiny, ya could comb it. The backside brought out his buns like nobody's business. Ya talk about a C-moon. Perfect shape. That's my boy. They moved when he moved. Them gorgeous gams just sent me through the roof with every step, and they were mine to do with as I wanted. Hoo-boy, did I love rubbin' suntan lotion on them. They didn't need it, though, his legs were just tanned to perfection, the flesh accentuatin' ev'ry muscle. We didn't meet, he coulda been a stripper or a male model - woulda made a fortune, but nothin' in this world matters more than crimefightin', and doin' it by my side. Any of youse readin' this - don't ya go listenin' to all that crap by the Religious Wrong, the Man Upstairs is one heck of a matchmaker. All time stood still - not for long, knowin' our luck, but pretty still. We were smoochin' on the rocks when we heard some kind of hasslin' goin' on a few feet away. We wrote it off like some argument, nothin' big. Eddie loves to smooch with open eyes, he wants to look at me all the way. Outta the corner of his eye, he sees a gang of guys nearly pulverizin' someone. He leaps up, "Freakin' fracases, Mike, look over there!" "Holy mother of crap, they're gonna kill that kid" The two of us were off, runnin' as fast as we could - good that we're on the sand and they can't hear us come up on them, then WHAM, sufferin' sucker punch, Eddie throws a grand slam on one of the thugs. I shout at the victim to beat it, we got things covered here. I pound a right hook into someone's gut, he bends over, then I get him in the face with a left. Eddie gets shoved down, but throws his legs up and gives the thug a real scissor cut - clamps 'im in the face with his calves, knockin' 'im over. We both stand over 'em, Eddie grittin' his teeh, rubbin's his hands together, oooh he wants more. So do I. The kid they was clobberin' starts to go off, but then falls over. Me and Eddie come to his aid, first things first. That does give the thugs a leeway to get away and Eddie wants to follow 'em and get 'em some more, but I hold 'im back. We gotta make sure this kid is all right. He ain't. All beat up, bruised and bleedin'. We gotta get 'im back to our room, call 911 and have 'im taken care of. Meanwhile, when he catches his breath, we get the goods outta him, 'bout what went on.
UNBEKNOWNST TO OUR HEROES, THE THUGS IN QUESTION STICK AROUND AND WATCH THEM TAKE THEIR VICTIM UP TO THEIR HOTEL ROOM. THEY FOLLOW THEM UPSTAIRS AT A DISTANCE, KEEPING AN EYE ON THE ROOM NUMBER. THEY'RE NOT THROUGH WITH THIS GUY YET.
As Eddie cleans the kid's wounds on his face and applies alcohol, I give 'im te third degree. "Don't worry, kid, you're among friends here. I'm Mike Batz, PI, and he's my partner, Eddie Robinson." "Hi, nice to meet you guys. Oh, thank God you two showed up. I thought I was gonna cack it." "So, what was that all about?" "I was out on the beach just mindin' my own, ya know? So these guys came up on me and tried to make off with me, sayin' somethin' 'bout my uncle." "What's this uncle of yours gotta do with it? He a rich guy or somethin'?" "Nah, he used to be a cop, he busted 'em a few years back right before he retired. Well, he was made to quit 'cuz of his age. Miami don't like no old guys on the force. The new Chief saw to that. Well, anyway, they found out who I was and were tryin' to get back at him with usin' me." Eddie mutters, "holy Patricia Hearst". The kid looks up at 'im, "Paricia who?" "Not important" "Anyways, that's what they were tryin' to do and I woulda been locked in a trunk or shot or somethin' if you guys hadn't been 'round." "Your uncle's an ex-cop? What's the name?" "Hernandez, Oscar Hernandez" My jaw popped wide open, "you're kiddin'! I knew a guy like that back up where we come from. He from Chicago, youre uncle?" "Uh, yeah, he was a rookie up there, then came down here about 10 years ago. I ain't got no parents, they were on drugs and I got taken away. Oscar took me on as his own, been real good to me since."
