CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - Crumblin' Counterfinger

WE LEFT OUR HEROES AT THE MERCY OF DR. COUNTERFINGER - MIKE'S HANDS AND FEET CUFFED TO A CHAIR WITH HENCHMEN STANDING BY WHILE EDDIE STANDS BEFORE OUR FELONIOUS FOE.

EDDIE - Mike was gagged and bound with cuffs and chained to a chair and this sick sadist was holdin' court in this dump of a room. Since this guy either likes to destroy young bodies or minds, I knew I really had to keep my wits about me. I kept tellin' myself inside, "we're gonna win this one. I can't let 'im get to me, he won't get to me." Whatever fears I may have harbored were heavily disguised. I decided to go on the offense.

"What the heck is this about, Counterfinger?"

His henchman grab me and punch me in the face.

"That's DR. Counterfinger to you, my sweet son. Hasn't your good detective taught you anything about respect for your elders?"

"How can I have any respect for you, when I see what you've done to these two guys. For Gosh's sake, they were buildin' a medical career til you've sunk them to the depths of becoming your minions."

"Ah, yes, I see. You're quite the dean of dashed dreams, aren't you, Mr. Edward Robinson. Por ejemple, I don't see a badge on your chest. You did aspire to become a Policeman at one time, or should I say, Police Boy. You are a young, tender little thing."

"I am in law enforcement. My partner and I are contracted as Detectives working in conjunction with the Police Department, as well as being Private Investigators. I still bring evildoers to justice."

"What was it that got you booted from the police academy?"

He begins sniffin' like he has a cold.

"Does my little sound effect sound familiar to you? It should. THIS IS YOUR LIFE, EDWARD G. ROBINSON, aka half of the Defective Duo."

"That's DASHIN'!"

"aka Robinson the Bore Fried-Day."

"That's Boy Friday. I have a thing about titles, too."

"You sound like you're happy with that."

"Very. It's my life."

"Yes, the life you've SETTLED for. Yes, you are. You are a settler, take the first good thing that comes along. You, my dear boy, are really a whore at heart. I mean, you can't possibly go to bed at night believing what you'd have all of us believe. That you're happy with the life you have, dressed in these tight little outfits, albeit gorgeous, fighting crime with a washed-up gumshoe who's old enough to be your father. You don't think you deserve a hot night in the sack with someone much more attractive, much younger, say about your age. Your real father hated you so much, you vapid little piece of meat, that he was trying to murder you to get back at your poor, white trash momma. Child support is quite expensive, so if there's no child to support, due to a tragic death, well then....."

"You stop it right there. I never settled for anything. I have everything I've ever wanted in this life. Mike saved my life as a child and was my hero and continues to be my hero and my cup runneth over with pride over the fact that I serve him in the fight against evil. I wake up in the mornin' and go to bed at night thankin' my God for the life I have today."

[Sniffing continues]

"You were caught with cocaine in your system and were expelled from the academy. You couldn't bear to tell your dream lover about any of that because you knew he'd toss you out on the street, where you belong, with all the other whores and junkies. That's all you are, and that's all you'll ever be, throughout your life, unless you either cleanse your soul by taking this gun and shooting yourself right in the head. Confession is always good for the soul. Or, you could serve at my right hand in the fight FOR evil. With that delicious body, you could really pummel some victims of mine."

"With your genius you could turn yourself around and do some good....."

"Fools - you know what to do."

More punches.

"Ha! Defective Batty, what say you about your Bore Fried-Day now, eh? Oh, that's right, you must forgive me, I'd forgotten you have a gag in your mouth. Oh, well, nothing you have to say has any relevance, and you are going to be brutally murdered quite soon, anyway, so it's best for you to exercise your right to remain silent."


