CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE - The Vindication of Eddie Robinson

MIKE - After chattin' it up with Fletch, me-n-Eddie rode off into the sunset, another job well done, but I had one on my own ahead of me. I know for sure Eddie didn't tell me ev'rything on that tape, unconscious or not. It was cocaine that got him kicked outta the academy. Maybe so, but I still didn't hear it all. I had to talk to the kid.

We got back home and I says to Eddie, "you remember when I gave you that shot of truth serum and I recorded ev'rything ya said?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I wasn't ever gonna play it for ya, but I think ya oughta hear a part of it, anyway."

I, myself, listened to it a few times, still tryin' to take it all in. I couldn't believe what my boy had held inside all this time. My heart was broken. Since then I just looked upon him with sadness in my eyes, sadness in my heart. You take all the weapons used on me throughout my life as the Dashin' Detective, add it all up, and that was a day at the beach compared to what I felt when I heard Eddie's confession. Sympathy doesn't serve a Detective well. A Detective with a muscular, agile body, a quick mind, an effervescent enthusiasm for the fight against crime should be the recipient of fear, love, admiration, respect, lust. I just wanted to hold 'im, my sweet, precious boy with all that pain inside of him. He was too young for all of this.

The tape recorder itself had a counter on it. I scribbled some notes, putting the counter number after certain excerpts like the one I was about to play for him - the one about the cocaine. He bristled.

"So now you know what really happened. Ya sore at me?"

"At first, yeah. Not because of the drugs, but because ya couldn't think to tell me, honestly. But I saw why. Then I got to thinkin'. You couldn't walk outta there on your own devices. I think you were coerced. I also think you're blockin' out the memory of what really happened, what really held you there, this force that took away your once-promisin' career as a blue-boy. In my heart of hearts I know there were others involved. We have a way to find out. I spoke with Dr. Fletcher about it. That was the so-called pit-stop I had to make. Eddie, as I rescued you from that closet as a kid, gave ya a whole new lease on life, I'm here to do it again. You're gonna be hypnotized and re-live ev'rything to a tee and we're gonna track down these sick sons-a-bitches and we're gonna NAIL 'em. We're gonna make them wish they'd never been born, we're gonna make shit outta their lives like they done to you. Ya with me?"

"Gosh, I've never been hypnotized before. Is it safe?"

I hugged him, "as safe as if you're in my arms, boy. I'll be right there as you're goin' through this. I won't let anything happen to ya. Anything you've ever felt about that night will all come out in one session. You can really start to live after that. You're a bright, sexy, good-hearted All-American boy who just wants to do good. You've done lots of good and now you're gonna get some of that back, so whaddya say, huh?"

Eddie sat and thought, then stood up and said to me, "to Wursthaven".

And to Wursthaven we headed. And good on him, Fletch agreed to see us on real short notice, too.

"Now this shouldn't take very long, you won't feel a thing. Do you have something to concentrate on as I put you in a trance?"

Sure did. Eddie brought along the Batman comic that Skip gave 'im - the original print. He concentrated on the Boy Wonder himself, his role model, his inspiration for crimefightin'. As peomised, I was right there next to him. Fletch assured me that he'd be safe, that he didn't need anyone else around, but the kid spoke up, "Uh, no, doc, I want him here with me. We never go through anything by ourselves."

"Please, doc, this is a big thing for 'im."

He relented and as Eddie focused on the cover of the magazine, holdin' it with both hands, I sat next to him, my hand on his arm. The sight of Robin, the feel of my rough, leathery hand on his smooth, silky arm, familiar stuff. That's what he needed.

"Your eyes are getting heavy, you are slowly losing consciousness, falling into a deep sleep. Your deep subsoncious is slowly rising to the forefront. When you awaken at the end of this session you will know nothing of what is about to take place..."

[That's what he thinks - I gave Eddie the wire and he's gonna hear ev'rything]

"....you will also awaken feeling refreshed and renewed. Now, I'm taking you back to that weekend at the academy. As you relive that weekend, you will reveal all that occurred during that fateful time. Where are you now?"

"Walkin' back to my dorm. Classes wrapped up for the day. I see these two guys walkin' up in my direction. I'm nervous. I reported them for an infraction and they were suspended for a week - now they're back. They grab me and slam me up against the wall."

"Well, if it isn't the stool pigeon himself."

"Yeah, he should join the Rat Squad when he gets outta here - provided he gets outta here alive, that is."

[His life was threatened?]

"They punch me in the stomach and throw my books outta my hands. As they keep hittin' me, they keep sayin' stuff like are ya gonna snitch about this POW! - what about this - WHAM! -"

"Hey, what's the matter with ya, Little Caesar, ain't ya never heard of the Code of Silence?"

"You don't do a cop like you did us, kid."

"It was the right thing to do - I saw ya breakin' the rules and I had to say somethin' "

"Fuck the rules and fuck you, too. Hey, Marty, I guess we really showed this guy, huh?"

"Nah, not yet, Stosh. This is only the beginning. Hell, it's a shame that little fat fuck Mc Inerney got tossed outta here - we coulda thrown him in the shower with him!"

[SKIP! They were there at the same time?]

"Eddie, who is this Mc Inerney person?"

"I don't know. Never heard of 'im, I heard some guy got expelled for indecency, but I never got his name."

[Holy Crap - the two of them right there and they never met! I guess Skip never knew Eddie either]

"They walk away and I pick up my stuff and go back to my dorm. I was just gonna take it easy, but now I was all beat up?"

"Didn't you go to the infirmary?"

"Wanted to, but I was too scared to. I'd have to say who did this to me and I didn't want anything back. Since there were no classes for the weekend, I figured I'd stay inside and just let this blow over. Maybe things would ease off. I locked my door and went to sleep. Next thing I knew, my door was broken into, the lights were shinin' in my face, my hands and feet were cuffed and shackled, one of them had his hand on my mouth. I was dragged to this room, other guys were there, they ripped my clothes off , uncuffed me, grabbed my arms and held them against the wall. I tried kickin' myself free, but they were stronger."

"Do you know any names? Who are they? You quoted a name of Marty."

"Yeah, Marty Shaughnessey. Nobody could pronounce his last name, so they called him Chauncey, too."

"What was his role in this?"

"He was barkin' orders at the others."

"Who's Stosh? You also said his name."

"Stosh Wilczek. He was one of the guys holdin' me against the wall. He shouted that it's time to dress me up."

"Dress you up in what?"

"A leather mask, then they tied a sheet around my neck like a cape, or somethin', then they put a pair of leather shorts on me. Hey, guys, look at our little superhero! Boy if Batman could see you now!"

[They didn't! Oh, this is really gettin' bad! I know bullies always attack your weak spot, but this....I want these guys' blood!]

"Shaughnessey took his pants down and started jerkin' off in front of me. When he was about to cum, he said open up and say ah! I gritted my teeth and said no, then another guy stomps on my foot and I forget myself and scream, then it hits my mouth, I start gaggin' - No, you don't gag, Little Caesar, swallow it! SWALLOW IT, LIKE THE LITTLE COCKSUCKER YA ARE!"

"Do you know who else was there? Do you know their names?"

"Mike Murphy was the other guy holdin' me down with Stosh. Then Chauncey said well, I got somethin' else for ya to swallow. Murph, Stosh, bring 'im over here. They brought me to a desk and my hands were cuffed behind me and my feet were chained to the legs of a desk. There was a few lines of powder sittin' in front of me."

[Good Jesus!]

"Hey, Little Caesar! I hear you're gonna be the guest of honor at a drug test tomorrow!"

"He must've heard the administration was planning to call you up at random?"

"I guess so. Chauncey put the powder up to my face and I tried to wrestle my head away, then Murphy and Stosh held my head still, one of 'em grabbin' my nose and holdin' my nostril open. Can't hold yer breath forever, boy wonder. Come on, sniff! Get it up there!"

[Eddie starts sniffin' - was it to act out what happened or was he startin' to cry?]

"It went up my nose. I couldn't stop it. OH GOD! It's burnin' me! My nose is on fire! God it hurts! It hurts! What's the matter, boy wonder, ya feelin' a little hot? Huh? Here, let's cool ya down a little. It's a bucket of ice cold water. Oh, God, it's so cold - SO...COLD. Oh, GOD I'm gonna freeze to death."

[I whip my coat off and grab him and wrap it around him, rubbin' him up and down, tryin' to keep him warm, I got him in my arms now, his face buried in my chest, he's sobbin' uncontrollably, he's shakin' like murder. Actin' fast, Fletch eases him outta the trance. I tell 'im he's gotta bring him out now before he freezes to death. He tells me it would be too much for him if we do it too fast.]

"Eddie, Eddie, listen to me, we're leaving the dormitory, we're coming back to the present. When I snap my fingers, you will be back in my office, on the count of three - 1...2...3!"

MIKE - When Eddie came to, he was still cryin', but he was kinda confused, too. Still shakin', he looks up at me and sees my face, smilin' down at him.

"Hey, how ya doin', pal?"

"Oh, GOD, Mike! Help me, Mike! HELP ME!"

"I'm so proud-a you, kid. Ya spilled it all. Ya got it all out."

"I hate 'em, I hate 'em all! I want them dead!"

He was still recoverin' from his relivin' the past, even though he was in the here and now, he still felt ev'rything he just relived. I told him we were gonna get these guys, oh, boy and how. Batz the Dashin' Detective and Robinson the Boy Friday are on the case now.

WILL EDDIE FINALLY FEEL THE VICTORY OF VINDICATION? WILL STOSH, MURPH AND CHAUNCEY FEEL THE AGONY OF DEFEAT - AND OF DA FISTS? READ ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO - Crumblin' Counterfinger

WE LEFT OUR HEROES AT THE MERCY OF DR. COUNTERFINGER - MIKE'S HANDS AND FEET CUFFED TO A CHAIR WITH HENCHMEN STANDING BY WHILE EDDIE STANDS BEFORE OUR FELONIOUS FOE.

EDDIE - Mike was gagged and bound with cuffs and chained to a chair and this sick sadist was holdin' court in this dump of a room. Since this guy either likes to destroy young bodies or minds, I knew I really had to keep my wits about me. I kept tellin' myself inside, "we're gonna win this one. I can't let 'im get to me, he won't get to me." Whatever fears I may have harbored were heavily disguised. I decided to go on the offense.

"What the heck is this about, Counterfinger?"

His henchman grab me and punch me in the face.

"That's DR. Counterfinger to you, my sweet son. Hasn't your good detective taught you anything about respect for your elders?"

"How can I have any respect for you, when I see what you've done to these two guys. For Gosh's sake, they were buildin' a medical career til you've sunk them to the depths of becoming your minions."

"Ah, yes, I see. You're quite the dean of dashed dreams, aren't you, Mr. Edward Robinson. Por ejemple, I don't see a badge on your chest. You did aspire to become a Policeman at one time, or should I say, Police Boy. You are a young, tender little thing."

"I am in law enforcement. My partner and I are contracted as Detectives working in conjunction with the Police Department, as well as being Private Investigators. I still bring evildoers to justice."

"What was it that got you booted from the police academy?"

He begins sniffin' like he has a cold.

"Does my little sound effect sound familiar to you? It should. THIS IS YOUR LIFE, EDWARD G. ROBINSON, aka half of the Defective Duo."

"That's DASHIN'!"

"aka Robinson the Bore Fried-Day."

"That's Boy Friday. I have a thing about titles, too."

"You sound like you're happy with that."

"Very. It's my life."

"Yes, the life you've SETTLED for. Yes, you are. You are a settler, take the first good thing that comes along. You, my dear boy, are really a whore at heart. I mean, you can't possibly go to bed at night believing what you'd have all of us believe. That you're happy with the life you have, dressed in these tight little outfits, albeit gorgeous, fighting crime with a washed-up gumshoe who's old enough to be your father. You don't think you deserve a hot night in the sack with someone much more attractive, much younger, say about your age. Your real father hated you so much, you vapid little piece of meat, that he was trying to murder you to get back at your poor, white trash momma. Child support is quite expensive, so if there's no child to support, due to a tragic death, well then....."

