CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN - Bobby Reed 1986-2005

Today's a black day for us all. Eddie's back to himself and we're up-n-runnin' again and Dickie Biggs' manager's comin' to get 'im and we can close this case, but I've just been thinkin' of Bobby. That sweet, sweet kid - tossed himself on all that ammo just so we could make a break for it and escape without a scratch. Well, Eddie and Dickie got out fine, but I'm not so sure about me. I start bawlin'. Eddie comes out and sees me.

"Hey, Boss-man, Dickie's almost ready to....." He sees me in my state and just stops. I try to shut off the waterworks and make like business as usual, ya know, but he catches me in the act, so to speak. "Hey, Mike, ya all right?" "Oh, uh, sure...sure thing, kid. How are you two doin'?" "Well, Dickie's ready to get goin' soon as his boss gets here." "Really good to see ya lookin' like yourself again. I never wanna see ya in that busboy uniform again." Eddie laughed and said, "Yeah, I think I'm gonna give this crap to Goodwill. I hate to do it to 'em, but somebody out there's gotta need this, I guess." He looked long and hard at me, which I don't usually mind, but in this case, what I'm feelin' ain't no concern of his. "Mike, I was standin' in the back for a couple minutes, I heard ya cryin'. Ya ain't gotta hide nothin' like that from me, I thought ya knew that." My mouth starts shakin' and my eyes start waterin' up. I grab Eddie and hug 'im. "That poor kid - the morgue just came and got 'im and now I gotta notify his folks, if there's any. I don't know the first thing about 'im, other than he saved our lives." "Yeah, that's true...but wouldn't his boss at the gym know about 'im? I mean, wasn't he s'posed to be workin' today? Maybe we should go over there. What time's it open?" "9:00, which it ain't right now, it's not even 8 yet. What're we gonna tell 'em over there?" "The truth...he was shot to death and ya found 'im." "WE found 'im, me and you we're like one guy. WE found 'im and we're gonna tell the boss at the gym."

The doorbell rings - it's Dickie's boss. I go take care of 'im while Eddie goes and gets Dickie. "Mr. Batz..." "Uh, it's Detective Batz, but you can call me Mike" "You certainly are a detective and a damned good one, too. I can't thank you enough for what you've done." Dickie shows up, really happy to see this guy, goes to ug 'im, but he don't hug back. I'm wonderin' about this. I look at Eddie, who noticed it, too and was put off, he just shrugs. "Well, I see you're all right, kid, good thing. Go wait for me in the car, I'm just gonna close this deal up." "Yes, sir", he says. "Again, you're a total miracle worker, and I'll see to it you're very well rewarded. That boy waiting in my car is a real hot commodity. Without him, I'd be ruined." "Yeah, I know what ya mean. It's like that with me and Eddie..." "No, offense of course, but has Eddie helped generate over a billion dollars for our studio? I mean, with a face and body like his, he could very well be the next big thing if he chose our line of work, but Dickie is a superstar and I have a contract to ensure that he'll be on every adult DVD shelf across the country, and without him, I'd have to go out and find somebody new, I guess. Your efforts have saved me quite a few steps, which is good because I am a very lazy man." He laughed at his own joke. Geez, I hate a guy that does that. "Yeah, but you must have some feelin' for 'im, after all the time he's been with ya, right? Dontcha care about him personally?" He turns to Eddie and goes on the defense, "Young man, he's very well paid, very well taken care of, he has a roof over his head, food in his stomach, a lifetime membership in a health club and the adoration of millions of DVD purchasers across the country. He gets scads of e-mails." "What about real friends?" "He gets along very well with his co-stars, with whom he spends a lot of time on the set." "Family?" "Eddie, cool it, huh?" I could see my boy's third degree's really gettin' to this guy. I don't wanna piss 'im off, I mean, I took a job from this one. "Dickie's family threw him out of the house when he came out to them at a very tender age. He drifted around with nobody in his life and not a dime in his pocket. I saw his potential and he's worked out very well for my company. Yes, I do care about him and I do love him, in a way. I've gotten to know him very well. but there's just so much to do in our field and not much time. I act like I'm detached to protect the two of us." "From what?" "I mentioned his abandonment. I was abandoned, too. I just happened to catch a couple of good breaks here and there and worked my way up to producing and managing really talented boys for my films. You could say I went into this business just to be near boys like him, but I have to keep it on a professional level." "I know I'm oversteppin' here, but, just be good to 'im, ya know? Tell 'im somethin' nice sometimes. My dad tried to kill me when I was a kid and my mom died pretty soon after and I was on my own, then I met Mike. If it ain't for him, I don't know where I'd be right now." Dickie's boss grins at both of us and says, "if I played my cards right, you might've been sharing top billing with Dickie. Well, anyway, we have to get going here, so let me write you a check and...well...thank you again, for everything, especially you, kid." So the guy pays me off and slips me a check and slips Eddie a card, sayin' if he ever got tired of chasin' bad guys, he could pop up at his studio anytime. Flattered as I think he was, he just smiled it off and thanked him.

We get to the gym and notify the owner of Bobby's murder. "How'd it happen?" "We were bein' shot at by my boy's kidnappers and he stood and took all the ammo for us. We all woulda been wiped out if not for him." "Sounds like somethin' he'd do." "He's got family?" "No, the kid was a drifter, saw a Help Wanted sign and went for it. He was one of our best. Faithful, upright, honest. We made a good team. Good boy. Damn good boy. Always had the makin's of a good cop."

The funeral was the next day. When we were gettin' ready to go, Eddie pops up in them clothes my ex-Boxx-man made 'im wear when he was holdin' 'im hostage. "Eddie, what're ya doin'? I thought you was trashin' that stuff." "It's a funeral, Mike, I figured I'd show some respect is all." All of 'em from the gym came out and paid their respects. Me and 'is boss gave speeches as we were the two guys he worked with the most. His boss started off like, "Bobby Reed wasn't with us very long, maybe a year or so, but I really got to know him very well. He had a heart of gold, really put himself into his job. Got along great with all the customers and the rest of the staff. He will be missed. Detectives Batz and Robinson notified me of his sacrifice of life. While shocked and saddened by his fate, I wasn't really surprised because when he was into something, he threw his whole life into it. Bobby had a great love of life and he cared very deeply about others. he was selfless, upright, moral, always did believe in doing the right thing, no matter the expense....." Then he broke off, see, and took a long pause. He started crying right there. Hopin' to keep up the veneer, but you could tell he was broken up. Finally, he says, he says to us, "God, please excuse me, this boy was like a son to me. I feel like he was one of my own. Detective Batz, Detective Robinson, you didn't know him long, either, but I hope you knew what a ray of sunshine you guys had in him. A real ray of sunshine." He walked away from the stand shaken, then it was announced I'd be talkin' 'bout 'im. I didn't know what to say, but there was plenty I wanted to say, ya get my meanin'.

I stood up there and nodded to the congregation. "How's it goin'. I met Bobby at the gym, was lookin' for a missin' person and two of us got to talkin' and all, said he really liked my work, asked a lot about it and I gave it to 'im straight. He didn't flinch. I guess you could say he liked it even better after that. He wanted to put his life into it, and you could say he did. My partner, Eddie, was kidnapped in the same way another guy was and sure enough both by the same perp. Bobby wanted to help me find both of 'em, and we got 'em. 'Cuz of him, this ended up sooner and better than it might've. All the time I knew he'd make a great gunmshoe, he'd do just as good for somebody out there like he'd done for me. Thanks."
I sit back down, starin' straight ahead. Eddie says to me, "good work, Boss-man". I don't respond. I don't know what to say. Maybe there ain't nothin' to say.

Back at the house, Eddie changed, thank God, and we just sat. Didn't feel like doin' nothin'. No tv, no food, not even screwin' around. "Y'all right Mike?" I just looked up at 'im, "no. Not right now. Tell ya what, could ya just sit with me? I just want ya nearby." "Sure", and he parks it by my side, like he's always been. "It'd be one thing if he was caught off guard, but he walked right into it. He coulda run like the rest of us." "They woulda followed us in. Bobby did what he had to do to fend 'em off." "Yeah, but...." I looked in 'is eyes and stopped dead. I knew what I had to say and it wasn't gonna be easy. "I tried to get it goin' with Bobby." "Yeah, I knew ya did." I was shocked. "How long did ya know?" He chuckled, "come on, I'm a detective, I was trained by the best. I was watchin' him strut his stuff in the gym when I was undercover, actin' all like a cop and ev'rything. Then I put two and two together. Saw what he was wearin', the way he was actin' with ya and stuff." "Been meanin' to ask, when did you come out of that trance, or whatever you were in." "It was when the first shots were fired when we were movin'. I shouted out HOLY BLITZKRIEG" "Yeah, I knew that sounded like your old self. I felt like we was back together at that point." "Are we?" "Whaddya talkin' about?" "Did ya go all the way with 'im?" "Nah. I was drinkin', didn't sleep, got confused, saw that he looked like ya a little and I thought it was you." "Ya thinkin' about 'im now?" "Course I am, we just buried 'im..." Then Eddie stopped short, started bawlin'. "I don't believe it. All this time I thought I was your one and only. The minute my back is turned, ya can just go off and get yourself another stud. I didn't know ya was like that, Mike. I didn't know I was just another stud for ya." "Oh, God, Eddie, please." "I can't believe ya'd rather fuck some dead towel boy". I slapped him hard across the face, only because he wasn't thinkin' right and I had to wake 'im up. But then he belted me, and the two of us got into fisticuffs like I never thought we would. "Make ya think you're somethin', huh? Big time gumshoe slappin' around his little studling when the mood gets ya?" I had my hands on 'im, now, not for pleasure, but this time I wanted to break his neck for all the awful stuff he was sayin'. He punches me and sends me flyin'. Then I rebound, only to have 'im kick me back down. This kid was not givin' it up for nothin'. Then I grabbed 'im again, I pinned his arms up against the wall.

