CHAPTER FIFTY NINE - Jimmy-Joe and Buddy Boy

MIKE - I took the lady's name, address and number down, in case anything should come up. Her name was Barbara Deepenthaler. Hmmm, Chuckie Deepenthaler. Sounded kinda choppy to me, but, whatever floats it, I guess. Eddie piped in,

"How's about we go down to this school of his, see who's around, maybe someone there can tell us what happened, that is, if this neighbor kid is too traumatized..."

I just stood and stared. Thinkin'.

"Mike?"

Still I didn't answer. I was a million miles away.

"Mike?"

Keep goin' kid.

"Mike, I got someone pregnant, I think I'm straight now."

"Oh, really? That's nice."

Eddie came up and waved his hand in my face, tryin' to get my attention. "Mike, are ya in there? Come on, wake up, we gotta get witnesses. We got a missin' kid to find. Hey, what's wrong?"

"I dunno, Eddie, I think there's somethin' not right about this whole thing."

"Yeah, like what?"

"It sounds too easy - too convenient, that a kid who saw the kidnappin' didn't get a license plate, was too freaked out to say anything. I mean, it's a school, for Pete's sake - didn't anyone else think to come forward with what they saw, and, if not, why not? And she brought in this DVD that she didn't bother openin'. I dunno, kid, I think somethin's up."

"Well, there is only one way to find out. Go to the school tomorrow and see what's up."

MIKE - Well, that seemed easy enough, in fact, a little too easy. We pull up to the street, go up and down on it, but the only school-type of building we catch has boards on all the windows. The sign did say "Grant Jennings", but it looks like it's all closed up. Me-n-Eddie get out to investigate.

Eddie says, "hmm, spring break, maybe?"

"Nah, 'fraid not. Looks like our little lady scammed us, kiddo."

"I don't get it. Why would she say he was taken in front of a school that hasn't been opened in gosh knows how long?"

Scratchin' my head, really blown away by this, all I could muster was "that bim's up to somethin'. I got a real bad feelin' what."

"Ya think it's a kind of trap or somethin'?"

"Wouldn't doubt it."

MIKE - Then we decided to go back to our place, back to the drawing board, back to square one. As we walked back to the car, Eddie spots a magazine rack on the corner.

"Just lemme see if they got the new Buff Boys-R-Us"

I chuckle and mutter, "aw, sure, go ahead, a couple-a minutes won't hurt".

EDDIE - I'm lookin' for the new issue of Buff Boys-R-Us, goin' for inspiration, ya know? Anyways, I'm not sure I see it, but I see somethin' else of interest.

"Hey, Boss-Man - check it out!"

"They got it? Great!"

"Naw, they don't, but this is better."

"A straight to DVD horror magazine? Come on, Eddie!"

"Look at the picture of the kid on the front cover and tell me if you seen 'im before."

I look at the kid. Kinda cute, looked about 7 or 8. "Still don't getcha, kiddo."

Eddie leafs through the mag and finds an article on the kid on the cover. Seems he's in a straight-to-video production of some kinda flick about....

We both gasp and look at each other:

"CHILD PORN!"

Then it dawns on me! Holy Crap! That wasn't any DVD made by kidnappers, that was a scene from a horror movie. Just then the mag dealer snarls at us, "hey, you guys buyin' or spyin' - this ain't no library, ya know."

"Oh, yeah, sorry", Eddie says as he pays for the book - and off we took. We arrived at Devereaux's house ready for some answers. Nothing, of course, would shock us, but we were curious as to why she would so elaborately stage a kidnappin'.

JUST AS OUR HEROES RACE AGAINST TIME TO THE HOUSE OF BARBARA DEEPENTHALER, WE SEE HER IN THE BASEMENT OF HER HOME.

"Hi, I just thought I'd pop down here to see how my two lovelies are doing, so I soon can say, heh-heh, farewell my lovelies. Has a nice ring to it, does it not?"