"I told Mike ev'rything. He knows about the expulsion, my family background, my emptiness, my thoughts and plans for suicide, he knows about it all. HA! Holy summer reruns, it's all old news to him. As for me actually joinin' you, you can forget all that. Wake up, sleepy Jean, oh what can it be to a Daydream Believer. That's all you are. Just a windbag who knows how to say a word or two, can't get enough of the sound of your own voice, can ya."

"I warn you. There are dire consequences if you refuse to surrender to my charms."

"Yeah? Like what? Death? Torture? Old stuff. Holy copycats, can't you come up with anything more original, like packin' it in and goin' back to Wursthaven, and gettin' yourself together, so young men like your two winged monkeys over there can have get back the chance for a good, normal life, instead of succumbing to the cancer that's spread to your heart, your mind and your soul. Go ahead, do whatever ya want with me. My body's only a temporary shell I live in while I walk this earth, doin' as much good as I can before I have to leave this life."

"You mean, you aren't afraid of anything I will do to you?"

"Hey, when it's my time to go, it's my time to go. My God is bigger than anything you could ever claim to be. You're nothing but a delusional, desperate and deranged deviate. Okay, so go ahead and murder me if you must. I haven't got all day."

EDDIE - The good Doctor himself realized he couldn't get through to me, to bend my mind toward his will. He seemed to congratulate me.

"I must give credit where credit is due, young man"

[and he pointed at me]

"You are a very hard nut to crack. A very worthy opponent"

"Other young guys may be susceptible to your evil ways, but this is me you're dealing with here, and....

[I felt something in my arm, like a pinch nerve, or something - I rub it]

"Ahh! Darn pinch nerve"

[Then I feel something stickin' out of it]

"What's this?"

[It's a dart - I pull it out and rub my arm some more]

"How'd ya do that?"

"Just getting my...point across"

[AH! Jabbed again. It was another shot - I pull this one out, too]

"This one hurts more than the last one....AHH!"

"Yes, they're in this glove I'm wearing. You can pull them out all you want, but there'll be more where these came from."

[He points his finger at Mike and zaps him. He's hit, he whinces and grimaces, and passes out.]

"MIKE!"

[I run to him as he slumps over, I call out to him again - no response - he's out like a light. I feel myself gettin' hit again. This one really smarts and I fall over]

"You'll NEVER get away with this", I groan in extreme pain. The dart is very sore, I'm seein' the man I love, my partner in crimebustin' in a helpless vulnerable position and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it.

"I really don't see why not, joy boy! Fools, take them away. I have a rather ticklish situation awaiting our heroes."

"What kind of mentor are you? You kidnap and destroy these guys' lives and constantly RIDICULE them......"

Then I grew weak. I had one hand on Mike's shoulder, one hand on his leg. I turn my attention back to Mike. I slump over, my head right in his crotch. The one final gesture of love before I lose consciousness. I kiss his inner thigh.

That's the last thing I remember before it all goes black.

DR. COUNTERFINGER ORDERS THE PAIR STRIPPED OF THEIR CLOTHES AND DRAGGED TO A TORTURE CHAMBER. THE DELICIOUS DUO ARE THEN TIED TO A HORIZONTAL BAR STRETCHING OUT NEAR THE CEILING. THE DANGLING DUO.

MIKE WAKES UP.

MIKE - I start to wake up and in a haze kinda look around to see what's what. I can see that me-n-Eddie have been stripped naked and our feet are danglin'. I look up and see that our arms are tied and we're hangin' from some bar stretchin' across the room. I groan, "aw, holy crap". Eddie comes to and sees what's goin' on and he starts to panic. He shouts, "Holy pinata, Boss-Man! What now?"

"What now?" It's the voice of Counterfinger. "Why, I thought you two would never wake up. Did you enjoy your naps? Well, not to worry, when I get through with the two of you, you can nap for the rest of your lives, because your lives will be ENDING!"

EDDIE - I realize it's fear he wants and feeds off of. I'm not givin' him the satisfaction.

"You sick, slimy sadist. What do you think you're gonna do to us?"