Wow - this guy cooperated with me way way back. Aw, man, he was good, too. Uh, yeah, okay, we had a thing goin' for a while, didn't work out, though, but that's all ya need to know. Fact is, he took off after we split, but I'm glad to know he stayed a cop, that's a good thing. "Can I get his number? I wanna call and let 'im know what happened and thay you're safe now." "Sure, 555-7326." "T'anks, kid." I dial his number - good he was home, too. I told him ev'rything what went on. Kid didn't need 911, though, it was just some surface cuts - that kinda thing. There was a knock on the door, "hey, Mike, it's me, Oscar, open up in the name of the law". "After all these years, how ya been?" "Good, retirement sure agrees with me." I furrow my brow, stick my hands in my pockets and tap my feet a little, like I always do when I interrogate someone, "that ain't true, now is it. You were bumped off the force." His face just fell at that point. The smile from seein' me again and knowin' his kid's all right, turned to weepin' just like that. "Ya got me, just like always - can't fool ya if my life depended on it." "That's why I'm the Dashin' Detective, kid, dontcha forget it. Now level with me." "I was about to make 25 years on the force, then this new Chief gets voted in, can't be 30, then he starts whackin' us guys that been around for a while. He said it's somethin' to do with Miami's image. See, this is a place for beautiful people and an over-30 cop just ain't cuttin' it. 'Cuz I was drummed out 2 weeks before I could get my pension, I'm broke, had to take a shit security job somewheres, still makin' a buck, still kinda like a cop, anyways. Oh, Mike, it's been brutal. The thugs that got my kid were busted by me and two others. The thugs got outta jail and set off to get revenge. They murdered the other guys and I thought they were gonna come after me, but they did it through Joey, my kid, that is, figurin' that'd get me worse than if they popped me. I tried to get the cops to help me, but that's a total no-go, they won't even lift a finger, sayin' they can't do nothin' til they catch 'em in the act." Eddie pipes in, "dontcha worry, Oscar, we caught 'em in the act, they better look over their shoulder, 'cuz we're comin'." Yep, that's my boy, all right. Oscar says to Joey, "hey, kid, ya all right to come home?" and he was about to answer when I piped in, "nah, not a great idea. He was almost snatched and ya never know who saw you comin' up here, so ya better stay with us here. We'll be in town for a while." "Yeah", says Eddie, "uh, me cassa you cassa - I get that right?" The two Hernandez boys just smile, "pronouncin' needs a little tweakin', but we get the message and it's very kind of both of you." He turns to Eddie, "Sorry, I didn't get your name." "Oh, it's Eddie Robinson, me and Mike sorta work together" "That's okay, kid - truth is Oscar, Eddie's my partner, in ev'ry way. Fact, we just got hitched a while ago up in Canada." "My God, Mike. You didn't seem the hitchin' kind before - when we...." Oh, I knew this was gonna be too juicy to let the boys hear this now, I cut it off, "Hey, uh, Eddie, why dontcha show our guest where he's gonna be crashin'" "Sure", then he nudges the kid and points to the bedroom door, "yeah, it's that one over there, and...." then I clear my throat and jerk my head over, motionin' im. "I think he wants us to split" "BRILLIANT deduction". "Have a seat, Oscar, get yourself comfy there" He sits on a sofa, I prop my leg up on the arm of a chair, restin' my one arm on my leg, puttin' my other hand on my hip. This gives me-n-Oscar some time to chew the fat a little. "Ya know, Mike, this whole thing about youse two gettin' hitched, that really threw me. You never wanted to commit to anyone before. I kept thinkin' there was somethin' wrong with me." "Naw, kid, it wasn't you. I really did feel that way before. My ex-boss just up and split on me way back when. Man, I really loved him. I was really diggin' you, too, but I had to keep my dukes up, ya know? Couldn't really go back there. I was thinkin' there's somethin' with me, and I guess there was." "You really broke my heart back up north. My parents didn't want me around anymore and that was bad but at least I had you - so I thought. I came down here 'cuz I didn't have no one. I was miserable. Lookin' back on it all now, Eddie's pretty hot and all, but what's he got that I ain't got, or didn't. Jesus, with all this crap goin' on, gettin' kicked off the force, my kid almost gettin' snatched 'cuz we was just doin' our job, and then you come along and bring up all this again. Man, my life ain't worth nothin'" He starts cryin'. "Thank God I got Joey - he's the only thing keepin' me goin', or else I woulda ended it all when I got tossed off the force." "Well, ya know, you could sue to get your job back, or at least your pension, anyways. Age discrimination and all that." "Ev'ry mouthpiece slammed the door on my face, they say 'ya got 15 grand?' and I didn't, so that ended that." I get up off the chair, and kneel by the sofa, pattin' his back and all, "Naw, you listen to me, I got a mouthpiece back up north I can get to do this on a whaddya call yer Pro Bono like". "How can you manage that?" I stand up, spread my legs, cross my arms and kinda rock back and forth on my toes, "I got my ways - I got my ways". I wink at 'im, then turn on my heel and walk around 'im a bit. "Now, for right now, you and the kid are bunkin' in with us and makin' like all Anne Frank, see. Me-n-Eddie's gonna get the thugs, then we're gonna get ya what ya got comin' - Pro Bono like". Oscar was so happy at the thought of it, he comes up to me, grabbin' my arms. "Mike, if this all works out, I don't know how I can thank you." I give 'im a grin and say, "ya just did". He looks at me for a sec and asks, "would it be okay if I just gave ya a peck - grattitude, that is."