EDDIE - The minute he did that, I flashed back to bein' chained up at that pole. I wasn't thinkin' right, I felt like I was back there again. I panicked and started screamin' Mike, Mike, please don't leave, stuff like that.

MIKE - Aw, man he was howlin' almost. I kept sayin' stuff like I ain't leavin', I'm right here and he kept beggin' me to let his arms go and where was I goin', that kinda thing. "Jesus, kid, I'm right here. I ain't goin' nowhere" I kissed 'im softly on the cheek. "ssh, it's all right, you're home now" I pecked 'im again, a few times. Some tears were left on his face, I kissed them, too. I loosened my grip and Eddie and I was both cryin'. I kissed his fingers as he reached up to wipe my tears off. I took his hands in mine, our fingers lockin' tighter together. "Eddie, I'm sorry I ever did anything to hurt ya." "I'm sorry I said all that stuff about you and Bobby. I owe 'im my life, we both do. Too bad I didn't know 'im as well as you did." That really raised an eyebrow up, "uh, what's that again?" Eddie caught what he just said, "OH NO, not like that, I mean, just what a good kid he was, ya know, catchin' bad guys, stuff like that!" I started laughin', "dead towel boy, huh?" Eddie realized he was busted and I couldn't resist teasin' him and he starts laughin', too. "well I didn't say he was an ugly one". "Did ya look at 'im in the gym? Ya said ya was watchin' 'im. Come on, come on, out with it, I'm a gumshoe, I always get my man." "Okay. I confess! Ya got me" He puts his hands out like he's gonna get cuffed, "so are ya gonna take me in, big boy?" I take hold of his wrists, "ya have the right to remain silent, ya give up the right to remain silent, anything ya say as well as any body part of mine'll be held against ya. Ya have the right to a mouthpiece all over ya. Like this" I kiss his neck, he puts his head back and moans. "Ya givin' up the right to remain silent" "You bet your ass I am. I want ya to hear it all" The shirt goes up, my tongue is on his nipples, he's rubbin' my head, kissin' it, really givin' up his right to remain silent, "I missed this - I missed you so much even when I didn't know it", rubbin' his cock, "hey, not so fast, kid, wait for me", and I went down there. He let his fingers do the walkin' back up to his nipples and I went to talkin' on his telephone.

EDDIE - Wow - holy make-up sex. The boss-man goin' down on me was like nothin' ever happened. Aw, we ain't had this in a while. I really missed 'im. I got to thinkin', about how he went for Bobby like that. Anybody woulda done the same thing. He sure was a hunk. I knew about it, didn't hold it against him, but my real feelin's came out when he brought it back up. I swear I didn't know what was next. What if we split up? What if I walked out on 'im that night? Glad it didn't happen. I guess somebody up there likes us. I was lookin' up when Mike was suckin' me off, like I usually do when he turns me on and I was just moanin', but I was lookin' up for another reason, too. Lookin' up to Bobby, I guess. He wanted to get us back together and gave his life to do just that. Now I guess he did it again. Mike was finishin' me off and I felt all my juices shootin' through my veins, straight through the shaft of my cock. It felt so intense, I clenched my teeth at first, then let out a scream, a bunch of 'em, really. Then we heard somethin' rattle. The window blinds were movin'. We went over there and found the window was closed, but we still felt a breeze and it smelled like someone wearin' cologne. I could swear I felt somethin' like someone was kissin' my right cheek and touchin' my shoulder and I jumped a little, looked at Mike. Then it was all gone, the breeze, the smell, ev'rything. "Holy moley, what the heck was that?" Mike said, "did it feel like someone kissed ya and touched ya?" "Yeah" Mike just nodded. "Yeah. Yeah."

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX - The De-Programming of Eddie

So that's what this whole thing is about. My ex-boss-man turns Christian, kidnaps some porno star, knowin' I'll be in on the case, nabs my boy, turns 'im into some freakin' Stepford Wife. He was one of the best dicks in action I ever saw. When I worked for 'im, I hated 'im, but respected 'im at the same time. Then he takes off, becomes this stupid Christian. Not that Christianity is stupid, but what the hell does this guy think he is? He's always had a swelled head, but now he's just applyin' it in this direction. He's gettin' back at me, somehow. Stealin' my boy. He's gotta go down and I'm the guy that's gotta put 'im there. I gotta get my boy back. We get back to my place and me and Bobby pace back and forth, hopin' some idea will pop up and we can go back and burn this bastard but good.

Bobby pipes up, "hey, Mike, talk to me about that guy back there, the Trenchcoat Detective". "He ain't no Trenchcoat nothin' anymore", I snarled. "Nothin' against you, kid, you've been doin' good here, but this is a fight between him and me, I figure. This guy is evil through and through. The thing of it is, he thinks he's doin' good, but maybe that's what he wants us to think. He's tryin' to make us out to be the bad guys, just 'cuz we're together." We pace back and forth again. Bobby stops and slams his fist into his hand and says, "wait, hold up. Ya
think he's tryin' to convert you, ya know, usin' Eddie and Dickie as a ruse just to get you to cross over, like? Maybe you can head 'im off, tellin' him you ain't interested." "Nah, there's no way to talk to these guys once they get their heads in that way. Nah, talkin' ain't gonna do it. Takin' 'im down is the only thing." More pacin' - Bobby pipes up again, "I wanna take this guy down, too, but ain't that what he wants, too?" "Whaddaya mean?" "I mean, these fanatics are all about martyrdom. He used to be a dick, he's used to throwin' his life down for a cause. Just like you to do, now." "Now wait just a sec, there. I didn't get into this 'cuz I had a death wish. I grew up hatin' these scumbags and I wanted to help rub 'em out, send 'em all up the river where they belong. All of this danger and stuff is just icin' on the cake, just somethin' that adds to the excitement of it all. Cuz without danger, the game grows cold. But that ain't why he got into it, neither." "This might be a longshot, but what are the odds that this guy just misses you and wants ya back, but just not as you used to be." "Well, if that were true, and I dunno one way or the 'nother, flatterin', yeah, but nah, I wouldn't go back to 'im. The main thing that attracted me to 'im in the first place was 'cuz he was the most macho guy goin' around. That's what got me Eddie, he saw me in the papers and it turned 'im on, and all." "You say ya love 'im, right?" "Of course I do, he's my life, why on earth would you question that?" "What if you weren't dicks? What if you met him the way ya saw 'im today? Would ya still go for 'im?" "Holy geez, you're really givin' me pause, kid. Truth is, I dunno. I never thought of it, 'cuz Eddie's always been who Eddie is."

I took a minute to think all of this over. Memories flash back and forth. The punches he threw, the leaps into action, the fist-slammin', spread legs, the clothes, the great sex, the right combination of cologne, cotton and a little bit of sweat. The perfect boy. Would I like him any other way? Of course I knew what the answer was, the answer is no. "No, Bobby, I would've looked 'im over for a bit and just moved on. Yeah, he's still a good-lookin' kid, but there was nothin' in his makeup to say he's goin' around dressin' like a preacher. Nah, Eddie's never been nothin' like that before, so that's not him back there in that maniac's house. That ain't Eddie Robinson back there. I don't know what the hell that is, but it ain't him." "Yeah, he did look pretty warped, not like the gym bunny I remember at work. Jesus, Mike, I know you've seen 'im like he was, all scanty clad and all of that. I loved it when he was liftin' weights and the sweat on his flesh, the veins poppin' out, the breathin'. He even breathed like a hottie. When he hit the showers, I used to imagine what he mist look like. No wonder you're so into him, Mike. If you ain't been around, I woulda tried my hand at him, too."