"You stop it right there. I never settled for anything. I have everything I've ever wanted in this life. Mike saved my life as a child and was my hero and continues to be my hero and my cup runneth over with pride over the fact that I serve him in the fight against evil. I wake up in the mornin' and go to bed at night thankin' my God for the life I have today."

[Sniffing continues]

"You were caught with cocaine in your system and were expelled from the academy. You couldn't bear to tell your dream lover about any of that because you knew he'd toss you out on the street, where you belong, with all the other whores and junkies. That's all you are, and that's all you'll ever be, throughout your life, unless you either cleanse your soul by taking this gun and shooting yourself right in the head. Confession is always good for the soul. Or, you could serve at my right hand in the fight FOR evil. With that delicious body, you could really pummel some victims of mine."

"With your genius you could turn yourself around and do some good....."

"Fools - you know what to do."

More punches.

"Ha! Defective Batty, what say you about your Bore Fried-Day now, eh? Oh, that's right, you must forgive me, I'd forgotten you have a gag in your mouth. Oh, well, nothing you have to say has any relevance, and you are going to be brutally murdered quite soon, anyway, so it's best for you to exercise your right to remain silent."


"I told Mike ev'rything. He knows about the expulsion, my family background, my emptiness, my thoughts and plans for suicide, he knows about it all. HA! Holy summer reruns, it's all old news to him. As for me actually joinin' you, you can forget all that. Wake up, sleepy Jean, oh what can it be to a Daydream Believer. That's all you are. Just a windbag who knows how to say a word or two, can't get enough of the sound of your own voice, can ya."

"I warn you. There are dire consequences if you refuse to surrender to my charms."

"Yeah? Like what? Death? Torture? Old stuff. Holy copycats, can't you come up with anything more original, like packin' it in and goin' back to Wursthaven, and gettin' yourself together, so young men like your two winged monkeys over there can have get back the chance for a good, normal life, instead of succumbing to the cancer that's spread to your heart, your mind and your soul. Go ahead, do whatever ya want with me. My body's only a temporary shell I live in while I walk this earth, doin' as much good as I can before I have to leave this life."

"You mean, you aren't afraid of anything I will do to you?"

"Hey, when it's my time to go, it's my time to go. My God is bigger than anything you could ever claim to be. You're nothing but a delusional, desperate and deranged deviate. Okay, so go ahead and murder me if you must. I haven't got all day."

EDDIE - The good Doctor himself realized he couldn't get through to me, to bend my mind toward his will. He seemed to congratulate me.

"I must give credit where credit is due, young man"

[and he pointed at me]

"You are a very hard nut to crack. A very worthy opponent"

"Other young guys may be susceptible to your evil ways, but this is me you're dealing with here, and....

[I felt something in my arm, like a pinch nerve, or something - I rub it]

"Ahh! Darn pinch nerve"

[Then I feel something stickin' out of it]

"What's this?"

[It's a dart - I pull it out and rub my arm some more]

"How'd ya do that?"

"Just getting my...point across"

[AH! Jabbed again. It was another shot - I pull this one out, too]

"This one hurts more than the last one....AHH!"

"Yes, they're in this glove I'm wearing. You can pull them out all you want, but there'll be more where these came from."

[He points his finger at Mike and zaps him. He's hit, he whinces and grimaces, and passes out.]

"MIKE!"

[I run to him as he slumps over, I call out to him again - no response - he's out like a light. I feel myself gettin' hit again. This one really smarts and I fall over]

"You'll NEVER get away with this", I groan in extreme pain. The dart is very sore, I'm seein' the man I love, my partner in crimebustin' in a helpless vulnerable position and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it.

"I really don't see why not, joy boy! Fools, take them away. I have a rather ticklish situation awaiting our heroes."

"What kind of mentor are you? You kidnap and destroy these guys' lives and constantly RIDICULE them......"

Then I grew weak. I had one hand on Mike's shoulder, one hand on his leg. I turn my attention back to Mike. I slump over, my head right in his crotch. The one final gesture of love before I lose consciousness. I kiss his inner thigh.

That's the last thing I remember before it all goes black.

DR. COUNTERFINGER ORDERS THE PAIR STRIPPED OF THEIR CLOTHES AND DRAGGED TO A TORTURE CHAMBER. THE DELICIOUS DUO ARE THEN TIED TO A HORIZONTAL BAR STRETCHING OUT NEAR THE CEILING. THE DANGLING DUO.

MIKE WAKES UP.

MIKE - I start to wake up and in a haze kinda look around to see what's what. I can see that me-n-Eddie have been stripped naked and our feet are danglin'. I look up and see that our arms are tied and we're hangin' from some bar stretchin' across the room. I groan, "aw, holy crap". Eddie comes to and sees what's goin' on and he starts to panic. He shouts, "Holy pinata, Boss-Man! What now?"

"What now?" It's the voice of Counterfinger. "Why, I thought you two would never wake up. Did you enjoy your naps? Well, not to worry, when I get through with the two of you, you can nap for the rest of your lives, because your lives will be ENDING!"

EDDIE - I realize it's fear he wants and feeds off of. I'm not givin' him the satisfaction.

"You sick, slimy sadist. What do you think you're gonna do to us?"

"It's not what I THINK, it's what I KNOW I'm going to do. When I shot you with my hand-darts, there was a purpose behind that. Each one contained just a little stronger dosage of a substance which weakens the heart muscle. Edward, your friend is so lucky he was only hit once. That's because he's older and doesn't need his heart to be weakened so. But you, on the other hand, needed just a few more CC's. Anyway, my two assistants, whom I treat as I please, by the by, will tickle you til you laugh so hard, you'll have a heart attack. At the same time, they'll also stroke your cocks, lick your nipples, and stroke your nipples and lick your cocks and get you both so turned on that when you do cum, you'll have a heart attack. Now, this substance is not permanent, unfortunately, so there's not much time, so, at it, my fools, chop chop, time is of the essence."

"Counterfinger - if only you hadn't escaped from Wursthaven, you could be cured of whatever caused your breakdown. You could still channel your genius for GOOD, and you could turn your evil obsession with young men into the love I know is in your heart and actually bring something positive into a young boy's life."

"yada yada, yada, blah blah blah. You know I once networked those ideas and....SNOOZERS! Now, I must be off, you two must die and that's all there is to it. Ta-ta, my sweets. It was a pleasure doing business with you."

MIKE - So that's it. He's gonna get us all excited and then POP! The heart's gonna go. HA! Or so he thinks. Eddie turns to me for guidance and I shake my head NO. I warn Eddie that he must stay calm, do not get excited, in any way.

EDDIE - The goons start in on their terrible, tragic task. My goon starts lickin' my cock, but I get sick. It nauseates me, the feel of this stranger's mouth around my private area which only belongs to Mike. I think about kickin' him away, but I'm afraid that'll be too excruciating for the state my heart's in right now. We gotta stay calm, no matter what.

MIKE - My goon is doin' my nipples. God, it's like a dog lickin' ya. Okay, so it tickles a bit at first, but this is real sick. Here we are, havin' been shot, beat, kidnapped, bound, and now raped with attempted murder to boot. All I can think about is how much I'll love it when these thugs all get what's comin' to 'em. But I gotta remain calm. I can't think about justice bein' served until me-n-Eddie get outta this. In order to stay calm on my end, I look up to Heaven and pray for God's guidance how we're gonna get the hell outta this. Then I notice somethin'. One of the screws holdin' up this bar we're tied to, is not secure. This could fall over with the weight of the two of us. I look at Eddie, who's lookin' at me, and he doesn't get what I'm thinkin' of til I motion for him to look up. Sure enough he sees the screw there, too.

"Eddie, we gotta stay in shape no matter what. It's good for our health and our minds if we stay physically fit. How's about doin' some chin-ups."

"Boss-Man, that might put pressure on our hearts. We can't take that right now."

"Even so. If we do have fatal heart attacks, it'd be 'cuz of somethin' we did of our own free will, not what these goons bring on. Lesser of two evils. Remember Todd Beamer on Flight 93. He'd rather have crashed the plane himself than to be a part of it crashin' into the White House."

"Gotcha Boss! Let's roll."

We do the chin-ups, the bar gets loose. Sure I feel a strain in my chest, but if I go down, it's down I go with honor. Same goes for the boy.

SNAP - the bar gets loose and falls, but guess what! With the ropes, we swing the thing past our heads and it slams the skulls of our sinister sex-fiends. They're out cold. Still under the effects of that nefarious narcotic, we go at a moderate speed. We untie ourselves. I stand over the goons and ask God to forgive these guys 'cuz they don't know what the hell they were doin'. We were about to break out and hunt down Counterfinger, but, ya know what, he returns to the scene of the crime. We hear his footsteps comin' closer, probably to see what the noise was about. Me-n-Eddie position ourselves behind the door for a sneak attack. He walks in and we pulverize the putrid pervert. I punch his face in, Eddie gives a good kick in the ribs. He recovers and takes a gun out. We jump, preparin' ourselves to be riddled, but ya know what, he holds it to his own head.

"Don't make another move, I promise I'll blow my head off. You'll never get the satisfaction of taking me back to Wursthaven and you'll never be able to prove you didn't do this to me."

I speak out, "Personally, I don't give a rat's ass what ya do with that thing. The cops know you're a nut-job, and most nut-jobs blow their own brains out. So go ahead, put the damn thing in yer mouth if ya wanna. Ya can even stick it in yer ass for all I care."

Eddie interjected:

"Now, you can put that gun to your head and end it all for yourself, if ya want. Or you could go back to Wursthaven on your own recognizance. You've only escaped a few days ago. I'm sure they'll treat you well, we'll see to that. Then with proper care, you can rehabilitate yourself and go back to whatever kind of man you were before you chose the path of evil. You don't really wanna torture the young. You really wanna use your God-given gifts and talents to mentor and nurture younger men. This is your chance to finally do some good. You'll really be happy at it, too. Come on, whaddya say?"

"Well, if I do this, I'll be dead, but if I go back there, I'll be bored silly, but still alive. I did get used to the place after a while. Get three squares, the food's good, you know, they even have HBO - ON DEMAND, yet. Boys, I am really afraid to go back there. I'll be so humiliated."

"Not if you humbly admit you were wrong and throw yourself on their mercy. They only set out to heal the sick, to give 'em the help they need so they can function in modern society. We'll take you there ourselves. It's not far, we won't be out of our way. You'll be safe with us."

We stand up, I put my hand out to help Dr. Counterfinger up and we escort him safely back to Wursthaven.

Once there, the old quack goes through the riga-maroll of bein' re-committed and I say to Dr. Fletcher, "the man seems like a genius. What was his problem, I wonder."

"Well, it's a long story, really. One Sherman Fineberg had a real mind and passion for Chemistry and became a well-respected Chemist at Johns Hopkins University. He also had a passion for his young, very attractive assistants. He was caught using them for various experiments; the gasses, mind control, and on and on. He was reported to his superiors who instantly terminated his contract and put out word that this man was a pederast and a sadist. He had a nervous breakdown during which he would victimize young men at random, subdue them, kidnap them, and carry out various forms of assault. To get his revenge against the young men who reported him, he 'paid it forward', if you will, and began his random attack spree on any young man that was available. At his mercy, the poor boys would either be submitting or screaming, one of the two."

"Holy King Herod"

"Yes, something to that effect. What has he done since his escape?"

"Well, he robbed a few shops, jewelry, antiques, that kinda thing. He picked places that had young guys workin' there, even zappin' some poor fella in the arm with a nerve-damagin' ray. Hopefully, the arm won't have to be amputated."

"Dear God"

"His car crashed into that of a woman who ran into the nearest place she could find a phone, and it was lucky we were there. We got a description of the vehicle, tracked him down, and captured him."

"Except he tried to elude us by capturing us first."