OSCAR GIVES MIKE A QUICK PECK ON THE LIPS AND RIGHT AT THE WORST MOMENT OF ALL - EDDIE AND JOEY WALK IN ON THEM. EDDIE STOPS DEAD IN HIS TRACKS, PUTS HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS, THEN, SQUEEZES HIS FIST.
"Oh, so that's why ya wanted me outta the room, huh?" "Holy crap, it's Eddie." "Oh, so you remember who I was - betcha forgot all about me when you're movin' in on Broderick Crawford over here". "Eddie, please, it ain't what ya think" "Bobby wasn't enough for ya? Ya gonna get this guy snuffed out, too?" "Aw, crap, Eddie...." Then Oscar jumps in, walkin' over to Eddie and shakin' him. "Hey, that's enough outta you, Brat-Boy. First of all, you don't go talkin' 'bout people that are standin' right here, ya don't give out nicknames. My name is Oscar and if I'm s'posed to be called somethin' else, my momma woulda named me somethin' different. This kiss was all my deal. Mike was tellin' me you and him are gonna make ev'rything all right for me-n-Joey and I was thankin' him. A quick innocent peck on the mouth to just say thank you. Me-n-him meant somethin' to each other a long time ago, and that was that. He ain't playin' around on you and I ain't musclin' in on 'im, neither. Now before ya throw any more shit in his face and make 'im go south of the border to wipe out this Canada deal ya got goin' with 'im, I suggest you say you're sorry and fuckin' well mean it!" "It's all right, Oscar, we sorta had an issue about this recently. He was kidnapped and I almost made it with the kid who helped me find 'im." "Well, that is pretty typical of you and I can see where Brat-Boy over here...." "it's Eddie" "Now ya get how I feel...anyway, Mike, I can see where he's comin' from, but" turnin' back to Eddie, "ya just don't go jumpin' down someone's throat without findin' out what's up. You're a detective, ya oughtta know these things. Hell, I was just a uniform grunt, but I knew more than that. Maybe ya oughtta spend some time on the streets with a badge, providin' ya can handle such a thing. Were ya ever on the force? Betcha didn't have the guts!"
Eddie's face fell, "Oscar, Eddie's got somethin' to say to ya." "I wanted to be, but I couldn't get on 'cuz of my name. My dad was a sex offender and kidnapped me and was gonna kill me til Mike busted in and saved me." Now I was stunned. I knew the kid dreamed of bein' a cop and all, but I never knew why he didn't do it. "Is that right, kid?" "Yeah, I never told ya the whole thing, but the force did a background check when I applied. I was halfway through when the facts came out and I was expelled from the academy 'cuz they couldn't take no chances on someone with my dad's genetics - they thought I'd be bad news, too. The day we met, it was right after I'd been tossed out. I didn't know what the heck was gonna become of me. I didn't wanna do nothin' else. That's when I saw ya gettin' roughed up and helped ya out."
"Wow, it all makes sense now. I'm floored, I, uh, I had no idea." Oscar was floored, too. "I'm really sorry I got on ya like that, kid, and I fuckin' well mean it, too." "It's fine, really, I know ya wouldn'ta said that stuff if I hadn't gone off on Mike like I did" Turnin' to me, he says, "and you're right, Oscar, I'm sorry, Mike, I shoulda kept a cool head. I shoulda told ya before, but, well, I was havin' such a good time workin' with ya, that I just wanted to stay around, is all. I mean, ya did put me through school and I got my detective's license a ways back. Ya know what they say about one door closin' and a window opens." "Hoo-boy I'd give anything if the past 10 minutes didn't happen", then Oscar pipes in, "it's good that it did. Eddie, you seemed heartbroken just now, just like I was when I was drummed off just 'cuz I'm over 30. I know how painful that must've been for ya. Are ya still broken up about that?" Eddie took in a breath and let it out, he was silent for a sec. "Yeah, I guess a part of me always will be." "Well, that's just how it is for me, too, kid. What I'm tryin' to say here is, we're brothers in this thing, we got shared heartbreak that'll always hurt a little." Then he put his arm around my boy and tried to make 'im feel better, and he pointed at me, "but this gift from God over there stepped in and made it all right for ya, from the sounds of it. He's gonna make it all right for me, too, ya just wait and see. And we both love the big lug and we gotta make 'im happy, now, don't we." Eddie laughs a bit, he knows where this is goin'. I do, too. Oscar ain't upset with me, and it don't look like Eddie is neither. "Now, me-n-Joey's gonna go in the other room, I ain't seen my crash pad yet, and you're gonna give your old man a kiss he'll never forget, ain't that right!" "It sure is".
