CHAPTER SIXTY - DELICIOUS DOUBLES' DEADLY DOOM

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, ALL FOUR OF THEM, THEY WERE CHAINED AND ROPED AWAITING AN EVIL EXECUTION, A GUMSHOE'S GRUESOME GOODBYE. SEVERAL HOURS HAVE GONE BY AND STILL NO WORD ON THEIR FATE.

MIKE - Since Deeepenthaler took off, I've been yankin' on my ropes tryin' to get some slack in them and I think I got some. It feels a little looser down there. I told Eddie and the other guys to do the same.

"Any luck with your bonds, there, guys?"

"Yeah, boss, it's a bit looser. I just wish I knew how to get outta these cuffs."

"I gotta admit, Batz, we're really boxed in by this broad. Hey, Buddy-Boy, how ya doin' with yours?"

"I wouldn't call me Buddy-Boy if I was you right now."

"Aw, come on, don't tell me you're sore at me."

"Sore's not the word. I wouldn't wanna say what I really think in front of Mike and Eddie."

"Aw, jeez - Batz, I don't know how ya deal with it."

"With what?"

"Bratty sidekicks"

"You're talkin' way outta line, Jimmy-Joe"

"Yeah, you don't know the first thing about me and I'll see to it that ya don't. Heck, I figured since you were a friend of Mike's that you'd be a decent guy."

"Wait a minute - I am a decent guy"

"Then why did ya go off on Sam like ya did when you can see what he's up against. Deepenthaler's gonna put 'im on ice in front of us, and God only knows how she plans to do it."

"He's right, ya know. We should be thinkin' 'bout how to get outta here."

Eddie calls out to Sam again, "Hey, Sam, how ya holdin' up."

"Not as well as these ropes. They're awful strong."

"Aw, I wouldn't worry about it. Later on, you'll be breakin' outta bonds like a regular Houdini."

"Eddie, we're all gonna get killed here. None of us is gonna make it out alive."

"Ya gotta stop thinkin' that. No matter what happens to us, we still gotta think positive. Until she strikes the last blow, we still got a chance."

"HA! That's what you think."

Oh, my God this is it. Deepenthaler's comin' down to send us to our maker.

"Boys", I said with a resigned sigh, "this is it. Get ready for whatever's next."

"Good to hear such a submissive, subdued attitude, Detective Batz."

"I guess when ya wipe us all out, this'll call us even."

"Oh, no absolutely not. This is only the beginning. Private Eyes will be at my mercy wherever I go."

"Come on, Deepenthaler, think about it. You just gonna keep slaughterin' sleuths til ya realize ya had enough?"

"Yes. Something like that. Enough small talk, I think I've heard just about enough out of the four of you. I've devised a demise and we're going to start with the youngest one, Sam, is it? Sam Levy."

She motions to her henchmen, "you, undo his bonds, and you, set up the launching pad."

"Launching pad"

"Where you're going to die with the others watching in helpless horror. Now let's get this overwith - I haven't got all day - I hate long goodbyes."

Sam's feet and hands are undone. SNAP My ropes just got loose. I can move my feet again.

[As the hand-cuff is undone, Jimmy-Joe's cuff is loosened somehow.]

Eddie's cuff is undone, too, and I feel somethin' snappin' in mine. Hoo-boy, here's my chance. Dear God, don't let me blow this one. Deepenthaler doesn't notice, because as Eddie and Sam are bein' taken to their deaths, our chairs are turned around so we can see them get slaughtered. She thinks I'm still bound. Eddie and Sam rub their wrists when they're temporarily set free, but the goons tie 'em right back up with fishin' wire. The henchmen brandish machetes. They're gonna cut our kids' throats. Aw, Jesus Christ, I can't believe what I'm gonna see here. The boys are forced into lyin' on their sides, facin' each other.

"Have the blades been sharpened?"

"Oh, yes, ma'am. This oughta be a real quick cut."

"I don't want it to be. Yes, I wanted them sharpened, but I'm not just going to whack them off, I'm going to slowly slice their heads off. However long it takes, I want to see every drop of blood gush from their jugular veins. I want to hear every syllable as they scream in agony, begging for the mercy they're not going to get. Step aside, my studlings, and thank you for the preparations. Sam Levy, I realize you had no hand in what happened to my father, you are young, kinda cute, and probably a very nice boy, but you do bear the stink of law enforcement and that's not a good thing. I hope your friends appreciate what a trailblazer you're about to become."

She kneels down and moves his shirt collar outta the way as she's about to strike the first blow, and that's exactly when I do.

BAM!

"HOLY HOLE IN ONE! DARN GOOD SHOT, BOSS!"

Yep, I did it, wiggled my hand free, reached for my piece. Sure, one of her henchmen had me held down pretty good, but when my hands were free, I reached around and squeezed his balls like there was no tomorrow. The goons went for me, but I punched their lights out and held 'em at bay. "get smart and don't make a move, I gotcha covered. Now, untie the rest of 'em. You boss-lady had to check out all of a sudden, now I'm in charge, ya get me?"

