CHAPTER NINETY-ONE - The Greedy Goulish Girl

MIKE - Me-n-Eddie found ourselves in yet another snag. Pearl had us tied to pillars inside the duck-shooting gallery - the old game of chance and skill where the player tries to hit a plastic duck with a pellet. Here was the thing, though - there was only a thin sheet of plywood separating us from the ducks and every time a duck was rolled past either of us, we were hit with the pellets. These, of course, were non-penetrating, but they packed a much harder whallop than they normally would.

Eddie was hit a few times and in between catching his breath and sustaining and recovering from another hit. "Holy target practice! These pellets are pounding my person. We gotta get outta this before the real bullets are fired."

I got popped a couple of times and grimaced and moaned before I could catch my breath to say,"these are the hardest bonds I've ever struggled against - MMMPH! - I can't really tell what they've tied us with. They're wrapped around the cuffs of my shirt-sleeves".

"They're ropes, all right", said Eddie, who should know. His wrists were bare, "I can feel the fibers, but these must be industrial strength ropes".

Then it happened - the unthinkable - each of us were hit next by one of the planted bullets - Eddie cried out "holy hollow tip!" and we slumped down, still tied to the pillars. Then we heard something from the other side of the plywood barrier.

"Wow, did you hear all that screaming? What great sound effects!"

"No, it was no sound effect. I think there's somebody back there."

There was a kind of scuffle, then the plywood was knocked down by a man who was shocked to discover us writhing and moaning while pinned to these posts.

"Holy Toledo! It's the Dashing Detectives!"

There was a gasp of horror - "oh my GOD!" - "Untie them!" "How did they ever get into this?" "Oh, please don't let them die!"

The man who discovered us first untied Eddie who grimaced and clutched his stomach and fell over the minute he was released. I did, too. A couple of members of the crowd even ran up to us - "oh, you poor guys...are you gonna be okay?" - I could hear the faint sobs in their voices. The man also checked our wounds and he and the crowd discovered, to their relief, and ours, that our Kevlar tee-shirts had stopped the bullets from penetrating, but they still may have bruised our internal organs on impact.

Eddie was moaning and his face was contorted in agony as he fought for breath.
"Why did she DO this to us?"

Eddie had a point - sharper than that of a hollow tip bullet - this had, after all, started off as a case of grand larceny. That she would want to make this brutal attempt on our lives over pilfered pearls only could suggest that she was one of the most deadly enemies we've ever faced, the greedy goulish girl. The bullets were pretty well smashed when they slammed into our body armor, but they looked pretty huge - not your typical .22 slug. Pearl had meant for these to rip right through us.

EDDIE - I felt the pellets hitting me, and they were sore enough, but I sure knew when I was getting hit by a bullet and I was amazed when I saw how big it was. Me-n-Mike were treated right away. The docs checked us for bruising, internal bleeding and all, and found nothing wrong. We were good to go, but this was a huge obstacle. We were back at our place in no time and I shared my frustration:

"Gosh, this ticks me off - Pearl could be anywhere by now, and we almost had her by this much! She could be making her next move right now and we have NO CLUE."

"I disagree - she is making her next move and we have every clue."

"How can you tell?"

"We got it all on tape, when I was playing 'newsman' - I was wearing a wire - listen."

"I must say your collection is exquisite."

"Yes, thank you - and there'll be more additions to it quite soon. There's a bauble show this weekend and I'm certainly going to make my presence known there."

"Ah - really!"

"Oh, yes, only the finest and rarest baubles you can imagine. Oh, Mr. Grant, I just get goosepimples dreaming about being showered with all those diamonds. I'm going to strike, uh, I mean, I'm going to attend this Saturday evening."

I shut the recorder off and Eddie is wringing his fist. "Strike, huh?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. You see, Eddie, having known about that, and wearing protection, I didn't really sweat it out at all. Sure it was a roadblock, but it's easily overcome. I just thank God you were wearing yours too, boy."

"Well, most jewel heists are armed, and I didn't wanna take any chances."

"Come here, kid, I wanna put my arm around you. Ya know, I get mixed feelings when I see you like this. Part of it makes me proud because you get bothered by roadblocks like these. The thought of Pearl trying to kill us and seemingly getting away with it must have really busted you up inside, but another part of me just hates to see ya like that - just hates to see ya lose heart when things don't go well for us. Do ya sometimes lose faith, Eddie? Do ya feel like giving up sometimes?"

"Wait a minute - where are you getting all of this?"

"Just say yes and get it overwith - just admit it."

"How can you even think anything like that about me? I can't believe..."

"Because I have the same thoughts myself. Sure, in this case, I thank God we got the evidence and it was just pure luck that Pearl gave me this clue, whether she knew it or not at the time. But, yeah, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it - the beatings, the assaults, the roadblocks. If the two of us just chucked it all and became garbagemen that'd be okay with me because we'd still be together, but we wouldn't be who we really are. So I hang in there, I tell myself inside to shut up and keep going. I do get those thoughts, I never wanted to admit it to you because I'm afraid you'd wonder if I was really the man you fell in love with - and I know you're thinking the same thing - do I think differently of you when you lose hope. And the answer is no. Eddie, my love, my partner, my sidekick, of course, those thoughts come up because we're both human, so it's all right - but ya just gotta tell yourself to shut up inside - enforce your faith in all that's good, then you'll make it so. We're supposed to make stuff right in this life and know we're always gonna come out on top. Always. Are ya with me?"