EDDIE - The Hernandez boys leave the room and me-n-Mike patch things up, he mutters, "the old man - what the hell's he goin' on about..." and HOLY LIPLOCK - I really give it to 'im, practically polishin' his tonsils. "hey Boss-man, ya never did take me over the threshold." "It's my back - an old war wound" "You're an old man, after all." "Hey, I'll show ya what an old man I am" and he sweeps me off my feet and carries me over the threshold. Mike says to me as a joke, "I love ya Brat-Boy" and I laugh and say to him, "I love you, too, ya old man". "Oscar really saved the day. Now we gotta save the day for him and Joey." "So, whadda we do first?" "First off, we keep 'em here til them thugs are back in the pokey where they deserve to rot, then, we gotta somehow get Oscar back on the beat." "Aw, no problem, chief, we'll do it. We'll do it - ya just wait and see."
The next mornin', me-n-Eddie's real hungry so we take off to get some grub, askin' Oscar and Joey if they want anything. They resist at first, but then I tell 'em it's room service, it's part of the hotel thing. Then it's scrambled eggs with orange juice, coffee, french toast, maybe a muffin or two. Boy, all ya gotta say is somethin's on the house and two guys suddenly get real hungry. We go downstairs and get the grub.
MEANWHILE, THE THUGS WATCH OUR HEROES HEAD FOR THE HOTEL DINER.....
We're takin' our stuff back upstairs and notice the door of the suite flung wide open. "aw, man, I told 'em to stay put." We dash back in and find the whole place was ransacked. "HOLY TORNADO" "Oscar and Joey - MY GOD!" We dash into their room and see the same thing. Totally totaled. Eddie spots somethin' on the bed. "Hey Mike, there's a bunch of snapshots here. What the...." We look at 'em and all the blood drains from our faces. "Aw, holy mother of crap - they snatched 'em both up and took pictures." These were pretty gruesome, too, showin' Oscar bein' forced to look into the camera as his photo was taken - he was screamin' from the looks of it. Then it shows Joey bein' handcuffed and leg irons bein' put on his ankles. In fact, they were both chained up, then pistol whipped into passin' out, other pics show them gettin' shoved into trunks. The wild thing was, the thugs were wearin' bell boy uniforms. "They musta conked 'em on the head, got the duds and came up here to do their stuff." "We gotta go get 'em - but where the heck could they be?" We didn't have to wonder for long. We heard a thump in one of the closets. "Careful, Mike, someone might have a gun." "Don't think some pistol packin' prick's gonna keep us from savin' someone - we ain't made of that kinda stuff". Sure enough, two young boys wearin' nothin' but tee shirts and briefs are handcuffed, shackled, gagged, fishin' wire wrapped 'round 'em, cuttin' into their arms and legs, they're bleedin' a bit, and screamin'. "Hey, don't be scared, we're here to help you."