THE TWO LOVELIES AS SHE CALLS THEM, ARE ACTUALLY JIMMIE-JOE MULLEN AND HIS NEW PARTNER IN CRIMEFIGHTING, EX-POLICE CLERK SAM LEVY. THEY WERE TAKEN HOSTAGE - SEATED BACK-TO-BACK, THEIR HANDS BOUND IN THE BACK WITH INTERLINKING CUFFS, THEIR LEGS FASTENED AT THE ANKLES TO THE LEGS OF THEIR CHAIRS WITH FISHING WIRE.

Sam speaks up: "Boy, once a crook, always a crook. You even steal from Raymond Chandler!"

[SHE WALKS OVER AND SLAPS HIM ACROSS THE FACE]

"SIlence! I've no time for any of your clap-trap. I was going to tell you that you both will soon be joined by two other rough-n-ready macho little private eyes, going by the names of Batz and Robinson, I believe."

[Jimmy-Joe] "Aw, come on, don't tell me ya pulled the same kindapping story on them, too. DVD included, I suppose."

"You suppose right. A woman must always remain consistent in her work and when I get the four of you down here, I may have to soundproof this little chamber of horrors. We don't want the neighbors to hear the screams."

"Well, they're gonna be yours, toots. When I get outta this, and I will, I'm not gonna be above decking some broad."

"Well, now I know you're certainly no Mike Batz. He's 10 times the gentleman you'll never live long enough to become. With that sickening little boy scout tailing him, he'd never dream of harming a hair on this honey."

[The doorbell rings]

"Ah, fantastic! That must be the rest of my guests. Keep your ropes fastened, boys, this is going to be a bumpy night."

[Deepenthaler goes upstairs]

"Jumpin' Jiminy, Jimmy-Joe, how're we gonna get outta this?"

"Relax, Buddy-Boy, this is only fishing wire. Batz can usually break outta this, maybe if he gets snagged down here, he can get us all out, and I'm gonna blacken both of that buxom-blonde bitch's eyes, for sure."

[Meanwhile, upstairs at the House of Deepenthaler]

MIKE - We arrive at the House of Deepenthaler and confront our soon to be former client.

"Mrs. Deepenthaler..."

"Mizzz"

"Uh, okay, fine, whatever...anyway, we believe we found the culprit."

"Oh?"

She grew uneasy. After all, if this is a bogus kidnappin', then she's bound to wonder what in blazes we were talkin' about.

Eddie contributes, "yes, it turns out to be you, MIZZZZZZ Deepenthaler. Reportin' a false abduction."

He brandishes the horror movie magazine, "It's all right here in livin' color. This boy is not your son, but rather an unfortunate actor in a really bad underground movie. Why did ya do it, Ms. Deepenthaler? Dontcha realize there's a lot of parents out there with missin' kids and then you come along and make a mockery outta the whole thing, huh? Was it fun for ya? Well, now that ya had yer little laugh, ya can drop this whole thing and come with us. Do it, Mike!"

"With pleasure. Barbara Deepenthaler, you are hereby under arrest for filin' a false report of child abduction. You have the right to remain silent, if you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you by the state...."

Eddie was watchin' her closely while I read her the Miranda Rights. He sees an attempted sleight of hand and alerts me...

"Watch-out-Mike-she's-reachin'-for-somethin'!"

It was a 38 caliber revolver. It was us who was reachin' next. The gun glistened in the lamplight, it was either silver or platinum. I know it was gonna be used to try to kill us, but it sure was a beaut.

Our hands were up but we remained calm. After all it was an occupational hazard for us. We'd had enough lead pumped into us to almost make us immune, and we're still standin'. Still, ya know, anything could happen.

"Gee, that sure is a pretty hunka lead ya got there. It almost looks un-used. Let's hope it stays that way, hm?"

"You just keep your hands where I can see them and listen to me. I did what I did as an act of vengeance against you both."

"Huh? What'd we do?"

"You both bear licenses as Private Investigators. It was a Private Investigator who put my father in prison."


"What did your father do to end up in prison, Ms. Deepenthaler?"

"It was embezzlement. He was sent to a minimum security facility for 3 years. Almost like a country club, it was. He was even granted parole after 18 months. Only one thing, though. He was murdered shortly before he was due for release."