I went up and put my hands on his shoulders, looked 'im right in the eyes and said, "if Eddie ain't been around, and you come along, punchin' them guys out in the alley back there, you woulda been it, too. I can't apologize enough for what went on this mornin'. I been thinkin' 'bout that all day." I take my hands off, but he puts 'em back on, then starts huggin' me. "Nah, no need to back away. I like that. Ya really know how to touch. I know it wasn't Eddie you was thinkin' 'bout when we did it. I also know ya can't go with me all the time 'cuz you're in love with 'im. I think it's beautiful and I can't wait til I get the same kinda thing for myself. But, for the time bein', if ya wanna...." "Maybe, just maybe, Eddie lives in guys like you, like Mike lives in a bunch of other guys like me. Eddie's just a name tagged on to whatever it is you boys use to get us hot. Maybe I could love you as much as him." We kiss some more, Bobby kinda giggles, "yeah, what's funny?" "Nah, it's just that I know that if I stuck around you, we could go to places that'd be a lot more excitin' than South Africa." I laugh a little, too, and was about to plant one on, then "HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT! SOUTH AFRICA! That's IT! That dirtbag's gonna drag them guys away tomorrow mornin'! Aw, man, what was I thinkin' that I forgot about all that. We gotta get rollin'!" "Rollin' where?" "Look, here's the thing. We gotta fight fire with fire. We gotta kidnap them boys and bring 'em back here and do our stuff. We gotta get 'em back to normal." "Like a de-programmin'?" "You nailed it, kid. Right on the head." "I remember he said it was a 6am flight. Ya think that might be a ruse, too, to throw ya off the scent?" "Yeah, he is a clever enough bastard to pull that off. But not if we stake the joint out all night." "When we were bein' taken hostage, I noticed there was a front and side entrance to the place, right near the cars, so they wouldn't have to walk much. We could each take a door and head 'em off at the pass." "Sound thinkin', kid. You're gonna make some hero a great sidekick, yet! Let's roll." Then I stop for a second, Bobby does, too, and just looks at me. "What's wrong?" I take him in my arms and embrace 'im. "I love ya Bobby, but you were right all along. There was a reason I couldn't finish ya off. That ain't the natural order of things. You'll get a dick who's really gonna give it to ya, but it ain't me. That's why ya brung up South Africa." Lookin' up, I says to God, I says, "I hear ya Lord, ya want me back with Eddie and ya sent this beautiful boy to help me make it so." "And I loved ev'ry minute of it. Time's a wastin' - let's roll."

It was pretty dark. Just to be on the safe side, me and Bobby drove around this guy's place, lookin' for what may be snipers or somethin'. After a few laps, it looks like it's okay to sneak around the joint. I start to bring the car into the driveway, like I did before when I pounded on that jerk when he cut us off. "Hey, maybe they got cameras, they see the headlights, that could tip 'em off and we'd be dead before we know it." "Yeah, you're right, maybe we oughta leave the car on the street. How fast a runner are ya?" "Trust me, chief, I forget my size once I get rollin'." "Good boy. Oh, one, thing, take this." It was a rag and some choloroform. I hated to think of doin' that to Eddie, but this ain't Eddie I'm doin' it to. Just his body, but he ain't in it these days.

Good thing there's a bunch of bushes and things like that to hide in. I stake out the front door, Bobby gets the side entrance. Side kicks, side entrances, I figured it made sense. We both make our way into some shrubbery and just wait to pounce. Not sayin' a word, not even breathin' if our lives depended on it. 'Cuz all of our lives depend on it. All.

My hunch was right, it was about 2 in the mornin' when I see the lights go on. Then it became 3 when I saw some bodies walk past the picture window on the inside. "Pay dirt, they must be ready to split." Maniac and minions walk out, almost arm-in-arm. I hear them say somethin' about the boys gettin' the bags. Then they get in. Imagine - my Eddie luggin' bags for some twisted freak. Hoo-boy, this was war. I hear somethin' from the side. Man, I can't believe it. Bobby actually pulled it off. In this light I can't tell which one he's got ridin' piggy-back, but it's one of 'em. One down, one to go. BINGO! Eddie comes out with a suitcase. Knock out rag at the ready. I scoop him up. I know this ain't really Eddie. He'd fight back, hold his breath or somethin'. I didn't care. I'll turn 'im back the way he was if it's the last thing I do. If I don't get outta here right now, it just may be. I get Eddie over on piggy-back, too and run like a track star on fire. We get in the car and slam on the gas, gettin' the hell outta there, just in time for the alarms and search lights to go off. As we pull out, they pull out, too, comin' after us. Well, we'll just let 'em have their fun.

"Nice nabbin, there, Bob. Ya got Biggs?" "Sure do, boss-man, sure do." Biggs and Eddie was in the back seat, they started comin' to life again. They start talkin' among themselves. "Why do you think he's taking us to South Africa?" "I don't know, but he wants us to help minister to the sick or something." "Well, I'm not exactly a medic. I wouldn't know the first thing about it. I was an actor before I was converted, that's all I ever knew." Me and Bobby look at each other and laugh. "Actor my...."

"Maybe you can put some shows on for them, make them forget their misfortunes." Me and Bobby look at each other. "Misfortunes? We gotta get these guys back to normal and fast." Just as we think it's smooth sailin', sure as shootin'. There was some shootin'. I yell at Eddie and Dickie to get down or else they'll get hit. "Who do you think is trying to murder us?" Thinkin' fast on his feet, Bobby yells out, "it's your parents, man, they're tryin' to get ya back to de-program you." "Oh, and you're saving us?" "Yep, sure am, you'll be swattin' 'skeeters in South Africa before ya know it." For a second there, I think I hear the old Eddie, "holy blitzkrieg, we gotta get outta here." "I'm goin' as fast as I can, kid, just keep down back there. Keep an eye on Biggs, too, better lie on top of him, in case the bullets start comin' in." Aw, holy crap, the back window gets popped out. Eddie and Dickie start screamin' for their lives, Bobby yells, "keep it down, guys! I know you're scared, but that ain't gonna do no good!" I get the idea to do a couple of donuts, turn off the lights, and make a turn somewhere. "Great, Mike, ya lost 'em, ya really lost 'em." "No time for cheerleadin' now, Bob, we gotta get back to the house and fast. HANG ON!" Fan-freakin'-tastic. We make it back to the house, slam on the brakes, and move it out. "Get 'em inside fast! They might catch up!" I grab Eddie and shove him in the door, yellin' at him to take cover, and Biggs follows 'im. I'm at the front door, Bobby's still out at the car, lockin' it up. "Come ON! MOVE! It's gettin' light out. They could be here any minute." Too late! I hear the squeal of tires. Bobby looks over his shoulder. The minions pull up and come at us with AK-47's. I take cover with the boys, but Bobby just stands there, facin' 'em. "REED -FOR GOD's SAKE!" I yell. He says, "that's what I'm doin' this for. RUN!" I get back inside, look out the window to see the whole thing. My God, Bobby's standin' still. He's throwin' himself on their mercy, but they ain't got no mercy. Holy 4th of July, machine-gun fire! He goes down! Bad guys pull away! I run out there, not even carin' if they get me next. Bobby's blood-basted bullet-blasted body lyin' in the driveway. He's moanin. At least he's alive. Cryin' too. I whip off my coat and shove it under his head like a pillow. I tap his hand, shake his face a bit back and forth, "come on kid, you gotta make it. Ya gotta pull through for me." "Hey, Mike, I'm a pretty good sidekick, huh?" Tears formin' in my eyes, I says, "nah, not a sidekick, a hero." "Hero?" He smiles at the thought of it. The kid's a hero now. He breathes a couple times, really beamin', lookin' up at me, I'm lookin' at him. Then the smile goes away, the breathin' stops. Dead with his eyes open. I start cryin', "no, Bobby, please come back, don't go away. Bobby! Bobby! BOBBY! PLEASE!"

THE RETURN OF EDDIE ROBINSON! TURNS OUT EDDIE'S BEEN WATCHING THE WHOLE THING UNFOLD - THE SHOTS, MIKE LOSING HIS COOL, BOBBY SACRIFICING HIMSELF SO MIKE, EDDIE AND DICKIE BIGGS COULD SURVIVE. WATCHING THE WHOLE THING MAKES HIM SNAP.

EDDIE - Mike don't know I was there the whole time, seein' this. I start blinkin' my eyes, and all that. I think it was hearin' Mike scream at this guy, I think it was the guy at the gym I was talkin' to about sidekicks and all, he musta taken it all in. The screamin' made me think of the screamin' I did when Mike took off on me when I was all tied up before. He starts goin' on about, "ya can't die, ya gotta help me get Eddie back to normal" and I cut 'im off. "Normal, whaddaya mean?" Mike looks up at me and says, "Eddie, that really you?" "Course it is, who'd ya think?" And he grabs me and hugs me. I pull back. Mike says, "Geez, kiddo, what's up?" "So that's it, huh?" "Whaddya mean?" "Ya dump me so ya can run off with this guy?" "No, no, wait just a second there, hold your horses." I grab my package and yell, "YOU HOLD THIS, ASSHOLE! How dare you take off on me, leavin' me to die down there. This bastard came back and beat the hell outta me and...I don't remember anything much....why the hell am I wearin' this get-up? What the hell's goin' on?"

