CHAPTER SEVENTY The Deviant Diabolical Deacon

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, MIKE WAS AT MISSION CONTROL, MONITORING THE EVIDENCE EDDIE WAS SENDING VIA HIS DIGITAL CAMERA, SNAPPING PHOTOS OF WHO THEY NOW KNOW TO BE THE SEXUAL PREDATOR, THE DEACON HIMSELF. EDDIE WAS CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF CATCHING THE DEACON IN THE ACT AND WAS KIDNAPPED AND CHLOROFORMED. MIKE SPRANG INTO ACTION AND HE IS NOW ON THE WAY TO THE CHURCH TO RESCUE EDDIE AND WHICHEVER CHILDREN ARE FALLING PREY TO THE DIABOLICAL DEACON.

MIKE - I arrived at the church just as the last congregate was leaving. Noon is the last Mass here, so I imagined all the doors were about to be locked. And I was right, too. I started prowling the place, looking for an open window - anything, that was gonna help me rescue Eddie and this kid and deactivate this deviant, diabolical Deacon.

EDDIE - I woke up feeling woosy - it took a few minutes or so to get my bearings and I looked around - - and THEN...I found myself tied to a crucifix, wearing nothing but a loin cloth. "Holy de ja vu, not this again." I remembered very well my ordeal with Mike's ex-boss who had me chained in this position. But these were just ropes, and I figured I could break myself outta these. I had to, that kid was in deep, dark danger - so was I, but I didn't care about that. Scotty had to be saved, and I was just the boy to do it, too. As I started to struggle with my bonds, the Deacon walks in, with a goon at each side of him.

"Well, now, my fine detective - got yourself in a spot of trouble, I see."

"You should know - you put me in it."

"Uh-uh-uh...I'm afraid you have it all wrong - it was you who put yourself in this trap. Snooping around as you were, trying to find out who was really the predator of these fine prepubescent cherubs. Yes, it was me, and now you know, which is exactly why you're in this position."

"So, you're gonna torture me, eventually rubbin' me out so the truth can't get out, well guess what! Those images I snapped are being sent straight to the authorities, and they'll soon be on you like white on rice."

"Is that so? Charming, I'm sure. You consider yourself quite the saviour, do you not?"

"You bet I do - it's what I was put on this earth to do, to serve and protect the good citizens of this town and to vilify vicious vermin like you, to bring you to justice where you belong."

"Dear me, quite the Christ complex we have."

"It's no complex, it's the truth - Jesus lives in all of us, even you, if you'd only embrace that and use your position for the good of others instead of your own perverted needs."


"Ah, so you think He lives in all of us - you, too, eh? Which, again, is exactly why you're in this boat. I know you can't see it from your vantage point, but there's a sign above your head, which reads, and I quote, "King of the Snoops". It doesn't have quite the ring of "King of the Jews", but it'll do. And since you're so, pardon the expression, HELL BENT, on thinking you're Jesus, well, there's only one way to authenticate your claim."

"Which is why you have me tied to this cross."

"Not just tied."

At that point, my heart began to race, sweat started pourin' down my head. Does this malicious maniac have in store for me what I think he does? All right, Robinson, get ahold of yourself. Holy occupational hazards, but whatever it takes, whatever the dear Lord has in store for me, I'll accept.

One of the Deacon's goons was sent to another room and came back with some sort of apparatus. He handed to the Deacon and he brandished it in front of me. It looked like some sort of weapon, but I wasn't sure.

"I bet you thought I was going to nail you to that thing. Well, not really, after all, we still need these things for more official use."

He pressed a button and I was hit right in the palm of my hand with a sharp object. Was it a dart? Was it a nail after all? I let out this scream and was writhing, struggling to free my other unwounded hand when that was hit, too. He shot my ankles with this deadly device, too.

"You fiendish FRIAR, what have you done to me?" It hurt so badly I couldn't catch my breath and my voice began to crack.

"Just some thumb tacks, my boy - industrial sized. This gun wasn't of a high enough caliber to shoot straight through your hands and feet, but as long as you're in pain, that's enough for me."

"You satanic sadist, take these things outta me!"

"In three hours, my boy. You should probably expire by then. Oh, by the way, if you look over here, you will notice my congregants putting up another crucifix. That would be for your beloved mentor, Detective Batz! He should be over here soon, if that last photo we sent was any indication. I am sure he's on the way over here right now. So...off we go and lie in wait. After all, a watched gumshoe never surfaces."

