CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE - O Who Fore Art Thou, Ace

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, MIKE WAS IN PURSUIT OF EDDIE'S CAPTORS AS EDDIE WAS DRAGGED FROM HIS CELL TO THE EXECUTION AREA, SLAMMED UP AGAINST THE WALL AS HIS ASSAILANT WAS INTENT ON ENDING HIS LIFE WITH 500 ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION.

As Eddie's bound hands were looped around a spike in the wall, his back turned to his captors, he felt the urge to cry out, to beg for his life, but he cast those detrimental urges aside and preferred to face his fate like the proud righteous crimefighter he had become over the last couple of years, the sort of man he had always aspired to be - with the help of his hero, his mentor, his lover, the man who had turned his life around completely and who had given him a real purpose in life - Mike Batz. The painful thought of never seeing Mike again would far outweigh the agony he was about to suffer as an entire magazine of ammunition was about to simultaneously mutilate and obliterate Eddie's smooth, sinewy, well-toned physique.

"Some partner you have, there, kid. Where is he now? Too afraid to come to your rescue? Fucking coward - you're better off without him."

"No", Eddie sneered as he stood facing the wall, "you're the real cowards here. You don't even have the guts to look your victim in the eye."

"Ya know what - I've had it with this Boy-Blowhard, let's just get this overwith."

Eddie braces himself, knowing his life was about to end having been spent in the best possible way. He was ready to meet his maker - at least He wouldn't be afraid to look Eddie in the eye.

The machine gun was cocked, the assassin's finger slowly wrapped itself around the trigger, then a horrifying blast of gunpowder filled the room. Eddie felt the impact against his back and slightly fell forward, his knees buckling. The room fell silent as the shooting stopped. Eddie opened his eyes, realised he was still on his feet, didn't feel the great agony he had anticipated, looked around and determined he was still alive.

"Did they miss?", he asked himself. "No, they couldn't have - I felt something hit my back, something knocked the wind out of me." He then heard the hellish chorus of raucous laughter - all at his expense.

"My God, what a fool - you fell for it!"

"What in God's name are you talking about?"

"You were shot with blank cartridges!"

Of course - the blast of air, the empty shell casings - that's what hit him, but did not penetrate - perhaps a bruising. But this was nothing compared to the bruising he was about to cause - if he could just rip himself free, which is what he was about to do.

Eddie grew more furious by the minute. Being enraged can leave one with a sense of super-human strength. He violently yanked himself free of his bonds, shredded them as if they were made of papier-mache and lunged toward the throat of his executioner, shouting, "I'm gonna KILL YOU!"

Two of the henchmen ran up from behind and each grabbed one of Eddie's arms and stretched them side to side as his would-be assassin picked up the weapon and slapped Eddie across the face with the butt of the weapon, then jabbed the weapon right into his torso, causing his body to buckle.

"We were just messin' with ya before - but now you really asked for it." He aimed a 38-caliber revolver and began to shoot at Eddie's head. As the bullets hit, he let out blood-curdling screams and guttural sobs of pain as he furiously kicked in a vain attempt to break loose.

The henchmen then released their grip and Eddie fell to the ground, feeling the top of his head, looking at his blood-stained hands - he knew his time had come. But, on further examination, Eddie kept patting the top of his head, and didn't feel any shrapnel. Sure he was cut and bleeding and he did feel a burning sensation, but the bullets didn't penetrate - they merely grazed his scalp. There were bullet holes in the wall behind him, right where he was held in a villainous grip.

His enemies were amused at the torment through which they were putting their prisoner. "Woe, look at him fall apart. I only wish his fuck-faced little Boss-Man was here, we'd really make mince-meat outta him."

Then the door is kicked open and the entire room was startled to hear the raspy voice of reason snarl, "All right - I'm here - so start mincing."

Mike struts into the room, Eddie leaps over to his side, followed by two vaguely familiar figures; one clad in a black tee-shirt, sunglasses, a black baseball cap, skin-tight black jeans and steel-toed boots, and skin-tight leather gloves. The other was clad in a pure white tee-shirt, sunglasses, faded blue jeans, yes, skin-tight, and also with steel-toed boots, and skin-tight leather gloves.

"Sorry I took so long, but I picked up a couple of buddies along the way. Slimy thugs, I'd like ya to say how-do-you-do to Ace and Rick."

"SHIT! I heard about those guys - we're dead meat!"

Another thug slaps him across the back of the head and shouts, "shut up!"

Both Ace and Rick greet their opponents with a boy-scout salute.

"Holy betrayal", thought Eddie, "Our very own Green Hornet and Kato. Why'd he bring them along?"

Ace snarls, "so nice of you to look after our Eddie while we were away. Hope he wasn't any trouble..."

Tim finishes the thought, "...'cuz we intend to be!"

This is, of course, a quadruple Batz-fight - one good guy to one bad guy. At one point, Mike is grabbed by his throat, only to be rescued from behind by Eddie, grabbing the thug and punching his face in, but his arms are grabbed from behind, his body held in place while another thug wails on his stomach. Ace and Rick jump in - the sight of four fine flying forearms and a bevy of beautiful biceps, two draped in white cotton sleeves, two in black - Ace and Rick - the ying and yang. Ace picks up and brandishes one of the weapons and slams a thug in the face. As he falls back, Tim grabs him and shouts, "finish 'im off!" Ace runs up and grabs the guy by the head, completely twisting his neck around. He falls dead. Ace and Rick stand grinning proudly over their handiwork. Eddie witnesses the whole thing and stares shocked and silent. This was the guy who grazed Eddie's head with those deadly bullets.

Mike's and Eddie's guys are subdued and handcuffed, and Mike radioes in for police officers to collect them. The four felon-fighters scatter about and gather evidence, including the video camera which photographed all of those gruesome images of Eddie with a noose around his neck.

Eddie continues to stare back and forth between a proud-looking Ace and the thug with the twisted neck. Ace notices Eddie's stare and grins at him as if to say, "how'd I do, eh? Pretty damn good!" As the police come in to collect the thugs, including the now-dead one, Eddie approaches Ace, who smiles and pats and rub's the boy's shoulder. Eddie shrugs his hand off as his stare grows cold and angry.

"How could you?"

Ace is perturbed, "excuse me?"

"How can you take a human life and stand there like you just caught 'the big one' "

Tim is now irritated and interjects, "Eddie you can't be serious - the guy took two shots at your head!"

Ace calmly re-traces his steps and explains it to him, "We hear the shots, we walk in, I spot spent shell casings, hear your shouts, see your face contorted in pain, see you with a blood-stained hand and a scratch on your head. I spot the one with residue on his fingers, I become enraged, I charge at him, I break his neck."

This means absolutely nothing to Eddie as he goes on further, "why, you're nothing but a vengeful vigilante - not even a licensed investigator. I heard all about you - you just hit the streets looking for trouble and you don't give a flying darn who you hurt in the process."

Mike tries to intercede and puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder, only to have the boy rebuff him and shrug his hand off.

"Stay outta this, Mike - this is between me and him."

Rick, on the other hand, only grows more furious himself and keeps looking at Ace, wondering why he doesn't just rip Eddie a new one, too. All Ace can do at this moment is draw a breath of resignation and walk off into the sunset.

"You'll understand someday - Let's go Rick - our work is done here. Mike, good to see you as always - I'll be in touch".

Rick tries to follow, "Yo, Ace! Wait up, man!"

Mike intercedes, "No, I'll go see about Ace. I think maybe you and Eddie oughta..."

"Yeah - you're right."

Mike leaves the room - the following two conversations take place simultaneously:

SIDEKICKS:
"Eddie, what the hell was that all about? My guy sticks up for you and you just spit in his face!"

"This isn't your concern, Rick - or Tim - or whoever the heck you are these days."

HEROES:
Mike spots Ace in one of the hallways in this abandoned building, "Hey! RODNEY!"

Ace freezes in his tracks and turns to face Mike.

Mike smiles at him, "I just wanna thank you and Tim for helpin' us out there."

Even with sunglasses, Mike could still sense a look of sadness and hurt over the Face of Ace. Mike knew why the guy was down, but should he blow it off or confront the situation? If confronting it, how should he go about it. He decided on a happy medium of sorts. He reached over and patted Ace's arm.

"Hey, come on, Rod - ya did good today - the two of ya. Hell, I wasn't even sure which one of 'em hurt Eddie like that. You did - you pinpointed who did it and let him have it. That was awesome."


SIDEKICKS:
"Ace saw you were wounded and he took action. You'd have done the same thing if Mike was almost killed, and you know it."

"Yeah, but...snappin' the guy's neck? He's not even a real gumshoe - he's just out for revenge of some kind. And what are you doin' runnin' around with him? You were a top notch mechanic before."

"Oh, yeah, sure", scoffs Tim, "one of the best. What was my reward? My own boss shot me and had me hung up on a tool rack."

HEROES:
"Hey, come on, off with the shades, would ya? Best if I could look ya in the eye. It's all right - it's just you and me here."
Ace took his shades off. Mike sees a look of real sadness and hurt in his eyes and reaches over and puts his arm around the unmasked hero.

"I know. Eddie really went off on ya - I'm sorry for that - he had no business."

"I'm not a bad guy. When I saw that Eddie got shot - I didn't plan on killin' that thug - I just got so worked up..."

"You were lookin' out for my boy. I can't tell you what that meant to me."

"You know I'd do anything for you - Eddie, too - you guys are a part of each other."

"I'm glad you can accept that."


SIDEKICKS:

Eddie nods in resignation, "yeah, I remember that. But what's this guy Ace have to offer you that another job wouldn't?"

"Same thing ya got going with Mike, I'd think. All that excitement and danger and then that sweet feeling ya get for a job well done. Crimefighting's gotta be one of the coolest gigs out there."

"Even with the sunglasses and the weird names? I mean, come on - Rick Righteous?"

"Hey - you don't go steppin' on our methods."

"Does that guy ever take his shades off? Do you?"

"We gotta keep 'em on - we're always in disguise."

"But, why?"

"Can't tell ya that - not my call - that's up to Ace. But ya know what, I will make this call. Now, I may not be a licensed gumshoe, but I suspect it's not our unorthodoxed manner of crimefighting that's buggin' ya."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, come on, I'm not buyin' any of that unlicensed crap for a minute. You're jealous of Ace because he knew Mike before you did. That night he recruited me after I got fired from the garage, Mike and him went into another room and you're eyes were so green."

Eddie all to vehemently insisted, "that's got nothing to do with..."

"You're JEALOUS!"

"That's not.."

"JEALOUS!"

"Don't you use any interrogation tactics on ME, pal!"

"I'll keep sayin' it til you finally do."