NOW WHAT? POLAROIDS, KIDNAPPINGS, INNOCENT YOUNG BOYS ALL CHAINED AND CUT UP? WHAT KIND OF SICK FREAKS ARE WE DEALING WITH? STARTING TO DROOL YET. HOO-BOY, YOU'LL NEED MORE THAN A BIB WHEN YOU MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the two of us took off for a few days in Miami Beach, stayed at some real swanky joint with satin sheets - the two of us coulda gotten lost in all that - we did the jacuzzi - note to self, get one installed when we get back, that'll take Miami Beach back with us, oh, yeah, get some satin sheets, too - then one night we took a real romantic walk on the beach, hand in hand, then just sat on some rocks just watchin' the waves crash against them. Eddie wore these hip-huggin' silky swimtrunks - the cuffs wrapped 'round the top of his legs like Saran wrap. they barely covered his package, though, that was kinda out there, it just begged ya to rub that crotch of his. He didn't need to put silk over that, his package is as smooth and silky as that. Don't get me wrong, my boy ain't no shaver, he even uses conditioner down there, makin' it all so smooth and shiny, ya could comb it. The backside brought out his buns like nobody's business. Ya talk about a C-moon. Perfect shape. That's my boy. They moved when he moved. Them gorgeous gams just sent me through the roof with every step, and they were mine to do with as I wanted. Hoo-boy, did I love rubbin' suntan lotion on them. They didn't need it, though, his legs were just tanned to perfection, the flesh accentuatin' ev'ry muscle. We didn't meet, he coulda been a stripper or a male model - woulda made a fortune, but nothin' in this world matters more than crimefightin', and doin' it by my side. Any of youse readin' this - don't ya go listenin' to all that crap by the Religious Wrong, the Man Upstairs is one heck of a matchmaker. All time stood still - not for long, knowin' our luck, but pretty still. We were smoochin' on the rocks when we heard some kind of hasslin' goin' on a few feet away. We wrote it off like some argument, nothin' big. Eddie loves to smooch with open eyes, he wants to look at me all the way. Outta the corner of his eye, he sees a gang of guys nearly pulverizin' someone. He leaps up, "Freakin' fracases, Mike, look over there!" "Holy mother of crap, they're gonna kill that kid" The two of us were off, runnin' as fast as we could - good that we're on the sand and they can't hear us come up on them, then WHAM, sufferin' sucker punch, Eddie throws a grand slam on one of the thugs. I shout at the victim to beat it, we got things covered here. I pound a right hook into someone's gut, he bends over, then I get him in the face with a left. Eddie gets shoved down, but throws his legs up and gives the thug a real scissor cut - clamps 'im in the face with his calves, knockin' 'im over. We both stand over 'em, Eddie grittin' his teeh, rubbin's his hands together, oooh he wants more. So do I. The kid they was clobberin' starts to go off, but then falls over. Me and Eddie come to his aid, first things first. That does give the thugs a leeway to get away and Eddie wants to follow 'em and get 'em some more, but I hold 'im back. We gotta make sure this kid is all right. He ain't. All beat up, bruised and bleedin'. We gotta get 'im back to our room, call 911 and have 'im taken care of. Meanwhile, when he catches his breath, we get the goods outta him, 'bout what went on.
UNBEKNOWNST TO OUR HEROES, THE THUGS IN QUESTION STICK AROUND AND WATCH THEM TAKE THEIR VICTIM UP TO THEIR HOTEL ROOM. THEY FOLLOW THEM UPSTAIRS AT A DISTANCE, KEEPING AN EYE ON THE ROOM NUMBER. THEY'RE NOT THROUGH WITH THIS GUY YET.
As Eddie cleans the kid's wounds on his face and applies alcohol, I give 'im te third degree. "Don't worry, kid, you're among friends here. I'm Mike Batz, PI, and he's my partner, Eddie Robinson." "Hi, nice to meet you guys. Oh, thank God you two showed up. I thought I was gonna cack it." "So, what was that all about?" "I was out on the beach just mindin' my own, ya know? So these guys came up on me and tried to make off with me, sayin' somethin' 'bout my uncle." "What's this uncle of yours gotta do with it? He a rich guy or somethin'?" "Nah, he used to be a cop, he busted 'em a few years back right before he retired. Well, he was made to quit 'cuz of his age. Miami don't like no old guys on the force. The new Chief saw to that. Well, anyway, they found out who I was and were tryin' to get back at him with usin' me." Eddie mutters, "holy Patricia Hearst". The kid looks up at 'im, "Paricia who?" "Not important" "Anyways, that's what they were tryin' to do and I woulda been locked in a trunk or shot or somethin' if you guys hadn't been 'round." "Your uncle's an ex-cop? What's the name?" "Hernandez, Oscar Hernandez" My jaw popped wide open, "you're kiddin'! I knew a guy like that back up where we come from. He from Chicago, youre uncle?" "Uh, yeah, he was a rookie up there, then came down here about 10 years ago. I ain't got no parents, they were on drugs and I got taken away. Oscar took me on as his own, been real good to me since."