MIKE - Eddie was really upset. He came back to himself and re-entry wasn't easy. He told me I s'posedly came down to where he was tied up and left 'im there to rot, and then he was almost beaten to death, and made to wear funny clothes. First off, I tell 'im there ain't no way I'd leave 'im anywhere. I tell 'im all about the guy that nabbed 'im - same guy that nabbed Dickie Biggs, who was still inside, hopefully not gettin' wind of any of this. "That was your ex-boss? I never knew ya had one." "Nah, kid, I started off as a sidekick. His. Then he disappeared on me. When we came out to his place when you were all stepfordized, he told me who he was. He's a born-again. You were hypnotized..." "Yeah, yeah, I think I get it now. He tied me to some post, tellin' me I been sinnin' and that I had to cry to wash all that away. That's when I got beaten. That's the last thing I remember til I saw this kid lyin' there dead. What was he doin' around here, anyway?" "He wanted to help me get you back. He told me you told 'im all about bein' a sidekick and he wanted some action. He took videos of the kidnappers and we been lookin' for youse guys ever since. We came back and gassed ya both so you'd come with us so we could switch ya back. They chased after us, started shootin', then they came up here, Bobby threw himself on the guns and took all the lead they intended for us. He saved our lives, kid. He saved us." "Man, to think I was fooled by that thug when he pretended he was you. He just dressed like you to get me to lose my marbles, so he could..." "He was gonna drag you and Biggs off to South Africa for preachin' and that. I couldn't stand to lose ya. I did ev'rything I could and poor ol' Bobby did ev'rything he could to help me. Boy, he really dug you, though." "Really?" "Yeah, he told me that if I wasn't around, he really coulda gone for you?" Eddie laughed at that. "He did this just 'cuz he loved me?" "Well, really both of us, but, yeah. Aw, ya shoulda seen 'im, you'da been proud of him. I was missin' ya like crazy and had a few drinks, feelin' sorry for myself, then he starts yellin' at me to go get you and Biggs 'cuz he knew I loved ya and he knew I had to bring Biggs back and close this case. He was amazin'. Come on kid, let's go inside and get the cops, see how Dickie's doin', too."

EDDIE - Mike and I walked back inside, arms around each other, but I kept thinkin' what he said about Bobby bein' amazin'. He sometimes said that about me, too. Did the two of 'em get it on, I wondered. "Nah," I thought to myself, "don't even think of that. Still though, I wouldn't blame him if he did. I kinda feel the same way, lookin' at how cute this kid was. If I wasn't around, he coulda gone for Mike. If Mike wasn't around, Bobby coulda gone for me. If Mike wasn't around, I coulda gone for Bobby.

THE NEXT MORNING, MIKE CALLS HIS CLIENT TO ADVISE HIM DICKIE BIGGS WAS FOUND AND IS SAFE AND SOUND. HE COULD COME AND GET HIM ANYTIME. EDDIE STEPS OUT TO GET THE NEWSPAPER AND IS READING IT ON THE WAY BACK IN.

"Hey, Boss-man, check it out, real bad car crash not too far from us." "Oh, yeah, lemme see." "Aw, man, aw, man, this is beautiful, BEAUTIFUL!" "What's up?" "These are your friendly neighborhood kidnappers. They slam into somebody after they murdered Bobby and the cops jumped right in and nailed 'em. Turns out they had warrants up the wazoo. These guys are up against it for life. Hey, I'll be right back, I gotta tell Biggs ev'rything's okay and that his boss is comin' to get 'im. He pays us off and we're goin' out on the town, kid, just you and me."

EDDIE - Mike runs outta the room with the paper. I'll read it sometime, I ain't too worried 'bout that. For some reason, I fold my hands, not the way I usually do when I'm in action, but in another way. I look up and say, "thank you, father, for what you've done for us, for helpin' rescue me and Dickie and for Bobby helpin' Mike out. I don't know if they ever got it on or not, but if they did, forgive 'em, and please, I don't wanna think about it, so please block it outta my head, would ya? 'Preciate it." I ain't prayed since, well, since I was a kid in the closet and Mike came and helped me outta there. Maybe - maybe it works, ya know? Just maybe.

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE - I Guess Things Happen That Way

SEVERAL DAYS HAVE GONE BY SINCE EDDIE'S BAPTISM BY HIS OWN TEARS. MIKE AND BOBBY HAVE BEEN COMBING THE CITY ALL THIS TIME, TURNING UP NOTHING. NO TRACE OF THE CAR SHOWN IN THE SECURITY VIDEOS. MIKE IS BESIDE HIMSELF. BOBBY IS TRYING EVERYTHING HE CAN DO TO BE THERE FOR HIS TEMPORARY BOSS-MAN. IT'S NOW THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AND MIKE HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO NEXT, OTHER THAN SIP A BIT OF SCOTCH AND JUST STARE OUT HIS FRONT WINDOW, COMPLETE WITH MINI-BLINDS THAT BETRAY A SHAFT OF MOONLIGHT.

Middle of the night - 3 am to be exact - I ain't even been to bed. I never knew just what a good thing it is to not be able to sleep sometimes. Middle of the night - so peaceful, so beautiful, so quiet - it's as if all the problems of the world go to sleep just like we do. It's a truce. Both sides retreat and face each other again at sun-up. Yeah, a duel in the sun. Lookin' out this window - this town sure is gettin' a few winks for a city people say never sleeps. I know my Eddie's out there somewhere, just don't know what he's doin', or what's bein' done to 'im. I hate to think of it. As I look out, ev'ry mem'ry of the boy comes right back at me, as if in 3-d. The day he saved my life in that alley and told me he wanted to join me. The first time we made love. The rescues we made, how he leaped right into action just like the hero he wanted to be. He made me a better man, much better than I woulda been had I just went on by myself like I'd been doin' all these years. Better to have loved and lost, then.....naw, strike that from the record. Better to have loved and misplaced for the time bein'....That's all it is. Eddie's just missin' for now. He'll be back. "Wherever you are, wherever that son-of-a-bitch is hidin' ya, I'll find ya. I find ev'ryone I look for and you ain't no exception, Eddie Robinson, ya ain't no friggin' exception, ya HEAR ME? I don't care what nobody did to ya, I'll undo it. They can run with ya, but they can't hide ya. You beautiful, buff behemoth ya can't get away from me that easily!" Holy geez, here I am cryin' now. But I can't help it. I feel like I'm trapped inside, all I can do is keep poundin' at this window. Eddie's out there and I'm in here. I start poundin' and shoutin' "Eddie! EDDIE! Where the hell are ya!" I keep poundin' til my fist goes right through the glass. Aw. holy cow, blood on my hands. I had some folks' blood on my hands before, but never my own. "Mike! What happened?" "Wha - -? Oh, Bobby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I thought about Eddie bein' out there helpless, can't get back to me, I can't get back to him. We've been looking for this sicko's car all week. I'm really losin' hope. Added to that, the guy I'm s'posed to be trailin' ain't nowhere to be found, neither." "Dickie Biggs?" "Yeah, in all this madness, I kinda forgot about him, ya know?" Bobby suddenly tenses up, rubs his fist in his hand and whispers, "gosh - why didn't I think about that before?" "Mike, back to the gym, the videos, they probably taped Dickie Biggs's kidnappin'. Same maniacs might've done it. We find him, we find Eddie!" I graps both his arms and shout out, "good BOY, Bobby"....then the moment kinda fizzles out. "But we can't find Eddie. We can't find him, we can't find Dickie Biggs." I take another drink of scotch, which Bobby then slaps outta my hand. "Now you listen and listen good -we gotta keep it up. We gotta keep up the search. You call yourself a detective, you detect things, you detect where they're at, ya got me? And I'm a boy lookin' for a really good bust-up, I wanna bust some bad-guy balls and you gotta lead me to 'em, ya got it? Eddie's cryin' out for ya, Dickie Biggs wants to get back in front of the cameras and whoever hired you has got your fee burnin' a hole in his pocket, ya got it?" I leap up right at this kid, grab him by his crew neck and get right in his face, "Now YOU listen, ya little shit-bag! You don't ever talk to me like that again! No one's ever talked to me like that in my life, not even Eddie. I hear one more word outta your sorry little ass and...." Hoo-boy, now I've done it. Bobby's lookin' at me, I look at him. I lean closer and closer to his face, his mouth, his soft supple, silky lips. I lean closer. "Mike, we shouldn't." I kiss him. "I know" He kisses me. "It's wrong." I kiss him back. "I don't care." He kisses me. We kiss each other several times. "You're a good sidekick, you do anything I ask ya to." "Absolutely" "Then turn around". Bobby undoes his belt, opens his pants and drops 'em. God, his buttocks are so firm, so round, so solid, it's gonna feel real good goin' in there. I poke at it slightly, gently, so as not to hurt 'im or nothin'. He doesn't mind. He moans a little, but he's diggin' it. I'm diggin' it, too. I'm diggin' in. He moans pleasurably. He don't say a word, he ain't gotta. One moan spells a thousand pictures. My flesh rubbin' in his. He's so warm, so solid, so beautiful. I close my eyes while I'm in the act, really gettin' into it. I call his name out. "Aw, Eddie, Eddie...." Oh, my GOD! I stop right there, whip it right out and turn away from Bobby, I'm so embarrassed, I feel so awful, God, I'm ripped up inside. It's as if I boinked myself in the butt instead. "Aw, Jesus, Bobby, I'm sorry, I really am... I just..." I don't get enough time to get my spiel out. I really hurt this kid and all he wanted to do was help me get my Eddie back. "It's okay. I know you miss him. I know you miss the sex. If I had a hero and I was taken away, he should miss me half as much as you miss him, and I'd be the happiest boy on the planet. None of us planned this, I got up because I thought somethin' happened to ya, and you're devastated. I shouted at you like I did because I thought it'd snap you out of your stupor. This was an accident and I won't say nothin' if you don't. You gotta get in that car, hit those streets and find those two hunk-a-ramas, and I'd be proud to play any part I can in that. You're a good guy - you do good stuff. Just like Eddie, I got a crush on you a couple of years ago. I couldn't believe my eyes when the two of you started showin' up at the gym - all right, yeah, to snoop around about Dickie Biggs, but you were there none the same. So, whaddya say, Boss-Man, is this Boy Friday goin' out on a ride with you, or what?" "To the gym, we got some videos to pick up." "Gotta warn ya, our late fees are a bitch." I started laughin'. He did, too. We hugged, no, make that SQUEEZED each other. "Oh, Bobby, you are a good one. I'm gonna feel real good for the hero that gets you. Real good."