"What did he do to the both of you?"

"He had Mike all chained and cuffed while he was tryin' to turn me against my partner. It didn't work. The bond of loyalty I have toward him was too difficult to break. Then he shot us both with darts poisoned with an agent that weakens the heart and he tried to induce a fatal heart attack in us both. That didn't succeed either."

"Oh, my God, how are your hearts functioning now?"

"The drug wore off after a while. I think the two of us are feelin' all right."

"This man will be committed for an indefinite period of time. Who really knows when, or if, he'll regain his sanity and channel his brilliance for good instead of evil."

"Ya took the words right outta my mouth."

We both stand up and shake hands with the good doctor, the REALLY good doctor, and set about our drive into the sunset. Our job was done. Well, maybe this part of it. There was still somethin' stuck in my craw. I thought back to all Eddie admitted about bein' drummed outta the academy 'cuz of the cocaine he was pressured to snort. I had all kinds of unanswered questions. Why didn't he just walk outta the room? He didn't say anyone held 'im down and......HOLY CRAP! Of course! That was it! I KNOW that's gotta be it. I knew I had to grill Eddie again, get some more dirt on this, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. But ya know - I did eye a book on hypnosis when we were in Fletch's office. Perhaps....perhaps....

We almost get outside the hospital when I faked Eddie out. "Uh, I'll meet ya out in the car - gotta do a pitstop - long drive back home, ya know."

"Uh, okay"

EDDIE - As the boss-man went back inside, I sat in the car and just thought about ev'rything. This had been a long, tough couple-a days. Who knew how long Dr. Counterfinger was gonna be on this terrible trek of treachery. All I could do was to thank my God that not only was he finally brought back where he belonged, but that we were the ones to do it, and, with Mike's bein' proactive, I wasn't gonna be his next victim.

MIKE - I ran back and burst into Fletch's office. He seemed pretty surprised to see me, and I was kinda breathless, but I had to talk to him.

"Doctor, when we were in here before, I noticed a book about Hypnosis in here. I gotta ask you a few questions about it. How does it all work?"

"Well, the way I do it is I would just talk the patient into a trance, always using an object of familiarity for the subject to concentrate on while going under, as it were."

"Is it safe?"

"With proper supervision and if properly administered, the subject would be as safe as if in his mother's arms. Why all the interest in this topic, Detective?"

Takin' my hat off, rubbin' the sweat off my forehead, clutchin' my fist, I had to come clean. "It's like this, Doc. Someone very close to me has been livin' with some real painful memories about his past. He's been tryin' to get out from under it by livin' a good life these days, but I know there's somethin' else goin' on. This guy's life was destroyed and I wanna somehow help him get over it once and for all. Look, I'm gonna be frank, it's my boy. Eddie. When we were preppin' to fight Counterfinger, I gave 'im a shot of truth serum to see if there was anything in his mind this guy was gonna use against him and he revealed a couple of things to me, but I don't think I got it all. He's gotta be hypnotized."

"You're willing to take a chance on Det. Robinson's sanity by pushing him further than where he wants to be, on a subconscious level, that is?"

"I'll do anything to make sure my boy doesn't live in any more pain than he has already."

"I can see what you're trying to do and it is commendable, but..."

"Please, Doc. He's a strong boy, I think this'll do him some good. Now, somethin' was done to him. I think if I find out who, then we can bring whoever it was to justice and finally put Eddie at ease."

"Of course, we would need his cooperation. He is past the age of consent."

"You got it - I'll talk to him about it tonight. I'll be with him the entire time, maybe he can focus on me when he goes under. I'm beggin' ya, Doc, ya gotta help me save him. The kid was gonna pop his brains out once."

"Dear me!"

"Uh-huh. That's what he told me when he was under. He don't know what he said, I recorded it and didn't play it back to 'im yet."

"Why don't you do this - play him the tape - tell him exactly what your intentions are, and see if he'll be willing to submit."

"You'll be the one to put him under? If he says yes, that is?"

"If that is what you wish."

"Great. I'll, uh, talk to him tonight. If all goes as it should, I'll call ya and set up a time. How's that?"

"That would be a good idea. I do have a pretty full schedule, but give me advance notice and we may be able to work somethin' out."

Grabbin' his hand to shake it,with both of my hands, I gush, "aw, you're the best, Fletch - I mean, Dr. Fletcher. Ya won't regret it."

"But the question is, will both of you?"

AND THAT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION. WILL EDDIE CONSENT TO THIS PROCEDURE? WILL HE BENEFIT FROM THIS IF HE DOES? WILL MIKE FIND THE ANSWER TO ALL HIS QUESTIONS? IF SO, WHAT WILL HE THINK?

SPEAKING OF FINDING ANSWERS - GUESS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO FIND THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND MANY OTHER QUESTIONS. THAT'S RIGHT - KEEP READING ONTO THE NEXT CHAPTER!

CHAPTER FIFTY ONE - The Case of the Creepin' Connivin' Counterfeiter

MIKE - The day started off on a good note, no, make that a great one. Eddie was workin' out and I had the pleasure of watchin' it all. He was liftin' weights, those incredible arms of his spread out, goin' up and down, his legs spread to support his body weight for balance. Oh, uh, did I mention he was wearin' one of the tightest, hottest little gym outfits - yeah, he had on a body-huggin' tee shirt and super-short shorts. OH, the veins, the muscles, the gritted teeth, the sweat...ev'rything. I was lovin' ev'ry minute of this, I felt like the Maria Shriver to his Ah-Nuld! Eddie was breathin' in and out, bendin' up and down. He put the weights down and asked, "hey, so how'm I doin'?"

"Mm-mm-mm, just fine from my point of view."

"No, I mean, how many was that?"

The dazed smile on my face gave way to not catchin' what he was sayin'. "uh, what?"

"How many was that, Mike. You're supposed to be spottin' me, remember?"

Uh-oh - I made a huge mistake.

"Sorry, kid, I just got a little carried away, that's all."

"Aw, Mike - how'm I s'posed to know what I can press if ya don't spot me?"

"Oh, I think I spotted ya just fine, my love." I walked up to 'im and kissed him.
"Now, let's see - oh, yeah...(kiss) one (kiss) two (kiss) three..."

Eddie laughed. Now I know he wasn't sore at me. This went on for a few minutes....

UNTIL - of course - there's always an UNTIL in times like these. The cell rings, "Yeah, Batz here."

The subject matter of the phone call was real disturbin'. It was the police. A robbery was just reported. A couple-a blue boys were safeguardin' the scene til we'd get there. "We're on our way."

Eddie was wipin' the sweat off his face, "what's up?"

"Get showered and changed, there's been a robbery." He ran off and met me back in a few minutes, all set to go.

As we drove to the scene of the crime, I filled Eddie in on ev'rything I heard. It was a jewelry store, the cashier accepted a c-note from the perp. To detect a counterfeit bill, shop clerks run a highlight marker on the serial number. This one showed a much more alarmin' result than the usual garden-variety fake bill. This one expelled gas, knocked the cashier out cold. We get to the scene of the crime and paramedics are revivin' the cashier. A store manager was present.

"Did you see any of the crime, the gassin' of your employee, the liftin' of the merchandise?"

"I myself saw nothing, unfortunately. I was in the office in the back while Anthony was working the counter. Is he going to be okay?"

Anthony answered for himself. "I'm just fine, Mrs. Talbot, really, but I was kinda spooked at first. Imagine, highlightin' a bill then gettin' sprayed like that. Wow!"

"Was it painful, son?"

"Boy, I'll say it was. I couldn't see anything, I was suffocating, then I just got weak. Stuff hit me right in the eyes."

A paramedic on the scene, about 6'2, kinda husky, arm muscles so big the sleeves on his uniform shirt were like Saran Wrap, pants so tight around the right areas, standin' with legs spread eagle. Nice buzz cut and goatee, too. Anyway, he assured us there was no retinal damage and that all vital signs checked out. Anthony seemed okay on the surface, so there was no call for concern. He was assaulted, so this was definitely an armed robbery with misdemeanor assault. Whoever did this was gonna go down, all right.

"Are ya okay to answer some questions, there, fella?"

"Sure I am. I'll never forget this guy. A total looney. When I got hit, I yelled and grabbed my eyes and started coughing before I went down and he apologized for hurting me, saying didn't mean to, that this was nothing personal, business is business, he said."

Eddie asked what the perp looked like.

"I guess he looked normal enough, had on a suit, normal hair and everything, a white trenchcoat over it."

Mrs. Talbot spotted a piece of paper on the counter. "It looks like a business card." Me and Eddie took it and looked at it, the name was that of a Doctor Georgiou Cartier-Fineberg. "Would you like to see our surveillance tape?"

Eddie remarked, "Only fittin' for a guy named Cartier to rob a jewelry store." The name plagued me. Mrs. T. showed us the tape. Guy walks into the shop, Anthony behind the counter. Guy buys somethin', whips out some bills, Anthony looks like he's writin' somethin' on it, then BANG, the gas flies up, the kid goes down. Then the perp discovers thge video camera and goes right up to it. "The Doctor was IN!" and takes off.

"SHIT!" I say. Rememberin' there's a lady present, I apologize right off, doffin' my hat to her, "sorry, ma'am". Then I snap my finger and point to her, "we're gonna need that tape to look at it further. I've been in the bad-guy bustin' business a long time and I've never seen the likes of this one."

Eddie was wringin' his hands, "maybe this is a new guy. I love catchin' a fresh new one".

Anthony was lookin' Eddie up and down, a bit of a smirk, one eyebrow slightly raised. I step in front of the kid and shoot 'im a stern look that says, "like what ya see, huh? Well just keep lookin' - this one's mine." He catches that I'm catchin' him, he shrugs slightly, flashes me a sheepish grin to say "gotcha", and backs off. I nod to him. Like a bloodhound I can sniff out anything. Like a grizzly, I protect my young. Like a Christian, I forgive when repented to.

We speed back to our office and watch the tape a few times. We do a video capture and I snap a few photos of this guy's face. Eddie asks, "what's up with this guy, who is he?"

"Beats the bejesus outta me, kiddo."

"Well, so far we know he's a counterfeiter and a jewel thief. If not for that gassy fake bill, this'd be open and shut, lock 'im up for a couple of years, but it's the gas part that gets me."

"Yeah, doesn't use a toy gun, doesn't break in durin' the night, but gasses the store clerks."

"And apologizes for accidentally hurtin' him. This'd be much simpler if he just came in, flashed a gun and shot someone and ran off, but this one's a total mixed bag altogether. Like we're dealin' with someone who's not all there."

Freakin' flashbulbs, I got an idea. "Off to the Wursthaven Psychological Institute."

"Holy Cuckoo's Nest!"

I kinda bristled when he said that. Does he think all mentally unstable people are cuckoos? Would he normall use such a derogatory phrase, but then I thought not. He's just makin' reference to a popular piece of pulp fiction illustratin' life in a mental ward. It's one of his favorite movies.

We speed off to Wursthaven, video images in tow. We show 'em to one of the higher-ups in the ward, a Dr. Fletcher. "Does this man bear any resemblance to any patients of yours, past or present?"

The guy freezes up, "he sure does. He just escaped not two or three days ago, spraying nitrous oxide at a couple of attendants. They were laughing so hard, he just slipped away from their grasp. Where did you see him?"

"He robbed a jewelry store, flashin' knock-out gas at the kid behind the counter."

"How young?"

"Well, this is him in this photo. Didn't get his age, but he was a young guy."

"Still up to his old tricks. The sprayed attendants were also young."

"Were? Didn't they...make it?"

"Oh, they came out fine, but this outburst changed their minds about working in a place such as this. As soon as they recovered, they quit on the spot."

"Damn shame, lettin' one setback interfere with their livelihood."

"It was to be expected. It's not as if they were old hands at this."

(Eddie) "How long were they here?"