"ALL RIGHT! Just LOOK at him - he's hotter than heck - he's closer to Mike's age, he's got a great body, he's tough as nails - his whole get up even gave me a hard-on...but you know who he really is, and so does Mike, I still don't. Mike never told me about him."

"Did ya ask?"

"Of course I did - Mike just tossed it off as 'oh he's an old friend of mine I met while working a case' and just left it at that. I don't appreciate being left in the dark here."

"Okay, then - why don't we go out there and I'll introduce ya to him."

HEROES:

"Hey, if you ask me, I think Eddie's a little worked up I never told him all about you - "

"Yeah, but you should - you should've let him know from the get-go. We're all crimefighting brothers here - there's a bond, ya know? My trust in you notwithstanding, if I can't trust your boy with my identity, who can I trust?"

The sidekicks walk out into the hallway and approach their respective heroes. Ace quickly turns around and puts his mask back on, hopeing Eddie doesn't see his face. Eddie goes right up to Mike who give him an "it's okay" smile. He then looks at Ace, and says, "All right, Ace - just who are you, anyway."

Mike interjects, "Eddie, I can't disclose that..."

"Why the heck not?"

"Because there's a price on my head", says Ace. "The Mafia is after me and if I'm ever spotted, I'm to be executed - no questions asked."

"What? You gotta be puttin' me on - Mike?"

"It's true, Kiddo. I was there from the get-go."

"My real name's Rodney Campbell. I was a cab driver a few years ago - of course it's my job, or it was then, to take anyone anywhere they wanted to go, no questions asked. My passenger was wanted by the mob - he owed them a fortune and was in hiding himself. But he got found out. He let his guard down and exited my cab, and as he was paying me, he was spotted. His ememies drove up to us, he got scared, I memorized the license number, I jumped out to grab him, to try to get him back in but we were both shot a few times and we fell to the ground. I was in pain all over, I couldn't tell where I'd been hit. I tried to get back up, but every move I made was agony. The guy kept apologizing left and right, but it wasn't his fault."

Mike added, "I was down the street and I heard the shots, so I drove around the vicinity and spotted the whole thing. I started shootin' back at the bad guys - one returned fire and nicked me a little, so I plugged him but good - the other one got away. I thought for sure that Ace and his passenger would be dead, but I heard moaning and it was him, really hangin' in there. Oh, God, ya shoulda seen him, bullet wounds all over him."

"Yeah, but ya know somethin', Eddie? I kinda felt a rush, like I was doin' somethin' worthwhile for once, ya know? The bullets were hittin' me left and right, but I just wanted to hang in there for this guy, protect him - he was still alive and he was gonna make it. I felt like a real hero for the first time in my life."

"That's cuz you were, Ace. You're a civilian and you risked your life to save someone else's - wanting nothing in return."

Mike continues, "His rehab lasted for months, so I took him in, had him stay with me for a while. I thought somebody this tough should be doin' more than drivin' a cab. And he was placed in the witness protection program, and since I was around at the time, I was entrusted with his secret identity, and I took a vow to never reveal it."

"Mike, I think it's okay - Eddie's with you and a good guy in your eyes is a good guy in mine."

He removed his shades by pressing a button on his belt buckle which was a remote control device unlocking the shades. Tim followed suit.

"This is in case anyone ever captured us and tried to remove our masks - they have to be electronically unlocked - anyone who tries to force them off would get charged 50 volts."

Eddie just about melted when he saw what was behind the shades, the mask. It was a beautiful, boyish pair of baby-brown eyes, not much older than the two sidekicks.

"Gosh, you're so young."

"Yeah, I'm 28."

"And you gotta live the rest of your life in disguise?"

"If I want to live out a good long life, then, yeah."

"That goes for Tim, too?"

Tim nodded.

"When I first recruited him, I explained my situation and swore him to secrecy."

Tim added, "He told me how much he admired hearing about helping you guys out when you rescued me. We talked about how we had the same experiences-workin' for a cab company, gettin' shot on the job, helpin' to fight back, that kinda thing. I never really thought about crimefighting before, but then..."

He looks at Ace and the two exchange warm smiles and put their arms around each others' shoulders.

"...I got a great chance at another life, thanks to him. It's really been a blast."

He pats Ace's chest.

"Just like you and Mike."

"So, Eddie, you wanna know if Mike and I were ever together - the answer's yes. After I was fully recovered, he wanted me as his partner - in that sense, too - and I said I gotta go out and get these guys - he said 'lemme help you - we could get 'em together', and I knew this was mine to deal with and mine alone. He has a great PI practice and I didn't want him to focus on just one case or go into hiding just for my sake. So, I took off. Tim's my new partner now in every sense of the word. I'm grateful to know that Mike has a real prize partner in you, and it was a privilege to kick some ass with you." Ace chuckles and adds, "it was a lotta fun today, wasn't it!"

Eddie smiles, "it sure was - apart from this headache I'm about to get."

Rodney peers over the top of Eddie's head and touches it lightly. "Yeah, you'd better see to that - it doesn't look like a serious wound, but it's good to get it checked out."

"You're right. Hey, listen, uh, I'm real sorry for what I said back there..."

Ace breaks him off, "nah, that's cool - -"

"No, it's not. I let petty jealousy get in the way. It was really small of me. I shoulda been grateful from the get-go 'cuz the three of ya saved my life - and I know you twisted that guy's neck outta anger for what he did to me - you were really lookin' out for me there. It's good to know we got you in our corner and that if I were killed today, that Mike would be in good hands."

Eddie reaches to hug the tight-tee-shirted twosome, and they reciprocate. Ace and Mike both hug and kiss each other on the cheek, saying so-long.

Tim pats Eddie's right arm, "feel better?"

Eddie does likewise, "sure do. Thanks again."

They also kiss each other on the cheek.

"Hey, no sweat. Looks like me-n-Ace are takin' off, so...be good."

"You, too"

Ace and Rick take off into the sunset as Eddie, arm in arm with Mike, look on. Then they look into each other's eyes and melt into each other's arms and share a passionate kiss.

"Gosh, it's so good to hold you again."

"Same for me, kiddo - same for me. Hey, let's get the hell outta here, huh?"

Eddie smiles and whispers, "Roger", and off they go.

As the two walk, Eddie grows pensive. "Hey, Mike, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Eddie - what's up?"

"I kinda felt a little down when I saw how much fun Ace and Rick are having together."

"Why's that?"

Then Eddie's words really sink in and Mike is taken aback.

"Hey, wait a second - is there something wrong here - something about the life - your life with me? C'mon, Eddie, talk to me."

Eddie smiles and assures Mike, "no - there's nothing wrong with us - you and me will always be good - I'm in love with you and I'll always be. But I think - - oh, gosh, I don't know - - do you think I've gotten more serious? Maybe a little too rigid, or something?"

"I don't getcha - I mean, you are growing up and gettin' more mature."

"It's just that I don't think I'm as fun-loving as I used to be. Sure my life was pretty miserable, like Tim's was, but when we got together, it opened up a whole new life for me, too - I got my will to live back - my sense of humor came back - these past couple of years have really rocked, but..."

"You have grown and are still growing into an incredible crimefighter and I can see you've devoted your life to it. Are you thinking that since you're now fighting for justice at all costs, and how important it is to ya, that maybe you feel you can't have some fun with it, too?"

He chuckes at the memory, "you were pretty funny then - I think you still can be - if you just relax and go with the flow like you did at first."

"Aw, but I was just some kid off the streets who met up with this really hot gumshoe and the thought of all these adventures we'd have, and all, but, yeah, I really take crimefighting a lot more serious as the years have gone by."

"As well you should - we have the safety and well being of every citizen in this town to guard - a huge responsibility - but if you feel you had to sorta hunker down and not let yourself have any fun with it, it's not true. I fell in love with a boy who not only defended me and saved my life in that alleyway, but the same boy who always had a big smile, always quick with a quip. No, you don't wanna let yourself get all hard-nosed just yet, boy. That's my part - you're supposed to rejuvenate me and all that stuff...sure, I'm the older of the two of us and I've seen some real wicked stuff over the years and when I was by myself, it did get to me - it jaded me - But then someone like you comes along, cheers me up - you knocked me out of a longterm depression, you realize that. Ace had to go away to protect himself and you dealt with my former sidekick and boss-man and nearly lost your life, if not your mind. You make me happy - all that holy gee-whillikers stuff - you bring a smile to my face - you cheer me up - you make me wanna live again - to the fullest."

"Really?"

"You sure do - Don't deprive yourself of the gift you've given me. Please?"

"You got it."

As the two keep walking, Eddie stops in his tracks.

"I never said gee-whillikers."

"Oh, yes you did."

"Holy Jimmy Olsen - no WAY!"

"Way."

"Awwwww."

CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR - It Happened One Morning

On a clear, cloudless summer's day, our heroes are out on a bit of personal business, but danger awaits as a vehicle across the way is holding a stake-out. We know they're going to fall into some foul hands, but of what sort?

One of the thugs behind the wheel is peering through a pair of binoculars and spots the duo's car.

"Oooh yeah, just what I've always wanted. The dashin' dick-mobile right there in front of our eyes."

An over-eager henchman is wringing his hands and practically salivating in anticipation. "Ya gonna wipe 'em out, boss, huh?"

An evil grin grows across the boss's face. "No. Not yet, anyway. I just wanna get my hands on the two of 'em, bring 'em both to their knees and do whatever the hell I want to them. No jury would convict me - 'cuz they're never gonna know."

As he keeps peering through the bino's, Eddie pops out.

"One down - one to go."

But then Eddie's by himself. No trace of Mike. This, of course, disturbs their enemies.

"Oh, God, what the hell - the kid's all by himself?!?"

"Oh, this is much better - wiping Batz out is only the icing on the cake. Get the kid by himself and Batz's torment would be endless. Come on, let's go grab 'im."

No sooner than Eddie unlocks the door and is about to get in, he hears gun barrels being cocked and one is thrust right in his chest and the other is at the back of his head.

"Get your hands up! HANDS UP! HANDS UP!"

Eddie realized he's trapped by the gun-weilding gang and puts his hands up. They're thrust behind his back and tied down, but he manages to hoist himself up enough to kick one of the thugs in the face. He then breaks loose, ripping the ropes off his hands. He takes a couple of swings, knocking one thug over, but little does he realize another thug smashes the backs of his knees with a billy-club, sending him straight down. The poor boy is recaptured, his hands are re-tied and his feet are bound - the bad guys even angrier and out to hurt him even more. One of the thugs aims a gun and is about to shoot when he's held off. "Not yet, not yet - we'll kill him later - I just wanna fuck with the two of them for a while. Come on, let's toss him in."