We get to the gym, Bobby had the keys to ev'rything, turnin' off the alarm, goin' over to the security tape room. He asked me when I heard about Dickie's disappearance, which was about a week ago by now. So he grabs some tapes from the week before. We study all of 'em, fast-forwardin' and that. It took pretty much the whole day, all the while worryin' that that's one more day Eddie's out there, possibly in danger. I'm goin' through my stack when suddenly, "HOLY MACKEREL THIS IS IT!" I leap up and run over to his monitors and see the whole thing. They got Dickie Biggs the same way they got Eddie. "Broad freakin' daylight, too!" "To the streets!" and the two of us set about another search. We're drivin' a couple of blocks when suddenly we get cut off. Some jerk runnin' his red light, nearly crashin' into us. But he didn't. Still, I honked the horn and shouted, "watch where the hell you're goin', ya guttersnipe." He yells back, "God be with you and have a nice day." and tears off. "THAT'S THE CAR! FOLLOW THEM!" Bobby yells, and we tear right off after him. Holy tailgatin', I'm gonna make this guy's life a livin' hell, that's what I'm gonna do." We follow this crumb right up to this house they're livin' in. They park and get out, we leap right out and grab 'em and start wailin' on 'em. The guy I'm pummelin' says, "What the hell are you doing? All we did was cut you off." I grab his neck and get right in his face. "That's not all ya did. Ya kidnapped Dickie Biggs, ya kidnapped Eddie Robinson. You tell me where they're at or I swear I'll kill ya, YA GOT THAT? I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' NECK, YA COCKSUCKER!" Bobby tried to get my attention, so I look up at him and notice he's bein' held at gunpoint, hands up. "Aw, holy geez, they got ya." And I got the barrel of an AK-47 at my back. They got me, too.

They take us inside to meet the lynchpin of all this mess. "Well, now, Mr. Batzinger. To what do we owe the privilege of your visit? And who is your handsome friend?" "Hey, for starters, the name's BATZ B-A-T-Z. I don't know where ya get this crap from." "It is your given Christian name, is it not?" "Yeah? So?" This guy keeps starin' at me and smilin'. Aw, crap, another one. Yeah, I know people dig me and all, but sometimes it gets a little creepy, ya know what I'm sayin'? He finally opens his yap. "Ah, so many years. You know you've really come up in the world." "Do I know you from somewhere?" He chuckles and motions for one of his minions to bring some steamer trunk out and he starts puttin' on some other clothes. "Good night nurse, it's Cher", I think to myself. Anyways, he puts on a hat, sunglasses, a trenchcoat and stares me right in the face. I was aghast. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was my hero. I was his sidekick. "Holy moses! It can't be! You're the Trenchcoat Detective" "In the flesh" "Good God, what the hell happened to ya! You leave me a note tellin' me it's all over and you just disappear on me. What's the deal here?" "All right, all witticisms aside. I was never very communicative with you when we were partners." "I should say not. You just barked orders at me, gestured at me, that sorta thing. Ya hardly ever did gimme the time of day." "Well, in those times, I had a lot to think about. The way of life we had was starting to bother me. I felt I couldn't live with it much longer. I had not only felt guilty about capitalizing on the misfortunes of others, I was also very guilty about our relationship." "Ya never did say ya loved me or nothin', but you were really good. Damn good, in fact." "As I started to feel more and more like I needed something else in life, I embraced Christianity and took it upon myself to save others who were leading similarly destructive lives." "Porno stars, too, I take it." "Exactly. Your star's real name is George Richard Binghamton, but he insisted on calling himself, oh, Dickey Biggs, is it?" "Yeah, that's the one. Ya felt he needed savin'?" "Yes, the same would apply to young Edward as well." "Now, wait a minute there, Eddie and me is all right." "So you think, so you both think. And George-Richard also thought he was all right. But none of you are." "Why didn't ya kidnap me, too?" "I'm afraid you're beyond redemption, Michael. I had to detach from you with love. No, you're sins are much too big for my help. You have absolutely no hope of redemption until you yourself beg your God for his grace when you're at death's door. Why do you think you've survived all of the attempts on your life, while poor Edward suffered the brunt of it all?" "Cuz he's a good boy. He's my sidekick." "After you've seen what Edward has become as a result of my tutelage, I'm sure you'll change your tune." My ex-boss, my former hero, picks up a walkie talkie and calls Eddie, "Edward?" "Yes, father" Bobby nudges me and says "yes, father?" then looks back at my ex-boss. "Come into the sitting room, I'd like you to meet some acquaintances of mine." "Yes, father, right away." "I think you'll be pleased with what you see." I was NOT! Eddie's hair was slicked down, parted on the left side, and it was growin' a little. He had on somebody's Sunday best - black patent leather shoes, pleated pants, a long-sleeved white shirt and tie with a yellow vest over it. "Edward, you remember Mr. Batzinger." He stuck out his hand to shake mine, "ah, yes, how are you. It's a pleasure to see you again. How have you been?" "Um, that'll do, Edward. You have your duties to attend to." "Yes, father". He clicked his heels and turned and walked out of the room, real military-like. Bobby was stunned. I was enraged, my blood was boilin'. "You sick freak. What the hell have you done?" "I have merely shown him the error of his ways and he has turned himself around. He's a wonderful young man. He will go on to do great things." Bobby chimed in, "you run a cult or somethin'" "And that will be the last word spoken by you in my home, young man. As a matter of fact, the two of you may leave this instant. You are disturbing us. We have a trip to make tomorrow and we must carry out our travel arrangements on the double." "Yeah? Where the hell ya goin' now?" "I thought you'd like to know. At precisely 6 am, Edward, George-Richard, myself and my associates will be on a plane to East Africa to provide aid and comfort to the less fortunate. You will never see your young Edward again, and there's nothing you can do about it." Lookin' at Bobby, he says, "Dear me, you certainly don't waste any time, now, do you. I think he'll fit in with your plans just fine. He seems to be your type. My God, you always did fancy the vapid gym-nuts, didn't you? Now, enough of these pleasantries, you will please exit my home with your hands up. My associates will escort you to your car. It's better if you leave this instant before I have you both executed. Good day." So, me and Bobby reach for the sky and walk out, sayin' nothin' while these goons were pokin' at us. We finally get to the car and start drivin' off. Bobby says to me, "so what's next?"


WHAT'S NEXT IS RIGHT! EDDIE AND DICKIE BIGGS BEING DRAGGED OFF TO AFRICA?

MIKE AND BOBBY HAVE TO DO SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT, BUT WHAT?

FOR THE SHATTERING CONCLUSION, READ ON!

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR - The Passion of the Boy

EDDIE - I was probably dreaming. It's one of those things where you're asleep and then you start wakin' up without knowin' it. Ya start to hear some sounds that either you're dreamin' or wakin' up - I wasn't sure. Anyways, my eyes were still closed and I hear two guys talkin'. "How long ago was the boy shot?" "27 minutes and 30 seconds ago." "Very good. That means the drugged arrow will wear off at any moment." Shot? Drugged? They must've been talkin' about me. I'm a boy and I was shot with an arrow. Then I open my eyes, thinkin' they must've drugged me and took me somewhere. I'll just throw a few punches and get myself outta this. I couldn't move my arms. Holy crap, they were tied down. I thought they were just rope and I could break away from this, but I discovered to my horror that my arms were spread out. I look to my left and see my hand cuffed to some pole, then I see the other one was, too. I turned my head back and forth a couple of times, just tryin' to get the jist of it. I gritted my teeth and tried to pull away, but it was no use. My wrists were gettin' sorer. I grimaced in pain. I yanked at it so tightly all my muscles were contractin' and my veins were poppin' out. I was cuffed to some pole goin' back and forth. I muttered "holy crucifixion". Then one of the guys says to me, "nice metaphor, for that is exactly what's happening to you." I snarled at him, "you filthy fiend. What have you done to me?" "Edward Robinson, please allow me to introduce myself." I got smart alecky with him, "let me guess, you're a man of wealth and fame." He laughed at that, sayin' "well, I am very well-to-do. When I gave my life to the Lord, He has blessed me in abundance." "The Lord? You mean Jesus Christ?" "Ah, so you've heard of him. Very good. You see, you were brought here in order that you may be saved. You are impure and you need to be cleansed." Now that really got my dander up. "Listen, you, I am as pure as the driven snow. I never hooked school, I never drank, never did drugs, I never curse, I never did anything illegal. My body is in tip-top physical shape, and I'm a crimefighter, always at my boss's side. I am the All-American Boy." "It's not the crimefighting that has us concerned. Jesus says He's unhappy with the sexual nature of your partnership with a Mr. John-Michael Batzinger." "The man's name is Batz, Mike Batz, and he's my first and only lover. There's nothing impure about our love. If this country didn't hate men like us so much, we'd be allowed to marry, and we would be by now." "You say you never did anything illegal, yet you are guilty of several, if not hundreds of counts of murder." "Where do you get that? I never killed no one in my life." "Ah but you have. The many drops of sperm you have wasted in satisfaction of your so-called boss could have been utilized in the procreation of children. You have, indirectly, performed many abortions in this manner." "Hey wait a minute, abortion is legal in this country." "Not when we're through, it won't be."