"They'd just started a few weeks ago. They were assigned to this man. That's how we operate around here. We assign certain attendants to certain patients. It gives them a feeling of familiarity, regularity. It helps them to settle into a routine."

Eddie wrung his hands and whispers to me, "he got to 'em"

"Huh?"

"Dr. Fletcher, I may be wrong about this, but I have reason to suspect that they weren't his victims, but his accomplices."

"From whence does such a notion occur to you?"

"The fact that they spent so much time around this guy, they were young, perhaps impressionable. He got inside their heads and somehow convinced them to go along with this, and they did quit right away. All that leads up to a suspicion of an inside job."

Good deduction on the boy's part.

"We checked them out during the employment screening process, there didn't seem to be anything adverse or worrisome about them."

"At least not at that time. Sad to say, sir, anyone can become corrupt. They don't know it on the surface, but deep in the recesses of their minds, their souls, there's a soft spot, and this guy coulda seen that and used it to his advantage. It could happen to anyone."

"No disrespect, young man, but could it happen to you, as well?"

"No disrespect taken. I believe it could. On the surface I know what's right and wrong, just like these guys, but I'm fortunate to have a partner who keeps me on the straight and narrow at all times."

"Don't let the boy mislead ya, he always downplays himself. Nobody can lead anyone anywhere unless they wanna be there. I could go on for hours about this partner of mine, and I'd do it with great pleasure, but we do have this guy to track down, to bring 'im back here where he belongs. Any info ya got on 'im would be a good start."

Dr. Fletcher has a photocopy made of the entire file on this guy. On top of that, we decide to hit all the banks and jewelry shops in the area. We warn them if they see anyone who looks like this, to call us right away, even before he strikes, even if he just resembles the one, we gotta clamp down on this guy before he corrupts, or does bodily harm to another young buck.

Back at the office, me-n-Eddie have a heart-to-heart.

"Eddie, there is one more thing we have to do to prepare to meet this guy, whoever he is."

"Sure, what is it?"

"You've heard how he has the means to corrupt young minds. No young man is immune to his tricks. I'm afraid that includes you, too."

"What?"

"Eddie, before he gets to your subconscious, I need to get in there and find out if there's anything he can use against you."

"I tell ya, Mike. I'm good, I'm strong enough to withstand anything he throws at me."

"Sure you can bounce back from anything physical, but we've never been up against anyone like this before. Look, I wanna get in there to see if there's anything you're holdin' back; anything that can sway ya to go to the other side, to give up ev'rything you've worked so hard for all this time.

[I grab him by his arms and look right into his eyes]

Eddie, I promise you that if there's anything inside of you that this guy can get to, I'll obliterate it. I'll make sure you don't stray from the straight and narrow. I'll be holdin' your hand all the way through. Please, Eddie, please let me in."

"Okay. How would you do it?"

"First, get relaxed on the sofa. I'm gonna give you an injection of sodium pentathol, otherwise known as truth serum. I'm going to speak to your subconscious and do a clean sweep of anything that might be hidin' in there. I'll also tape record the session. This is somethin' I had put aside in case I ever interrogated anyone who wasn't forthright or at least didn't know anything."

I prepared the injection and gave it to him. I told him to start countin' back from 10. He got as far as 7.

ME: Do you know who you are?

HIM: Yes.

ME: What's your name?

HIM: Eddie Robinson.

ME: Do you know who I am?

HIM: Yes.

ME: What's my name?

HIM: Mike Batz.

ME: How did we meet?

HIM: You saved my life. My father kidnapped me and was gonna kill me. He had me held prisoner somewhere. You burst in and rescued me. You picked me up and carried me outta there. I kissed you. You smelled good. You had a nice, big coat, it was black and it was long, like a cape. Like Batman's. I saw Robin gettin' swooped up in Batman's cape every time the show came on. I wanted a hero who'd put his cape around me and always protect me. I liked how it felt. I wrapped myself in it.

[Geez, that's right - I remember now - I smile at the memory of it]

ME: Why'd ya do that?

HIM: I thought you were like Batman. I wanted your cape on me.

ME: Who told ya who I was, son?

HIM: My mom. She said she hired you to look for me. Then I started lookin' at newspapers and clipped out stories about ya. I masturbated to you in bed.

ME: What then? How'd your life turn out?

HIM: I went to school, did odd jobs, then my mom got sick. I took care of her til she died. I was on my own after that. I drifted around. I started to follow you around town. Sometimes I was within just feet of ya, maybe only one or two people were between us. I wanted to say or do somethin', but I was scared to.

ME: Why?

HIM: I was scared you wouldn't want me around, that you'd tell me to get lost. So I did.

ME: What made you finally approach me.

HIM: The day we met, I'd just come outta a job interview and didn't get it. I didn't have any other prospects. I was stayin' at a hotel. I was on my way back there to kill myself.

ME: Then what?

HIM: I saw some guy gettin' beat up in an alley. I thought maybe I'd get murdered if I stepped in, hopin' the thugs would either beat me to death or shoot me. That way, I'd go to Heaven if somebody else did it.

ME: And?

HIM: I didn't know who you were at first, then I recognized your face, and kept on swingin'. I was hopin' you'd like me.

ME: Is that why you jumped in? To meet me?

HIM: I knew I'd die as a martyr if they did anything. I just wanted them to stop beatin' up this man, whoever he was. Then I asked if I could join ya. Ya told me no, but offered to drop me off where I was livin'. I was cryin'.

[I remember that, too]

ME: What got ya so upset?

HIM: For a few minutes, I had hope. I spent years wantin' your cape around me. I still did. I still do. Maybe I could be Robin the Boy Wonder at last. That's who I wanted to be since I was a kid. When ya said no to me, I cried again because I knew what I had to do that night. I was gonna.

ME: How?

HIM: I had a fully-loaded gun under my mattress.

[Aw, Jesus murphy]

ME: Aw, geez, kid, please tell me that ain't so.

HIM: It was.

ME: Would ya have done it if I hadn't gone upstairs with ya?

HIM: Yes.

ME: Is that why ya hung onto me like ya did?

HIM: Yes. I didn't wanna tell ya that, 'cuz I thought you'd think I was crazy.

ME: What did ya do with the gun after I took ya on - when I wrapped my cape around ya, so to speak?

HIM: Destroyed it. I took it apart and threw the pieces in different garbage cans.

ME: Do ya still wanna die?

HIM: No

[the next question was the hardest one I ever asked]

ME: Why do you still desire to be in our line of work? You know the risks involved.

HIM: You made my dream come true. I wanted to be a cop but I couldn't get on the force.

[This was too good to pass up. He'd always told me it was 'cuz of his family's name, but I just had to ask his subconscious].

ME: Why not?

HIM: 'Cuz I did some cocaine.

[WHOA! He was stoned! - Nothin' to do with his dad at all. The kid lied to me]

ME: Eddie, you always told me it was 'cuz of your dad. What happened? Why did you lie about the coke?

HIM: I was in the academy. I was hangin' out with a couple of cadets. It was peer pressure. I let it get to me. I sniffed a line. They did random drug tests, and my name was called the next day. The stuff was still in my system. I was expelled.

ME: Why did you never tell me?

HIM: I was ashamed. Bein' a cop was the only job I ever wanted. I also wanted friends, too, and I wanted to fit in with these guys. So I took the stuff.

ME: Did you like it?

HIM: No. Since I was expelled I went from one odd job to the next. A couple of years later, I was still at it. The day we met, just a few hours before we met, I resigned myself to the fact that I'd never be anything more than what I was at that time. A guy that was expelled from the police academy for drugs. I couldn't live with myself anymore. That's when I bought the gun with the last bit of cash I had.

[Oh, my God. My God, this poor boy was worse off than I thought].

ME: Is there anything else you're holdin' back from me?

HIM: No.

ME: How have things been for you since we paired up? Are you happy? Are you satisfied with your life the way it is these days? Do you still want my cape around you? Do ya still wanna be my Robin?

HIM: More than anything I've ever wanted.

ME: Have I been good to ya?

HIM: Yes

ME: Is there anything about our partnership, our love, our life together that you regret?

HIM: No.

ME: Do you still wanna die?

HIM: Not unless it's in the line of duty. I hope to be a detective for as long as I live, if you'll have me, that is.

ME: If I'll have you?

HIM: Yes.

ME: Is there some doubt?

HIM: Yes.

ME: Are you afraid of losin' me?

HIM: Yes.

ME: Why?

HIM: I've always lost ev'ryone I ever loved. My dad, my mom, the friends I thought I had in the academy. My dreams of workin' in law enforcement.

ME: Okay, now, you listen to me. Now that I'm speakin' to your subconscious, please hear this and believe it. There is nothin', outside of me gettin' killed in the line of duty before you, there is nothin' that'll take me away from you. I will love you til my dyin' day. I will always want you at my side when we take the bad guys down. I'm older than you. The odds are that you will ultimately outlive me, but in the meantime, we got a lotta years ahead of us, we do, you and me. Enjoy these years. Love these years. I'll want ya with me the rest of my life. My cape is yours. I got it on now. Come on, wrap yourself in it.

[We embraced. I put my arms around him. He wrapped himself up in my coat.]

Now, you can spend the rest of your life inside my cape if that's what you want. Is it what you want?

HIM: Yes.

ME: Then believe it to be so.

HIM: I love you.

ME: I love you.

[We sat in this position for a while. I wanted him to lie back down to sleep off the effect of the serum. I had an idea. I went to the closet to get the capes off the Batman and Robin suits. He donned Robin's cape, snapped the collar on, then I took mine and wrapped it around him. He wore it as he slept. I shut the tape recorder off. I had ev'rything I wanted. I locked the tape up where he could never get to it. Eddie was now at the next level. He was ready to finally face our formidable, fearsome felonious foe.]

EDDIE - Holy Hot Tips! We got a phone call from an antiques dealership sayin' our foe just walked in. He hadn't stricken yet, but if we could get there on time, he wasn't gonna get the chance. We told the caller that if he does strike, to just stall 'im somehow til we got there. Lucky it was only a couple of miles away.

OUR NEMESIS APPROACHES THE COUNTER, TELLS THE YOUNG MAN HE'D LIKE TO PURCHASE AN ANTIQUE CLOCK. AS THE BOY STARTS TO RUN THE TRANSACTION, OUR VILLAIN ASKS HIM WHO HE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH. THE BOY SAID IT WAS A PERSONAL CALL AND THAT IT WAS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. HE PUT THE PHONE BACK UNDER THE COUNTER AS THE CROOK STARED. "YOU WERE ON THE PHONE WITH THE COPS AND NOW YOU'VE PRESSED THE SILENT ALARM, HAVEN'T YOU?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT"
"YOU CAN'T LIE TO ME, MON AMI, I SAW YOUR REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR. NOW IF YOU'LL TELL ME THE TRUTH, ALERT ME TO THE AUTHORITIES COMING HERE SO I CAN PREPARE FOR THEM, I'LL SPARE YOU ANY HARM YOU MAY HAVE SUFFERED."

THE KID GREW DEFIANT.
"YEAH, AND WHAT IF I DON'T?"

"YES, WELL, THAT'S THE ARM WITH WHICH YOU TELEPHONED THE AUTHORITIES AND WITH WHICH YOU PUSHED THE SILENT ALARM. HOPE YOU GOT A LOT OF GOOD USE OF IT"

HE POINTED A LASER AT THE KID'S ARM AND ZAPPED IT, CAUSING HIM TO SCREAM AND GRAB IT. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, I'M ONLY 19 YEARS OLD, I'M WATCHING THE STORE FOR MY UNCLE ON THE WEEKENDS"

"YES, WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF ALL OF THAT BEFORE, SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE?"

MIKE - Me-n-Eddie show up at the antique shop and talk to the kid, holdin' his arm. We were too late! He left already! I pounded my fist on the counter and shouted, "dammit!" I call 9-1-1, get the paramedics in here. Emergency - young man injured in a hold-up. We get a full description and stay around til the paramedics came in and treated him.