"Gotcha boss"

The back of a van is opened and Eddie is dragged to the opening and screams "no" repeatedly as he's hoisted up and thrown inside.

A police officer, on routine patrol, sees the melee and attempts to subdue the bad guys with gunfire. Bullets are exchanged and the poor officer is shot in the upper left chest.

Meanwhile, a civilian witnesses the whole thing. After the officer is wounded, the thugs open fire on the street, discouraging any would-be witnesses. As gunfire erupts, the civilian not only calls Mike to report Eddie's fate, but also calls 9-11 to report "officer down - officer down". The thugs are alerted to the presence of the boy witness and he is trapped behind a tree behind which he is taking cover from the barrage of bullets. He is so pumped with adrenaline that he doesn't even feel it when he's shot in the leg. He miraculously escapes death as the thugs drive away with their prize and with a shaken civilian and a wounded police officer in their wake. The young witness sees the coast is clear to get from behind the tree and tends to the fallen cop.

"I saw the whole thing - how bad are you hit?"

The officer grunts and holds his left shoulder, "up in here - shouldn't be too bad - it just knocked the wind outta me. You, too, it looks like."

"I don't getcha."

"You got hit, too. Look at your leg."

The kid looks down and sees blood trickling down his calf. "Holy cow - I didn't even feel anything - I just ran right over here."

"Natural enough - it's adrenaline."

"Wow - help should arrive soon - I called them when I saw you get shot."

"I called them, too - but since you got hit, too, maybe we can each take one. I think we oughta call the kid's partner."

"I already did."

Mike drives up in a fury - "okay, who called about my kid? You better not have been screwin' with me."

The cop confirms it, "nah, it's true, Detective. Some thugs nabbed your partner and drove off with him and we both got shot when we intervened."

"WHAT?"

The adrenaline wears off and the wounded witness now feels the pain of the bullet and sits on the ground. He recalls, "I saw the whole thing - they grabbed him with guns. I tried to take cover when they started shooting."

"Where'd they get ya?"

"In the leg. Startin' to hurt - I didn't even know at first - but I should be okay."

"Can ya tell me anything like the make of the car - anything?"

"I wrote the plate number down - it was a blue chevy. They were parked in front of my place for the longest time. I was gonna call the cops thinking they were loitering, and that's when they grabbed your boy. They did a u-turn and sped off. I got the number written down inside - by the phone."

"Good job. Come on, let's getcha both some help."

"They're on the way", says the cop.

Two ambulances arrive, tending to both the samaritan witness and the cop. The kid hands over his camera to Mike with the crime photos. Both victims are rushed off to the hospital to treat their wounds - leaving Mike in the middle of the street, trying to take it all in.

It was so unbelievable - it all happened so fast. Less than one hour ago, Mike had asked Eddie to pick up a package containing 2nd anniversary gifts for the two of them - the package remained on the back seat of their car, now not being driven by Eddie. There was the opened car door, there were spatters of blood on the street, there were bullet holes in the tree trunk down the street, bullet holes in the outer walls of nearby buildings. Mike took the package out of the car and went to his other one, calling for a tow truck to take the other vehicle back to the house.

It was so unbelievable - it all happened so fast. Less than one hour ago, there was the promise of a new day. What would Mike and Eddie be doing together right now? Would they be interrupted by a knock on the door - a missing husband, stolen jewelry, embezzlement, a contract out on some dame.

Mike waited for the tow truck in his other car, one hand on the steering wheel, his head in his other hand. He makes another phone call. "Uh, hi - - it's me - Mike. Could you swing by my place? It's about Eddie - it's not good. I'm a total wreck - I need you."

It was so unbelievable - it all happened so fast.

Meanwhile back in the van, Eddie struggles to get loose and is once again beaten with a billy-club. "You murderous maniacs - who are you guys? What do you want from me?"

"To lure that stupid boss-man of yours to your rescue and really bring him to his knees."

"Mike never goes down on his knees except if he loses a contact lens! He'll get you guys for this for sure - we both will!"

"Jesus H. Fuck, could ya shut the kid up - he's gettin' on my nerves", growls the kingpin.

"Yeah, sure thing, boss", says the thug as he reaches for a chloroform rag. Eddie struggles against the rag until he's subdued.

"Finally - now I can hear myself think without that stupid Boy Wonder gibberish."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Several hours later, Eddie finally wakes up and slowly takes in his unfamiliar surroundings - he tries to get up but finds his movement is limited as his hands are tied behind his back with plasticuffs, and he looks down to see his feet are also bound in this fashion. He struggles in vain to pop them open, but realizes it's no use. Then he hears a voice over a loudspeaker.

"Forget it, kid. Those things are never coming off until we cut them open."

"What's this all about? What the heck are you DOING?!?!?"

"Going forward, all information will be on a need-to-know basis. You don't need to know just yet - because you're still alive." Maniacal laughter follows. "Feeling frightened yet?"

"NEVER! I've been in worse predicaments than this and I always overcome them."

"Oh, yes? We'll see about that, my sinewy sleuth."

At that moment, two henchmen break in and seize the boy, each of them grabbing one arm, and drag him to another room. Eddie struggles against their grip, and one of the goons asks, "should we knock him out again, boss?"

"No - better to have him just as he is. I love a challenge."

Eddie struggles and repeatedly screams "NO - PLEASE!" as a rope is looped around his neck. His face turns beet red and his veins are popping out as sweat pours down his face.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?"

A goon backhands the boy right across the face. "Like the boss says, shit-face - need-to-know basis."

"Well, this much I'll tell you - you're going to die - the slow, painful way, of course, and Mike is going to witness every delicious minute of it."

A goon is setting up a video camera on a tri-pod.

"Where did you want this, boss?"

"Oh, right there should be good - just get his upper body - oh, wait - get a shot of his feet first."

The goon lowers the camera and photographs Eddie's bound feet.

"No, no, you misunderstand, doll", the boss sneers as he hands the goon a weapon. "I mean really get a SHOT of his feet first."

The grinning goon says, "ri-i-ight. How could I be so stupid?"

"No, you're not stupid - you just have some things to learn is all - but fret not - I will teach you."

Camera set on Eddie's feet, gun aimed there as well.

"Lights, camera - FIRE ONE!"

A shot is fired and Eddie screams in pain as a small dart is plunged into his ankle, giving him a nasty cut.

"A little higher please."

Another dart is shot right into the boy's arm. Both missles are removed after a few seconds.

"You did well, my fine flatfoot. Your mealy-mouthed mentor is going to lose his mind after he sees this. Oh, uh, give our darling detective a little slack on the noose so he can make himself to home. Come, gents, let's get this show on the road - or in the post."

Eddie's captors leave him alone - at least for now. His arm and foot bleeding, the rope still tied around his neck, his feet and hands remaining bound, Eddie resists at first, but finally gives in, moans, "oh, God, Mike..." and silently sobs.

Just as with Mike, Eddie also cries for the day which had started out so beautifully - little did he ever realize that only a couple of hours later, Eddie would be tormented and crying for his man.

A few steps down the hall, one of the goons opens his yap. "Gee, boss, do ya think we're goin' a little too far?"

He's instantly pistol-whipped across the face

"Never question my motives. Suffice it to say that Mike Batz never worried about going too far with me. It's true that neither you guys nor that kid were around in those days, this is really between himself and I, but that kid is the only way we can really get to him. Cute little guy, isn't he? It's a shame he chose to live on the wrong side of the law. Anyway, lecture over, time to put this operation into full gear."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW BACK TO MIKE - I know what you're thinking - that Mike has another guy on the side when Eddie's either out shopping or being held prisoner by gun-toting sadists, but that's not it. No, the guy he called earlier is none other than an old friend - a fellow crimebuster goes by the name of Ace Justice. As you'll recall, Tim the mild-mannered mechanic went off to fight as Ace's sidekick after Mike and Eddie rescued him. Well, Mike's about to join forces with the tight-tee-shirted twosome. They are known as such in the papers as whenever they bust down a bad guy, they're usually described as wearing tight tee-shirts - and they are a twosome, so....

Anyhow, Ace and Tim, in his guise as Rick Righteous show up at Mike's and find him in very low spirits. Shortly thereafter, automatic gunfire blasts through Mike's windows and a package tied to a rock is sent crashing in.

Rick shouts, "holy molotov cocktail!"

Ace shouts, "get back! It could be a letter bomb!"

Mike says, "Right - lemme get the body shields!"

Rick wrings his hands and asks, "gosh, boss, these thugs really mean business."

Ace spots some writing on the package. It says "Eddie"

"I dunno about this, Rick. It says it has something to do with Eddie. But we can't go anywhere near it without Mike's shields. None of us needs to get hurt."

"I gotcha, Boss, but isn't that a chance we gotta take? I mean, Eddie's in trouble and all - it's up to us."

"Good point, but I'd like us all to stay healthy long enough to get these pigs and crush 'em."

Mike returns with the body shields and the threesome carefully examine the package marked "Eddie". The envelope is opened slowly and cautiously. It turns out to be a VHS tape.

"Darn thugs are so behind the times", Rick smirks.

"No time for humor just now, kid. Let's watch this and see what we're dealing with."

The tape features Eddie's neck wrapped in a noose while he's shot with darts, as well as a speech Eddie appears to have been forced to read.

"Mike - hi, it's Eddie - I just want you to know I'm doing okay and you're not to worry about me. I'll be released real soon - we just gotta do what these guys say."

Mike becomes incensed and starts to lunge toward the tv set. Ace stops him by putting an arm out. "Hold it, Mike - they're forcing him to say all of this. Look off to the side, that shadow."

"It's a shotgun", says Rick, "pointed right at him."

"You notice Eddie blinking a lot?", says Ace. "Not because he's dry-eyed. That's morse code."

Mike asks what he's saying.

Ace smiles as he rewinds the tape. "Mike, you got yourself a clever sidekick there. I think he's blinking out the location of the hideout."

Mike also beams with pride, "good BOY, kiddo. And you, too, for noticing. My boy doesn't miss a trick."

"Then it's settled", says Rick. "We just go over there and rip them all a new one - they won't know what hit 'em. We'll get there in no time."

"Good idea", says Mike, "but I think we gotta strategize. It's me those thugs want - and we gotta be careful that Eddie comes out okay in this. We gotta get him outta there alive and unharmed."

-------------------------------

Sounds like a plan, all right, but what our heart-throbbin' heroes don't know is that at that moment, henchmen burst into Eddie's cell and fire several rounds of ammunition in the air, beating Eddie, roping and tying him down and dragging him off.

"the boss wants to see ya - boy are you gonna get it now!"