Holy 700-Club, this guy's a born-again. "Why do you have me all tied up like this?" "It is the will of Christ that all of his followers must walk the path he walked in order to achieve the salvation He has promised all of us. Now you must take the next step in order to cleanse your soul. Tell me, Mr. Robinson, when you cleanse a bathroom sink or a tub or something, what is the catalyst of such cleanliness." Thinking for a second, I guessed, "water?" "Precisely. Now, for the cleansing of the soul, the same principle applies. You hold in your possession the catalyst for the cleansing of your soul, which is tears." "what are you gettin' at?" "In order to rid yourself of the sin inside you, you must weep. Your tears will wash your mind, body, and spirit clean. You do need some assistance in this matter, which I have provided." He steps back and reaches behind him, brandishin' a whip. I get really scared, my mouth starts shakin', my eyes pop wide open. "C-cat-o-nine-tails?" "Exactly. To induce your spiritual surrender you will be given 39 lashes with this weapon. Tell me, Mr. Robinson, what is 39 multiplied by 9?" "351". "Correct. Now, tell me, how desirable will Mr. Batzinger find you with 351 scars on your back?" I start shakin', breathin' really fast. I've never been so scared in my life. Now this maniac's gonna beat the hell outta me to get me to cry. "You can do anything you like. I'll never cry in front of you, or anyone!" "You say that now." He walks over and stands behind me, first rubbin' the whip real gentle like against my back. I'm bracin' myself for this. "Goo Goo ga Goob, Mr. Robinson - Jesus loves you more than you will know." CRACK I let out an ear-piercin' scream. That one lash just tore right into me, I feel somethin' warm and wet go down my back. I'm bleedin'. CRACK I feel like I got hit by a bus that keeps backin' up and slammin' me again, and again. I start countin', thinkin' I'll get this overwith and get through this. I'm in so much pain I lose count. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! I'm moanin, I'm beggin' this guy to stop, I'm screamin', but I ain't cryin'. He'll never see one drop fall from my eye. I'd rather shed all 4 pints of blood than one single tear. I'd never give this lowlife the satisfaction. This maniac fianlly finishes me off, then comes around to check on his work, so they say. "Not a drop. I don't understand." "Oh, I do. I'm here to fight crime. There's no cryin' in crimefightin', you cretin. A hero takes his lumps as a paltry price to pay for bringin' beastly blowhards like you to justice."
"An amazing aptitude at alliteration, Mr. Robinson, it makes you sound like the most macho man. However, I see we must pursue a more punitive ploy of persuasion." Then he goes away, just leavin' me there. It was a funny thing how he knew the lingo. Only crimefighters know how to talk like that. It was real disturbin' to me. Real disturbin'.

MEANWHILE, AT THE HOSPITAL, AS MIKE REBOUNDS FROM HIS ATTACK, BOBBY SHOWS UP WITH SOME EVIDENCE THAT'LL HELP HIM GET HIS EDDIE BACK.

MIKE - HA! That arrow job was nothin' - I'm still around and I'm gettin' the heck outta here first chance I get. The guy from the gym shows up. "Hey, how ya doin', Mr. Batz?" "Good", I said, wonderin' what this kid was doin' here. "I got somethin' here ya might use to find Eddie. We got security videos at the gym, some inside, some at the parkin' lot." He went through some pics he snapped from the tapes. "Good boy" I thought. "Now this one shows the kidnapper's car and his plate. It's kinda blurry, but you at least know what the car looks like." Lookin' over the pics, I says, "I got somethin' at the office what can, whaddya call, make the numbers clearer. I'm gettin' outta here today, I'll check this out when I get back there." "I wanna come with ya". "Huh?" "Yeah, I like you and Eddie, you're a couple of swell guys and I wanna do ev'rything I can to help you guys out." "Look, kid, this is really great of you, and all, but you don't know what you're walkin' into here, and..." "Didn't ya say the same to Eddie at one time?" "well, yeah, but we..." "I know I'm a little younger than 'im, but I can still sit in for 'im til we get 'im back. I thought about all ya told me back at the gym. I know I can't be a hero just yet, that's gonna take a while, but like Eddie says, greatest thing ever to be a boy sidekick." "Hold on, there, me and Eddie's got somethin' goin', and..." "Yeah, I know, that's what I wanna help ya get back. You're a man who needs a boy, I'm a boy who needs a man, but this'll be just a for-now thing, yeah?" "What'll ya do when we get Eddie back?" "That's up to God to know and me to find out, but I know I can be a sidekick, I just know it."

I look this kid in the eye - he's got this look like he really wants to fight the bad guys. I can see this straight through to the back of his head. He's one of us, all right, I think he can pull this off, but I gotta ask 'im a couple things, there. "Talk to me about punches." "Ya gotta throw a good one and really know how to take one and bounce back." "Good. Bullets." "Dodge 'em if ya can, but ya gotta get hit with 'em too if you're both gonna survive. It's all part of the game." "Got a tee-shirt under that jacket?" He takes his jacket off and I look 'im over. Nice stuff. No tats, shirt's got quarter sleeves, bulgin' bi-ceps at the ready. I rub my fingers up and down his arms, smooth and hard at the same time, just like my boy. Yeah, he's gonna do, okay. I forget myself and start puttin' my hands under his smooth, silky, cotton sleeves, I draw closer, the kid starts breathin' a lot. I think I'm scarin' him, but the look on his face says it all, he's goin' for it. He takes hold of my arms and we're lookin' at each other, gonna plant one on each other, then he says, "Mr. Batz - I wanna fill in for Eddie, just to get him back, but he's the one who belongs to ya - I don't wanna mess with that. You are one of the hottest dicks out there and don't think I don't wanna mess with that. Eddie'd be way too hurt." "You're right. I'm sorry I lapsed like that, it's just that you're so damn..." then the kid cuts me off by puttin' his fingers on my mouth. "...and so are you, but we gotta think of Eddie. He's your life. I gotta find a hero of my own and be his whole life." God I love this kid's integrity. Pure as the driven snow, just like my boy. God, if I was alone right now, I...HOO-BOY! But he's right. I say to him, I says, "whaddya say we just kiss once, get it outta the system." "I dunno" "It's the only way, Bobby."
"I'm sorry, I'll do anything, but Eddie really loves you. Ya gotta be with him, please don't cheat on him, Mike." The kid starts cryin', "even if I ain't around, I don't wanna know about you bein' with no one else, man. I love you both and I don't wanna do nothin' to ya. He's goin' through enough right now with those maniacs, and...I just don't wanna..." He cries on my shoulder, "don't do this to 'im. Let's not do this to 'im." I was so happy. Joy shot right through my whole body. I felt like I was on fire. This kid was hot, way hot, and he coulda been mine, but he loved me and Eddie's bein' together more than anything. Holy sacrifice bunt. I lifted his head up and wiped his tears away. "Ya know what? You're all right. Let's go bust these bozo's balls." "Right you are." And we were off. Clear up that license plate picture and go on a manhunt to beat all. I hate the guy that's doin' this, but I'm gonna feel real sorry for 'im when I get 'im. Real sorry.