Wow - this guy cooperated with me way way back. Aw, man, he was good, too. Uh, yeah, okay, we had a thing goin' for a while, didn't work out, though, but that's all ya need to know. Fact is, he took off after we split, but I'm glad to know he stayed a cop, that's a good thing. "Can I get his number? I wanna call and let 'im know what happened and thay you're safe now." "Sure, 555-7326." "T'anks, kid." I dial his number - good he was home, too. I told him ev'rything what went on. Kid didn't need 911, though, it was just some surface cuts - that kinda thing. There was a knock on the door, "hey, Mike, it's me, Oscar, open up in the name of the law". "After all these years, how ya been?" "Good, retirement sure agrees with me." I furrow my brow, stick my hands in my pockets and tap my feet a little, like I always do when I interrogate someone, "that ain't true, now is it. You were bumped off the force." His face just fell at that point. The smile from seein' me again and knowin' his kid's all right, turned to weepin' just like that. "Ya got me, just like always - can't fool ya if my life depended on it." "That's why I'm the Dashin' Detective, kid, dontcha forget it. Now level with me." "I was about to make 25 years on the force, then this new Chief gets voted in, can't be 30, then he starts whackin' us guys that been around for a while. He said it's somethin' to do with Miami's image. See, this is a place for beautiful people and an over-30 cop just ain't cuttin' it. 'Cuz I was drummed out 2 weeks before I could get my pension, I'm broke, had to take a shit security job somewheres, still makin' a buck, still kinda like a cop, anyways. Oh, Mike, it's been brutal. The thugs that got my kid were busted by me and two others. The thugs got outta jail and set off to get revenge. They murdered the other guys and I thought they were gonna come after me, but they did it through Joey, my kid, that is, figurin' that'd get me worse than if they popped me. I tried to get the cops to help me, but that's a total no-go, they won't even lift a finger, sayin' they can't do nothin' til they catch 'em in the act." Eddie pipes in, "dontcha worry, Oscar, we caught 'em in the act, they better look over their shoulder, 'cuz we're comin'." Yep, that's my boy, all right. Oscar says to Joey, "hey, kid, ya all right to come home?" and he was about to answer when I piped in, "nah, not a great idea. He was almost snatched and ya never know who saw you comin' up here, so ya better stay with us here. We'll be in town for a while." "Yeah", says Eddie, "uh, me cassa you cassa - I get that right?" The two Hernandez boys just smile, "pronouncin' needs a little tweakin', but we get the message and it's very kind of both of you." He turns to Eddie, "Sorry, I didn't get your name." "Oh, it's Eddie Robinson, me and Mike sorta work together" "That's okay, kid - truth is Oscar, Eddie's my partner, in ev'ry way. Fact, we just got hitched a while ago up in Canada." "My God, Mike. You didn't seem the hitchin' kind before - when we...." Oh, I knew this was gonna be too juicy to let the boys hear this now, I cut it off, "Hey, uh, Eddie, why dontcha show our guest where he's gonna be crashin'" "Sure", then he nudges the kid and points to the bedroom door, "yeah, it's that one over there, and...." then I clear my throat and jerk my head over, motionin' im. "I think he wants us to split" "BRILLIANT deduction". "Have a seat, Oscar, get yourself comfy there" He sits on a sofa, I prop my leg up on the arm of a chair, restin' my one arm on my leg, puttin' my other hand on my hip. This gives me-n-Oscar some time to chew the fat a little. "Ya know, Mike, this whole thing about youse two gettin' hitched, that really threw me. You never wanted to commit to anyone before. I kept thinkin' there was somethin' wrong with me." "Naw, kid, it wasn't you. I really did feel that way before. My ex-boss just up and split on me way back when. Man, I really loved him. I was really diggin' you, too, but I had to keep my dukes up, ya know? Couldn't really go back there. I was thinkin' there's somethin' with me, and I guess there was." "You really broke my heart back up north. My parents didn't want me around anymore and that was bad but at least I had you - so I thought. I came down here 'cuz I didn't have no one. I was miserable. Lookin' back on it all now, Eddie's pretty hot and all, but what's he got that I ain't got, or didn't. Jesus, with all this crap goin' on, gettin' kicked off the force, my kid almost gettin' snatched 'cuz we was just doin' our job, and then you come along and bring up all this again. Man, my life ain't worth nothin'" He starts cryin'. "Thank God I got Joey - he's the only thing keepin' me goin', or else I woulda ended it all when I got tossed off the force." "Well, ya know, you could sue to get your job back, or at least your pension, anyways. Age discrimination and all that." "Ev'ry mouthpiece slammed the door on my face, they say 'ya got 15 grand?' and I didn't, so that ended that." I get up off the chair, and kneel by the sofa, pattin' his back and all, "Naw, you listen to me, I got a mouthpiece back up north I can get to do this on a whaddya call yer Pro Bono like". "How can you manage that?" I stand up, spread my legs, cross my arms and kinda rock back and forth on my toes, "I got my ways - I got my ways". I wink at 'im, then turn on my heel and walk around 'im a bit. "Now, for right now, you and the kid are bunkin' in with us and makin' like all Anne Frank, see. Me-n-Eddie's gonna get the thugs, then we're gonna get ya what ya got comin' - Pro Bono like". Oscar was so happy at the thought of it, he comes up to me, grabbin' my arms. "Mike, if this all works out, I don't know how I can thank you." I give 'im a grin and say, "ya just did". He looks at me for a sec and asks, "would it be okay if I just gave ya a peck - grattitude, that is."
