CHAPTER FIFTY FIVE - With a Little Help from Our Friends

OUR HEROES WAKE UP TO DISCOVER THE EVIL ENSNAREMENT IN WHICH THEY'VE BECOME ENVELOPED. EDDIE WAKES UP AND TRIES TO MOVE, BUT DISCOVERS HE CAN'T BECAUSE HIS HANDS AND FEET ARE CHAINED TO EACH OTHER. HE SEES ALL THE TRASH AROUND HIM AND CALLS OUT FOR MIKE, WHO RESPONDS JUST AS HE'S COMING TO.

"Holy waste management! We're in a dumpster! How do we get outta here?"

"It's gonna be kinda tricky, but there is one way!"

"What's that?"

"I keep a universal key inside one of my shoes, in case of emergencies, and boy is this ever one. I know your hands are chained up, but can you move your fingers at all?"

EDDIE - I try movin' my hands a little, there's some slack there.

"Yeah, a little bit. Why?"

"Well, if we can somehow crawl to each other, I can get my feet close enough to your hands, you can undo my shoe and unlock these things."

"Roger"

MIKE - It wasn't easy, but somwhow we managed to crawl toward each other. We were kinda flippin' in and out 'cuz the trash wasn't a steady ground, so we missed each other here and there, but Eddie's hands finally met my feet. Eddie starts undoin' my shoe and finds the universal key I keep in there. After our bout with Dr. Counterfinger, there was no way these felonius fiends would ever overpower us again.

EDDIE - I got the key and started tryin' to undo Mike's bonds first, 'cuz I really couldn't reach my own very good yet. Then when he was undone, I handed him the key and I was freed. Holy chain burns! You'd think that as often as the two of us had this happen to us, that we'd get used to this, but these things give ya killer rashes. After we broke each other free, we were rubbin' our ankles, hands and even our arms, 'cuz of all that stretchin'. So all we had to do was just leap outta this thing, til we discovered it was chained up from the outside.

"Boy oh boy, these guys really mean business. Chainin' us up, then chainin' the dumpster?"

"Doesn't surprise me one darn bit. What does surprise me is they actually went on to become part of this town's finest. A total disgrace. We've got to get them bounced off the force in any way we can."

"You're right, kiddo, God only knows what they've been doin' to innocent citizens, but we're never gonna find out all locked up in here."

"Exactly what they had in mind. Hey, wait a sec. Do ya hear that? Sounds like a garbage truck pickin' this thing up. Let's start bangin' on this."

"Nah, not yet, could be the bad guys layin' out a trap. If it's really a trash pickup, they'll undo the chain first."

MIKE - But my idea was about to go sour. We could hear the chains bein' opened, but we felt the dumpster bein' hooked up to the truck, they were just gonna dump the contents without thinkin' twice about it, so we did start bangin' after all. Luckily, we must've been heard 'cuz we stopped movin'. The lid was open and a garbage guy looked inside and saw the two of us and just sighed,

"Mm-mm-mm - - ain't you white boys got nothin' better to do than to play in garbage?"

"You're right, we're so ashamed of ourselves. Won't happen again."

MIKE - After we were freed we drove back home, changed and showered. We always shower together. The hot water felt so good on our bodies. Me-n-Eddie lathered each other up. I could've rubbed soap on Eddie's pecs and six-pack abs all day. I did his arms and legs next, then spread the lather to his cock, just kept goin' back and forth on it. We both started turnin' hard.

EDDIE - Holy endorphins. Before I lathered up Mike's firm and furry chest, I started lickin' and nibblin' his nipples while I soaped up the rest of him. When he was soapin' up my back, he started makin' love to me. I was sighin' and moanin' it felt so good. Ev'rything felt so good, the hot water, the touch of his flesh, his tongue on my nipples, his nipples in my mouth, his cock inside me. I just loved his hairy bush goin' in and outta me. Anything can happen outside here and it wouldn't matter one darn bit. Our adversaries can torment us all they want, but they're always gonna lose and me-n-Mike will always have each other.

MIKE - We dried each other off, the cool breeze cascadin' around our nude bodies was indescribable, same would go for the towels we used. Eddie wrapped a towel around my back and was kissin' me passionately as we dried each other off. Before we got dressed I couldn't resist sayin' to 'im:

"Well, kiddo, this here's another fine mess we got ourselves out of."

"You're right, as always, but what's our next move?"

"I was thinkin' we could go to the police station and make these guys lives as miserable as we can."

"I like the sound of that thinkin', but ya know, we gotta get more on them than just what they did to me back then. There's nothin' on paper other than I was snortin' coke that night."

"Nothin' on paper that at least we know about, that is."

"Somethin's goin' on. Why all the secrecy? Why would they try to kill us if they weren't hidin' somethin' really big?"

"We're never gonna find out standin' here, as much as I'd love to, but we gotta destroy these guys, even if we gotta kill 'em, and I'm kinda hopin' it come to that."

"Destroy? Mike, take it easy. I've never heard ya talk like this before. Sure, the bad guys gotta pay for their crimes, but..."