EDDIE - A part of me's too mad to be scared. That's a good thing. Keep up the fight and the might and I'll be all right. I can take anything this maniac's gonna throw in my face. He don't know what he's up against. I may be chained to this rig and all, but I won't be forever. I hate this guy, but I'm gonna feel real sorry for 'im when I'm done with 'im. Real sorry. I hear footsteps. Here we go, another round of this. "Eddie?" Wait a second, sounds like Mike. Holy cats! He found me! All right! "Eddie, ya there?" "Yeah, Mike, over here, some psycho's got me all cuffed up like to this thing. Get me outta here, let's go bust this bozo." It's Mike all right, but he's just standin' there. "Gee, got ya all tied up here, huh?" "Yeah, but you can break me loose, like ya always did. We gotta get goin', we ain't got much time." He's shakin' his head no. What's goin' on here? "I ain't got much time, but you do." "Whaddya mean?" "I can't let ya outta there, I gotta cut ya loose." "Still ain't gettin' ya." "It's the end of the line, kid. It's over between us. I was kickin' this guy's head in and he stops and says to me, he says, 'you love this boy?' And I says, 'yeah, 'course I do'. 'Ya love 'im enough to set 'im free?' I'm goin' 'that's what I'm tryin' to do here, ya moron (laughin')'. 'No', he says, 'the kid's been livin' in a bad way with you. He's gotta get a better life. I'll let ya have Dickie Biggs back if you gimme Eddie.' He says ya gotta be saved and all that, so I couldn't argue with that, ya know?" "Wait, hold on there, what are ya sayin'? You're droppin' me? After ev'rything we been through?" "I'd keep it up if it was right, but it ain't." "Oh, God!" This is too much for me, I gotta be hearin' things. "Mike, PLEASE, he's just messin' with ya, you're too smart to get into all that. Mike, PLEASE!" "I'm sorry kid, I'm real sorry, but we both gotta move on, huh? Ya knew this couldn't last forever." "NO! Oh, GOD, think of what you're doin'! MIKE!" I'm sobbin' up a storm, I can't believe what I'm hearin'. The Boss-Man, the only man I've ever loved is walkin' away from me, leavin' me here to stay locked up. This is more than I can take. Ev'rything else I suffered before ain't nothin' compared to this. "MIKE! Where ya goin'! Don't go away!" "Well, be seein' ya, kiddo." "MIKE! MI-I-I-KE!" All I can do is just scream, tears are runnin' down my face like nothin' else. I can't stop sobbin'. My heart's poundin'. I feel nothin' but pain inside. I don't even feel nothin' on my back, not that beatin' I took. Nothin'. I'm breathin' in real deep so I can let it all out, "MIKE COME BACK HERE PLEASE! I AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' WITHOUT YA! NOTHIN'!" I'm exhausted, hangin' my head down, bawlin'. This is a pain ya can't scream away, nothin' can heal it. It's like I'm dead or somethin'. My creepy connivin' captor comes back, probably to taunt me some more. "I heard what you said, young Edward, but you are wrong. You think you have nothing, but you've just opened the door to everything." "What are you talkin' about?" "Do you feel a little button behind your hands?" I feel around a bit, yeah, there's somethin' there, all right. "It's a switch. Flick it with your fingers." I do, and the cuffs open up - for both hands. I'm amazed. "You see, young Edward, you've always had the power to set yourself free, and now you have. Extend your arms out this way and come here to me." So, I take a couple of steps, with my hands out to this guy, I can't believe what I'm doin'. I'm fallin' down, I'm so weak. My knees give. He catches me and takes me in his arms, strokin' my hair. "No, only Mike does that." "Incorrect. Only Mike DID that. But he's not the only one. You're about to have the love affair of your life. Jesus Christ is the only man for you now, and I'll personally introduce you to Him." "So you are gonna kill me? Not that it matters. I don't wanna live now, anyway." "No, don't be silly. I only killed the sin. I made room for Christ to come into your soul. If you ask Him to, that is. He's the only man who can comfort you as you need." "What did you say to Mike?" "The only thing I ever tell anyone, young Edward, the truth. You now have a new, uh, hero to be a sidekick to, do whatever He tells you to." "Wait, how do I know what He's tellin' me? He's not around here." "He issues His commands through me. Years ago, I asked Him to let me be an instrument of His love, and so it is and so it shall be. Now, I'll let you rest a bit here, before we move on to your new life. There's an awful lot of things to be done and you need your strength. Rest easy, my son, rest easy."

SUFFERIN' SAMARITANS! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? THE DASHING DETECTIVE AND EDDIE BREAKING UP? EDDIE ABOUT TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH A RELIGIOUS FANATIC? AND HOW DID THIS GUY LEARN HOW TO SPEAK IN ALLITERATIONS?

WILL BOBBY REED BE THE NEW BOY FRIDAY? BATZ CERTAINLY DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND THE IDEA! WAS BOBBY IN ON THIS?

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT LOOKS AWFULLY FISHY - BOBBY SO CONVENIENTLY COMING INTO THE PICTURE, AND WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE HE'S COMING INTO!

JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, IF YOU'RE BRAVE ENOUGH!

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE - Meet Bobby Reed

BOBBY - Allow me to introduce myself. Name's Reed - Bobby Reed. I work at a gym. I was the guy Mile Batz was referrin' to when he was tellin' someone like it is when it came to detective work. I've always been into it, always followin' detectives, just like Eddie. Now, Eddie and I didn't talk much, but for him askin' about this porno star him and Mike was lookin' for, named Dickie Biggs. Biggs used to come in and work out all the time. Part of his contract with us was that we never blabbed that this guy was here. I had my doubts about the so-called art form. Yeah, I think it's cheap, tawdry and lewd, but I gotta earn my keep. Good payin' customers don't come easy. It don't matter which brand of butter goes with your bread. So, anyway, Biggs disappears, Eddie comes in, pretendin' he's a friend of his, ain't seen 'im for a while, goin' on about "so what's he up to these days, ain't heard from 'im for a while." Nobody could tell 'im. Then Batz shows up, black leather shoes, stetson hat (at least it looks like one), trench coat that just cascades around his body. Yeah, I listened to what he was tellin' me, but I was gettin' off watchin' him talk. I kept picturin' him grabbin' me, plantin' one right on the kisser and snarlin' "Hello, My Lovely". Yeah, bein' a workin' stiff at a gym, in more ways than one - wow, ya talk about a job with french benefits.

So, Eddie's been in the shower for a while now. I tell Batz I gotta start closin' up now, maybe he could see what's takin' so long. Then he's gone for a while. Did they go out the back, I remember thinkin'. I went to look for 'em, too. Now, I'm 18 years old, outta school and all that, livin' the good life, but I look older. I'm 6'4", 220 pounds, keep a pretty trim buzz-cut, I take advantage of my discount with the gym, so I'm doin' pretty good. I sometimes think I've been around a bit. What I saw in the back over by the lockers floored me, man, I almost passed out. It was the Holy Shit heard round the world. I go in there and see Batz lyin'on the floor, all passed out with this thing stickin' outta his chest. I try everything I can think of to wake 'im up. If I gotta take this guy to the hospital, he's gotta be awake. Man, oh, man, he's just gotta wake up. I hope he ain't dead. It'd be a miracle if not. I sprinkle cold water on his face, try shakin' him, then I think I hear some moanin'. I prop him back up against the wall. Aside from shakin' 'im a little, I didn't move him, no way, not with that thing stickin' out like that. I knew this guy was in trouble. "Eddie - Eddie where are ya, pal? What they do to ya?" I bend down and try talkin' to 'im. "Hey, Detective, it's me, the guy at the counter. Ya lookin' for Eddie? Someone do somethin' to 'im?" "Wha? Oh, yeah, hey" He grimaces when he feels the arrow in his chest. "Come on, get this outta me, will ya?" "Naw, I want to, but it's not a good idea. I'm gonna call 911, they'll come out - they know how to pull stuff out like this without no more damage." I decided to just sit with 'im til they came. I rubbed along the chest area with that thing stickin' out. It really got to me, it looked really sore. Batz was too good a guy to have somethin' like this happen. He told me later it's 'cuz he is a good guy, that's why it happens. Like evil comes out, hates people doin' and bein' good, so they do everything they can to turn 'em around, make 'em bad people, just so the bad guys'll win. Naw, not with Batz on the beat, they won't. What's it I hear 'im sayin' sometimes - oh, yeah, ya can't keep a guy like him down 'cuz when he's up, he's always up, or somethin' like that. I lean into 'im some more. "Hey, did you see where Eddie went, like, who did this to 'im?" In between gasps for breath, he said, "yeah, they plugged 'im with one of these, too, knocked 'im out, carryin' 'im away, not a stitch of clothes on, neither, ya know?" Wow, Eddie naked. Aw, man, with a bod like that, that's gotta be somethin' to see. I bet they manhandled 'im, too. Wow, wish I could pick 'im up and take him somewheres. I mean, yeah, I got a thing for him and all that, but I respect the thing he's got goin' with Batz. Maybe one day I'll find a hero to play sidekick to someday. Maybe.

I did talk about Batz a little when Eddie was around, askin' 'bout 'im, that kind of thing. He said, "yeah, he's a really good guy. The best ever. There ain't nothin' I wouldn't do for 'im. Growin' up all these years, all I ever wanted to be was his sidekick. Glad I am, too. I mean, ya gotta throw a good punch and take one for your hero, too. Mike's my boss, my lover, my hero. Best thing ever is to be a sidekick. Someone you're loyal to, devoted to. When we meet up with the bad guys, and he's talkin' some stuff to 'em, and I'm standin' there, right at his side, ready to fight, and I'm always lookin' at 'im. Best part of my day. Holy moses, I really hit the jackpot when the two of us hooked up. I can't even think of my life without 'im." "What turns ya on about 'im?", I ask. "Aw, cripe, ev'rything, man. The way he walks, the clothes he wears, how hyped up he gets when he figures somethin' out. The way he clutches his fist and points when he's really gettin' somethin' out to ya."

The paramedics came in and pulled the arrow outta him. Sure it hurt and sure he didn't like it much, but they gave him one of them things you use to stop the bleedin'. Begins with "T" I know that much - just can't think of it now, though. As they wheel him outta there, I say to Batz, "anything I can do?" He just looks at me with pained resignation. "Good of ya to say that, but at this point, I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do. I'm down for the count and my boy is missin'. I gotta get outta this and go get 'im."

