CHAPTER FIFTY SEVEN - Kept Boys

"HEY! There he is!"

"There you are, too!"

MIKE - Eddie appears just as Jimmy-Joe's about to be on his way upstairs to see Sam. I introduced the two of them, "Jimmy-Joe Mullen, this is Eddie, my pride and joy, Eddie, this is Jimmy-Joe Mullen"

The two say hi and shake hands.

"Hi,ya, kid, good to meetcha. I won't hold ya guys up I know ya got a mystery to solve and I gotta get upstairs to that kid, Sam, you were seein'. Hopin' he could be my new partner."

"Partner?"

"Yeah. Gettin' kinda tired of beatin' it all alone - this old man needs a boy."

"Yeah, well, I hope the two of ya hit it off up there. I think he'd be into it."

"Catch ya guys later. Peace out."

I swing my arm around Eddie's neck, restin' my hand on his shoulder. "So, how's about it, kid? Ready to kick some blue-boy butt?"

"Gosh, I never thought it would ever come to this. These are cops we're set to bust."

"Only technically. They're more like impersonators. Come on, let's go."

We get back home and go over ev'rything Sam gave us. Spare apartment keys, orders to expunge any wrong doin' from their records, cancelled checks drawn from the desk sergeant's account, made out to the terrible trio.

Eddie's pacin' back and forth as I examine ev'rything.

"Why would the Sarge be payin' them off?"

"Eh, probably for favors. Maybe the three of 'em are kept."

"Such huge amounts, though. Wouldn't ya think he'd just buy 'em whatever they wanted, if they were kept, that is?"

"Maybe he wants 'em kept - QUIET!"

"Good point! They got somethin' on 'im. The question, of course, is what!"

"Ya know what I'm thinkin', Ed? All this stuff is all well-n-good, but since the other day, there's a whole other animal I want trapped."

"Sam's shooter."

"Exactly. Assault with a deadly weapon on a Civil Servant, endangerin' the lives of two licensed Private Investigators..."

"Who work in conjunction with the Police Department. Oh, this smells good, Boss - real good. Not even Sam recognized the guy and they were standin' face to face. Darn that ski mask, anyway! I really wanna bust that guy, too. What those creeps did to me was bad enough, but when there's a bullet, not only does this drive 'em off the force, but it shoves 'em in the clink, too, and there's nothing those animals deserve more than to be cops in a lock-up. God help 'em when they get thrown in - and I hope He just leaves 'em there to ROT!"

I was pretty alarmed by this - Eddie was takin' this just as personally as I was. I loved it. The two of us were never more in synch than we were at that minute.

"I almost killed myself because of them! My life was ruined because of them! My good name was dragged through the mud because of them! Oh, they owe me big time, and they're gonna pay!"

He punches a nearby wall - had to stop him - kid was gonna break his hand, so I offered up my gut.

"Hey, if you're gonna hit anything, make it me."

"Mike, I wouldn't hurt you for...."

"Better my gut than your hand. Ya know how hard these walls are. Come on, take your best swing."

Eddie balled up his fist, extended his arm back, ready to take a swing, then caught a glimpse of me lookin' at him. He threw his fist in the air, walked toward me and embraced me, cryin', "I can't. Oh, Mike, I hate them so much. I always will. How could they do this to me? All I wanted was to be a good cop, I took my trainin' seriously. How could they bust my dream like that? How? I'll do whatever it takes to destroy them just like they...."

"Yeah, yeah, go on, just like they...."

He picks his head up. "I'm not destroyed. I'm livin' my dream. There's nothin' wrong with my life. In fact, I've been havin' the most fun I ever had. I've been through this a bunch of times in my head, but now I know for sure. Not only is life as good as it gets, it's perfect. There's nothin' I want more than what I got already."

"But ya still wanna bust these guys, right?"

"More than ever, Mike, more than ever."

The doorbell rings - just what we needed. As a matter of fact, it really was just what we needed.

"Yes, what can we do for ya?"

"You're detectives, right?"

"Yeah"

"You were the two guys that took off with Levy earlier on?"

"Okay, kid, out with it. What's this about?"

"I just came back from vistin' him. I heard he got shot up. I think I'm responsible in some way."

"What! You're the shooter in the parking lot?"

"No, but I think I know who is. See, I relieve Sam whenever he steps out and I saw the two of you. Sarge came up and asked where Sam was and I told him he'd gone out for a bite, or somethin'. Anyways, I thought you might be a couple of friends of his. I described you to Sarge."

"Why'd ya do that?"