OSCAR GIVES MIKE A QUICK PECK ON THE LIPS AND RIGHT AT THE WORST MOMENT OF ALL - EDDIE AND JOEY WALK IN ON THEM. EDDIE STOPS DEAD IN HIS TRACKS, PUTS HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS, THEN, SQUEEZES HIS FIST.
"Oh, so that's why ya wanted me outta the room, huh?" "Holy crap, it's Eddie." "Oh, so you remember who I was - betcha forgot all about me when you're movin' in on Broderick Crawford over here". "Eddie, please, it ain't what ya think" "Bobby wasn't enough for ya? Ya gonna get this guy snuffed out, too?" "Aw, crap, Eddie...." Then Oscar jumps in, walkin' over to Eddie and shakin' him. "Hey, that's enough outta you, Brat-Boy. First of all, you don't go talkin' 'bout people that are standin' right here, ya don't give out nicknames. My name is Oscar and if I'm s'posed to be called somethin' else, my momma woulda named me somethin' different. This kiss was all my deal. Mike was tellin' me you and him are gonna make ev'rything all right for me-n-Joey and I was thankin' him. A quick innocent peck on the mouth to just say thank you. Me-n-him meant somethin' to each other a long time ago, and that was that. He ain't playin' around on you and I ain't musclin' in on 'im, neither. Now before ya throw any more shit in his face and make 'im go south of the border to wipe out this Canada deal ya got goin' with 'im, I suggest you say you're sorry and fuckin' well mean it!" "It's all right, Oscar, we sorta had an issue about this recently. He was kidnapped and I almost made it with the kid who helped me find 'im." "Well, that is pretty typical of you and I can see where Brat-Boy over here...." "it's Eddie" "Now ya get how I feel...anyway, Mike, I can see where he's comin' from, but" turnin' back to Eddie, "ya just don't go jumpin' down someone's throat without findin' out what's up. You're a detective, ya oughtta know these things. Hell, I was just a uniform grunt, but I knew more than that. Maybe ya oughtta spend some time on the streets with a badge, providin' ya can handle such a thing. Were ya ever on the force? Betcha didn't have the guts!"
Eddie's face fell, "Oscar, Eddie's got somethin' to say to ya." "I wanted to be, but I couldn't get on 'cuz of my name. My dad was a sex offender and kidnapped me and was gonna kill me til Mike busted in and saved me." Now I was stunned. I knew the kid dreamed of bein' a cop and all, but I never knew why he didn't do it. "Is that right, kid?" "Yeah, I never told ya the whole thing, but the force did a background check when I applied. I was halfway through when the facts came out and I was expelled from the academy 'cuz they couldn't take no chances on someone with my dad's genetics - they thought I'd be bad news, too. The day we met, it was right after I'd been tossed out. I didn't know what the heck was gonna become of me. I didn't wanna do nothin' else. That's when I saw ya gettin' roughed up and helped ya out."