MIKE - As I crept around the church, I could hear voices. My God, it's where they got Eddie - it must be. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a door slightly ajar, so of course I went for it, but slowly and carefully. I took my piece out and kicked the door open, yelling FREEZE and that's when I saw Eddie. I went straight for him and considered the tacks in his hands and feet.

"Holy Mary Magdeline, Mike, am I ever glad to see you! Get these outta me, they're killing me. It's the Deacon all right, he shot me with tacks and said I was gonna die in three hours."

"Oh, no, not you, Kiddo, THEM! Brace yourself, this is gonna sting."

EDDIE - and they did, oh, boy, and how, but it didn't matter, it would pass. Mike yanked the tacks outta me and I was bleeding a bit, but that would heal. After all, it was time to leap into action. I'd see to my wounds later on. Mike untied me and asked if I was all right. I said I was now that he was here. I was facing the doorway and Mike was facing me and didn't see what was behind him. It was the goons ready to chloroform him, too.

"BEHIND YOU, BOSS-MAN - WATCH OUT!"

MIKE - I turned around and saw the goons about to attack me and I got them both with a punch. Eddie jumped into the fray and we pulverized each of them, grabbing them and sticking the rag to them. Eddie growled, "now let's see how YOU maggots like it!" and they were unconscious. We cuffed their hands and feet just in case they'd wake up and prevent us from pulverizing the preacher, which we set out to do. We locked these guys up and took off looking for the kingpin. We found him, we had him cornered and shouted for him to surrender, but he had a piece of his own and opened fire on us. We ducked, none of us was hit, lucky for Eddie, 'cuz he was wearing nothing but a loin cloth at the time, and I knew that wasn't bulletproof. The Deacon ran out of ammo and started to run and we gave chase, Eddie running a little bit ahead and leaping for his feet, throwing him down on the ground and holding him while I swooped in and put the cuffs on and read him his rights.

"You are now under arrest on numerous counts of sexual assault against minors, and two counts of attempted murder of officers of law enforcement. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, any thing you say can be held against you in a court of law....."

"Yes, yes, yes, I know my rights, but I'll relinquish them. You have enough evidence against me that I shall just plead guilty and am willing to do my time."

"Wow, just like that?"

"No sweat, kiddo, we take anything we can get."

"But what was all this...."

"I have a serious problem, Detective Robinson. I know it and have known it for some time. I wanted you to catch me, figuring it would be better somehow if I were forced to seek help for my problem, and I only inflicted pain on you and defamed the character of Fr. Stephens to ensure I'd get a stiffer sentence and never walk the streets again."

"You mean you went through all this..."

"My only other recourse was suicide, which our church does not permit, and I felt myself too weak to surrender on my own recognizance, so this way, I'll express remorse for my sins, pray to God for mercy and forgiveness and never be lead into temptation again."

"Gosh, Mike, what do you think the courts will do with him? Go easy on him?"

"I'm not sure, kiddo, that's up to them. Our job here is done."


EPILOGUE:

We then took Fr. Stephens back to the archdiocese and he was vindicated and granted the right to resume full duties with the church. The Church Lady was even happy to see us, as her life was no longer in danger. She apologized for her actions toward us and asked if she would be arrested, too, as an accessory. I assured her that wouldn't be the case she was under coercion at the time. She thanked the both of us.

We also attended Mass the following Sunday - it was the first one Fr. Stephens had said after his vindication.

"Ladies and gentleman, and boys and girls who are here today, I must thank you all for your prayers and your letters of support during my ordeal. It was very hard on my heart, mind and soul to think I would be stripped of my purpose in this life."

He paused, bowed his head, and his voice began to tremble. I wasn't sure if he was gonna get through this next part.

"And I especially want to give thanks to our Lord, for directing me to a former parishioner, Eddie Robinson and his partner, Mike Batz - the two detectives who solved this case, and even put their own lives on the line, so the quality of my own life could be returned to me. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be standing here right now. May God bless you both - uh, please stand so the congregants can see you."

MIKE - We looked at each other and felt a little modest. The real reward in this Job is the Job itself, but, okay....we stood up and the crowd applauded us.

"Holy Lone Ranger and Tonto, Boss-Man - no easy modest exit here, huh?"

We looked around and smiled and nodded, even gave a little wave. All of these people applauding and smiling at us, showing their appreciation, their love.

It's what life is all about.