"'Cuz I thought it kinda unusual that you'd wear a trenchcoat when it's 70 degrees outside."

"Uh-huh. So this Sarge of yours recognized us by description."

"Yes sir. Then he got all keyed up, ran back to his office and then ran outside, in an awful hurry, muttering something like "I'm gonna get 'em" or something. Detectives, I think Sam was shot by Sarge."

"That would figure. Now, you didn't know who we were at the time, did ya?"

"No, he just muttered a couple of names and then ran off. Sam and I talked about the whole thing and he filled me in. I said, who's Batz and Robinson. Now I know who you guys are and I figured I'd come out and tell ya what I saw. I'm sorry, I shoulda just lived and let live."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Well if I see someone who's overdressed when it's warm out, I really shoulda minded my own business."

"Well, yeah, that's true. Ya did blow our cover, but ya didn't know what you were sayin'. Ya didn't tell your Sarge to get a gun and come after us. You were pretty stupid, but you're not responsible for Sam's shootin'. BUT, now we know who did it. Hey, uh, does anyone know ya came out here? Anyone you should look out for?"

"No, it's after hours, the uniform comes off, I drove up in my own car, after comin' out of a hospital visit I paid on my own time. I think I'm good."

"Sounds like it."

"What's gonna happen to him - Sarge, I mean?"

"That's up to the powers that be. We just gotta deliver 'im to the right people, is all. I'm not sure they'll look too fondly on all his shenanigans when they get through lookin' through ev'rything."

"Everything?"

"Yeah, turns out this cop house you're workin' at isn't exactly of well-repute. I can't disclose any of this, but your beloved Sarge has been up to a heck of a lot more than just shootin' some Desk Clerk for goin' to lunch with us. Anyway, thanks for comin' out with this, but I think ya better get goin'."

"Anything else I can do for ya?"

"Naw, naw. We nearly lost one civilian so far today, I think we went past our quota."

"I get it. Well, anyway, it was good meetin' ya both."

"Yeah, same here, kid."

I closed the door behind him, makin' sure not to let it hit 'im on the ass. I was pretty steamed at that kid, 'cuz if it weren't for him, Sam wouldn't be saddled with a slug in his shin.

"So, what's our next move, Boss-Man? So many twists to this whole thing, my head's spinnin'."

"I hear ya, kiddo. We gotta get these guys, and somehow confront their beloved Sarge, but how?"

"Maybe a ruse. Corner the creepy cops at their place, and get 'em to lure Sarge over there and get 'em all at the same time."

"Sounds like a plan, but these are cops, they all carry service revolvers, even off-duty, that'd be at least 4 guns in our direction. We'd never live through such firepower."

"Doesn't matter. Go down fightin' - that's how it always is."

"All right - you're on. We got their duty schedule for the week, we got the keys to their place, and I got an idea."

EDDIE - We staked out the apartment buildin' where my three former classmates all live together. The suspicion is that their Desk Sergeant is payin' 'em off 'cuz of somethin' they got on 'im. If their Sarge was the guy that shot at us and hit Sam, that'd be up to the Department of Internal Affairs, but me-n-Mike had a private score to settle with these three guys. We put ourselves on a wire to record anything they said when we confronted them. So much was at stake - my vindication and now we have an attempted murder to deal with.

MIKE - We sat outside and saw these sleazebags leavin' for the day. That's when we made our move. We had the keys to their apartment itself, but we had to somehow jimmy the lobby door open. I took out a credit card and tried to undo the lock that way. As I slid it in, I heard somethin' click. I turned to Eddie and said, "never leave home without it".

EDDIE - We make our way inside and looked around. Gosh, what a pigsty. Beer cans, pizza boxes, dirty laundry all over the place, dirty dishes piled up pretty high. Saw a cockroach run across my foot. Mike made a joke, "hey, I thought there was a no-pets clause in their lease".

MIKE - Then we started riflin' through their stuff, dressers, closets, the whole shebang. Saw some DVD's that caught my eye:

"int'resting - Bear Trap - Cop Hunters - looks like these boys play on our team after all"

I heard Eddie from the other room:

"Holy Paydirt!"

I rush out to see what he found. It was at least a couple grams of coke, if not more.

"Imagine that, almost right out in the open. Oh, the brazenness of it."

"Almost?"

"Yeah, it was in one of their bureau drawers."

"Well, I imagine they might go right for this stuff the minute they come in."

And speaking of the minute they came in, that minute was nigh. I said to Eddie, "cheese it - it's the cops".