EDDIE - I sure was, am and always will be. The look he had on his face as he said all this to me was priceless. We stood face to face - I looked on him adoringly, the porkpie hat, the shirt with the top button undone, the tie hanging loosely around his neck, his vest unbuttoned. He laid his hands on my arms and I held his bi-ceps in my hands. Our bodies touched, I loved the feel of his cotton shirt. I loved the earnest look of compassion and reassurance on his face. I loved the gruff gravelly voice say the most soothing yet beautiful yet vulnerable words. It was a moment when I really knew we were one. We were captured, roped, tied and wounded together. No greater bond between two men is cemented faster than by shared suffering and shared victory. We were rescued from what could've been a mallardy grave, and we still shared suffering - the snag we were hit with when Pearl escaped as bullets slammed up against our bodies, but we would rise up from this. Pearl and her gang would be brought to justice, but you'll just have to keep reading to find out how that unfolded.

"I sure am with ya. Now, let's beat it to the bauble bash, Boss-Man!"

"BINGO!"

- - - - - - - -

MIKE - We get to the bauble show - not that it was really called that, it was something like Jewel Expo, or something. Be that as it may, me-n-Eddie made our way to the upper level of the auditorium, catchin' a birds-eye view of the whole layout - we had binoculars, the whole shebang. Eddie was alarmed at the sight of Pearl with her two lugnuts.

"Look, Boss-Man! Hannah and Her Bruisers at ten-o-clock! Oooh, they sure got guts!"

"Not exactly, Kiddo - they think they got cart-blanche. They think we're dead."

"They're gonna wish they were when we get through with 'em. Got the cops comin'?"

"As always, my boy."

Pearl makes her way up to a vendor and reaches toward the back of her head - then a blinding blast of light subdues the vendor and those around the booth.

"HOLY LOU CHRISTIE!"

And we jump down into the middle of the melee - one of the thugs shouts out, "nobody move! This is a hold-up!" - and I shout "and this is the END of the hold-up!"

We each take on a thug and proceed to cut and jab- I get a few good punches in. Eddie, however, really went to town on his, even making the poor bastard scream and Eddie even drew a little blood. We subdue them in a matter of minutes and slap on the cuffs - we always wrap our packages nice and pretty and ready for pick-up. Just then, Pearl strikes - a 6-shooter in each hand aimed right at us.

"HANDS UP!"

CRAP IT ALL

"Uncuff my men or I'll blast your faces off!"

"Holy Mexican Stand-off!"

Of course this was pretty jarring - my heart was poundin' almost right outta my chest - about to pop through my pecs. We've been through this kind of thing before. Still reachin' for the sky, I took a few breaths and I started talkin' to this bim.

"Hey, listen, lady, come on - are ya sure ya wanna go through with this?"

"Hey, listen, copper, come on - with these babies I bring to their knees screaming and dying hundreds of flatfeet - or is it flatfoots?"

"Okay, so ya shoot us and we fall down dead - big deal - what's it gonna get ya, toots? Life in prison with no hope of parole, and that's if the jury's in a good mood."

"You were in enough hot water just bein' a jewel thief. That only gets ya a few years - but then you blinded two innocent sales guys and ya maced the two of us. That stuff's illegal in this town. Right there, that's four counts of assault with a deadly weapon."

"Not to mention two counts of attempted murder of law enforcement officers, while using innocent law-abiding citizens as pawns in your putrid plot. Just ducky."

"And look what you've done here today - creating a mass disturbance. You won't be so amazing where you're going, sister. The chicks in the pen'll take one look at you and eat you for breakfast."

"But I will kill you and I'll never go anywhere."

"Oh, gimme a break. If ya wanted to start poppin' us, ya woulda done it already."

She FIRES! I flinch, but I'm not goin' down - I'm not in pain, I'm not bleeding. I'm not hit!

"Eddie! You okay?"

Eddie was now laughing and he folded his arms as he walked slowly toward our nemesis, then holding out his hands. "Ya wanna hand 'em over?"

"Good GOD, Eddie! What're ya thinking? She's a cold-blooded murderess!"

Eddie takes the guns out of her hands and empties the chambers outta one of them.

"With blanks?"

He hands me the other gun, "go on, help yourself. No reason I should have all the fun."

Pearl was beside herself with shock!

"My God, how did that happen?"

"Yeah, that's what I'd like to know."

Eddie stuck his gun in his tool belt and took a couple of steps back, spreading his legs, clutching his fist.

"Very simple, Boss-Man! When I was playin' Jimmy Olsen the other day, I spotted these little babies of hers outta the corner of my eye. At first I thought I'd just empty the bullets, but I thought this one would really end up with egg on her face if she fired the shots and nothing happened. So I stuck a few blanks in there. I was afraid she'd resort to that if she blitzkrieged another bauble boutique. Nothin' says cold-blooded evil better than a beautiful woman with a gun in her hands. But now we get the last laugh."

"JEE-zus MUR-phy, Kiddo - that's fantastic!"

"Very clever. I say, Detective, you should be proud of your young man. Nice job."

"Yeah, it was, wasn't it. So - ya wanna just cut the crap and come with us?"

She shrugs and says, "sure - why not. I know when I've been licked. Could we all walk out arm in arm?"

"Huh?"

I smirk and say, "it's okay, Kiddo. Let's cuff her first, though."

Eddie slaps the cuffs on her and she opens her arms a little, givin' us both a little room to slide our arms in.

"Now, this is more like it. Though I now go to - how you say - the hoosegow - not exactly a walk in the park - it's good for a lady to be escorted by two such gorgeous gentlemen such as yourselves."

No argument there, sister - no argument there.