WHAT HEINOUS FATE LIES IN STORE FOR OUR DOOMED DETECTIVE? RICK KNOWS THEY'LL GET THERE IN NO TIME - BUT IS NO TIME - - IN TIME?

CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE - A Real Bond

When we left our heroes, Mike was roped and hung and beaten to a pulp, Eddie was overcome by poisonous fire ants and a local cop who decided to join in on their investigation, Billy Gervis, was stabbed in the arm while struggling with their nemesis, Herman, who runs a cannibalistic bed-n-breakfast with his mother. The two were apprehended, Mike and Billy will soon be treated for their wounds and be back on their feet in no time, but Eddie's life is still in grave danger.

MIKE - I got the crap beaten outta me and was treated for bruises, and Boy-Cop Billy was treated for that slash on his arm. I knew we'd both be okay - I'd been through worse and Billy was shot on duty - the day he lost his partner. But what about Eddie? He fell unconscious back at that dump after being wasted by those god-damned ants. Both of those boys suffered horrible torture - Billy had to watch video of his partner dying, and Eddie was eaten alive. At this point, I was mad enough to breathe fire - I wanted blood for what those animals did to them - two sweet boys who never did a thing to anyone. This was beyond your usual cops-n-robbers stuff.

"Detective?"

"Wha- oh, hey, there."

It was one of the doctors working on Eddie.

"How's he gonna be? Is he gonna be okay?"

"That's exactly what we're working on now. Your friend was bleeding internally after all those bites, so we're stitching all that up. We did stabilize his vital signs so far, so there's no real reason for concern. You got him here in good time and all there's left to do is wait."

"Thank you"

Wait - oh, is that all? God these places make me nuts.

In another room, Billy's arm was getting stitched up and a bandage was placed on the wound. He was advised to take it easy and come back in about a week to check the wound to see if it was healing. With his good arm, he shook the doctor's hand and was checking out. While there, he asked an attending nurse how Mike and Eddie were doing. Although they all came in at the same time, from the same scene of the crime, the by-the-book Ratched refused to disclose any information as Billy was neither significant other nor family.

"I'm a police officer and I was working this investigation with the other two gentlemen, and..."

"I understand, but this is hospital policy. If there's any problem, you can take it up with my superiors."

He sneered slightly and growled, "I'm gonna take up a lot more than that." He walked away frustrated, but just as he turned his head, he caught a glimpse of Mike down the hall, in the waiting area. He turned back to the very uncooperative desk nurse and sneered, "the heck with you - I'll ask him myself."

At this point, Mike walked over to a window, folded his arms and just stared straight out - anything to ease his mind, but it wasn't working very well. Billy approached him from behind, calling out to him. No response. Mike had been so distracted by his own anguish over Eddie he saw and heard nothing, but he felt a hand on his shoulder. His first reaction was to jump and get into a defensive stance, but then he realized it was Billy, and there was nothing to defend himself against here.

"Oh, sorry, kid, I guess it's just a reflex."

Billy smiled and said, "nah, don't worry about it".

"They took care of you back there?"

"Yeah, sure did - I gotta come back in a week to look at the stitches - all 78 of them."

"Holy crap - that's a pretty deep cut."

"Yeah, nearly severed a nerve, but they caught it - it should be all right..." Then he feels a sharp stinging sensation and holds his arm, grimacing -

"...but how're you holding up?"

MIKE - I always play the tough guy - comes with the territory - never let 'em see ya sweat. Villains - citizens - they can't see ya weak. Only Eddie knows my pain, my struggles, my weaknesses - it's nothing for this kid to find out. So I thought. I was ready to put on the old hard-nosed bit, but the sight of this baby-blue-eyed angel got to me. This wasn't just any average-Joe on the street - this boy saved our lives - we might've gotten out of our traps, maybe we wouldn't - who knows - but this kid deserves the truth - my eyes darted back and forth on his.

"I'm not. Those ants almost ate him alive. This is the worst thing he's ever been through. Billy, I don't wanna lose him."

Billy smiled and said, "That's not gonna happen. The docs are doing everything they can. I think you can use some company."

"Truth is - yeah, I'd really like that."

Mike and Billy sit on the waiting room bench, Billy still clutching his arm wound. Mike chuckles to himself.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, this whole thing - it all started with a guy whose wife thought he took a powder on her. We usually get him with some other dame and have to hear about how she's gonna take the poor bastard to the cleaners while we're waiting on our cash. But this - I never thought it could turn into this."

Mike's soft chuckle then turned into a moan as he put his head in his hands again, "oh, God"

Billy reached over with his good arm and put his hand on Mike's shoulder. Mike continued to lament, "why couldn't I get to Eddie sooner?"

"Please don't say that. It's nobody's fault, except for the bad guys. You were tied up and almost beaten unconscious. That psycho was about to grind you up - we found Eddie alive - we got him here in time."

"You certainly did"

Mike and Billy look up and see one of the surgeons working on Eddie.

"Is he...?"

The surgeon nodded and smiled, "his vitals are stabilized, he's becoming stronger, more coherent, we moved him out of ICU and into a regular room. We'll need to keep him here for a couple of days for observation, but he's going to be good as new."

Mike and Billy shake hands with the surgeon and thank him. "Can we see him?"

"Shortly - he's being transferred right now."

The surgeon walks away and Mike says, "boy, he's not gonna like this too much - he hates hospitals."

"Don't we all."

The two look at each other and chuckle, then Mike's demeanor grew serious. "Billy, I gotta talk to ya. Something you said earlier really cut me to the quick."

The boy-cop was shocked. His eyes opened wide. "I said something to offend you?"

"Yeah - ya did - bad cop - when me-n-Eddie got over here to check out this missing guy, you were talkin' about your partner - you call yourself a bad cop just 'cuz you survived a shoot-out. You pulverized that punk that popped your partner - then today, when you were off the clock, you risked your life checkin' out the goings-on at that inn. You were shot, stabbed, tortured, you rescued me, you helped take down that cannibal ring, you helped me get to Eddie, and now he's gonna be okay - you sat with me here. Now if that makes you a bad cop, I'd sure as hell would love to see a good one...and I do, right in front of me. With all you did today, I know this town's gonna be as safe as a baby in his mother's arms with you around. Never call yourself bad again."

Billy's face fell as he thought of his partner, Herbie, and he resumed holding his wounded arm. "I just miss him. All throughout this, it felt like I was partnered up again. I loved being at your side - it was enough just to meet you guys, but then, when I actually fought crime with you....you of all people - you have no idea what an honor it was. I'd go through it all over again in a minute for you."

"And you were a good guy to have my back, too, and I'd scoop ya up like that if I didn't have Eddie - and I know there's a cop out there who doesn't have what I got - he hasn't found you yet. This is the best kinda life for a boy to live, but it's nothin' without someone at your side, sharin' the sufferin' as well as the success. Partner up again, kid. There's a real bond there - a real bond."

MIKE - Billy was sad that he'd have to give me back to Eddie, but that only made room for someone else to come along - and he did. I stayed in town while Eddie recuperated and we came back a few weeks later to see Billy receive a commendation from his department on the help he gave us at the bed-n-breakfast. Another officer recently transferred over from another town. His partner had just quit the force. Wouldn't ya know it - the guy's name was Mike, too. Now they ride together - in and out of the sunset. Just like me-n-Eddie.

CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT - BILLY THE BOY (COP) WONDER

After enduring several beatings while tied up for hours in the tenderizing room, Mike began to quickly weaken. He was sure he was breathing his last. He thought to himself, "God, I always knew this day was gonna come, but I didn't think it'd be like this. Thank God we saved that other guy - at least we..." he grimaced when suffering a sudden pang, "...did our...job". His head fell forward. Was he dead? Was he unconscious? Was he just resting his eyes?

Eddie felt he was beginning to lose the struggle, too. There were now open welts all over his body from being bitten by fire ants. The bites didn't even hurt anymore, as Eddie was beginning to lose all feeling. He also didn't think he would go out in such a grisly manner. He always imagined himself being gunned down in battle - at least he was fighting - now, he was captured, sedated, tied down, and eaten by poisonous insects. "If this is the way I'm supposed to go out, then, all right", he thought. "I had a good life - I did good", his eyes getting heavier, til he finally passed out.

Meanwhile, Boy Cop couldn't be more agitated. He'd been pulling against the ropes whoch had bound him from the ceiling. He, too, had begun to lose all hope, then, suddenly, he heard a pop from over his head. It was a few strands of rope fiber, breaking off. "Wow - it's getting loose - it's starting to fray - all RIGHT!" He yanked more ferociously as the video was playing non-stop.

"Come on, you son-of-a...." he growled as he yanked non-stop "Just keep going!" He yanked away until one of his arms finally came loose. He gave one more good yank, then his left arm was free! Then he reached over and untied his other hand, then hit the ground running. He considered the open window - his first thought was to come to the aid of his newly-found friends.

He leaped out of the window to his torture chamber and headed straight to where Mike was being held. He knew exactly where it was before he was captured. He looked inside and saw Herman undo Mike's bonds, take him by his arms and drag him over to the shredder. Without any regard to his own life, Boy Cop leaped inside and confronted Herman.

"Unhand my friend you contemptible cretin!"

Startled, Herman dropped the barely conscious Mike to the floor and was set for battle with Boy Cop.

"Hey! Baby-Cop! How the hell did you get loose?"

Slowly walking toward Herman, he snarled, "that's none of your business. I may have prevented you from pulverizing Mike, but you still face a boatload of charges - the least of which is what you've done to the three of us so far."

Herman took a threatening stance. "I gotta warn you, Baby-Cop - you better not take another step - or else."

"You're bluffing and not very well. You know I gotcha."

"Nope - looks like I got you."

With a sleight of hand, Herman brandishes an open switchblade. His opponent stops dead in his tracks, arms somewhat upraised. Is he surrendering? Hardly. He's very carefully anticipating Herman's every move, plotting his defense strategy.

"I might not need the shredder for you - this'll do just fine - you'll be dismembered within seconds."

"Holy ginsu"

Seeing the knife in Herman's right hand, the cop thrusts his left hand over and grabs hold of Herman's right wrist and aims it upward. As the two struggle, the cop pushes Herman backward, extends his leg behind him, tripping his adversary knocking him to the ground. The cop continues to pound Herman's hand against the ground, hoping to jar the knife loose and possibly get it away from him. Instead, Herman regains his sea-legs and pushes the cop back, but the cop isn't letting go of his wrist. The cop punches Herman in the chest with a right hook and sends a left jab right to his jaw, but with a sleight of hand, Herman strikes and cuts the boy cop right across his left bi-cep, just underneath his tee-shirt sleeve. He screams in pain as he grabs his left arm and staggers backward upon impact. Herman then grabs the cop by his throat and forces him over to the shredder - holding the cop down with one hand and switching the dreaded saw on with the other. The cop is hopeless to break loose from Herman's grip and starts shouting, "no - no". Herman pushes the cop's head closer to the shredder blades and it looks as if the boy's life is finished when, suddenly, Herman is sent flying across the room.