The kid was cryin', "will I be able to use this arm again?"

The paramedic tried to reassure him, "we'll do everything we can, kid."

We knew he was in good hands, then. We were off.

"Holy near miss, Mike! What'll we do? A sting? Get 'im to fall right into our hands?"

"That is a tempting thought, but settin' up an operation like that could take days, and we don't have days, not with the lives and wills of ev'ry young boy in this town at his mercy."

A woman comes runnin' in, real irritated. "Do you have a phone I can use? Some maniac crashed into my car when he was speeding off and I need the police right away."

"Hold up there. We're plainclothes detectives"

[Eddie hears this and looks at his outfit and grimaces, "PLAIN?"]

"What did this guy look like?"

"Well, he was balding, looked like he was dressed like a doctor - the lab coat, I think it was. Anyway, he scared me half to death. I had just parked and gotten out of it."

"Well, somebody up there likes you. It's a great thing you weren't hurt, that's what really counts here. Uh, did ya get a look at his vehicle? A license plate perhaps."

"You're damn right I got it all. I chanted the license plate number over and over til I had a chance to write it down. He was driving a white SUV, or some truck. I'm from the suburbs and every big car looks like an SUV to me."

Eddie pounded his fist into his hand, "holy jackpot! We know what to look for now! He had just fled these premises, ma'am, he robbed this place and assaulted this guy behind the counter. Thanks to you, this man's finally gonna be brought to justice."

"Oh, you mean I may have helped you catch a criminal?"

"If we hurry."

I motioned to the paramedic about this lady, he sure had his work cut out for him today - so did we - and we were all gonna git 'er done.

EDDIE - Me-n-Mike fled the scene and raced to the car, jumped inside and sped off, followin' this maniac. "Boy oh boy this is one quack that I can't wait to disbar myself."

I chuckled at this, "Eddie, you're mixin' up your metaphors. Lawyers get disbarred, not doctors."

"Yeah, well, I was never a big fan of either profession, so it's all the same to me."

We stay on this guy's trail, but hold back a little so as to not let 'im on that we're followin' him. We see him pull into his lair. I figured we should give 'im a little time before stagin' our raid and pullin' him in. We waited about 15 minutes or so, then we decided to pounce.

We pull up slowly and quietly.

BUT WHAT'S THIS? MIKE AND EDDIE HAVE BEEN SPOTTED BUT THEY DON'T REALIZE THIS! DR. COUNTERFINGER IS WATCHING THEIR EVERY MOVE. HIS TWO ASSISTANTS, THE FORMER MENTAL WARD ORDERLIES ARE NOW HIS HORRIBLE HENCHMEN! THE MANIAC'S MINIONS! THE GHOUL'S GO-TO GUYS!

"Hey, boss, look down there, we're bein' followed."

"Yes, I can certainly see that. Mmm, the older gentleman's not much to look at, but his partner looks delicious. Juuust the right age, too. I think these guys'll come in handy."

"Wait! Hold up! It looks like the Dashin' Detectives! Should we start shootin'? Booby trap the front door?"

"You'll do nothing of the kind. I have a more ingenious trap for the two of them to walk right into. I've heard about these two, this should be a lot of fun."

THEY HEAR THE SOUND OF A DOOR BEING BROKEN DOWN

"My God, all they had to do was ring the doorbell."

"All right, you, Dr. Counterfinger. The jig is up. You'd better come quietly."

"Oh, it's no fun if it's quiet. I much prefer to moan when I come."

"Can the stupid sex jokes and OWN UP! Robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, causin' a kid to lose the use of his arm, scarin' a lady half to death by rammin' into her car when makin' an escape!"

"Oh, Detectives, you mustn't make such a fuss. After all, I didn't steal anything. I used cash."

"Yeah, counterfeit cash which expelled gas when the clerk was highlightin' the serial numbers."

"You're goin' back to Wursthaven where you belong. Holy vendetta! This sick pattern of yours of only goin' after young guys. Nothin' that some young guy did to set you off is any excuse for what you did. Counterfeitin' is one thing, but did you really have to hurt your victims?"

"Counterfeiting. Such a serious charge. And I take it you're some kind of expert. Tell me something, can you really tell what's real and what's not? Such as this little life of yours. Playing big bad cop when you know in your heart of hearts that you'll never wear a proper badge and you know exactly why, too. Now then, I'll make a deal with you. This credit card, for example. See if you can guess if it's authentic or phony. If you're correct, I'll come quietly, back to Wursthaven. I must admit the food was pretty good there, I often miss it."

MIKE - He holds up this credit card and we're s'posed to guess if it's real or fake? What the hell's on this guy's mind - if he has a mind at all, that is.

Eddie snarls, "that's either a fake or you stole it. Ya just broke outta the joint a little while ago. The application process takes at least three weeks."

"Now, now, now. You haven't answered my question. Fake...or real?"

Me-n-Eddie look at each other, then back at him, "all right, I'll take a gander it's fake."

"YOU , sir, are correct. You're not half as dumb as you look. In fact, you're TWICE as dumb as you look."

EDDIE - HOLY TEAR GAS! He blasts us in the face with gas comin' outta the fake credit card. Me-n-Mike both cover our eyes, then we feel ourselves gettin' captured, our hands tied behind out backs, then we're sucker punched to no end, til we can't even stand up anymore. Holy agony of defeat - they got us - they really got us.

"Take these bums downstairs. Cuff the old guy to a chair and gag 'im, but keep an eye on the beach boy. It's time to have a little fun with this one."

MEANWHILE DOWNSTAIRS AT DR. COUNTERFINGER'S LAIR:

MIKE IS CUFFED AND GAGGED. EDDIE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR IN THIS ROUGEISH ROOM, HANDS STILL TIED BEHIND HIM. COUNTERFINGER ORDERS HIM UNTIED, BUT A SUBMACHINE GUN IS ALWAYS POINTED AT HIM, MAKING FOR NO NONSENSE.

"You thought you had me where you wanted me, but guess what, Darling Detectives, I have you where I want you."

"Aw, boss, why not just riddle them with lead and get it over with?"

"Would you two idiots just can it? My God I'm beginning to figure out why you two dolts could only find work at a Mental Hospital."

"Well then what are you gonna do with us?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. We're just going to have a nice quiet heart-to-heart talk. I can say this much, when I'm through talking to you, you will never be the same again."

HOLY HEROIC HOTTIE HEADING FOR HENCHMANHOOD!

MERCILESS MIND CONTROL!

GHOULISH GRILL SESSION!

WILL MIKE'S PREVENTIVE PLAN PREVAIL?

AS ALWAYS, THE ANSWERS WILL COME IN OUR NEXT CHAPTER! HOPEFULLY YOU WILL, TOO!

CHAPTER FIFTY - The Fabulous Mc Inerney Boys

EDDIE - Holy shock and awe! I was kidnapped as a two year-old and I was Skip's missing younger brother. Mike gave me the word, readin' from reports of a DNA match. I sat and stared for what felt like an eternity. All he could do was look at me and grin, waitin' for me to answer somehow, I didn't know what to say. Was I happy? Was I angry? I didn't know. All these years I thought I knew who I was. I just looked up at Mike and said, "What now, Boss-Man?"

MIKE - I sat down next to him, put one hand on his leg and another on his shoulder and laid out the facts.

"Well, now we take this report to the Mc Inerneys, Skip included, and just tell 'em. We don't pussyfoot, we just lay it all out there. Mrs. M. woulda been okay no matter what. Mr. M. will just have to guts it out. Skip...."

"Gosh! Skip! What's he gonna think? I think he's the one I feel bad for the worst! With comin' on to me and ev'rything, ya know, people sometimes transfer feelin's and stuff, and he probably transferred for his brother and thought he was in love with me, and I could be the brother he was transferrin'! Man, aw, man, what's he gonna do, I wonder!"

"There's only one way to find out. No matter what, we'll be at his side, we'll be his friends through this whole thing. He may be happy, he may get mad at us, but it's important for me-n-you to be at his side, tell 'im he's not alone in this. We also gotta get this done right away, a.s.a.p. But one thing - I wanted to tell you first 'cuz you're not only a subject of this report, but you're my partner and I need you strong with me when we go to these people."

"Holy insider information"

"Kinda, yeah. So, how are ya? Just like Skip will have us no matter what, you do know ya got me no matter what. Think ya need some time?"

"Huh?"

"Time, to decide what ya wanna do next."

"Ya think my life can go on the way it's been? I mean, nothin' against the Mc Inerneys, I'm sure they're good people, but I always felt I had my home, my family and ev'rything, with you. You're like a dad, a brother, a best friend, a hero, all rolled into one. Even though I may be somebody else, I'm still ev'rything to you that I was, ain't I?"

I smiled and kissed him, "You were, are, and always will be my Eddie. Like I told ya, you always got me no matter what."

We drive out to the Mc Inerney place. Skip met us there. I assembled all of us in the livin' room and I presented the whole thing. Skip and his mom were shocked at first, but happy. Happy that years of wonderin' were finally put to rest. They both embraced Eddie and he them. Mrs. M. kisssed him on the cheek and said, "welcome home....son." Dad, on the other hand, stood in the back, glarin' at the whole scene. I was disturbed by the look on his face, not that he was angry, but he wasn't into this at all, and he remained remote, not sayin' anything. He caught a glimpse of me catchin' a glimpse of him and he looked away, arms folded tightly across his chest. "Maybe he'll come around", I thought to myself, but whatever the result, my job here was done.

EDDIE - I was formally introduced as the Mc Inerney's missin' son, and Skip's missin' brother. Both sides had 21 years of stuff to catch up on with each other. I turned to say somethin' to the man who was my real father, puttin' my hand out to shake his, but he wanted no part of me, backin' away and sayin', "you're not my son and you never will be." Mike interjected, but the old man shouted "NO!" and sat and sulked silently, castin' a pall over the day, me-n-Mike looked at each other, we couldn't figure it out. We both knew somethin' was up, and we needed to find that out, but the joy of havin' Skip and mom there made it easier to deal with.

No matter what the outcome of this whole thing, I knew I still wanted my place with Mike. I didn't wanna hurt anyone and spoil the reunion, but the truth had to come out. After I told them both about the life I had out there, me-n-Skip talked about how the two of us met, how we got trapped inside the warehouse and how we rescued ourselves.

"Oh, yes, I always knew my two sons were brave boys, that they can handle themselves."

She was real proud of my detective work and now we have another one of us goin' on the force. She was real proud she had two sons in law enforcement. She invited me-n-Mike to stay the weekend. I knew I could always have my life with Mike as if nothin' happened, and I knew I had a mother and a brother who'd love me no matter what, again, as if nothin' happened. I did feel guilty, though. I thought about my so-called mom, the woman who raised me. She was always good to me throughout my life and when she fell ill, I was right by her side, lookin' after her. Her death made my life real empty, but God made sure I knew Mike was just around the corner. That's somethin' I came to believe over time, that no matter how bad somethin' is that you're facin', somethin' real good is just waitin' around the corner, ya just gotta hang in there and keep goin'. Guys like me-n-Skip sometimes kill themselves, and later on, with mom out of earshot, we both admitted to each other there were times when we thought about cashin' in our chips before the game was over. Ya can't do that. Ya may have two outs against ya in the bottom of the 9th, and it's temptin' to drop your bat and walk out, sayin' ya had enough, but if ya don't stick around and keep that bat in your hands, you'll miss that game-winnin' homer, the teammates runnin' toward ya, big smiles, arms outstretched, doused with bubbly, the deafenin' roar of the crowd screamin', jumpin' up and down. You'd miss all that and more if ya cashed it all in.

Boy, what a great day this was turnin' out to be, huggin', laughin', at least two really wonderful people in my life. I realize now Eddie Robinson is not my legal name, but Eddie Robinson is who I am. No matter what label ya slap on me, I'm still the kid who adored Batman, modeled myself after Robin, stayed on the straight and narrow, fell in love with Mike Batz, was lucky enough to be able to live out my dream of fightin' crime, especially by his side. Funny, life changed, yet stayed the same. But, in any case, there was a real nice weekend comin' up -


UNTIL.......