I felt real helpless. I didn't know what to do. All I could do was continue to lock up for the night. I saw the paramedics to the parking lot, thanked them for comin' out so fast, then they took off. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a security camera. POW! That gave me an idea. I ran back inside. See, we keep videos of everything, like if someone tries to run out without payin' after a work-out, or tries to make off with somethin'. Now, I'd say Eddie disappeared within an hou, and I checked the most recent tape log. I was rewindin' back and forth and BAM! there it was. I got the guys on tape who took him. Got the car and everything. The license plate was a little blurry, I could make out a couple of digits, and that's about it but it was still in the picture. I wondered if the cops had some sort of video lab where they futz around with the images, to try to make them clearer. I see all kinds of stuff like that on the Discovery Channel, catchin' the bad guys with the security videos. Maybe this can happen for us. Maybe I can help rescue Eddie and get him back with Batz somehow. I could help reunite this dymanic duo. Man, the thought of it gave me the shivers, I was so hot about it. "Wow, I'm a sidekick. I'm really a sidekick!" I captured a still from the tape and printed out the image for myself. Maybe I could see their car later on just by drivin' around myself. Reed to the rescue. But then I held back - "no, I gotta get Batz involved in this. I'm not a hero - I'm a sidekick, I wanna do this with a hero. His sidekick's in trouble. I wanna bring 'em back together. To the hospital." And off I went.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO The Buff and the Beautiful

Eddie was real lucky - after the bone graft and havin' his arteries fixed, he was okay - no brain damage or nothin'. He had some headaches here and there, but just popped a couple of aspirin and he was fine. He is one tough cookie. There ain't nothin' in the world to him than gettin' the bad guys and he wasn't gonna let nothin' get in the way of that. We talked about it a lot over the last couple of weeks. Mr. Moneybags's boss and I hashed it out. I says I had my hand on the guy when the real bad guys came in and made swiss cheese outta him. Bank video took care of that. Here's the twist - this guy paid triple my fee. "What, ya kiddin'?" I says. "No, I'm quite sincere, and seeing that I won't be stolen from again, there are ample funds in my company's, uh, petty cash, if you will." "Uh, if I will what?" "I beg your pardon" "Ya want me to do somethin', you was askin' if I will." The big boss grinned, "no, that's an expression meaning if you will pardon the expression of petty cash." I just looked at this guy cock-eyed, thinkin' "all right, he's been through a lot, it's a free country, if he's gonna talk funny, that ain't no bearin' on me, I guess."

"Also, your partner was nearly murdered while aiding in the apprehension of my former employee, I would imagine his hospital bill must be quite substantial." "Yeah, it's a rip-off, all right."

So we both said adios and went on with things. A few days later we get some guy drop in who wants us to find someone gone missin'. He goes on about this client of his and everything, sayin' he's a real valuable asset and on and on. Turns out he manages a porno star of all things. The jist is this kid went missin' and the manager don't know where he went off to and he's all worried and all of that. He wants the two of us to find him. Okay fine, but here's the rub. Me and Eddie talked about it when the guy left, he says to me, he says he don't know about gettin' into this whole porno thing - his dad was into it, his mom threw him out 'cuz of it, then the whole ugly mess came up with him bein' in jail and comin' back to get Eddie, takin' 'im hostage and then I come along and get him the heck outta there. Just too much stuff goin' on in his head about it, so he don't think we should go and get this kid. I says to him, I says, hey, look, we're good at this sort of thing. Bein' detectives and all, we detect, we find out stuff, we get people, ya know. "I mean, come on, kid, this ain't your dad. Porno ain't to blame for what happened to ya, huh?"

EDDIE - Well, I didn't like bein' reminded of none of that stuff, ya know, but the boss-man was right after all. A guy goes missin' and we gotta go out and get 'im, wherever he's at. Nah, porno didn't do this, it was all my dad.

So, I'm talkin' to this guy about where the kid liked to hang out, everything like that, and he's tellin' me, he tells me the guy likes to work out a lot, always at the gym, gotta keep in shape to do that sort of thing, like a ball player, ya know. So I says to this guy, I says, "maybe we oughta hang out at the gym, snoop around and stuff." I finally come up with it. Eddie's gonna pretend he's another one of them porno stars and was a friend of the missin' kid, and I'm his manager, his agent, ya know, whatever the heck I am, I'm makin' like I am, ya know. He's talkin' to other guys there, askin' about 'im, sayin' that he ain't heard from 'im. Other ones are goin', "yeah, I ain't seen him neither".

EDDIE - I got real smart about this. I get some info, some personal stuff about this guy and start usin' it on the guys at the gym, 'cuz I'm makin' like I'm his buddy and stuff, kinda like Mc Guire and Sosa, we're rivals but pals, that kinda thing. The boss-man thought about puttin' the wire on me, but, hey, I gotta shower after I work out, so where's the thing gonna go, ya know? Hey, I love the boss-man, he's real aces, but sometimes he's gotta think - that's why he needs a real ace like me, ya know? After a little while, I start goin' on about who saw him last and I meet this guy there, tellin' me this suit walks in and talks to 'im a few times, really buggin' 'im. "Yeah? 'Bout what?", I says. The other guy says this one was gettin' offers to leave his agent and go do the stuff for him. "Was it more money, what was the deal?" "I ain't sure what he was promisin' the guy, but he just kept showin' up all the time, makin' like he's one of them stalkers. Both of 'em just start fightin' and all that, shoutin' at each other, so the other guy hightails it outta there, and the kid takes off after he was done workin' out and that." Then the one I'm talkin' to gets real sad like. He didn't say nothin' for a bit, then says to me, he says, "that's the last time I ever saw 'im." "How long ago was that?" "Couple weeks, maybe." All I could say was "wow", ya know. I gotta make like I'm his buddy, can't say nothin' like thanks for helpin' and that, 'cuz that'll gimme away, so I just don't say nothin'.

Later on, this suit comes in to the gym, I'm still doin' weight liftin', runnin' that kinda thing and he follows me to the locker room. I ain't thinkin' nothin' 'bout it, just he's gonna work out, too. He slams me up against the locker, tellin' me to stop yappin' 'bout this buddy of mine. "Hey, this ain't none of yer business, see, if he wanted you to know where he went, he woulda told ya, so back off, right?" That struck me real odd, ya know. Real funny thing. I called the boss-man, this wasn't gonna wait til I got back home - it couldn't.

So then Eddie describes the guywho threatened him and I'm thinkin' "he's gotta be the one. Maybe this kid was yanked off the street. Man, I'm gettin' a bad feelin' about this one." So I says to Eddie, "I'm gonna start hangin' out there more. What if he makes a grab for you, too? Somethin's up, man, I dunno." "We still goin' ahead with this?" "You better believe it, pal. Guys like us, we're guys who got honor, we keep with somethin' til the end." So then more time at the gym. Hey, one thing, this kid is really gettin' good - not about the askin' around, but, see, he was pretty hot before this, but since he's been at the gym every night, AW BABY!, huh? Hoo-Boy he's really turnin' into somethin'. But anyways, we're at the gym, he finishes his stuff, hits the showers and.....holy smoke salmon, still can't think of it. That's when Eddie disappears on me.

EDDIE - I got outta the shower, headin' to the locker room, not thinkin' nothin' 'bout it, then I get this rag on my face. "Holy samoleons - chloroform". It only works when ya breathe, so I struggled and held my breath, somehow yanked myself free, then really gave this guy the business. I punch his lights out, send 'im flyin' across the room, then run to get the heck outta there, when I'm grabbed by another guy, stronger than me, and stuff. He's got my arms all locked up in the back, he's got his hand over my mouth so the boss-man can't hear me screamin' or nothin', then the guy I punched out gets back up and takes out a crossbow gun and shoots an arrow right into my left pec. Aw, man, I'm in way too much pain to scream, my mouth just pops right open. I start to weaken and my captor releases his grip, so I try to pull it out, see, and I just freeze up with my hand still clutching the arrow. I look right at my assailant, scream "holy alamo" and I fell to the ground. That's the last thing I remember until...

MIKE - While I'm waitin' for Eddie, I'm talkin' to some guy out in the lobby. Naw, naw, naw, it ain't nothin' like that. Just a kid who knows about me, wants to know what detective work is like and I give it to 'im straight. I stood with my legs spread eagle, wringing my fist in my other hand, squintin' my eyes, grittin' my teeth, for emphasis. "I'll tell ya what it's like", I says, "it's all about solvin' the crime. That's da only thing that matters in this world. Ya gotta be on your toes, leave no stone unturned, don't rule nothin' out, don't be afraid of askin' nothin'. It's what ya don't find out that's gonna come bite ya. It ain't all the glamor people think it is. It's non-stop, sunup to sundown. Ya gotta eat, sleep and breathe it. Your life is not your own, it's up for grabs the minute ya flash that badge. You take a look at this body of mine. It's really seen some roughin' up." I then leaned in a little closer, grabbin' a stool, hoistin' on leg up, restin' my arm on it as I'm pointin' to this guy. "I get punched, kicked, scratched, stabbed, burned, conked, shot. I don't let that get me - I come back, I fight back, I bounce back and I am back. Ya get your feet wet, ears dry, nose clean, ass covered, eyes and ears open. At the end of the day bad guy's in the pokey, client sleeps like a baby, always with a shake of the hand, a smile on the face, a thank you outta the mouth. That's the life God give us and that's what ya gotta live for, my friend." I snap my fingers and slap one hand with the other. I get up, put my hands on my hips, throwin' my coat open a little, and it flows in the back, just like a cape. When I'm on the case, I am a caped crusader, I am Batman, I am the Shadow, I am a hero. A hero with a sidekick.

I then thought about Eddie, what was takin' him so long. I had to go investigate. I went to the showers. Nothin'. No water runnin', nobody in there. I checked the locker rooms. "Hey, ya ready, pal?" I saw somethin' comin' at me, slammin' my chest, I go down. It's an arrow. I'm paralyzed. I was conscious enough to try crawlin' over to Eddie, who was out like a light, hoisted up on some scumbag's shoulders. "Whaddya think you're doin'?" Then I fell out. That's the last thing I remember, until...