"It's not what I THINK, it's what I KNOW I'm going to do. When I shot you with my hand-darts, there was a purpose behind that. Each one contained just a little stronger dosage of a substance which weakens the heart muscle. Edward, your friend is so lucky he was only hit once. That's because he's older and doesn't need his heart to be weakened so. But you, on the other hand, needed just a few more CC's. Anyway, my two assistants, whom I treat as I please, by the by, will tickle you til you laugh so hard, you'll have a heart attack. At the same time, they'll also stroke your cocks, lick your nipples, and stroke your nipples and lick your cocks and get you both so turned on that when you do cum, you'll have a heart attack. Now, this substance is not permanent, unfortunately, so there's not much time, so, at it, my fools, chop chop, time is of the essence."

"Counterfinger - if only you hadn't escaped from Wursthaven, you could be cured of whatever caused your breakdown. You could still channel your genius for GOOD, and you could turn your evil obsession with young men into the love I know is in your heart and actually bring something positive into a young boy's life."

"yada yada, yada, blah blah blah. You know I once networked those ideas and....SNOOZERS! Now, I must be off, you two must die and that's all there is to it. Ta-ta, my sweets. It was a pleasure doing business with you."

MIKE - So that's it. He's gonna get us all excited and then POP! The heart's gonna go. HA! Or so he thinks. Eddie turns to me for guidance and I shake my head NO. I warn Eddie that he must stay calm, do not get excited, in any way.

EDDIE - The goons start in on their terrible, tragic task. My goon starts lickin' my cock, but I get sick. It nauseates me, the feel of this stranger's mouth around my private area which only belongs to Mike. I think about kickin' him away, but I'm afraid that'll be too excruciating for the state my heart's in right now. We gotta stay calm, no matter what.

MIKE - My goon is doin' my nipples. God, it's like a dog lickin' ya. Okay, so it tickles a bit at first, but this is real sick. Here we are, havin' been shot, beat, kidnapped, bound, and now raped with attempted murder to boot. All I can think about is how much I'll love it when these thugs all get what's comin' to 'em. But I gotta remain calm. I can't think about justice bein' served until me-n-Eddie get outta this. In order to stay calm on my end, I look up to Heaven and pray for God's guidance how we're gonna get the hell outta this. Then I notice somethin'. One of the screws holdin' up this bar we're tied to, is not secure. This could fall over with the weight of the two of us. I look at Eddie, who's lookin' at me, and he doesn't get what I'm thinkin' of til I motion for him to look up. Sure enough he sees the screw there, too.

"Eddie, we gotta stay in shape no matter what. It's good for our health and our minds if we stay physically fit. How's about doin' some chin-ups."

"Boss-Man, that might put pressure on our hearts. We can't take that right now."

"Even so. If we do have fatal heart attacks, it'd be 'cuz of somethin' we did of our own free will, not what these goons bring on. Lesser of two evils. Remember Todd Beamer on Flight 93. He'd rather have crashed the plane himself than to be a part of it crashin' into the White House."

"Gotcha Boss! Let's roll."

We do the chin-ups, the bar gets loose. Sure I feel a strain in my chest, but if I go down, it's down I go with honor. Same goes for the boy.

SNAP - the bar gets loose and falls, but guess what! With the ropes, we swing the thing past our heads and it slams the skulls of our sinister sex-fiends. They're out cold. Still under the effects of that nefarious narcotic, we go at a moderate speed. We untie ourselves. I stand over the goons and ask God to forgive these guys 'cuz they don't know what the hell they were doin'. We were about to break out and hunt down Counterfinger, but, ya know what, he returns to the scene of the crime. We hear his footsteps comin' closer, probably to see what the noise was about. Me-n-Eddie position ourselves behind the door for a sneak attack. He walks in and we pulverize the putrid pervert. I punch his face in, Eddie gives a good kick in the ribs. He recovers and takes a gun out. We jump, preparin' ourselves to be riddled, but ya know what, he holds it to his own head.