MIKE - I get a call on my cell, "Mike Batz. Yeah. What?"
I feel a look of anguish come over my face, I rub my head and lick my lips, somethin' I do when I'm upset.
"Uh-huh. Could ya check it out again, just to be sure? Oh, ya did, huh? Yeah. Well, thanks for ownin' up. Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll see to it. Yeah, hey, thanks, guy. Yeah. See ya."

I inhale and exhale deeply, my eyes cast downward, once again rubbin' my head and lickin' my lips. My eyes dart back and forth between the four of 'em. Eddie gets a look of worry - - worry for me.

"Mike, what's goin' on?"

"That was the lab. One of the guys there, he, uh, did some more checkin'. The lab report was botched. Turns out Eddie and me both bled on that shirt I got the sample from. It was tainted. The report was inaccurate. Mr. and Mrs. Mc Inerney, Eddie is not your long-lost son, after all". I turn to Skip, tears wellin' in his eyes, "I'm so sorry, kid."

Mrs. M. had a look of pained resignation and looked up at her husband. "Well, I guess we'll never know what's become of Kevin, jr."

I noticed somethin' funny about the dad's reaction. I expected he wouldn't be happy about this, but he had a look of panic in his eyes, his chest was pumpin' a bit, microscopic beads of sweat formed in one of the frown lines on his forehead, he suddenly seemed out of breath, and in a really big hurry to get outta the room.

I remembered the angry shout of "you're not my son and you never will be". Somehow that made sense, but I wasn't sure why.

Skip on the other hand, was also breathin' heavy. His face got redder, his eyes, wetter. He pounded the back of the couch he was standin' behind and started runnin' out, sayin', "aw, this rips it - this really RIPS IT!" and ran out the front door, followed slowly and carefully by Eddie, who stood at the doorway lookin' back and forth between us and the outside, his arms kinda formin' a shrug. I knew he was caught and didn't know whether to go after 'im or not, so I motioned with my head that he should go out there. He snapped his finger and pointed at me, the wordless gesture he means for "sure thing", and ran after Skip.

EDDIE - Skip ran outta the house and I wasn't sure whether I should follow him, but the Boss-Man sensed it and said I should go ahead. As I ran, I called out to 'im, "Skip! Hey, wait up!"

He stopped and turned around, but started walkin' backwards. He pointed at me, "you get the hell away from me".

I wouldn't. I just kept walkin' forward, him backward. "Skip, ya gotta talk to me!"

"Why the hell should I? You ain't nothin' to me anymore! I only talk to people who count!"

Still with the walkin', "I'm your friend, Skip, we've been through too much together!"

Then he stumbles onto a rock, thinks for a second, then picks it up and aims it at me, "get BACK! I mean it, take one more step and I'll brain ya with this!"

Now, I've heard and seen this kinda thing before, ya think that's gonna stop me?

"Skip, are you nuts? You're gonna be a cop - ya gonna risk gettin' locked up before your first day on the beat?"

He throws the rock at me, hits me in the shoulder, I go down, but then get right back up and run after 'im. Me-n-him run out to what looks like an old toolshed a few yards away from the Mc Inerney place. It's padlocked. I watch him pick up another rock and smash one of the windows with it, thinkin' to myself, "what the heck's with him and this place?" I follow him in, he comes at me, pushin' me, I push back, he shouts, "Great fuckin' day in the mornin', ain't it, HUH? I lose a brother, can't keep any friends throughout my life, my dad hates, me, I take a shit job, then I finally meet someone who's like a brother, only to fall in love with 'im, only to be rejected, THEN to hear we really are brothers, and now this with the, uh, botched blood bullshit!"

Then he starts punchin' my chest, "Jesus Murphy what the fuck's goin' on, huh? What! This whole thing is your fault, you realize that, right!"

"No, wait, it was your mom..."

"Don't you say a fuckin' WORD about my mom, you asshole" - more punchin'. I know I got a ripped chest of steel, but COME ON, now, enough's enough! I try grabbin' his hands so he won't hit me anymore and try to shout above his voice, but he breaks loose and runs back to the window. "Get me the fuck outta here!" then stops cold, starin' out.

"Skip - Skip, what's the matter? What're ya lookin' at out there?"

A MEMORY HITS OUR JUMPIN' JANITOR - HE HAS A FLASHBACK OF HIMSELF AS A 4 YEAR-OLD LOOKING INTO THE SAME WINDOW WHICH HIS ADULT SELF IS LOOKING OUT OF. HE TURNS AROUND, AS IF DIRECTED, AND LOOKS STRAIGHT AHEAD, SAYING NOTHING. EDDIE PUTS HIS HANDS UP TO HIS CHEST AS IF DEFENDING HIMSELF, BUT SOON REALIZES HE'S NOT GOING TO BE STRICKEN ANYMORE.

SKIP STARTS SCREAMING, "DAD, DON'T DO IT! STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE! DAD, PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON, THE NEIGHBORS WILL SEE! DAD PUT THE ROCK DOWN, STOP HITTING HIM DAD! STOP HITTING HIM!"

EDDIE - He runs outside and toward a tree with a kind of a molehill.

"I remember now! I can see ev'rything! Gotta get a shovel!"

He ran back in, got a shovel, ran back to the molehill, and started diggin'. I looked around for another one and started diggin' with 'im. I heard a noise.

"Ya hit somethin', Eddie, let's see it."

We brush some dirt aside and it looks like some kinda box. I pull at the sides, wonderin' how it opens up, but we do get it open and we almost pass out from the pungent punch in the puss. The smell was indescribable. Me-n-Skip held our noses and gagged, but sure enough, there was a skeleton, probably of a little kid, it didn't look like it was 3 feet long. Skip started hyperventilatin'.

"Aw, Jesus. Aw, aw Jesus, Kevin. Why'd he do this to ya? That old man of ours is gonna pay for what he done, he is. I'm gonna take this pile and shove it right in his face."

I got in there and stopped him right then, "NO WAY! This is a crime scene! You'll taint the evidence!"

He paused for a sec and said, "you're right. I forgot myself. First rule on patrol is if ya see a crime scene, report it and gaurd it. Ya can look but don't touch."

I snap my finger and point to him, "you got it". Then I whip out a pair of plastic gloves from my tool belt and examine somethin' I noticed on the skull. I saw a crack. I'm liable to think it was evidence of the fracture Skip remembered, when his old man bashed Kevin with a rock.

"Yeah, Skip, it looks like you just described."

"So what do we do now?"

"We get Mike out here." I call him up and say, "hey, Mike, it's Eddie. Listen, go to the front window and look out." I start wavin' my arm, "can ya see this? Okay, good. Ya gotta get out here, man, this is bad. Oh, and bring Skip's folks with ya." I hang up and say to Skip, "ya wanted in on the bad-guy bustin business, buddy, this is your chance."

Mike came out to the scene of the crime. Skip's folks were kinda fallin' behind, which gave us enough time to let Mike in on what Skip remembered. He also looked at the skull. The Mc Inerneys arrived a couple of minutes later and Mike asked, "can anyone here tell me why there's a child's skeleton buried in this yard, huh, Mr. Mc Inerney?"

"I don't know to what you refer, Detective."

"I'm referrin' to how nervous ya got when I found out these fine boys over here weren't brothers, after all. Hey, Skip, how old are ya?"

"27"

"I refer to how you ruined this fine young man's childhood 21 years ago with the disappearance of his little brother, whom we find here has had his skull bashed in and buried in a shallow grave on your property."

"Well, I...I don't know..."

"Oh, yes you do know. We all do. We all know you took a defenseless 2 year-old and beat 'im to death, but we wanna know why, Kevin, why ya did it. Was it because he sneaked a smoke behind the tool shed? Played hooky from day care? Was it that he wouldn't stop cryin' 'cuz he was thirsty or had a dirty diaper? Was he a bad boy in that he wouldn't do somethin' ya told 'im to?"

"All right. Yes, Detective, it was because he wouldn't....he wouldn't hold still."

"He wouldn't hold still for, what, a family snapshot, a haircut? Ya promised him a lolly, didn't ya?"

"I know why the dirtbag did it."

"That's fine, Skip, but I think we oughta let the old man own up here. Let him tell the story."

"He wouldn't hold still...long enough...for me to...ejaculate into his rectum."

The Mrs. almost fainted. Eddie and Skip nodded to each other to say, "we got 'im."

I went on. "You had sex with your son, Mr. Mc Inerney. No, not had sex...fucked! You butt-fucked your son, Mr. Mc Inerney. He struggled, he tried to get away. You were hurtin' him and he wanted his mommy. He cried out for her, but you kept hittin' 'im, tryin' to get 'im to shut up, that you'd be done in a few minutes and he'd be okay if he only cooperated, but he didn't, he broke away, ran away, you caught up with him, you were so furious that you picked up the first thing ya saw - a rock - and ya belted 'im, causin' 'im to scream,and ya kept hittin' 'im til he stopped screamin' - all in front of this fine young man over here, soon to be one of the finest in whatever town he's assigned. You did this in front of 'im, ignorin' his pleas to stop. Kevin finally stopped screamin' because he was DEAD,Mr. Mc Inerney. He was DEAD! You picked him up, shoved him into some box, dug a hole in the ground, stuck 'im in there, and then you grabbed your oldest son and threatened him in the same way if he ever said anything. You forced this boy to block out this memory for 21 years, Mr. Mc Inerney, causin' him so much pain, he couldn't have much in the way of friends, couldn't hold down a job, he made a lot of poor choices in his life, even endin' up gettin' tossed outta the police academy for the first time, then havin' to take some shit janitor job. One of the happiest days in his life was when he met my boy over here, then he got back into the academy, is gonna be a cop and is gonna make a real life for himself, with which you had absolutely nothing to do! This boy drifted for 21 years because he couldn't say a goddamned thing about what he witnessed in the tool shed on a beautiful day when two innocent children were at play. They were friends as well as brothers and you couldn't stand that, could ya, Mr. Mc Inerney. You hated your first-born son for whatever reason and you couldn't stand to see him happy. You DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN that he would witness and be scarred for life by such an unholy act. You took one life and ruined another. Ha! Ya talk about your family heirlooms, well, I'm gonna tell you somethin', Kevin Mc Inerney, you're goin' down for this. I see ya gettin' the needle for this, and ya deserve to have it slammed in your veins with a rock, you disgustin' dirtbag. Kevin Mc Inerney, you are under arrest for the kidnappin, sexual assault, and murder of Kevin Mc Inerney, jr., in addition to obstruction of justice and failure to report a death to the proper authorities. Eddie - cuffs!"

I put the cuffs on this dirty son-of-a-bitch. "Call the cops, Ed! We're gonna close the books on this one. The mystery of the disappearance of Kevin Mc Inerney, jr. has been solved."

Eddie calls the police and reports ev'rything. He gets off the phone, I say to him, puttin' my hand out to shake his. "Good work on this, Eddie. Our job here is done."

EPILOGUE:

MIKE - Mc Inerney's taken into custody. Skip and his mom remain shaken. She goes back into the house and Skip stays sittin' on the ground at the burial site. Me-n-Eddie decide we can't leave these people alone just yet.
I say to him, "I think Skip needs his brother right now."

"Absolutely".

I go into the house to console Mrs. M., while Eddie stays with Skip.

EDDIE - I go up to Skip, who's sittin' on the ground next to the hole which formerly contained his brother's remains. He says, "what're ya still doin' here?"

"I don't getcha"

"Well, the case is solved, you're not my brother, you don't care about me. I just don't know what you're doin' here, that's all."

"Skip, look at me"

He looks up. Poor guy is still broken up, tears still runnin' down his face. I wipe some of 'em away.

"That's not true. I do care about you. I love you."

"Aw, don't bring that up again."