"Wow, it all makes sense now. I'm floored, I, uh, I had no idea." Oscar was floored, too. "I'm really sorry I got on ya like that, kid, and I fuckin' well mean it, too." "It's fine, really, I know ya wouldn'ta said that stuff if I hadn't gone off on Mike like I did" Turnin' to me, he says, "and you're right, Oscar, I'm sorry, Mike, I shoulda kept a cool head. I shoulda told ya before, but, well, I was havin' such a good time workin' with ya, that I just wanted to stay around, is all. I mean, ya did put me through school and I got my detective's license a ways back. Ya know what they say about one door closin' and a window opens." "Hoo-boy I'd give anything if the past 10 minutes didn't happen", then Oscar pipes in, "it's good that it did. Eddie, you seemed heartbroken just now, just like I was when I was drummed off just 'cuz I'm over 30. I know how painful that must've been for ya. Are ya still broken up about that?" Eddie took in a breath and let it out, he was silent for a sec. "Yeah, I guess a part of me always will be." "Well, that's just how it is for me, too, kid. What I'm tryin' to say here is, we're brothers in this thing, we got shared heartbreak that'll always hurt a little." Then he put his arm around my boy and tried to make 'im feel better, and he pointed at me, "but this gift from God over there stepped in and made it all right for ya, from the sounds of it. He's gonna make it all right for me, too, ya just wait and see. And we both love the big lug and we gotta make 'im happy, now, don't we." Eddie laughs a bit, he knows where this is goin'. I do, too. Oscar ain't upset with me, and it don't look like Eddie is neither. "Now, me-n-Joey's gonna go in the other room, I ain't seen my crash pad yet, and you're gonna give your old man a kiss he'll never forget, ain't that right!" "It sure is".
EDDIE - The Hernandez boys leave the room and me-n-Mike patch things up, he mutters, "the old man - what the hell's he goin' on about..." and HOLY LIPLOCK - I really give it to 'im, practically polishin' his tonsils. "hey Boss-man, ya never did take me over the threshold." "It's my back - an old war wound" "You're an old man, after all." "Hey, I'll show ya what an old man I am" and he sweeps me off my feet and carries me over the threshold. Mike says to me as a joke, "I love ya Brat-Boy" and I laugh and say to him, "I love you, too, ya old man". "Oscar really saved the day. Now we gotta save the day for him and Joey." "So, whadda we do first?" "First off, we keep 'em here til them thugs are back in the pokey where they deserve to rot, then, we gotta somehow get Oscar back on the beat." "Aw, no problem, chief, we'll do it. We'll do it - ya just wait and see."
The next mornin', me-n-Eddie's real hungry so we take off to get some grub, askin' Oscar and Joey if they want anything. They resist at first, but then I tell 'em it's room service, it's part of the hotel thing. Then it's scrambled eggs with orange juice, coffee, french toast, maybe a muffin or two. Boy, all ya gotta say is somethin's on the house and two guys suddenly get real hungry. We go downstairs and get the grub.
MEANWHILE, THE THUGS WATCH OUR HEROES HEAD FOR THE HOTEL DINER.....
We're takin' our stuff back upstairs and notice the door of the suite flung wide open. "aw, man, I told 'em to stay put." We dash back in and find the whole place was ransacked. "HOLY TORNADO" "Oscar and Joey - MY GOD!" We dash into their room and see the same thing. Totally totaled. Eddie spots somethin' on the bed. "Hey Mike, there's a bunch of snapshots here. What the...." We look at 'em and all the blood drains from our faces. "Aw, holy mother of crap - they snatched 'em both up and took pictures." These were pretty gruesome, too, showin' Oscar bein' forced to look into the camera as his photo was taken - he was screamin' from the looks of it. Then it shows Joey bein' handcuffed and leg irons bein' put on his ankles. In fact, they were both chained up, then pistol whipped into passin' out, other pics show them gettin' shoved into trunks. The wild thing was, the thugs were wearin' bell boy uniforms. "They musta conked 'em on the head, got the duds and came up here to do their stuff." "We gotta go get 'em - but where the heck could they be?" We didn't have to wonder for long. We heard a thump in one of the closets. "Careful, Mike, someone might have a gun." "Don't think some pistol packin' prick's gonna keep us from savin' someone - we ain't made of that kinda stuff". Sure enough, two young boys wearin' nothin' but tee shirts and briefs are handcuffed, shackled, gagged, fishin' wire wrapped 'round 'em, cuttin' into their arms and legs, they're bleedin' a bit, and screamin'. "Hey, don't be scared, we're here to help you."
NOW WHAT? POLAROIDS, KIDNAPPINGS, INNOCENT YOUNG BOYS ALL CHAINED AND CUT UP? WHAT KIND OF SICK FREAKS ARE WE DEALING WITH? STARTING TO DROOL YET. HOO-BOY, YOU'LL NEED MORE THAN A BIB WHEN YOU MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Brendan Chenowith at 12:31 PM
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