Eddie, Sam and Jimmy-Joe are all released and I got one more thing I want these goons to do.

"Ya want we should cuff 'em, Boss-Man?"

"Nah, I got a better idea, kiddo. They're gonna cuff themselves."

And they do just that.

"Now, listen, youse two are gonna wish ya got what I gave your boss-lady there. Once the boys in the joint get wind that you rigged up a child porno ring, there ain't gonna be no mercy. You guys are in for a long stretch."

"There was no child porno ring for real. That was just a ruse."

"You and I know that. But your future roomies ain't gonna be the wiser. You don't look like ya have much of a vocabulary, so I'm gonna teach ya a new phrase. Can you say 'Prison Bitch'? Sure ya can. Enough of this small talk, Eddie, I don't have all day, so let's get the cops down here and get this overwith, I hate long goodbyes."

Eddie and I then ran into each other's arms, kissing passionately, holding onto each other. I stroked his bare bi-ceps and loved the feeling of his hands on me. We didn't wanna let go. "Oh, Eddie, I'm so glad you're all right."

"Thanks to you, Mike, all thanks to you."

EPILOGUE:

The cops come and grab the stiffs and lug 'em over to the joint. We went down there, too, since I killed Deepenthaler. Eddie, Sam and JImmy-Joe were my witnesses and we all corroborated in that it was self-defense. The fingerprints of Deepenthaler and her goons were all over that knife. We had rope burns and cuff chafin' all over our hands and feet. They examined the fake ransom note as well as the DVD which lifted the part of that horror movie. Eddie still had that magazine he bought just hours before this all came crashin' to a conclusion. After all the dust settled, I kinda wondered what was next. Eddie says he's starvin', so it's off to grab a pizza for all of us back at our place. We invited Jimmy-Joe and Sam along, and Jimmy-Joe said "sounds great, come on, buddy-boy, let's go." But Sam held back.

"Are ya sure ya wanna be seen with me?"

"What're ya talkin' about?"

"Are ya sure ya wouldn't rather hang out with a real man for a boy, like Eddie, for example?"

"Aw, come on, now, Buddy-Boy, I only said that...."

" 'Cuz ya meant it. Ya saw how scared I was, ya saw how upset I was - what did ya do when I needed ya the most? Ya went off on me in front of Mike-n-Eddie. You asked me what the hell was the matter with me instead of doin' what Mike woulda done with Eddie, be there for me, be my friend, my partner, my comrade, instead you were like my dad. But ya know what? I'm through. If this is the kinda thing I'm gonna have to put up with just 'cuz I wanna be a gumshoe, then forget it, it's not worth it. You can take your buddy-boy crap and you can shove it up your ass. I'm takin' off."

Sam turns to walk away, Jimmy-Joe looks at me and says, "what the hell am I gonna DO? I need him."

"Well then tell 'im that, Einstein."

"Right. SAM! Sam! Come on, wait up."

He grabs him and turns him around, and Sam starts hittin' him, "didn't you hear what I said, you bastard...."

Then Jimmy-Joe kissed him right on the lips.

Eddie mutters, "Holy Get a Load of that!"

Sam was shocked. "Jimmy-Joe? What..."

"Okay, I admit it. I'm crazy about ya, buddy-boy. I don't wanna lose you."

"You never did that before!"

"I know and I should've. I'm sorry I didn't do it earlier."

"You...you always kept me at arm's length, like I was your employee, or somethin'".

"I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't realize how much I'd wanted you til we were taken hostage. All that shit I said about ya in the basement was just a cover-up. When I said somethin' about Mike havin' a real man, I was....truth is, Sam, I want you. When I met you in the hospital room after you got popped, I took one look and I was like jello inside, man. You shoulda seen the look on your face when I asked ya if ya wanted to join me. I mean you lit up like Rockefeller Place. I said that stuff in the basement 'cuz I thought maybe I might've made a mistake and I was sore about it, but I realize it's no mistake. I was nuts just thinkin' about you gettin your head chopped off, and I wish I was the one who whipped out the piece and blasted that bitch."

"Yeah, Mike's a pretty good shot."

"He's a pretty good everything. I'm kinda jealous of him, sometimes, ya know. I mean, sure, I know ya look up to him and all that, and I don't blame ya for that, and, I know I ain't as good as he is, but...."

"Don't say that about yourself, man, give yourself a break. Sure, you were a prick down there, but that doesn't mean you're not a good gumshoe."

"So, uh, do ya think you can give me another chance? Come on, be my buddy-boy, huh? Please? I really need ya. I really need ya around, Sam, I....I love you."

I couldn't believe it. He's cryin'. On Sam. I've never seen anything like it - from him, that is.

Eddie was non-plussed, too, "Gee, Mike, I don't get it. Jimmy-Joe says all those awful things about Sam, but he ends up cryin', holdin' on, beggin' him for another chance. Looks like he hurt himself way worse than he hurt Sam."

I smile and put my arm around him, "Exactly how it should be, kiddo...exactly."