"I can't love you like you want me to, but I still do, and we've been through a lot together in the last few weeks, and we may not be biological brothers, but in my heart of hearts, you'll always have a brother in me, and you'll always have my love. Okay?"

He started shakin'. His shoulders heavin' up and down. I held him as he shook and sobbed. He put his head on my shoulder. I stroked his hair, I kissed the top of his head. He held onto my arms as they were holdin' his body. The boy's been cryin' inside for 21 years, he has a lot of pain to get outta his system and I used my soft kisses, the warmth and strength of my flesh and the softness in my voice as I whispered phrases of consolation into his ear, to bring his pain to the surface so it can finally leave him, so he can do more than just dust himself off and put on a false front. Skip found his heart buried under years of repression. He found his natural brother in the memories he was ordered to suppress and, in each other, we each found the brother we never had. Skip's a much happier man these days. He's a State Trooper and I know he's doin' a bang-up job out there on the highways.

Mike Batz brought me the happiness I never thought I'd feel, and I always wished there was somethin' I could do in return for the life he gave me. I was glad I could do the same for Skip. He cried in my arms just as I'd cried in Mike's back at the old hotel.

Good work on this one, Eddie, your job here is done.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE - We Must Never Speak of This Again

"You are cordially invited to attend commencement of graduation exercises of the Might Oak Police Academy Class of 2006. The enclosed tickets will admit MIKE BATZ and EDDIE ROBINSON".

EDDIE - That, of course, is an invitation from Skip, ya know, the janitor we almost got crushed to death with, to watch him graduate from the academy. He also wrote a note with it. I was so excited I just had to run and show Mike. It was all because of him that Skip got back in and finally made it. He was gonna be a Blue-Boy.

"Hey, Mike, check this out. Skip's invited us to watch him graduate from the academy. Is that all right or what? He even slipped us a note. It ssys, "Dear Mike and Eddie, it's only because of you two that I made it as far as I did with this and now I'm gonna move on and live out my dreams. This is all I ever wanted to do with my life and I have you two to thank for it, so I'd really like it if you could come out here. Not only did you help me get my life together, you also saved it, of course, if you didn't save my life, I wouldn't have one to put back together in the first place."

Eddie and I chuckled at that remark and he kept goin'.

"You are the two most important guys I ever knew and I want you to share the most important thing in my life, so will you come?"

Eddie folded the note up and said, "aw, man, we gotta go. Think of it, the whole weekend at the academy, what a buzz!"

We get ahold of Skip and tell 'im to expect the both of us. The academy was only about 2 hours away and we had a really nice, long, romantic drive. We wondered a little about "bein' ourselves", if you will, Anyway, we get to the academy, and ask for Skip. And he came and met us in the lobby. His ex-boss was right about him, having a cute little skip in his step. We smiled as we watched him walk, big smile, arms wide open, "Eddie, Mike, aw, I'm so glad ya could make it. I can't tell ya what this means to me." It was great to see him so happy, and the big bear hug he gave us felt like outta this world.

"Hey, you'll never guess what - my folks made it up here, too! Ya wanna come meet 'em?"

"Sure, I'd like that."

We walked down a little ways and there were Mr. and Mrs. Mc Inerney.

"Ma, dad, say how ya doin' to Mike Batz and Eddie Robinson, the two guys that got me in here."

"Hello, son, nice to meet you", his dad extended his hand and we shook, "Ernest has told us a lot about the two of you."

EDDIE - Skip's mom took my hand to shake it, too, but somethin' weird happened when we met eyes. She sorta smiled and couldn't stop lookin'. Her eyes were goin' back and forth lookin' at mine. Her head kinda shook back and forth a little, too.

"Uh, is there somethin' wrong, Mrs. Mc Inerney?"

That broke the spell - she caught herself. "Oh, uh, no, no, not a thing. It's just that you look so familiar to me."

Skip broke in, "well, you probably read about him in the papers, or somethin' ".

"No, no that's not it. No offense, but I don't read newspapers very often. Still, you just look so much like....."

"Marjorie", said his dad. "Don't".

"I'm sorry. Please forget I ever acted this way. Oh, uh, Kevin, I think I need to lie down for a while. It has been a long trip."

"Yes, I very well agree. Uh, excuse us please. It was nice to meet you, Detectives. Marjorie, come along."

MIKE - Come along? I'm surprised the old man didn't shake a leash, tap his leg and whistle. MAN, what a loser. And I thought Eddie had a fucked-up dad.

"I'll be along in a moment, Kevin" then she turned to me, "Uh, Detective, could I ask you something, in private, I mean?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, lemme get Eddie..."

"No, I just need to speak with you, if you wouldn't mind."

Eddie got a little, uh, not pissed, but he wasn't too thrilled. But Skip seized upon the moment, grabbin' Eddie's arm (you know I love doin' that, too, heh-heh)

"Hey, Robinson, come upstairs with me, I REALLY gotta show ya somethin'!"

EDDIE - Ya know, for a sec, I wondered why the old lady didn't wanna talk to me with Mike, too. She looked me all weird, like I did somethin'. Some hags are like that, ya know! Snotty little....no wonder Skip didn't have much to do with 'em. Poor guy - and I thought I had a messed up family.

We went up to Skip's room. He had me close my eyes and hold my hands out when we got in.

"Are you in for a treat! Okay...eyes closed, hands out...beautiful, that's got it."

I felt him put somethin' in my hands, felt like a magazine or somethin'.

"Okay, open up."

I opened my eyes and looked at what was in my hands. My eyes grew wider and wider, so did my mouth. I was really shocked. It was a first edition print of the first Batman comic book with the debut of Robin. It was beautiful. No tear at the top, no creases, no wear of the spine, it's just like it came out yesterday.

"Holy.....holy....uh, I can't think of anything."

"Speechless, huh?"

"Sure am."

"yeah, well that's what I thought when I got my first copy. I saw it at a garage sale. The owner only charged 5 bucks for it. Same thing happened again when I got my second one. This was at a comic book shop that was goin' outta business at the time. Do ya have this issue?"

"Well, just a reissue print, but not an original."

"Well, you do now."

"Huh?"

"It's yours. I figure I snapped up a couple of these 'cuz I didn't want anyone else to have this, the crimefightin' Bible, I call it. Then I met you. I was gonna just mail it to ya after ev'rything came out okay and we all ended up livin' and stuff, heh-heh, but this...that's one of the reasons I invited ya up here. I wanted to give this to ya in person. I thought it might be more special."

My heart was racin'. Not only 'cuz I was holdin' an original print, but just at this really beautiful gesture. He really opened up his heart and...it was such an honor, too, I mean, Batman and Robin mean ev'rything to me, and now I find another fan, another follower, who was keepin' a couple-a copies and could never find anyone else to share it with, and he chose to share it with me. I think I was wellin' up, too.

"Gee, Skip, I don't know what to say, I mean, this really, really makes me happy, I...ya know how much fun I was havin' goin' over almost ev'ry part of the show with ya that night, and now....Holy cow, Skip, just...thank you...I don't know how else to say it, but...really, thank you."

He smiled and said, "hey, we're fellow boys wonder, right? I know ya got the gig with Mike and I'm joinin' the force, wherever they're gonna put me, but when I'm out there on patrol, just like you are, in our hearts, we're fightin' crime together, probably at the same time. Hey, why dontcha look through it."

"Aw, no way, I can't open this up."

"What, ya afraid you're gonna get a little ink on them pretty little paws of yours?"

"No, I'm afraid my pretty little paws might mess it up. Ya think my paws are pretty?"

"Sure. Hey, put the book down for a sec. Let's have a look at them hands."

Skip took my hands in his and was kinda rubbin' 'em with his fingers, "nice, smooth, warm, but strong...comfortin'. Yep, these are the right hands to mash marauders, muggers and murderers. Yeah.....yeah..."

We were both smilin', then he looked up from my hands and our eyes met. Still smilin', then we leaned in a little closer to each other, closer, closer, then we kissed. We took each other's faces into our hands. His lips were soft, smooth, warm, but strong...comfortin'. But it was the wrong mouth. He put his arms around me and rubbed his cheek against mine and his voice broke and he sniffed a little as he said, "oh, Eddie, I'm so happy you're here. I wanted to do this when I got outta the hospital and we were talkin' that night. But Mike was around and I didn't wanna hurt 'im."

I held him, too. "Skip, you're so adorable, so cute. Any man should be more than thrilled to have you, but I do have Mike to think about. He saved my life. He really helped to turn it all around."

"Well, that's just what you did for me, too."

"Yeah, but me-n-Mike got married up in Canada and we're life partners. Skip, so sweet and thoughtful, so funny, I hate to use a well-worn cliche, but I wanna stay true to Mike, and meetin' you and hittin' it off with you, and ev'rything...I mean, Mike's my hero and all, but you're a brother Boy Wonder. Ya took a bullet for us and ya bounced back and now here ya are goin' on the Job. You're gonna have your partner's back, you'll save his life over and over again. Anyway, for lack of a better phrase, if Mike weren't my life partner and if I met you when I was single, who knows, who really knows. Ya got ev'rything to offer and I'd love to take ya up on that offer, you have NO idea, but I gave myself to Mike. I'm not mine to share with anyone else."

"That was real sweet. I didn't know how you were gonna react, but I just had to do it. Even if ya hit me and pushed me away, told me to never do that again, but I just had to let ya know my feelin's for ya. We got a real good weekend to spend if ya still wanna. Friends?"

I smiled through my tears and said, "BEST".

"Think of it like this, ya got a hero for a man and a boy wonder for a best friend. Not a bad deal."

"No, no it isn't."

"I never met anyone like you before. The time at the warehouse when we both screamed holy condemnation at the same time. We almost sounded alike, remember?"

I laughed at the memory of it and said, "I sure do. Hoo-boy, that was somethin'!"

"I never had a best friend before, much less a real one. I mean, yeah, I come from a good family and all that, but since I was about 6, I just felt really by myself, really cut off, outside ev'rything. I started watchin' tv a lot, saw the Batman show and just got hooked. From that time on, I was just livin' a fantasy, sorta. I dunno how to describe it any better."

"I know how that is. I was pretty lonely through a lot of my growin' up. My dad used to drink a lot, beat up on my mom, beat me up, too. Sold me for $20.00 to some guy down the street so he could have his way with me. Then my folks split up, my mom got custody, but my dad kidnapped me and was gonna kill me, just to get back at my mom for somethin', I dunno. Can't figure it out to this day. Ya wanna know somethin' funny - - Mike was the guy that rescued me from my dad. I read about 'im in the papers, followed 'im all over town when I was old enough to get around. We met when he was gettin' worked over by a couple of thugs and I went in there and pounded one of 'em."

"Wow, you rescued each other."

"Yeah, sure did. I thought he was hot, I jerked off to some newspaper photos of 'im, but Batman made me wanna be a crimefighter and who better to fight it with than the man who saved my life as a kid. You, uh, said that you were feelin' out of stuff when you were 6, I think. What happened with you?"

He looked down, took in a real deep breath and let it out. "My dad made us promise to never talk about it, so ya gotta keep this a secret, Right? No one can know I told ya about this, right?"

"As rain, Skip."

"Okay." He took another deep breath and rubbed his hands together. "This is the first time I'm tellin' anyone in I dunno how many years, so this hurts a lot...part of what made me the jerk I turned into. I had a brother, named after my dad. Now, I looked a lot like my dad, and the doctor told 'im he should name me after him, but he refused, he said his name was too good for me."

"What?"

"Yeah...so, I had a brother. I looked after 'im a lot 'cuz my dad was runnnin' a company and my ma was entertainin' a lot, havin' company, ya know, hittin' the sauce a little. It was just me-n-him. I didn't care if my dad liked 'im better, I thought there must be somethin' about 'im that my dad really liked, so I thought he was somethin' else, too. Cute little kid, I vaguely remember. So, anyway, the kid disappears, I asked about it, my dad told me to shut up. Whenever I brought it up, he'd smack me. Since then...since...I've been so empty, I didn't have nothin', I didn't want nothin', I just wanted to be left alone."