"Don't make another move, I promise I'll blow my head off. You'll never get the satisfaction of taking me back to Wursthaven and you'll never be able to prove you didn't do this to me."

I speak out, "Personally, I don't give a rat's ass what ya do with that thing. The cops know you're a nut-job, and most nut-jobs blow their own brains out. So go ahead, put the damn thing in yer mouth if ya wanna. Ya can even stick it in yer ass for all I care."

Eddie interjected:

"Now, you can put that gun to your head and end it all for yourself, if ya want. Or you could go back to Wursthaven on your own recognizance. You've only escaped a few days ago. I'm sure they'll treat you well, we'll see to that. Then with proper care, you can rehabilitate yourself and go back to whatever kind of man you were before you chose the path of evil. You don't really wanna torture the young. You really wanna use your God-given gifts and talents to mentor and nurture younger men. This is your chance to finally do some good. You'll really be happy at it, too. Come on, whaddya say?"

"Well, if I do this, I'll be dead, but if I go back there, I'll be bored silly, but still alive. I did get used to the place after a while. Get three squares, the food's good, you know, they even have HBO - ON DEMAND, yet. Boys, I am really afraid to go back there. I'll be so humiliated."

"Not if you humbly admit you were wrong and throw yourself on their mercy. They only set out to heal the sick, to give 'em the help they need so they can function in modern society. We'll take you there ourselves. It's not far, we won't be out of our way. You'll be safe with us."

We stand up, I put my hand out to help Dr. Counterfinger up and we escort him safely back to Wursthaven.

Once there, the old quack goes through the riga-maroll of bein' re-committed and I say to Dr. Fletcher, "the man seems like a genius. What was his problem, I wonder."

"Well, it's a long story, really. One Sherman Fineberg had a real mind and passion for Chemistry and became a well-respected Chemist at Johns Hopkins University. He also had a passion for his young, very attractive assistants. He was caught using them for various experiments; the gasses, mind control, and on and on. He was reported to his superiors who instantly terminated his contract and put out word that this man was a pederast and a sadist. He had a nervous breakdown during which he would victimize young men at random, subdue them, kidnap them, and carry out various forms of assault. To get his revenge against the young men who reported him, he 'paid it forward', if you will, and began his random attack spree on any young man that was available. At his mercy, the poor boys would either be submitting or screaming, one of the two."

"Holy King Herod"

"Yes, something to that effect. What has he done since his escape?"

"Well, he robbed a few shops, jewelry, antiques, that kinda thing. He picked places that had young guys workin' there, even zappin' some poor fella in the arm with a nerve-damagin' ray. Hopefully, the arm won't have to be amputated."

"Dear God"

"His car crashed into that of a woman who ran into the nearest place she could find a phone, and it was lucky we were there. We got a description of the vehicle, tracked him down, and captured him."

"Except he tried to elude us by capturing us first."

"What did he do to the both of you?"

"He had Mike all chained and cuffed while he was tryin' to turn me against my partner. It didn't work. The bond of loyalty I have toward him was too difficult to break. Then he shot us both with darts poisoned with an agent that weakens the heart and he tried to induce a fatal heart attack in us both. That didn't succeed either."

"Oh, my God, how are your hearts functioning now?"

"The drug wore off after a while. I think the two of us are feelin' all right."

"This man will be committed for an indefinite period of time. Who really knows when, or if, he'll regain his sanity and channel his brilliance for good instead of evil."

"Ya took the words right outta my mouth."

We both stand up and shake hands with the good doctor, the REALLY good doctor, and set about our drive into the sunset. Our job was done. Well, maybe this part of it. There was still somethin' stuck in my craw. I thought back to all Eddie admitted about bein' drummed outta the academy 'cuz of the cocaine he was pressured to snort. I had all kinds of unanswered questions. Why didn't he just walk outta the room? He didn't say anyone held 'im down and......HOLY CRAP! Of course! That was it! I KNOW that's gotta be it. I knew I had to grill Eddie again, get some more dirt on this, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. But ya know - I did eye a book on hypnosis when we were in Fletch's office. Perhaps....perhaps....

