CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT Kiss of the Crimefighter Part 2

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, THEY WERE BOTH SHOT WITH MACHINE GUN FIRE IN PURSUIT OF A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER. IN SUSTAINING THEIR WOUNDS, THEY LOST CONTROL OF THE CAR.....

MIKE - Getting popped in the chest, I lost control of the car - I had no choice but to let it crash into a dumpster in a nearby park. I'd swerved into one to avoid crashing into any traffic that may have been around. The car finally stopped. Thank God we had a warranty. I was about to call AAA, but first, I wanted to see about Eddie, who was sitting with his head back, gasps and moans coming from his sweet, tender lips, his face contorted in agony. I needed to get him out of the car and into some fresh air. I got out, and started to walk around the front of the car to get to his door, when I stopped, was about to fall over, clutching my chest as this stabbing pain overcame me. I clutched my chest with one hand, felt no wet spots, felt no blood running down my body or on my hands, so I reasoned my bullet-proof tee-shirt had stopped the ammo, and I was right - I'd felt a few chunks of something inside my clothes. I leaned on the car with the other hand to support my weight, and then, after a few seconds, I regained my sea-legs and went to see about Eddie.

EDDIE - Holy slam-dunk! My chest felt like it was on fire - I was hurtin' so bad I couldn't even move my hands to clutch my wounds. I just sat there, paralyzed, at least in my head, it felt like it. I sat with my head back, eyes closed, continually grunting and moaning, 'cuz it hurt like I can't describe. It's like I was beaten to a pulp in a gangfight. Gosh, this was horrible. I heard my car door open. It was Mike.

MIKE - I opened the door and took hold of Eddie - I tapped his face a little just to rouse him. He was still alive, thank God. I lifted his arm to put around me as I'd carry him out of the car, but he let out this scream, so I scooped him up, let his arms hang by their side, and picked him up that way and gently lay him on the ground. I ripped his shirt open - it was already riddled with holes, anyway, and I felt his tee-shirt, and there was also some chunks of metal. Thank God, the bullets were stopped from penetrating his chest. He was gonna make it. I guessed it was the impact of getting hit so hard so fast must've winded him real bad. I gently removed his tee-shirt and saw only a couple of marks, no bullet wounds, no bleeding, his skin wasn't even broken. I gently rubbed his chest. Instead of groaning and grunting, he was now smiling.

"Oh, yeah, that's good, that's real good. Aw, that feels wonderful."

As well it should - it was my healing touch. I bent down to kiss his injured area, and he was starting to feel better.

"How ya doin', kid? Yer gonna be okay."

"Aw, I think I am already."

"Do ya think you can sit up a little?"

"Yeah, lemme try."

EDDIE - I sat up and it still hurt a bit, but I wasn't gonna let this get to me. As all of us crimefighters know, ya gotta play through the pain, and I was gonna, and I did.

"(gasp) Holy shell-casings, