CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN - The Kiss of the Crimefighter Part 1

Me-n-Eddie had a great night last night. How was yours? You know, I don't ever wanna go through this with him again, but I gotta tell ya, the reunion sex was fantastic. I knew I missed him, but I didn't know I'd missed him that much. Aw, holy crap it was a long, hard...time.

Sorry - I just kinda like the word play. Anyhow, we were back in business in all respects.

The doorbell woke me up - it was about 10 - and it was a UPS guy, kind of a cute, hunky kinda kid - it was hot out that day, so they let 'em wear shorts. He had the sleeves rolled up on his uniform shirt and he was kinda sweaty. I gotta admit, I kinda stared at him through the keyhole before I actually opened the door. He did something that drove me wild, and Eddie does this, too, once in a while. He'd take one of his sleeves and wipe the sweat off his brow with it. The sleeve rides up and you can see a bit more upper arm. Can't go wrong with that. Anyways, I sign for the package, while looking at his package, and it was just what I ordered. I'd kinda forgotten about this, 'cuz I had, ya know, other things on my mind the last few days. It was a stash of special tee-shirts I'd had made special - bulletproof tee-shirts -.

Eddie walks in the room, yawning and stretching, "'mornin', Boss - who was that so early? It's like the crack of dawn."

"Eddie, it's 10 am"

"Yeah, like I said"

"You know, heroes always rise with the sun."

"Then why do so many bad guys do their stuff at night?"

I didn't have a comeback for that, so I grinned at him and says, "okay, you win this one. But JUST this one."

He grinned back at me. He was looking pretty fine this morning, too. As always, a super tight shirt, no tee underneath, but that was gonna change PDQ.

"Eddie, you're lookin' real hot today."

"Well it is almost 90 degrees."

I walked over to him and whispered, "naw, that's not what I meant and you know it. Come here, beautiful..."

And I grab him and start kissing his lips, real soft-like, "you're so hot" (kiss) "gorgeous" (kiss), "studly" (kiss) "and I'm gonna keep sayin' this til you believe it yourself."

Eddie was kissing me back, "I believe...I believe"

"You look amazin' in that shirt, but I think it needs an accessory."

"Aw, yeah? Whatcha got in mind?"

I break away and get one of the tee-shirts.

"This - I want you to start wearin' these from now on - we both are."

"Gee, black and white tee-shirts. This feels kinda thick. I might sweat bullets in this."

"Better to sweat bullets than to take 'em."

"Huh?"

"You remember us readin' one of our guys took one for the team a couple of weeks back?"

"Yeah, but he's all right - his vest stopped the slug."

"Exactly - only I had a better idea. I figured I'd have tee-shirts made of the same fabric. Vests do a good job, a lot of bad guys aim for the chest or the stomach, even the back, the cowardly ones do, anyway. There was a guy, an innocent guy, had a kid with him in the car, someone opened fire, hit him in the upper arm from the side. The bullet ricocheted and tore through his heart and one of his lungs, killing him instantly."

Eddie froze at the thought, "go-o-o-sh. I didn't think an arm wound could be that bad."

"Dependin' on the type of slug, the speed of the shot, yeah, it can wipe ya out right on the spot. Kid was only 6 years old and he saw his dad die right in front of him."

Eddie suddenly grew chilly and brought his arms up to his chest, each hand rubbin' the other arm, as if to hug himself. "(gasp) Holy nightmare, just the thought of it."

"And I don't want any of that happenin' to either of us. With these babies on us, sure it's gonna hurt like hell, but all we'll get is a couple of bruises. You remember that dame that got us both good in the ribs and we both lost a lotta blood. Now, I've been thinkin' - sure, layin' down our lives for the Job is a part of it, but it's a part I'd as soon put off as long as I can, 'cuz we both got long lives ahead of us and there's a lot of evil out there for us to fight, and I wanna be around as long as I can, and I don't wanna see you cut down in your prime. I don't wanna lose ya like I thought I did at that art gallery."

"Or like I thought I was gonna lose you in that dame's house."

"Exactly - if you hadn't stuffed your shirt in my chest, that woulda been it for me. But let's wear these things - let's stick around for each other, huh?"

Eddie pursed his lips and nodded, "absolutely".

I paused and a mischievous grin spread across my face. "Ya wanna, uh, model one of these? Ya know, try it on for size - see if it fits?"

Eddie grinned back, "Aw, boss, you are a little devil, aren't ya?"

"Here, try one of the white ones. I love how white contrasts with your skin tone. Gets me ev'ry time."

Eddie puts on one and models it - MAN, does he look good.

"Ya know, I really love how this fabric feels against my body - real smooth."

"Ya know, I really love how this fabric looks against your body and how it makes me feel - all wet and hard."

Eddie rolls his eyes and groans, "awwww, Boss-Man...."

The doorbell rings - guess ya know what that means - not that we ain't popular and don't have people over for the heck of it, but nine times outta 10, it's trouble.....

I open the door and there's a priest standing there.

"Uh, hi, somethin' I can do for ya?"

"Is there a Robinson that actually works here?"

I'm lookin' at this one suspiciously and I'm a little uneasy.

"Sure."

"Is his name Edward? Is he what could be in his early 20's by now?"

I'm gettin' freaked out here. I know this one's a priest, but what gives here?

"Uh, yeah, there's someone here like that. Whatcha need?"

"I need to see him myself. Just to be sure."

"Okay, I'll call him over here - hey, Eddie - someone here to see ya!"

Eddie walks over to the door, "What's up, Mike? Oh...oh my God - - Father Stephens?"

"You know this guy?"

Eddie was lit up like a Christmas tree - "Wow, DO I! He was pastor of my church when I was a kid. Well, whaddya know! Come on in, Father. Great to see you again."

We walk in to the living room and "Bing Crosby" here was happy to see Eddie happy to see him, and all, but he said, "it's nice to see you, too, and I'm glad you're the Robinson in the name of this agency, for, you see, this isn't exactly a social call."

"Gee, I get it - you're in trouble or somethin'?"

"Yes, and it's the worst ever. This is happening to a lot of us in my community. So many lives have been damaged by this sort of scandal. You never think it would happen to you, but it's now happening to me, hard as it is to believe."

"Uh, I don't getcha - what's goin' on?"

"I've been asked to step down from my duties due to allegations against me of sexual abuse of minors in 1985."

Eddie's face was now as white as a KKK meeting.

"What? I can't believe it! YOU?"

"Yes, I'm sad to say."

"But..you couldn't have done it."

"Yes, I know, son...I didn't. Serving God was all I ever wanted to do with my life, nothing else mattered. I wouldn't have ever dreamed of doing anything so heinous."

I interjected, "Preacher, if you can remember back to 1985, is there any incident you can think of where you might've gotten physical with some kid?"

"Mike, what are ya sayin'?"

"I'm not saying a thing - I'm only building a case for the preacher's innocence."

"Did you have a favorite student there? Were ya kinda friendly to some and not to others? Maybe you might've hit a kid for actin' up."

Then Eddie steps in, "For the record, all I can say is you were always good to me. You made my childhood a lot easier to deal with. You never hit me for anything."

The preacher smiled and said, "well, you never deserved it. You were a perfect student, never caused any trouble. You never got into any fights in the playground, you always broke them up. You were so protective of some of the other children."

I was amazed, and muttered to myself, "Hell, even then."

"In fact, I was so hurt and shocked for you when I heard you were expelled from the police academy."

Eddie smiled and said, "thank you. But me-n-Mike got it all straightened up. It was all a frame-up and my name was cleared - -just like we're gonna do for you."

"But you didn't go back and become a police officer?"

"Well, in the meantime, I met up with Mike, here, and he helped me become a Private Investigator. As much as I dreamed of becoming a cop in those days...I think the best thing happened. If I'd gone on, sure I woulda been in uniform right now, but I wouldn't have had such a rich and meaningful life if not for how ev'rything happened. I wouldn't have met Mike, I don't think, and I wouldn't have learned as much as I have about law and order if I'd stayed."

"He ain't just whistlin' dixie, Padre. The kid's a crack gumshoe."

"I beg your pardon."

"He's one of the best detectives around. Has a real keen eye for this stuff. This boy was born to fight crime. As a uniform cop, he wouldn't have been in a position to help you out here as he is now."

"That's right. Father, it would be a privilege and an honor to give you back your good name."

He sticks his hand out and the preacher responds, by shaking his.

"Oh, Edward, I always believed in you. I always thought you were such a good boy. I was right."

"And I'm right about you, and we're gonna prove it, isn't that right, Mike!"

"Absolutely."

"Thank you both. Oh, here's where I'm staying for the time being. You can reach me anytime at this number."

"Will do."

The preacher leaves - Eddie sees him to the door.

"Father?"

"Yes?"

Eddie then put his hand on the preacher's shoulder and looked deep into his eyes.

"We're gonna get you your life back. I promise."

With that, the preacher gave Eddie a bear hug and nodded his head on the way out.

You do know I had my reservations, though. This sorta thing happens all the time, and, well....

I was pacing back and forth, in deep thought.

"Mike - Mike, what's the matter?"

"Dunno, kid. I'm not sure how we can prove his innocence."

"I believe him - that's a good head start. Do you?"

"I'll keep an open mind and remember that all are innocent until proven guilty."

"There is no guilt to prove - I'd stake my life on that."

"It's just that this sorta stuff happens all the time and, you never know, he could just be sayin' all the right things, here. You don't suppose he's hidin' anything, puttin' up a front - puttin' on an act?"

"Trust me, this is no act. I'd seen this man appear in school plays - he was awful. But seriously. I know what you're sayin' and I know where you're comin' from, but this is not a man who molests children. He really took the edge off my troubles as a kid and, heck, I even looked forward to school every day - that's why I did so well, I guess. Father gave me a reason to hang in there and do something good with my life. I wanna return the favor - give him a reason to hang in there, too."

I looked into his eyes and I could see real passion, real conviction. The boy really believed in the preacher's innocence and who was I to doubt that - even for a second. I put my hands on his arms and said,

"You really believe in this guy, don't ya? You've always had a level head, you've always had a good eye for stuff, and, while I have to remain impartial until all the facts are uncovered, I do believe in you, and I'll work with ya, goin' after the truth. I just need you to promise me that you won't become emotionally involved. It's a good thing, you wantin' to help a friend of yours, but ya gotta keep away from this gettin' personal."

"Oh, I will, Boss-Man... I will."

"And remember - you're a Boy Crimefighter first, and ev'rything else falls a dead second."

Eddie looked at me, then cast his eyes downward, inhaled deeply and let out a heavy sigh.

"You're right, Mike. It's just that I want to prove his innocence, is all. I just want him to be innocent. He just has to be."

"One step at a time, kiddo."

A visit to the local archdiocese seemed promising. We figured they'd not only tell us who it was that lodged the complaint, but also let us talk to this one ourselves. No dice.

"Good afternoon, I'm Detective Batz, this is Detective Robinson. We're conducting an investigation into the allegations against Father Stephens."

"Yes, what about him?"

"We'd like to interview the one or ones who filed this complaint against him, just to get their side of the story."

"I believe you already have that side. The injured party has filed a claim of sexual assault against Fr. Stephens and we're looking into it."

"You mean right now - as we speak?"

"No, of course not. We have many duties to see to from day to day. These things take a good amount of time and must be handled delicately and properly."

"Meaning what? Are you also using private investigators."

"The Church has deemed it unnecessary to utilize the services of outside parties. We are investigating the matter ourselves."

"Now, look here, Missy - how can a bunch of priests decide if one of their own is a perpetrator? We're trained in this sort of thing. We can read between the lines during an interview. We can hear things in statements that an ordinary layman can't."

"Detective Batz is right - which is why we've been asked to check this matter out, and we need to talk to this - what you call an injured party - maybe we can scoop out something, hear the chink in their armor, so to speak."

"We have already interviewed the injured party and we're conducting our investigation based on that claim, and we have requested Fr. Stephens to step down until our investigation is over."

"Which makes it sound as if you think he did it, hidden away like a fugitive until you guys think he's innocent. Doesn't the constitution dictate otherwise?"

"Detective Robinson is right. Innocent until proven guilty. My God, wealthy murder suspects are free to be chauffer-driven down the streets until the day they're hung, and one mild-mannered priest has to go into hiding. I just don't get this whole thing."

"Who is it that hired you to pursue this investigation?", asked the Church Lady (sorry).

"That's confidential information - investigator-client confidentiality."

"Well, this is parishioner-archdioicese confidentiality. I cannot allow you any information on the injured party, and even if I could, I'm not certain I would."

I thought to myself, "heh - injured party - how would this broad like to be an injured party herself!"

"Now, you gentlemen have taken up much too much of my time. I am a very busy woman with a full day's work ahead of me. Please remove yourselfves from my office - good day."