We almost get outside the hospital when I faked Eddie out. "Uh, I'll meet ya out in the car - gotta do a pitstop - long drive back home, ya know."

"Uh, okay"

EDDIE - As the boss-man went back inside, I sat in the car and just thought about ev'rything. This had been a long, tough couple-a days. Who knew how long Dr. Counterfinger was gonna be on this terrible trek of treachery. All I could do was to thank my God that not only was he finally brought back where he belonged, but that we were the ones to do it, and, with Mike's bein' proactive, I wasn't gonna be his next victim.

MIKE - I ran back and burst into Fletch's office. He seemed pretty surprised to see me, and I was kinda breathless, but I had to talk to him.

"Doctor, when we were in here before, I noticed a book about Hypnosis in here. I gotta ask you a few questions about it. How does it all work?"

"Well, the way I do it is I would just talk the patient into a trance, always using an object of familiarity for the subject to concentrate on while going under, as it were."

"Is it safe?"

"With proper supervision and if properly administered, the subject would be as safe as if in his mother's arms. Why all the interest in this topic, Detective?"

Takin' my hat off, rubbin' the sweat off my forehead, clutchin' my fist, I had to come clean. "It's like this, Doc. Someone very close to me has been livin' with some real painful memories about his past. He's been tryin' to get out from under it by livin' a good life these days, but I know there's somethin' else goin' on. This guy's life was destroyed and I wanna somehow help him get over it once and for all. Look, I'm gonna be frank, it's my boy. Eddie. When we were preppin' to fight Counterfinger, I gave 'im a shot of truth serum to see if there was anything in his mind this guy was gonna use against him and he revealed a couple of things to me, but I don't think I got it all. He's gotta be hypnotized."

"You're willing to take a chance on Det. Robinson's sanity by pushing him further than where he wants to be, on a subconscious level, that is?"

"I'll do anything to make sure my boy doesn't live in any more pain than he has already."

"I can see what you're trying to do and it is commendable, but..."

"Please, Doc. He's a strong boy, I think this'll do him some good. Now, somethin' was done to him. I think if I find out who, then we can bring whoever it was to justice and finally put Eddie at ease."

"Of course, we would need his cooperation. He is past the age of consent."

"You got it - I'll talk to him about it tonight. I'll be with him the entire time, maybe he can focus on me when he goes under. I'm beggin' ya, Doc, ya gotta help me save him. The kid was gonna pop his brains out once."

"Dear me!"

"Uh-huh. That's what he told me when he was under. He don't know what he said, I recorded it and didn't play it back to 'im yet."

"Why don't you do this - play him the tape - tell him exactly what your intentions are, and see if he'll be willing to submit."

"You'll be the one to put him under? If he says yes, that is?"

"If that is what you wish."

"Great. I'll, uh, talk to him tonight. If all goes as it should, I'll call ya and set up a time. How's that?"

"That would be a good idea. I do have a pretty full schedule, but give me advance notice and we may be able to work somethin' out."

Grabbin' his hand to shake it,with both of my hands, I gush, "aw, you're the best, Fletch - I mean, Dr. Fletcher. Ya won't regret it."

"But the question is, will both of you?"

AND THAT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION. WILL EDDIE CONSENT TO THIS PROCEDURE? WILL HE BENEFIT FROM THIS IF HE DOES? WILL MIKE FIND THE ANSWER TO ALL HIS QUESTIONS? IF SO, WHAT WILL HE THINK?

SPEAKING OF FINDING ANSWERS - GUESS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO FIND THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND MANY OTHER QUESTIONS. THAT'S RIGHT - KEEP READING ONTO THE NEXT CHAPTER!