We took a hidin' place, then we got ready to spring right into action. I flicked on the remote control of the tape recorder we had hidden in the car. If we got anything concrete on them, now was gonna be it.

"Geez, what a day. Ya believe them fuckin' niggers gettin' all pissed off at us just 'cuz we pulled them over in a traffic stop?"

"Yeah, good thing ya had some smack to plant on 'em, got 'em all locked up, like they're used to."

"Well I did want us to snort it up for ourselves, but I guess it went for a better cause."

"You said it. This is really gonna get us promoted."

[Ooh, this is good. Me-n-Eddie looked at each other, but we didn't say a word. Didn't wanna taint the recordin'.]

"This was way easier than the time we got that loser back at the academy. What was the poor stiff's name anyway."

"Oh yeah, Robinson. God, what a joke. Ya know, I never forget a rat. That'll teach 'im to get us suspended for three days."

"I wonder what happened to 'im."

"Probably blew his fuckin' brains out. Not that he had much to work with in the first place."

[And just what I hoped for. One of the creep-a-zoids was goin' for the bureau. He couldn't exactly find what he was lookin' for.]

"Hey, whatcha lookin' for?"

"I had some blow I wanted to do tonight. Did ya see it around here? I could swear I left it in here."

"Ah, no big deal, we'll help ya look for it."

[The other two Charlie's Angels went into the other rooms, then me-n-Eddie crept up behind the creep.]

"Shit, man, what the hell did I do with it?"

We were standin' right behind 'im, I extended my hand to the side of his face.

"Lookin' for this, perhaps?"

He reached for it and said, "oh, thank God, I was....Holy Shit!"

"Consider yerself busted, my friend."

"Hey, who the hell are you guys? What're ya doin' here?"

"Oh, let's just say we're actin' on a tip. Let's introduce ourselves. I'm Detective Mike Batz."

Eddie, who was wearin' a baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses, slowly peeled them off and announced himself as "Detective Edward G. Robinson".

"Eddie! What the fuck?"

"What's with ya, Chauncey? You remembered bein' sore about the suspension that you guys deserved, ya remembered what a loser ya thought I was, but ya conveniently forgot I don't respond well to that kinda language."

While this guy was about to be put under wraps I thought it'd be good to cover the other guys, Murphy and Wilczek, but when I tracked them down, they had themselves pretty well covered with no help from me. Murphy was stickin' it to the polish kid.

"Hey, ain't we s'posed to look for Chauncey's smack?"

"Aw, fuck 'im, anyway, this is much more fun."

"Ooh, yeah, baby. Aw, that's it, aw yeah. [loud exhale] Ya really think we need 'im around anymore? He's kinda been gettin' on my nerves these days. Been lookin' like we could use a bigger share of what we shave off the Sarge."

"Whaddya think we oughta do, get rid of 'im?"

"We could blow his head off and say some perp did it."

[Glory be to God, thank you so much. This is way better than what I'd hoped for]

"Wait wait - no more talkin' - I think I'm gonna cum"

The poor stiff was gruntin' and groanin' and just about to do it. I didn't mean to be a party pooper, but, oh, well.

"JUST hold it right there, blue-boys - don't make a move, don't even think of takin' another gasp."

It was a quicker pull-out then a newspaper supplement.

"Shit - shit - shit - shit!"

"Who the hell are you and what the hell are ya doin' here?"

"So when you blow the other guy away, what're ya gonna say, that some freakin' N-word did it in a traffic stop? I think you boys ruined enough lives for the time bein', it's time somebody ruined yours. Eddie, better get in here, I got a couple of live ones here."

"Right away, Boss-Man!"

Eddie escorted Chauncey into the bedroom and tossed him in with the other two. I held the piece on 'em as Eddie wrapped them up.

"Man, the boys at the rat squad are gonna love this!"

"Yeah, Robinson, ya oughta know about rats, ya fuckin' asshole."

BAM - Eddie gives Wilczek a right hook. "Sorry, just a reflex. Language just makes me wanna come out swingin'."

I teased 'im a little, "aw, come on, now Eddie, would ya really hit a guy with cuffs on?"

"This idiot, yeah. Ya see, Boss, he didn't give a darn-and-a-half that I was all tied up when I was gettin' the daylights pounded outta me. None of these stiffs gave a hoot when I was cuffed and that stuff was bein' forced up my nose."

"Nothin' personal, Ed. Ya broke the Code of Silence and we just wanted to getcha suspened for a few days - like ya did to us. We didn't know you got expelled!"