The cop looks up and nearly cheers as he discovers Mike has regained his strength and is about to subdue their opponent. He grabs one of Herman's hands and shouts out, "hurry! Grab his other hand - let's get this bastard up against the wall!"

"RIGHT!" he exclaims as they pin Herman to the same spot from which Mike was hanging helplessly. His hands are tied, and the cop spots the taser Herman was armed with, grabs it and aims at him, but not before some interrogation.

"Where are you holding Detective Robinson and what are you doing with him?"

Seeing no way out, Herman relents and tells them the room number of Eddie's torture chamber. Then the cop zaps Herman with the taser. Mike looks on and grins with admiration.

"Gosh, Detective. Thank my lucky stars you came around. I don't know what I would've done."

Mike smiles and puts his hand on the cop's shoulder. "I thank my lucky stars, too, kid. Worst case scenario, you would've given your life for your fellow law enforcement officer - and that's the noblest thing any man can do - but ya came through with flying colors. We saved each other's lives. Nice going, son. Nice going."

The cop beams from ear to ear, yet a look of sadness comes over the cop's now-downcast eyes.

"What's the matter kid?"

The cop doesn't say anything and it occurs to Mike that he's thinking of his late partner.

"Thinking about your guy, huh?"

The cop grits his teeth and nods. Mike puts his arm around the wounded officer, holding his bleeding arm.

"That dirtbag over there - had me tied up and forced me to watch a video he made of my partner's killing. He said if I had better aim, then he'd still be alive."

Mike gritted his teeth and snarled, "cretinous crumb"

"Don't you pay any attention to any kind of crap this guy dishes out to ya. Rememember, your guy was still alive when you popped that perp - and popped him good. You couldn't do anything about your guy's bleeding to death, but ya stopped this dirtbag from killing anyone else, including you. You saved my life and I'll always remember that - and now you're gonna help me save my guy's life, too."

"Gosh! Detective Robinson! We gotta go get him."

"It's Eddie! Let's GO!"

The terrific twosome sprint down the hall to Eddie's torture chamber, and on the way, Mike asks, "you know our names pretty good - what's yours?"

"Officer William Gervis - it's Billy to you guys."

Meanwhile as Eddie is wracked in agony, slowly being devoured by the killer fire ants, Herman's mother walks in to check on his "progress".

"Detective, please forgive me - I never wanted any part of this."

Struggling to find his next breath, Eddie plaintively gazes upon the old woman and begs, "then...why...are you...doing this?"

"I love my son - and I'll do anything for him."

"Including murdering me?"

Mother just looked away and said nothing.

"You...don't have an answer for me...do you?"

Then the door flies open with such force, it nearly comes off the hinges, much as Mike and Billy are about to.

"You get the hell away from my boy!"

The dreamy duo are stunned to see what's happening to their crimefighting comrade. Mike notices a glass-boxed fire extinguisher and breaks it open, as Billy reaches inside Eddie's tool belt and produces a wire cutter, which, of course, enables the fire ants to start nibbling at his hands and arms, too. Mike sprays the two of them, eradicating their enemies. Billy pounces on Mother and holds her hands behind her back.

"You got cuffs?"

"Always!", says Mike, as he throws Billy his pair. Eddie is cut loose, the ants are dead and Mike looks about the room in order to secure it, as Billy calls the police to collect the crooks, as well as placing a call for an ambulance for our wounded warriors. Mike's whole being is overtaken with fury as he spots a video camera on top of the door, taping the attempt on Eddie's life. He yanks the cord out from the socket, causing some sparks to fly, and he opens his coat to shield Billy and Eddie from the flickering fireworks, and takes the hit while protecting them. He then turns and moves slowly to Mother and snarls, "you goddamned motherfucking BITCH!".

He raises his hand to her and is about to strike when Eddie interjects, "Mike - she's...a lady."

"No - she isn't!" as he backhands her across the room. He lunges for her throat as he shouts, "tell me why you did this! What the hell was the point in all of this? WHAT? WHAT?"

Billy goes over to Eddie's bedside to see about him. Eddie had regained some strength to sit up on his bed. "Can you stand up, ya think?"

"I'm gonna try." He reaches out for Billy's hand and Billy helps him up to his feet, but Eddie had weakened so badly, he nearly collapses on the floor, but Billy catches him in time.

"Don't think you better try that just yet."

Eddie sees the bleeding cut on Billy's arm - "what happened to you?"

"Sonny Boy cut me - but it's nothing that can't be fixed. I'm really worried about you - you've got to get help right away - I called for an ambulance."

Eddie takes a deep breath and nods and says, "thank you. I'm glad you guys...got here in time. Mike always..."

Eddie's eyes close as his head goes back, but he still manages to say "...does..."

Billy sees Eddie fading out and screams to Mike, "MIKE! GET OVER HERE! IT'S EDDIE!"

Mike loosens the grip on Mother's throat as he rushes to his boy's side, "what ABOUT him?!?"

"He's fading fast." Billy feels Eddie's wrist and sticks two fingers under Eddie's neck.

"Good - he still has a pulse, but I can't say for how long."

Billy hears the distant sirens and rushes outside to meet the police and paramedics as Mike goes over to Eddie, picking him up and hugging him, sobbing, "no - please God, not Eddie! PLEASE!"

UNBELIEVABLE - IS MIKE EXPERIENCING THE SAME PAIN AS BILLY - HELPLESSLY WATCHING AS HIS BELOVED CRIMEFIGHTING CRONY SLOWLY SLIPS AWAY? WILL MIKE PICK UP THE PIECES AND TAKE BILLY ON AS HIS NEW SIDEKICK? WHY NOT? HE SURE DOES LOOK HOT IN THOSE TIGHT TEES, HAS A "HOLY" VOCABULARY AND CAN TAKE A HIT AS WELL AS HIS PREDECESSOR!

HOLY DICK SARGENT!

BUT WAIT - THE BODY'S NOT EVEN COLD - WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT? SHAME ON YOU ALL FOR WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER AND SEE IF YOU'RE RIGHT!

CHAPTER EIGHT-SEVEN Big Bad Baby Cop

When we last saw our heroes, they were called in to find a missing businessman. Upon arrival in a small town, they encountered a police officer who unwittingly tipped them off to strange goings-on in a local inn. Not only did they investigate, and were captured in their investigation, so, too, was the cop, who decided to do some investigation of his own. Now, with the lives of Mike, Eddie, and the cop all in peril, we breathlessly continue.

Meanwhile, the boy cop begins to regain consciousness. He looks around the room to check his surroundings. He sees his arms raised upward on either side of his head, then looks up only to discover his hands are tied and the rope is attached to a hook in the ceiling. He begins to panic and tries to yank himself free, each pull and tug only bringing out the veins in his bi-ceps. His breathing stunted, his face reddened, he grits his teeth, grimaces. This is not, of course, how he'd planned to spend his down time. Herman walks in and slams the door. "I thought you'd never wake up."

"What the heck is going on here? What is the MEANING of this?!?!?"

"You're that stupid little baby-cop that's always hangin' out around here, always gettin' coffee with your stupid partner - your DEAD partner. And now you and those two other idiot-fucks are snooping around here. What's the meaning of that, huh?"

Herman slams a right hook into the cop's chest, making him scream in pain. He refelexively doubles over, but he can't because he's being stretched, hands tied to the ceiling, his feet planted firmly on the ground.

"TELL ME!"

He gives him a backhand slap across the face, so forceful it sends his head back, and so painful he struggles to catch his breath.

"Why was my friend hanging from the wall in your basement? What're you gonna do with him?"

"If you gotta know, he's being tenderized. While he's hanging there, he'll be pounded so severely, he'll weaken, and fall unconscious, then we can grind him up. We do that with old guys who fuck with us - knock 'em out, grind them up and make meatloaf outta them - we sell it to the butcher down the street."

A look of horror and disgust comes over the cop's baby-face, "Holy Hannibal - you're CANNIBALS!"

"Yeah - and there ain't nothing you can do about it, neither. With you and them two other losers outta the way, me-n-my maw can get back to business. Which reminds me, I gotta go take care of that other little putz, but in the meantime - ya like movies, Baby-Cop?"

Herman reveals a tv set with a VCR. "I think you'll get off on this - I play this tape about 5, 6 times a day and jag off to it. I gotta keep a rag around 'cuz I'm always stainin' the carpet."

He turns the tape on and something looks familiar to the boy-cop. It's footage of a squad car in pursuit. Then the two cars pull over and two cops get out of the car. Boy Cop recognizes that it's himself and his late partner about to be ambushed by their suspect. It's video of their LAST RIDE together!!!

"You - you GHOUL! Where did you get this footage?"

"I heard some ruckus and got my video camera out and filmed the whole thing. I also did some cleaning up so now you can hear every shot, every scream. Good stuff, ain't it?"

"I get it! You're trying to drive me crazy! Well, it's NOT gonna work!"

"Oh, I wouldn't talk too soon. You've been a little down in the mouth since the whole thing happened. I think you feel guilty."

"What're you talkin' about?"

"I think it really gets to you that you caused your friend to die. It's all your fault. If you were a better shot, and got that guy first, your partner would still be alive, and you wouldn't be snooping around here like you are, but no, you had to be a bad little baby-cop and get your partner killed."

The Boy-Cop starts to struggle mightily against his bonds and he struggles to stifle a scream. He turns his head away, but Herman gives him another back-handed slap across the face and grabs him by the short hairs in the back of his head and holds his head in place.

"Did I say you could turn away, you little asshole - I said WATCH IT!"

The Boy Cop really starts screaming at this point. This is torture at its most sadistic. But Herman's not finished yet.

"So what was the plan, eh? I know you weren't just some bad aim. I think it was a set-up. I think you planned to get your partner killed so you could muscle in on his old lady and make off with some of that life insurance. What was it, about 2, 3 hundred thou?"

"YOU - DEMON! You low-life SCUMBAG. You just wait! I'll get outta this and you're gonna PAY!"

"No. You're not getting outta here the way you hope. There's only 3 ways and you're not gonna like any of them, but I'll love all of 'em. You're either gonna starve to death, go insane and get tossed in the loony bin, or, I could just put a bullet between your beautiful baby-blue eyes. I really haven't decided yet. By the way, I made a loop of this tape and it'll go on for at least two hours. Will you last that long? Hopefully not!"