"Good God!"

THE BOYS LEAVE THE OFFICE AND THE CHURCH LADY GETS BUZZED ON THE INTERCOM. "Yes?"

"Did those two pseudo-cops take a hike?"

"Yes, they've gone. I don't think we'll be hearing from them anymore."

"Good. You know, it's a bitch about that one commandment - Thou Shalt Not Kill"

"Grant you, they were pests, but enough to deserve to be killed?"

"Well, they're dicks - gettin' rubbed out is an occupational hazard with them."

"I assure you, that wouldn't be a proper way to handle them. They were just doing as they were asked, just like I was."

"And you handled that beautifully, but one more word outta you, and I'll have to find a loophole around that commandment - savvy?"

"Yes. Savvy."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So as we left, totally empty-handed, Eddie says, "so what's our next move here?"

I stare straight ahead, crossing my arms, squinting.

"we wait"

"Of COURSE! A stake-out. Maybe we can catch up with the Bishop and talk to him ourselves."

"Great minds do think alike."

We sat for what felt like hours.

Eddie said, "someone's got to come out of there sometime."

And come out they did - a figure all dressed in black and wearing....a wool cap? This time of year? And sunglasses yet. He also had what looked like two bodyguards.

"Can it be the Bishop?"

"Well, he is dressed in black, boss, but it sure is funny him wearing a cap like that on a day like this - OR... it could be a detective for the other side."

"A nemesis if there ever was one. Good thinking, Eddie! Let's hit it - see what this guy's up to!"

We follow their car for a few blocks, and catch the driver looking in the rear-view mirror right at us. He looks to the passenger seat and the passenger, one of the bodyguards, maybe, starts looking back at us, too.

"Damn it! We've been made!"

"We gotta keep goin', Mike. Whatever goes down goes down."

"Absolutely."

Then it got real interesting. The car started making all kinds of turns, speeding up, slowing down, even.

"The rat - he's teasing us!"

We made every move they did. We stayed right on their tail. Then one of the bodyguards leaned out the window and brandished a handgun and began to fire at us. We were in the bullet-proof car, after all - good thing. Those handgun slugs just kept bouncing off, but I began to worry. The bullets could ricochet and hit an innocent bystander. Luckily for us, there was no other traffic around, but still.....

The passenger went back inside - all that was on our windshield was a little gun powder from the shots.

"You okay, there, Eddie?"

"Never better, Mike. I guess this one ran outta ammo and they'll be stoppin' for us real soon. Then we'll finally get to the bottom of this."

Then the bad guys accelerated their artillery. Eddie got a glimpse and gasped.



"HOLY ARSENAL! AN AK-47! What'll we do? Is the glass strong enough to withstand it?"

"I hope so, boy. Better cover your head, though, just in case."

"What about you?"

"I gotta drive this thing - I gotta see. You're wearin' your tee-shirt, I hope!"

"Sure am! You?"

"You bet your sweet ass I am. Nothin's gonna get us. Hang tight.

The bodyguard opened fire. Eddie shouted out, "HOLY GAUNTLET!"

That's just what it was, all right. Bullets flew left and right - still deflecting off the car, thank God, only a few slugs hit the windshield and they were bouncin' off, too, at least for a few minutes.

THEN - they must've reloaded - they began firing again. They must've loaded more gunpowder in the rifle, for one of the bullets, almost as big as my......my hand, actually cracked the windshield. Eddie covered his head and face up with his arms. A tiny fragment of glass bounced off and scratched Eddie on the hand.

"OW! MIKE! IT ALMOST GOT IN! THE WINDOW'S CRACKED!"

The firepower intensified.

"HE SWITCHED TO MACHINE GUN MODE!"

As Eddie looked in my direction as he said that, a couple of bullets hit him in the chest and I was hit a couple of times, too. We both reacted, shouting, we were both hit pretty bad. I lost control of the car.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING!"

"I can't stop this damn thing. I'm afraid we're gonna crash!"

IS THE END OF THE DAPPER, DASHIN' DETECTIVE AND THE BUFF BOY FRIDAY - THEIR WATERLOO - THEIR NORMANDY?

IN ANY CASE, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A DAY AT THE BEACH FOR OUR GORGEOUS GUMSHOES.

READ ALL ABOUT THE GRISLY GRUESOME DETAILS IN CHAPTER 68!