[Mike grabs me and stares right into my eyes, veins poppin' outta his neck, his eyes registerin' a mix of pain, heartache, anger. It seemed like he was takin' this harder than I was. It kinda spooked me, but I loved 'im for it, too. It was even turnin' me on]

"It's different now. These guys drove you to wanna kill yourself, and I wanna do the same to them. Those dirtbags put you through a livin' hell, and I won't rest until I've paid them back! Now we're gonna fight like we never fought before! Are ya with me?"

I was feelin' his fever - I wanted vengeance, too. How dare they do this to me? I was just as mad as he was - even worse.

I stared right in his eyes and growled, "let's do it!"

MIKE - We sped off to the police station. When we pulled up, Eddie was so hot for some action and was about to leap outta the car, but I had to hold 'im back for a sec.

"Easy, easy, boy. Have the anger but don't show it, save your strength for when we meet up with these scumbags."

"Gosh, you're right, what'll we do in the meantime?"

"Just breathe a little. Then we'll walk in all calm and cool, like. This is a cop house, there's bound to be a lotta them around. This is a totally diff'rent kinda enemy."

"Holy friendly fire"

"You said it, kiddo. Now just follow my lead - calm and cool, and we'll nail 'em later."

We walked in and saw a kid behind the counter. Must've been a civilian aide, or somethin'. He looks up for a sec and says, "be right with you, gentleman", then his eyes went back down, but shot right back up.

"Holy Toledo! The Dashin' Duo!"

I says to Eddie, "nice to know we've got a fan base up here."

Eddie says to the kid, "okay, now that you know who we are, who are you?"

"Sam Levy. I'm a Records Clerk here. Not really a cop, but we still wear the uniform, anyways. This is a real treat to meet you guys. Hopefully I can help you with something?"

"As a matter of fact, you can. We're lookin' into activities of ill repute perpetrated by three officers named Murphy, Shaughnessey and Wilczek."

The clerk sighed, grimaced like he'd just taken a slug and bowed his head, put it back up to look at us and says, "all right, what'd they do now?"

Eddie says, "whatcha mean?"

"Okay, look, now this is just between us three here, see? They got jackets the sizes of parkas, or at least they did, officially, that is."

"Officially?"

"Yeah, it's been a real pattern around here. Seems they got in with the boss-man 'round here. They pull a stunt, get chewed out to make for appearances, then the boss always orders their records expunged. Now, that's officially. See, I'm the guy that enters all that stuff into their databases, but when I was ordered to expunge it all, I secretly printed it all out and kept a hard copy, even though it's not on the system anymore."

"Good God! Like what?"

"Kinda hot to handle 'round here. Tell ya what. I was about to take off for a break. I always keep the papers in my car outside just in case. Since these were all printed off database screens, it shows all the dates and times, and all. Anyway, you might wanna wait for me outside, I gotta get my relief. When ya see me take off, follow me and meet me."

Me-n-Eddie kinda looked at each other, like is this guy on the up-n-up. We weren't sure, but we had to follow what ever kinda lead there might be, so we waited for 'im. He pops out a few minutes later, sees us in our car, nods to us, and we see him get in his car, and take off behind him. He pulls into a diner some couple of miles away and gets out with the guys' jackets under his arm.

"This is it, guys, I've waited a long time for this. Racial profiling, accepting bribes, bein' drunk on duty, clockin' in, stayin' long enough to get into uniform, then leavin' for the day - the boss had me clock out for them in their names lots of times, I ask is that ethical, and he goes off on me. I ask myself why he'd get all bent outta shape like that, ya know? They must have somethin' on him."

Eddie asks him, "you think they get 'im drugs from busts and stuff?"

"That'd be no surprise. He's been actin' awful nuts since those guys started here."

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE COP HOUSE - THE DESK SERGEANT WALKS UP TO LEVY'S DESK AND SEES HIS RELIEF SITTING THERE INSTEAD.

"Hey, Smitty - Levy take off already?"

"Yeah, he's on his break. I guess he went off to meet a couple of friends or somethin' 'cuz I saw him talking to a couple of guys."

"Heh-heh - man, if that guy's got friends, there's gotta be somethin' screw-loose about 'em."

"I dunno, they looked pretty normal to me. I know it's kinda warm out, but some middle aged-guy was wearin' a hat and a heavy-lookin' trenchcoat"

THE DESK SERGEAT TURNS PALE AND MUTTERS "DAMN IT! BATZ"

"And the other guy, I think it's his kid or somethin', looked kinda jittery, kept wringin' his hands. What's that about?"

"Robinson - those bastards up here."

"Uh, what's the matter?"

"What? Oh...nothing I can't handle from here. You're sayin' you saw all-a them together?"

"Yeah, I think Levy said to meet him somewhere. Is he in trouble, do ya think?"

"Do I think? Hell, I know it. More than that little pipsqueak bargained for. Just keep yer nose clean, there, Smitty, I'm on this one. Pull up the Lo-Jack database on Levy's car, would ya?"