He leaves and the Boy Cop, as beside himself as he is, continues to struggle, doesn't see the ropes giving way any time soon and lets out a blood curdling scream which gives way to sobs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Meanwhile, Eddie, the third dynamic do-gooder, wakes up to find himself with his hands tied in the front with the rest of his body bed-bound by criss-cross wires pinned to the bed-frame. His head is the only part of his body he can move freely. "Holy Gulliver's Travels"

"I like that. It proves there's a mind underneath that fine fee-zeek of yours."

It's Herman, now joined by his maw.

"What's all this about?"

"You just never mind all that - we filled your crimefighting cronies in on all of that, and they'll tell you all about it when you all meet at that great cop-shop in the sky."

Eddie's a little confused. Of course he knows Mike as one crony. "You said crimefighting cronies, a plural. Is there someone else?"

"Yeah, some stupid little cop that felt like snooping around the place. Knucklehead shoulda stuck with directin' traffic - but that's neither here nor there. We're gonna kill all of youse - the other two are pretty much on the way out, so you got some catchin' up to do."

Eddie gets disgusted and starts gritting his teeth and catching his breath as he struggles against his bonds. "Oh, you think you're cleaver, don't ya! Using a bed-n-breakfast as a front to capture and kill your tourists, just so you can turn their remains into meatloaf! I've never heard of anything so diabolically DESPICABLE! You'll be brought to justice at some point - kill us all if you wish, but SOMEONE's gonna bring you down. YOU JUST WAIT!"

"Someone, huh? And just who did you have in mind?"

"Someone who's as dedicated to law enforcement as we are. There's plenty of us all out there. The good guys outnumber the bad guys at LEAST 10 to 1."

"Guess what, you little Shit-bag Sherlock. Your time has come. Your flesh isn't ripe enough to sell off, but I think I know who could stand a little nibble. Herman, hand mother the jar."

Herman reaches for a jar and hands it to his mother. She opens up the lid and starts sprinkling the contents. Eddie tries to move away, but he's hopelessly bound and can't move an inch. To his horror, he looks around and sees ants crawling all over him. He lets out a scream as they begin to bite.

"Holy Nick-In-The-Box! FIRE ANTS!"

Herman sneers, "Exactly. I guess me and you are CSI fans. Too bad you're on the wrong side of the law and wanna lock us up. We coulda been buddies. Now, Nick got outta this, but it doesn't look like you will. There's no Gil Grissom gonna find out where you are. You're on your own."

"Oh, Herman, dear, now that we've secured these little snoopers, what do you say we relax in the parlor with a bit of sherry."

"That's a good idea, maw - I could use a nip or two."

As Eddie screams and cries in agony, the two leave him to his fate - arm-in-arm - off to the parlor.

I'm afraid we have to leave you here with these images - Boy Cop screaming out for his partner as he watches him die repeatedly, Mike and Eddie both screaming out for each other while the bad guys relax with a nice nip of sherry in the parlor. Is there no justice?!?

Yes, there is, but we're not there yet - just read onto the next chapter and you'll see it all unfold. As Eddie would scream, YOU JUST WAIT!

CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX - Dead and Breakfast

MIKE - It was a gorgeous spring Saturday morning and me-n-Eddie were out for a run, which really limbered us up for a good-old-fashioned roll in the hay - hearts pumpin', the slight scent of male sweat from us both, our sweat-stained bodies merged into one - Eddie's soft, supple lips - I could not believe I was blessed with this boy's body belongin' to me - the quiverin' climax as our bodies shook somewhat as we both came at the same time - God, I loved that cool sensation of those drops of cum falling on me, rolling down. Our moans gave way to long, deep breaths as we smiled as we went limp - Eddie's head on my chest - my hands running through his hair - a nice cool shower was just the thing for us, then it was off for the rest of the day - no plans of which we were aware, just basking in our love for each other.

EDDIE - Bur that, of course, was before the doorbell rang. We sighed and looked at each other as if to say, do we really have to - but we did. Love for each other and our love for the Job go hand in hand. One of the first things we had in common was our life-long dedication to law enforcement. A cop marries a civilian, or at least gets involved with one, and it can get complicated. Couples go by the way side with "I don't see you anymore" - a cop gets caught in the crossfire - does he save his partner or protect himself - then he goes home and there's another crossfire - does he save his marriage or does he do what he's born to do. You may as well not even exist if you're not doin' what God put you here to do. That's what's so great about us - we don't get a lotta free time to ourselves, but I get so turned on watching Mike in action and I'm right by his side the whole time. Forget People magazine - Mike is the sexiest man alive every month - every year.

Anyway, we open up to find this distraught dame at our doorstep.

"Can you please help me?"

"That's what we're here for, ma'am - what's the trouble?"

"My husband is missing - it's now been 48 hours, so he's officially missing."

"Yes, ma'am"

"Your last interaction with him - was it in person...on the phone...?"

"The phone - you see, my husband travels quite a bit for his career - he partakes in seminars on the prevention of terrorist financing and other financial crimes."

Me-n-Mike exchange glances - "ah, a good guy".

"The last time I heard from him, he was on the road and he was driving into a small town and said he was found a place to stay for the night - some little bed-n-breakfast, he calls it - isn't that quaint?"

"Yes, ma'am - quaint"

"I've been having trouble reaching him - you can imagine all sorts of thoughts running through my head, such as has he been harmed in some way - or is he having an affair..."

MIKE - Her demeanor then did an about-face to anger as she snarled, "I will absolutely murder him if he's sleeping around, I mean...."

EDDIE - I put my hand up to stop her from going on, "Ma'am, never talk about killing in front of two law enforcement officers."

"Well, that is just an expression."

MIKE - "And it's also not good of you to go in that direction. He could really be in trouble, and you're entertainin' thoughts of him takin' a cheap roll in the hay - you'd never forgive yourself for what you thought, so put that outta your mind. You're upset enough just by not knowin' where he is, but that's where we come into the picture. Now, we're gonna help you find this guy, or at least find out what's goin' on with him."

"You last talked to him on the phone - I assume he called you."

"Yes"

"First off, we're gonna check your phone records, find out where this call came from, and we take it from there."

"In the meantime, all you can do is go about your business like you normally would. We'll keep you posted with whatever we find."

MIKE - According to this guy's phone records, the last place he called his wife from was located in this little hick town, about 20 to 25 miles from the city, but that was 3 days ago - no tellin' whether he'd stuck around or what - his wife gave us a photo and we decided to chat up some of the locals, maybe they'd remember him. We arrived in this little burg, population 6, I guess (heh-heh) and no sooner than that, we saw a squad car behind us. The blue lights started flashin', so we pulled over to get out of his way - the guy probably had an emergency - but ya know what! WE were the emergency.

"What the heck, Boss-Man?"

"Ya know how cliqueish these small towns are - they see a strange car comin' in and think we're illegal aliens, or some crap."

"Now, now, now - Hilary Clinton says we can't call 'em that anymore."

"No foolin'?"

"Yep - we gotta call 'em Undocumented Workers from now on."

I laughed and rubbed Eddie's hair, "aw, get outta town."

"I think that's what this guy wants us to do."

And the cop gets out of the squad car. A rather imposing figure, I gotta say. He steps out, spreads his legs apart as he adjusts his cap with both hands, one for the beak, the other for the back, and he walks, no, swaggers his way over to us HIgh-Noon style, his thick hairy arms swingin' back and forth, his tight, painted-on uniform pants followin' his every move. He stops at my window, and his beautiful boyish clean-shaven mug has a big smile across it. He seems like the friendly type, I was hopin'.

"How you guys doin' today?"

"Oh, okay, I guess - and you?"

"Just fine, thanks. Say, would ya both mind steppin' outta the car for me?"

"Yeah, sure"

Eddie pipes in, "what's the problem, officer? Were we speedin' or somethin'?"

The cop sways back and forth a little, balancin' himself on his legs, proppin' himself up on his toes a bit, head tilted slightly, facial expression suggestin' he'd been around the block a few times. Sexy, yes, but a little odd when you consider he had the face of a 12 year-old. No, not that young, but boyish, just the same. Maybe he knew we were from outta town and was tryin' to impress us. He kinda was. Oh, yeah, he had the rough-n-ready cop choreography down to a science, he did.

"Holy halogens - gosh, I'm sure sorry, Mike, I meant to replace that one."

"Don't sweat it, kid - these things happen."

"I pulled you guys over 'cuz a busted light could mean anything - maybe somethin' you're smugglin' leaned on the wiring and shorted it. Can I take a look in your trunk?"

"Yeah - sure thing"

I pop the trunk open for him, but there's nothin' in it. Little Boy Blue sure came to blow it - and I don't mean his horn.

"Oh, yeah, uh, license and registration, please."

Me and Eddie look at each other like, is this his first day or something, but we didn't bat an eyelash. Poor kid's strugglin' here, but maybe he'll be a good cop one of these days - if only for his own sake.

I give the guy what he wanted and his cocky veneer gave way to outright hero worship - his baby-blues opened as wide as they could, he looked at us like we were in Lourdes.

"Holy Mickey Spillane - the Dashin' Duo! I can't believe I'm actually meeting you guys - that's what they used to call US around here." Then he tips his cap to us and puts his hands behind his back in a deferential stance.

"So...what brings you gentlemen out in these parts?"

"Dame comes up to us, sayin' her husband's gone missing - so we checked her phone records, seein' where it was he called her from last - and that led us here."

Eddie picks up the ball - "Right - it only lists the address so we're not quite sure where this last call came from. I'm sure you'd know what this place is."

The cop looks at the address listed and a look of concern mixed with a dash of dread comes over his face.

"Y-you guys don't wanna know."

"What're ya talkin' about?"

"It's an old bed and breakfast run by some old dame and what might be her son."

"Bed and breakfast? That sounds harmless enough."

"But it isn't - at least according to what I've been seein'."

"Such as..."

His eyes dart back and forth and he motions for us to lean forward, as he leans over to us as if to whisper - our shoulders rubbin' up against each other, like a football huddle.

"I go up and down this street a lot, see a lotta travelers go in, but I never see 'em leave. Just Hoss Cartwright and his old lady."

"Hoss Cartwright?"

"Yeah, that's what the kid reminds me of - yeah, that's the clearest way I have of describing people - so, anyway, I never see these guys check out, just those two chucking a bunch of bags in the dumpsters."

"Well, did you ever think of acting on your suspicions and checking out those things?"

"Yeah, a bunch of times, but the Chief always waves me off, sayin' I got too much imagination and he goes 'who do you think you are, Eddie Robinson?' "

Eddie chuckles at this remark. "Gee, looks like I am somebody now."

"So the police never saw fit to see what's goin' on over there?"

"'Fraid not - they always pay their taxes, keep the place neat, never any violations. No one has a leg to stand on."