He started sobbin', I hugged 'im. "Gosh, Skip, I'm real sorry. How can I take your pain away, huh?"

"Ya just gotta let me get it out, I been holdin' it in too long"

His voice broke as he shouted, "TOO LONG!"

"Ya just gotta be my best friend. Can ya do that? Will ya? Huh?"

I have never heard anyone in such gut-wrenchin' pain like this. Loud, almost guttural weepin'. Years of abuse, years of isolation, years of emptiness, pain, suff'rin'. Buffered by Batman, relieved by Robin, to be sure, but now it could all finally come out. Yeah, I knew how that felt, too, but this wasn't about me. Mike took away all of my pain in life. I guess that's why not a single bullet, rope, or anything else could ever hurt me like my growin' up years. Same with Skip.

MIKE - Skip's old lady and me went into another room. Great, she's probably gonna put the moves on me. Can't say I blame her, though, I mean, look at that husband of her's for Pete's sake.

"Detective, I was wondering if you could do something for me?"

[Aw, crap!]

"I was staring at your partner for a little while, there was something about him, I couldn't take my eyes off him."

"I know how you mean, Mrs. M., heh-heh, that's what I go through every day."

"No,no, I don't mean that, I meant that there was something very familiar about him."

She reaches in her purse and takes out a photo. "Here. As they say, a picture speaks 1,000 words.

I look at the pic. I grin a little. Two cute little boys. Then my eyes widen as I look at the younger one. It didn't say 1,000 words, but I had at least two:

"Holy Crap!"

"What's the matter?"

"The baby - he kinda looks like Eddie!"

"Good. I was hoping you'd see it, too."

"What's this about?"

"We had another son after Ernest. His name was Kevin, and this photo was taken just weeks before Kevin disappeared at the age of two."

Two, huh? I was puttin' two and two together and came up with HOLY CRAP!

"Now, Detective, how would you go about finding out....."

I knew what she meant and I jumped in, "Well, there are birth records, they keep 'em all in City Hall, or somewhere. Uh, blood test, too, maybe."

"Blood test! That's a good start."

"Yeah, we can get blood samples from all-a youse, and have 'em all compared, see if there's a match."

"But how would we get the blood samples?"

Huh? Geez, what was with this dame? She ain't even blonde. But I went into Kindergarten teacher mode.

"Well, Mrs. M., blood is usually drawn with the aid of a long, thin, sharp object they're callin' a NEEDLE these days."

"Oh, Detective, I know how blood is drawn. My God, I sometimes have brunch with a woman who's a nurse and her husband works with Ticket Master. How do we get the blood samples without them knowing about it? I don't want the boys to know that I'm doing this. It might get their hopes up and I want to avoid leading them up to a possible disappointment."

I thought for a second, then POW!, it hit me like a sucker-punch. I remembered the bloodstained shirt I kept from an early case we worked together, the one where we got popped at the mobster's girlfriend's place. You remember I saved the shirt 'cuz Eddie used it to stop my bleedin', thinkin' that if one of us was gonna die, I wouldn't be me. He really put himself up for sacrifice and I never forgot it. Anyway, I never washed the shirt. I wanted to look at our blood comin' together as a symbol of us comin' together. I explained all this to the old lady, and said I could have DNA extracted from the kid's bloodstain. Then I played the hunch of the academy wantin' a blood sample for the physical to get in. Maybe I could subpoena the sample.

"Then we compare the samples and if they carry the same molecular pattern, we then take a sample from you. What about your old - - I mean, what about your husband?"

"No, absolutely not. He never wants to speak of Kevin, jr., so it's a safe bet he'd never take such a chance. I would think it would be enough to have the three of us match. It might make me look like a molecular whore, two boys and their mother with no father, but at least we'll know for sure."

She made a joke and giggled about it. I stared at her like she just told me she voted for Bush and has the Anita Bryant Anthology on CD. She didn't giggle anymore. I was glad.

"Now, Mrs. M., I gotta ask you, what's the payoff here? What would ya do with this information?"

"I would know for sure that my son is alive and healthy and happy. I can see him walking and talking and he looks as strong as an ox, but what I can't see right away - his happiness. Is he happy with his life, Detective?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that, so I went with the truth. "Aw, you should see him when we're bustin' bad guys. I never knew anyone who took our line of work so seriously and had such a good time doin' it at the same time. He's all about truth, justice and the American way. He's a real joy to have around, he always cheers me up when I'm down. I saved his life when he was little - his so-called paid to have 'im sodomized at one time, then he kidnaps him, had him locked up in a closet, then his ma put me on the case, I found him and his dad was sent up for life. We met for good within the past year when he saw me gettin' clobbered and stepped in and saved my life. We've been together ever since."

"As partners"

"Yeah - we both run the agency"

"Yes, but as PARTNERS"

"Meanin'?"

"Look, I saw two men getting pretty chummy when my husband and I first got here and they looked exactly like you."

"Whatcha see these two men doin'?"

"Kissing, touching, something like that."

BALLS, I thought, we try to be discreet, we don't wanna shove our life down anyone's throats. I had no idea anyone saw us.

"Mrs, M...."

"It's all right. The boy who could be my son looked happy. Besides, whatever the test results prove, my husband is never going to know. I mean, if he doesn't want to talk about Kevin, jr's memory, then what's the point? Anyway, will you do this for me?"

"Mrs. Mc Inerney, I will do ev'rything in my power to bring you the truth, to finally ease your sufferin', but I gotta tell ya, ya have to prepare yourself for any answer I get. Do ya think you can handle it either way?"

"It won't be easy, but at least I know we tried something at last."

"Good. Now, for the blood test. I'll match up the samples from the boys, but I'll also need a sample from you. If there's a way you can excuse yourself and we can go to some kinda clinic or somethin', we could get the sample sometime this weekend."

EDDIE - Graduation came and went. He stood with all of his fellow cadets, saluted as he received his diploma, beamed and even hooted and hollered as he tossed his cap in the air like ev'ryone else. My new best friend was now one of the long arms of the law, dedicatin' his life to serve and protect. This is what he was born to do, just like he did with his baby brother, Kevin. I dunno what this kid musta looked like or what happened to 'im. Could be he went on to have a really great life, could be he was killed. I thought about this kid a lot. You can think of someone without knowin' anything about them, all ya need is their existence, really.

MIKE - Me and Mrs. M. drove out to a nearby clinic and we took a blood sample. I carried the test tube with me in one of my inside pockets the whole time. I was also able to get a readin' on Skip's DNA, the only thing left to do was to get a sample from the bloodstained shirt of Eddie's. Then we were off.

I took ev'rything to a lab and was told it would take 7 to 10 business days. In the meantime, I searched for any newspaper stories about any missin' kids from the time Eddie was a two year-old. All I found was what Mrs. M. told me about. I also stopped by the birth records office back home and saw no record of a birth of "Eddie Robinson".

We got back home, me-n-Eddie, and a few days went by before a letter arrived for me in the mail. It was from the clinic. Eddie noticed me peekin' at it and asked, "hey, what's that ya got in the mail, Mike?" I says to Eddie, I says, "Kid, I gotta tell ya somethin' in the livin' room. I need ya sittin' down for this."

EDDIE - We had a blast at Skip's graduation from the academy and the family, well, at least Skip's mom, were really nice, it was great spendin' time with 'em. I was still buzzin' from all of it when Mike got a package in the mail. Bein' the no-stone-unturned gumshoe I am, I investigated, he told me he had to talk to me in the livin' room. Okay, so we went and sat down.

"Okay, Mike, what's up?"

"Eddie, talk to me about Skip."

[Holy creeps - I think he knows about his pass at me. Only one thing to do, just come right out with it]

"Okay, Mike, here it is. When me-n-Skip were in his room, he was showin' me a Batman comic that he gave me, and he told me he was attracted to me and he kissed me. He said he had feelin's for me, but I told him 'bout us and that I didn't think I should go for him."

"Well, I figured he was gonna make some move, I mean, the way he was lookin' at ya and ev'rything, it was only a matter of time, but it was good that ya told him to back off."

"Well, of course, I did. Skip's cute and funny and he's a nice guy and all, but it's you I wanna live the rest of my life with."

"Ya said that to 'im?"

"I think I said I gave myself to you and I wanna stay true."

"I've been expectin' that guys'll fall for ya from time to time, but it's good ya stood your ground, especially now."

"I don't getcha."

"Talk to me about Skip."

"Again, all he did was kiss me and I let 'im down gently."

"Nah, nah, nah, not that, we covered that. I mean, think about the time you spent together in the warehouse, when we busted his ex-bosses, when he took a bullet for us, when we were duckin' those shots. Talk to me about when he was over here and said he got thrown outta the academy for bein' gay. Think about it and talk to me."

"Gosh, I....I remember thinkin' it was funny in the warehouse when we got scared and shouted the same thing at the same time, and then when we sorta sniped at each other and wrestled and the way he acted in the boss's office when we called 'im on the carpet, then took a slug in the ribs durin' the bust."

"Remind ya of anyone you know?"

"For Creeps' sake, Boss-man, what are ya gettin' at?"

MIKE - I was tryin' to build up the suspense, but I sensed I was goin' too far, but I had one more clue that'd put a light bulb up in Eddie's head. I took out the photo Mrs. M. gave me and handed it to Eddie. "Here, take a look at this."

"Cute kids"

"Look a little closer"

"Ya know somethin', the chubby one looks a bit like Skip and the other one kinda reminds me of.....HOLY CREEPS!"

[That's got 'im]

"Looks kinda like you, don't he?"

"Wow, did we play together in nursery school, or somethin'?"

"Ya might've."

"Wow, we actually met back then, I didn't even remember it, at least not consciously, anyway, maybe we fought, do ya think? This looks more like a family portrait. Why would anyone take a snapshot like this of two little kids unless they were...."

[DING DING DING DING DING DING]

"Mrs. Mc Inerney told me about Kevin, jr. disappearin'. Skip probably told you about the same thing."

"Well, yeah, but....wow (heh-heh) holy coincidence, right?"

"No. Mrs. Mc Inerney consented to submit to a blood test. In fact, it was her idea. I didn't say anything to ya 'cuz I didn't wanna jinx anything or get ya all wound up. I took the blood-stained shirt you used to plug up my bullet wound and extracted a blood sample from that. I also got a sample of Skip's blood from his physical to get into the academy. All three samples bore identical molecular structure. Eddie Robinson, you are charged with that ya used to be Kevin Mc Inerney, Jr. before you were kidnapped at the age of two and never heard from or seen again. How do you plead?"

[Eddie sat and stared for however long. As much as I usually loved it when his mouth hung open in that sexy pout of his, and those wide eyes dancin' in a pool of innocence, I was hopin' he'd say somethin' before the end of this decade]

"Well, how do ya plead?"

"That this is all some kind of a joke."

HOLY WHO AM I!

CREEPIN' CONFUSED IDENTITY!

WELL, BLESS MY BLOOD BLOTCHES!

DARN THAT DRATTED D.N.A.!

EDDIE REALLY THE STOLEN SON OF A GLORIFIED CAR DEALER?

THE BROTHER OF THE JANITOR-BUILT-LIKE-A-DRUM?

IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS TO GO OFF AND LEAVE MIKE TO LIVE WITH HIS NEW PARENTS, UNLESS THEY HAVE SOME ISSUES, AND IT LOOKS LIKE HIS NEW DAD KINDA DOES!

IS THIS ALL A COINCIDENCE? I BET THE BEAUTIFUL, BUFF BOY-FRIDAY WISHES HE WERE HANDCUFFED TO A TREE AGAIN INSTEAD OF BEING INVOLVED IN THIS!

TO FIND OUT WHAT'S GONNA BE SAID, DONE, FELT, THOUGHT, WRITTEN ABOUT, READ BY YOU, JUST HANG ON TIL THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!