Eddie says, "so you think takin' us hostage is gonna do any good?"

She cocks the gun and aims it at him, puts her finger near the trigger, he jumps a little and she snarls, "would you like yours right between the baby-blues?"

I say to her, "I've never busted anyone for embezzlement. You got the wrong guys."

"It's gone beyond that. It doesn't matter who really sent him up the river, but what sent him up. All you private dicks are the same, just out for a few bucks. I'd like to plug each and every one of you. Now, keep your hands up and go downstairs."

Me-n-Eddie walk downstairs, hands up. Eddie whispers to me, "gee, Mike, what're we gonna do?"

"Everything I say - and more."

We get down to the basement and we're shocked to find Jimmy-Joe and Sam tied back-to-back.

"Well, I see she got you, too."

"My God, she really means business."

"You know it."

One of Deepenthaler's henchmen were down there, keepin' tabs on Jimmy-Joe and Sam and they were gonna do the same with us. She has him tie me-n-Eddie up, hands in back, with a strange lookin' pair of cuffs that are linked to each other. We're placed back to back, I'm cuffed first, then Eddie. Our feet are tied to the chair legs with fishin' wire. I grimace as the wire is tightened, it digs into my ankles, breakin' the skin. It stings like a mo-fo.

Eddie sees the linked cuffs and mutters, "holy daisy chain".

Deepenthaler hisses, "well, at least this is a good start with the four of you. I am going to murder all four of you, I just haven't worked out all the details yet."

I say to her, very sarcastically, "well, I'm sure you'll keep us posted."

"But of course. It's the least I could do. One thing I know for sure, I'm going to start with your boys, the younger the better. Imagine you two tough guys brought to your knees by the sight of your little sidekicks begging in vain for their lives as you sit by helplessly. The last thing they'll ever see is the two of you unable to rescue them. Oh, I'm looking forward to it already. TA-TA!"

Here's the layout - I'm facin' front, Eddie's facin' the back of me, lookin' right at Jimmy-Joe. Before we were bound, I noticed he and Sam were tied back-to-back, too. The only form of comfort I have is that my boy's right with me, his hands touchin' mine.

EDDIE - I can feel Mike's sleeves rubbin' up against my arms, his hands tied to mine. If anything, at least I know he's right there. This is a scary situation, probably the scariest I've ever been in, but havin' Mike right there makes me feel better. I hear some sniffin'. I see the back of Sam's head, bowed. I think he's cryin', or at least tryin' not to.

I call out to him, "Sam, you okay back there?"

He sniffs a couple of times and levels with me, "no, not really. Pretty scared."

"Hey, Sam. I know this is a hard thing, but there's no need to be upset."

"How can you say that? She's gonna kill four innocent guys!"

"I know that, and it's not right, but, if anything, just think that you're gonna give up your life for a good cause. If we are killed, it's gonna be a noble death."

[MIKE - That's my boy]

"I almost died on my first case. It was a woman, she shot the two of us twice. Almost lost a lotta blood. It hurt a lot and it was scary, but we made it through."

Jimmy-Joe put in his two cents. "What's the matter with you, kid? I thought ya had guts. I thought ya wanted to be a part of this. Boy, some partner you turned out to be."

"Hey, come on, Jimmy-Joe, lay off him, he feels bad enough already."

"You're no one to talk, Batz. At least you got a real man for a boy, there. What did I end up with?"

"Aw, come on, man! We should be thinkin' of a way outta this, not attackin' each other. It's what this bim wants us to do. We're roped and chained here. We could just break outta the ropes, but it's these god-awful cuffs we gotta deal with. I don't blame the kid for bein' scared. She's gonna start with him first, then Eddie as we gotta watch 'em die. You heard her."

Eddie pipes in, "the worst part is not knowin' when or how she's gonna finish us off. All we can do is wait."

WAIT FOR WHAT? WHAT DEVIOUS DEVICE FOR THEIR DEMISE DOES DEEPENTHALER DECIDE ON? ALL WILL BE KNOWN IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, IF YOU HAVE THE STOMACH FOR IT.