"Yeah, well now you do - four of 'em, not to mention the ones of the missing guy here. Do me a favor - let your boss know we're in town, checking things out here. Maybe this too-much-imagination is really intuition."

"Gee, that's sure nice of you to say."

"Not a problem - I can recognize a really good egg when I see one, and when you're ready to hatch, you'll know it. In the meantime, though, I appreciate the info on this place. The two of us'll check it out."

"Any way of me finding out what went on?"

"Don't you worry - whenever we're around, even an ostrich has no trouble keeping up to speed."

Eddie remembered the cop's remark about "US", then looks around and sees there's only the one cop.

"You mentioned an "US" - Where's the other one - I don't see a partner."

From cocksure, to gee whillikers to mournful - his face was acrobatic. His lip suddenly tightening, his eyes downcast, then puppy-sad as he looked back up at us - it was then I spotted a small black band blazoned on his badge.

"When did it happen?"

Fightin' back the tears, his adam's apple went up and down faster than the Dow Jones.

"Couple of weeks ago - we pulled a speeder over, he opened fire, hitting us both. I popped him right in the head. Me and my partner lyin' on the ground after we finished him off, waitin' for help, the bullets had us in agony - pep-talkin' each other to stay strong, be tough, we're gonna make it through - maybe go for a beer after they stitch us up. But he closed his eyes and that was it. I've been askin' myself ever since why it was me that made it and he didn't. He had a wife and kids - I thought I got popped enough so he'd live, too. I was a bad cop. Why couldn't I save his life? I musta done somethin' wrong."

"Now listen to me - you're a good cop. You avenged your partner's life and you stopped this thug before he could go on and do this to someone else. You're a true hero, my friend."

"It just isn't right - he should be here with me now and he isn't."

Eddie added, "He is. He's in your heart, he's in your thoughts. Always remember him, always talk about him. Every action you take in that uniform, behind that badge, should be dedicated to his memory. He'll always be with you and you'll always do good."

"You helped the real Dashin' Duo with their investigation. Think about that, too, before you even think of callin' yourself a bad cop again."

He put his hand out and me and Eddie shook it. "Thank you - thank you both. What you both said means a lot to me. The guys on the force always joked that we were the Dashin' Duo of these parts and now I'm standin' face to face with you - the guys're not gonna believe this. Well, you guys have a missing person to track down, so I'm gonna let you get back to that and I'm gonna get back on the beat"

He tips his hat to us and turns to trot back to his squad car and jumps in and drives off.

We arrive at this bed-n-breakfast - I stand in the doorway with my arms folded, and the old lady, described by the boy cop, greets us at the door, "good afternoon, how can I help you gentlemen today? Would you like to see a room?"

I respond, "no, thank you, ma'am, we're private investigators, here about a particular guest - guy said to have checked in about 3 days ago."

I sense a bit of fidgety-ness from this one, "3 days ago? How do you know he was here?"

Eddie pipes in, clutching his fist, then points to her, "The last phone call he placed to his wife was three days ago, and his phone records list this as the address from which that phone call was placed."

I take out the photo his wife provided, "I would think this gentleman looks familiar to you."

It was then the hair was raised on the back of my neck. Her lip began to quiver and her eyes darted back and forth as she tried to keep her composure. I was unsettled by this and I nudged Eddie who looked at me and nodded slightly. He, too, was feeling a little unsteady by this and we looked at each other and back at her.

"No, I - I don't believe I've seen this person before. This - this is a very small town and we know everyone here and, um, so of course I'd recognize this person if I saw him."

Her suspicious gestures, with this address listing, not to mention the ill ease and suspicion of the boy cop, told us this must be the place and that there's something here for us to clean up - we just had no idea what.

Eddie, again with fist in hand, "we would consider it a courtesy if we could have a look around."

The lady continued to contend for composure, "of course - I'd be happy to show you around."

Me-n-Eddie searched every room of the joint - every room to which she allowed access, that is - there was a parlor, a kitchen, etc., and the rooms themselves were immaculately kept up. There was, however, one room from which the old bag kept swaying us, further feeding our fishy feelings and suspicions that something seemed strange.

"Now, if you gentlemen wouldn't mind, I do have a business to run."

A business to run? From the looks of things, it didn't appear there was much business goin' on. What's there to run, we asked ourselves. The old lady showed us the door. I gave her my card and said if there was anything she could remember, to please call us. She responded that she'd be more than willing to help, if she could.

But she's not gonna be of any help, we finally concluded. This is a time we gotta help ourselves. We got in the car and drove away. Of course we were faking. We'd never just pick up and leave when everything seems in apple-pie order, 'cuz you know that's the time it's not.

As we slowly drove away, Eddie noticed something out of the corner of his baby-blue eyes, "Holy Lexus! Look what they've got in the back."

Sure enough, it was a Lexus. We got a look at the license plate for which I ran the number. Sure enough again, it belonged to our guy.

Eddie wrung his hands and swallowed hard, "holy spinal shivers."

"My thoughts exactly. The boy cop was as right as a Republican. These folks did something to him - and me and you are gonna find out and put a stop to this."

"RIGHT YOU ARE!"

We creep back and have a look around the outer perimeter of this joint, peeking in all the windows. There was one which was covered with dust, or something. Eddie's eyes opened wide in horror as he heard a noise.

"Hold up, Boss-Man - listen."

We made no move, we made no sound, so I could hear what Eddie might've heard. It sounded like moaning - coming from the dusty window. We somehow managed to pry it open and to our horror, we saw the missing man tied up and hanging from a ceiling, struggling to loosen his bonds - we also noticed what looked like some kind of grinder - there was a conveyor belt and a blade at the end. He looked at us and got even more scared. We waved our hands and said "no - no - no - we're here to help you." We took out our badges. We untied him.

"Oh, God, I don't know how I can thank you."

"Just having you alive and outta this jam, but, tell us - what's all this goings-on here?"

"It's been a nightmare. I checked into this place about 3 days ago - right after I spoke with my wife - who must be in hysterics right now."

"Yes, sir - she hired us to find you."

"Anyway, I guess I was being a little too high-maintenance - next thing I knew I was hit in the head with something and when I got my sea-legs back, so to speak, I was hanging here being tenderized."

"Tenderized?"

"Being savagely beaten so I'd weaken - so I'd be easier to kill - so they could throw me on that contraption and grind me into meatloaf."

"Into WHAT?"

"Meatloaf - ground beef - they were going to murder me and grind my remains into meat and use it for food."

"HOLY SWEENEY TODD!"

"Yes, something like that - nice show - too bad I'll never hear that score in the same way again. The memories of this would be too hard."

"Yes, sir - memories."

"Anyway, we got this skinny of this, but you gotta get the heck outta here and fast - we saw your car outside hidden in a weeping willow tree. You got your keys still?"

He looked inside his pockets and found them. "Yes- right here."

"Get the heck outta dodge and go back to your wife. We'll phone her and notify her, and we'll meet her back in town as soon as we clean up this mess around here."

The man climbed out the window and made a mad dash for his car and sped off. Me-n-Eddie were plotting our next move.

"Looks like our work here's just begun, huh, Boss-Man!"

"Sure as shootin' - but let's get outta here for the time bein' and..."

"HOLD IT - Do not make a move!"

We were caught - thank our lucky stars our missing man was good and safe - now it's just time to get ourselves undone.

"Now turn around slowly, hands up."

We did as we were ordered. We were facing our captor, holdin' two weapons on us. He musta been what the boy cop called "Hoss Cartwright" - an old bag was standin' next to him.

"Holy Harold and Maude."

Callin' her "maude" wasn't too far off - that smoky manly voice comin' outta some old dame - a little creepy.

"You there, the older one - we saw you dispense of our guest - we have you for breaking and entering now. I thought I made it clear to you earlier. Herman, tie him up and hang him on the rack - he sent the other man packing so he can take his place."

"Right, ma."

As I was being tied and hung up, I spouted, "so, I guess you're gonna make mince-meat outta me, huh?"

"That would be the plan, yes."

Eddie chimed in - "I know I'm not gettin' off scot-free - whatcha gonna do with me?"

"First - this."

"AAAAH!"

Eddie was blasted with taser darts, falling to the floor, shaking uncontrollably, totally immobilized. He eventually passed out. I screamed his name out. He didn't hear me.

"When you get done hanging Sam Spade, you can take Jimmy Olsen over to Room 12. His flesh isn't ripe enough to be sold in these parts, but I have other plans for it. Now, off with him."

"Right, ma."

Eddie was slung over the slug's shoulder and taken away. My hands were bound in front, then I was hoisted on my own pitard so to speak. I saved a guy from a grisly fate, only to have to face it myself. Holy tag-team.

Meanwhile, back at the cop shop, the rest of the boy cop's shift just could not go quickly enough. All he had on his mind was meeting Mike and Eddie and this missing man. As he told the Dashing Duo, he'd always been stricken curious about the goings-on of the establishment. Red lights, stop signs, seat-belts, parking violations, none of this mattered to him. He was all about that seemingly innocent, yet somehow creepy little b-n-b. A mother and son-run business couldn't be more wholesome, but yet, it couldn't be more opaque. His wheels spinning, the now-off-duty officer came to the conclusion that if something is really innocent-looking on the front, yet the goings-on just would not leave his mind alone, it was never more transparent in its opaquity.

The boy cop is now off duty and he changes into his street clothes of the day - a grey tee-shirt which slightly stretches across his broad muscular shoulders, the sleeves only covering half of his upper arms, and shorts which only cover half of his muscular thighs, when he decides to snoop around the bed-n-breakfast himself. He creeps along the outside of the establishment and peeks in some windows and sees Mike hanging on the wall. Mike notices him there and has a flash of relief "thank God, I'm gettin' outta this..." The boy cop's mouth and eyes open wide in horror then his expression changes to angst as he mutters "holy...."

Then Mike's brief sense of relief subsides and turns back into depair as he hears:

THUMP

OW!

SPLAT!

He falls to the ground, face-first, grabbing the back of his head and moaning, and being hoisted by Herman/Hoss and heisted away.

HOLY TRIPLE THREAT - WHAT IS THIS?!?!? Three boys of the badge in doom-laden peril. Mike is about to be tenderized and ground into beef - that much we know - but if your appetite is whetted for the fates of the Baby-Blue Boy Cop and the Boy Friday, you'll read of the horrifying happenings and egregious events in the next chapter.

CHAPTER NINETY-ONE - The Greedy Goulish Girl

MIKE - Me-n-Eddie found ourselves in yet another snag. Pearl had us tied to pillars inside the duck-shooting gallery - the old game of chance and skill where the player tries to hit a plastic duck with a pellet. Here was the thing, though - there was only a thin sheet of plywood separating us from the ducks and every time a duck was rolled past either of us, we were hit with the pellets. These, of course, were non-penetrating, but they packed a much harder whallop than they normally would.