"Language gets ya a punch in the gut. Lyin' gets ya much worse. Ya knew drug use was a cause for expulsion. All right, so you were sore at me, but ya served your time and came back in like it was nothin', ya coulda just moved on. Ya didn't have to take my life in your hands and ruin it like ya did."

"You always thought you were better than us. Ya always looked down on us, never even talkin' to us or nothin'. Then ya went and blabbed when ya saw us smokin' on the grounds."

"Hey! I was just tryin' to be the best student I could. I wanted a career in Law Enforcement just like you three jokers did. You thought ya had the last laugh, didn't ya! Thought ya screwed it all up for me, but lemme tell ya somethin' - you lousy slugs did me a favor - at least I wouldn't be in a profession that'd be disgraced by the likes of you three. C'mon, Mike, let's drag these losers to the cops - the REAL cops."

"Come on, Robinson, we rule that station. Nobody in their right mind would put us in the system."

"I didn't say your station. There are others, and the Department of Internal Affairs watches over all of 'em, just like with your beloved Sarge."

Game and match - Eddie's foes were found guilty by the rat squad after a long investigation, their guns and badges taken, pending investigation. Same with their Sergeant. All-in-all, not a bad day.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Eddie gets a call from the police academy and we both shot right over there.

"Robinson, in light of the evidence presented to the Department of Internal Affairs, you have been vindicated. We were erroneous in your expulsion and we'd like to offer our apologies. We would also like to reinstate you as a Cadet, effective immediately if that is what you wish. You don't even need to start over again, you could be put right back where you were at the time these unfortunate events occurred. You had been a very diligent student and it is our belief you would be a credit to our academy as well as any police department of which you'd become a member."

MIKE - Aw, ya shoulda seen 'im. All the weight of the world was taken off his broad, sinewy shoulders. A look of glee came over his angelic face. I was happy for 'im at long last, but after our eyes met, he paused and said it straight to the academy administrators.

"I'm not sure what to say. I'm thrilled and honored of course. I can't begin to say how much it means to me that you can finally believe me and want to make this up to me and all...but my answer is no, thank you. At least not for now. In the meantime, I was made into a Private Investigator and I've really enjoyed the life I lead with my partner, here. I think I'm makin' a real diff'rence out there and I'm real happy with what I'm doin' these days. Would the door always be open for my return, or....?"

"Of course it would, but in order to pick up where you left off, you'd need to reconsider in a year's time, otherwise, you would have to start from the beginning."

"I understand, Sir. Thank you so much."

We left - and Eddie's not back in. I was floored. I had to get into this with 'im.

"Eddie, what was all that about back there? Your name's cleared, kiddo, don't blow this chance for God's sake! Ya gotta think!"

"Oh, I have been thinkin'. Non-stop. Let's say that nothin' happened, and I graduated from the academy and went onto become a cop. The Job I've always wanted since I was a kid. Sure, I probably woulda liked it, but ya just never know. When I was expelled, I thought my life was over, but meetin' you gave me ev'rything I was lookin' for - even more than that. Not only am I a crimefighter, I got a Detective's license, I got a real swell partner, too, one of the best guys I've ever known. If I did go back, and became a cop, I don't know where I woulda been assigned. I'd come home to ya, and all that, but I'd miss bustin' bad guys with ya. When I got the news just now, I was outta my mind with joy and I looked over to ya to see you smilin' too, but I caught a little sadness in those baby-browns of yours, like ya saw we were splittin' up, at least as a crimefightin' team, anyway, and I realized that while I'd be goin' on to work as a cop pretty soon, that I'd also be leavin' you."

"Yeah, but we're life partners, it's not like you'd be outta my life altogether."

"But in another capacity, it just wouldn't be the same. You make me so happy, you make me laugh, it's a lotta fun goin' on stake-outs, takin' in clients, confrontin' the bad guys face to face, standin' at your side. I'm not gonna let anything, even a uniform and a badge, take me away from that, away from you."

MIKE - On that note, I grabbed him, bear-hugged him, broke down sobbin'. I knew this moment was comin' for a long time, that's why I started this whole thing off. He finally had a choice in the matter, and while I was nervous about what he'd say, sure I woulda been hurt, I woulda missed the kid, but just like anything else in life, I'd suck it up, I'd guts it out. I'd leave it in the hands of the man upstairs, but he chose to stay with me. He told me he loved me before, but no other time was like this one. I'm a lucky guy, I tell ya.


Thank you God, for bringin' us through all this, and for lettin' me keep my Eddie, who I always cherish as a gift from you, anyway. He gets his name cleared and I get to keep my boy.

I get to keep my boy.