"Sure."

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE DINER A COUPLE OF MILES AWAY

"Sometimes they even use the Sarge's apartment for gosh knows what. I don't wanna know what goes on in there. He had me make copies of his apartment keys which I always keep on my chain."

Eddie is amazed, "Holy Dwayne Schneider!"


I'm goin' over the stuff he brought with 'im and just lovin' ev'rything I'm readin'. "Good Mother of Christ, this is really good dirt. This'll put 'em away for years, coupled with the stuff we already know ourselves. By the time they get outta the pokey, they'll remember how to do it, but they won't remember why. Levy, this was damn good work. I can't measure how much ya helped us today."

"Aw, gee, guys, it was nothin'. I'm just honored I could do somethin' for ya. You probably heard this too many times, but I read about you guys a lot and I think you're really swell."

Eddie blushes and I say, "Kid, you can never hear that too many times."

Eddie says to him, "as ya know, our line of work is pretty thankless for the most part, so it's good to run into guys like you out there who are behind us."

Me-n-Eddie both shake hands with him and I say, "consider yerself a friend of Batz & Robinson. You're too good a boy to work in that shit station. Hey, Eddie, maybe we oughta mosey, get our next plan of action together. Levy, ya better give us a head start, it might not be safe to be seen next to us."

"Gotcha!"

Me-n-Eddie take off with the creepy cops' copied jackets, then we see Levy headin' out, we parked our car a couple-a yards from his so as to not be suspicious. As we watched him walk out, I was teasin' Eddie a little.

"So, whatcha think - kinda cute, huh?"

"Yeah, in a sorta teddy bear kinda way."

"How d'ya think he'd look in a Robin costume?"

"MIKE!"

"Think of it, kiddo. He could kinda be like our Batgirl."

"Of course, that was only outta desperation when they needed ratings, which by the way they did not get!"

"Yeah, but we're doin' it right - it's a guy, not some stupid smart-ass chick!"

"MI-I-IKE!"

"Aw, come on, ev'rybody needs a little help now and then."

Then Eddie held his ears and started singin' real loud, "O - KLA - HOMA where the wind comes sweepin' down the plains!"

"Uh, don't give up the day, job, kiddo."

Then I see a squad car pull up and a cop with a shotgun comes flyin' out of it.

"Wow, there's a robbery inside!"

Worse, the cop's yellin' at Levy to get his hands up - he's pointin' the shotgun at HIM! We leap out to try to protect 'im! We run up and snatch him juast as the gunfire starts goin' off!

"Let's getcha to our car - it's bullet-proof!"

We run with the poor kid with bullets ricochetin' ev'rywhere, Eddie in front, me in back - but just as we reach our car, Levy screams and goes down! We're not hit, though, and shove him in the backseat and slam the doors shut. Eddie gets in back with him. The kid was shot near the ankle. Not a bad wound, but it still hurt like the dickens. Levy was screamin' and poundin' his good leg with his other hand. Eddie grabs ahold of him and tells him to hit his leg instead.

"Do it to me - take your pain out on me - I know what you're goin' through!"

"You're not the one who got shot - it was me!"

"I been there a million times, but I always come out of it - you will, too. We just gotta getcha taken care of."

"Oh, GOD, Eddie!"

He put his head on Eddie's shoulder, cryin' into it. He just kept poundin' Eddie's leg and squeezin' it and screamin'. Eddie held onto him, tryin' to comfort him. I see Eddie givin' me a look of concern in the rear-view mirror as I sped to the hospital. Poor kid, looks like he came right outta school and into all this. I bet he's not even 18 yet.

"This is just some desk job, I didn't think this would ever happen."

"Well, ya do work for the police department. Too bad it was one of your own."

"Holy friendly FIRE! OW!"

[Well, whaddya know about them apples - another boy wonder. Sure did look the part. Young kid, smooth, silky, shiny chestnut hair, perfectly parted. The sleeves of the summer uniform shirt rolled up to look even shorter. Nice arms on 'im, too. With that medal of honor sittin' in his foot right now, he's gonna bear the mark of a veteran. He's in it pretty deep now, whether he knows it or not. In uniform, he just assisted in an investigation and took one for the team. I was only teasin' Eddie back there, there's no way we'd become the too-sexy-trio. Me-n-Eddie's into the clean stuff. But the boy is sure headed for doin' good things in this field. He's just gotta get away from where he is now.]

We pull into the hospital parkin' lot and I go runnin' out, grabbin' a paramedic, "we got a Police Civilian Aide in the back seat, shot up pretty bad - he needs help right away!"

The paramedic starts treatin' him, then he calls for a stretcher and the kid is wheeled into the trauma unit. Me-n-Eddie speak to registration and get the kid checked in and go sit in the waitin' room. This boy was hit on our watch and he's gonna walk outta this on his own two feet in the same way - on our watch. Meanwhile, the dirt we got on them scumbags is gonna be put to some real good use pretty soon. You just wait and see. In the next chapter, that is.