Eddie was hit a few times and in between catching his breath and sustaining and recovering from another hit. "Holy target practice! These pellets are pounding my person. We gotta get outta this before the real bullets are fired."

I got popped a couple of times and grimaced and moaned before I could catch my breath to say,"these are the hardest bonds I've ever struggled against - MMMPH! - I can't really tell what they've tied us with. They're wrapped around the cuffs of my shirt-sleeves".

"They're ropes, all right", said Eddie, who should know. His wrists were bare, "I can feel the fibers, but these must be industrial strength ropes".

Then it happened - the unthinkable - each of us were hit next by one of the planted bullets - Eddie cried out "holy hollow tip!" and we slumped down, still tied to the pillars. Then we heard something from the other side of the plywood barrier.

"Wow, did you hear all that screaming? What great sound effects!"

"No, it was no sound effect. I think there's somebody back there."

There was a kind of scuffle, then the plywood was knocked down by a man who was shocked to discover us writhing and moaning while pinned to these posts.

"Holy Toledo! It's the Dashing Detectives!"

There was a gasp of horror - "oh my GOD!" - "Untie them!" "How did they ever get into this?" "Oh, please don't let them die!"

The man who discovered us first untied Eddie who grimaced and clutched his stomach and fell over the minute he was released. I did, too. A couple of members of the crowd even ran up to us - "oh, you poor guys...are you gonna be okay?" - I could hear the faint sobs in their voices. The man also checked our wounds and he and the crowd discovered, to their relief, and ours, that our Kevlar tee-shirts had stopped the bullets from penetrating, but they still may have bruised our internal organs on impact.

Eddie was moaning and his face was contorted in agony as he fought for breath.
"Why did she DO this to us?"

Eddie had a point - sharper than that of a hollow tip bullet - this had, after all, started off as a case of grand larceny. That she would want to make this brutal attempt on our lives over pilfered pearls only could suggest that she was one of the most deadly enemies we've ever faced, the greedy goulish girl. The bullets were pretty well smashed when they slammed into our body armor, but they looked pretty huge - not your typical .22 slug. Pearl had meant for these to rip right through us.

EDDIE - I felt the pellets hitting me, and they were sore enough, but I sure knew when I was getting hit by a bullet and I was amazed when I saw how big it was. Me-n-Mike were treated right away. The docs checked us for bruising, internal bleeding and all, and found nothing wrong. We were good to go, but this was a huge obstacle. We were back at our place in no time and I shared my frustration:

"Gosh, this ticks me off - Pearl could be anywhere by now, and we almost had her by this much! She could be making her next move right now and we have NO CLUE."

"I disagree - she is making her next move and we have every clue."

"How can you tell?"

"We got it all on tape, when I was playing 'newsman' - I was wearing a wire - listen."

"I must say your collection is exquisite."

"Yes, thank you - and there'll be more additions to it quite soon. There's a bauble show this weekend and I'm certainly going to make my presence known there."

"Ah - really!"

"Oh, yes, only the finest and rarest baubles you can imagine. Oh, Mr. Grant, I just get goosepimples dreaming about being showered with all those diamonds. I'm going to strike, uh, I mean, I'm going to attend this Saturday evening."

I shut the recorder off and Eddie is wringing his fist. "Strike, huh?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. You see, Eddie, having known about that, and wearing protection, I didn't really sweat it out at all. Sure it was a roadblock, but it's easily overcome. I just thank God you were wearing yours too, boy."

"Well, most jewel heists are armed, and I didn't wanna take any chances."

"Come here, kid, I wanna put my arm around you. Ya know, I get mixed feelings when I see you like this. Part of it makes me proud because you get bothered by roadblocks like these. The thought of Pearl trying to kill us and seemingly getting away with it must have really busted you up inside, but another part of me just hates to see ya like that - just hates to see ya lose heart when things don't go well for us. Do ya sometimes lose faith, Eddie? Do ya feel like giving up sometimes?"

"Wait a minute - where are you getting all of this?"

"Just say yes and get it overwith - just admit it."

"How can you even think anything like that about me? I can't believe..."

"Because I have the same thoughts myself. Sure, in this case, I thank God we got the evidence and it was just pure luck that Pearl gave me this clue, whether she knew it or not at the time. But, yeah, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it - the beatings, the assaults, the roadblocks. If the two of us just chucked it all and became garbagemen that'd be okay with me because we'd still be together, but we wouldn't be who we really are. So I hang in there, I tell myself inside to shut up and keep going. I do get those thoughts, I never wanted to admit it to you because I'm afraid you'd wonder if I was really the man you fell in love with - and I know you're thinking the same thing - do I think differently of you when you lose hope. And the answer is no. Eddie, my love, my partner, my sidekick, of course, those thoughts come up because we're both human, so it's all right - but ya just gotta tell yourself to shut up inside - enforce your faith in all that's good, then you'll make it so. We're supposed to make stuff right in this life and know we're always gonna come out on top. Always. Are ya with me?"

EDDIE - I sure was, am and always will be. The look he had on his face as he said all this to me was priceless. We stood face to face - I looked on him adoringly, the porkpie hat, the shirt with the top button undone, the tie hanging loosely around his neck, his vest unbuttoned. He laid his hands on my arms and I held his bi-ceps in my hands. Our bodies touched, I loved the feel of his cotton shirt. I loved the earnest look of compassion and reassurance on his face. I loved the gruff gravelly voice say the most soothing yet beautiful yet vulnerable words. It was a moment when I really knew we were one. We were captured, roped, tied and wounded together. No greater bond between two men is cemented faster than by shared suffering and shared victory. We were rescued from what could've been a mallardy grave, and we still shared suffering - the snag we were hit with when Pearl escaped as bullets slammed up against our bodies, but we would rise up from this. Pearl and her gang would be brought to justice, but you'll just have to keep reading to find out how that unfolded.

"I sure am with ya. Now, let's beat it to the bauble bash, Boss-Man!"

"BINGO!"

- - - - - - - -

MIKE - We get to the bauble show - not that it was really called that, it was something like Jewel Expo, or something. Be that as it may, me-n-Eddie made our way to the upper level of the auditorium, catchin' a birds-eye view of the whole layout - we had binoculars, the whole shebang. Eddie was alarmed at the sight of Pearl with her two lugnuts.

"Look, Boss-Man! Hannah and Her Bruisers at ten-o-clock! Oooh, they sure got guts!"

"Not exactly, Kiddo - they think they got cart-blanche. They think we're dead."

"They're gonna wish they were when we get through with 'em. Got the cops comin'?"

"As always, my boy."

Pearl makes her way up to a vendor and reaches toward the back of her head - then a blinding blast of light subdues the vendor and those around the booth.

"HOLY LOU CHRISTIE!"

And we jump down into the middle of the melee - one of the thugs shouts out, "nobody move! This is a hold-up!" - and I shout "and this is the END of the hold-up!"

We each take on a thug and proceed to cut and jab- I get a few good punches in. Eddie, however, really went to town on his, even making the poor bastard scream and Eddie even drew a little blood. We subdue them in a matter of minutes and slap on the cuffs - we always wrap our packages nice and pretty and ready for pick-up. Just then, Pearl strikes - a 6-shooter in each hand aimed right at us.

"HANDS UP!"

CRAP IT ALL

"Uncuff my men or I'll blast your faces off!"

"Holy Mexican Stand-off!"

Of course this was pretty jarring - my heart was poundin' almost right outta my chest - about to pop through my pecs. We've been through this kind of thing before. Still reachin' for the sky, I took a few breaths and I started talkin' to this bim.

"Hey, listen, lady, come on - are ya sure ya wanna go through with this?"

"Hey, listen, copper, come on - with these babies I bring to their knees screaming and dying hundreds of flatfeet - or is it flatfoots?"

"Okay, so ya shoot us and we fall down dead - big deal - what's it gonna get ya, toots? Life in prison with no hope of parole, and that's if the jury's in a good mood."

"You were in enough hot water just bein' a jewel thief. That only gets ya a few years - but then you blinded two innocent sales guys and ya maced the two of us. That stuff's illegal in this town. Right there, that's four counts of assault with a deadly weapon."

"Not to mention two counts of attempted murder of law enforcement officers, while using innocent law-abiding citizens as pawns in your putrid plot. Just ducky."

"And look what you've done here today - creating a mass disturbance. You won't be so amazing where you're going, sister. The chicks in the pen'll take one look at you and eat you for breakfast."

"But I will kill you and I'll never go anywhere."

"Oh, gimme a break. If ya wanted to start poppin' us, ya woulda done it already."

She FIRES! I flinch, but I'm not goin' down - I'm not in pain, I'm not bleeding. I'm not hit!

"Eddie! You okay?"

Eddie was now laughing and he folded his arms as he walked slowly toward our nemesis, then holding out his hands. "Ya wanna hand 'em over?"

"Good GOD, Eddie! What're ya thinking? She's a cold-blooded murderess!"

Eddie takes the guns out of her hands and empties the chambers outta one of them.

"With blanks?"

He hands me the other gun, "go on, help yourself. No reason I should have all the fun."

Pearl was beside herself with shock!

"My God, how did that happen?"

"Yeah, that's what I'd like to know."

Eddie stuck his gun in his tool belt and took a couple of steps back, spreading his legs, clutching his fist.

"Very simple, Boss-Man! When I was playin' Jimmy Olsen the other day, I spotted these little babies of hers outta the corner of my eye. At first I thought I'd just empty the bullets, but I thought this one would really end up with egg on her face if she fired the shots and nothing happened. So I stuck a few blanks in there. I was afraid she'd resort to that if she blitzkrieged another bauble boutique. Nothin' says cold-blooded evil better than a beautiful woman with a gun in her hands. But now we get the last laugh."

"JEE-zus MUR-phy, Kiddo - that's fantastic!"

"Very clever. I say, Detective, you should be proud of your young man. Nice job."

"Yeah, it was, wasn't it. So - ya wanna just cut the crap and come with us?"

She shrugs and says, "sure - why not. I know when I've been licked. Could we all walk out arm in arm?"

"Huh?"

I smirk and say, "it's okay, Kiddo. Let's cuff her first, though."

Eddie slaps the cuffs on her and she opens her arms a little, givin' us both a little room to slide our arms in.

"Now, this is more like it. Though I now go to - how you say - the hoosegow - not exactly a walk in the park - it's good for a lady to be escorted by two such gorgeous gentlemen such as yourselves."

No argument there, sister - no argument there.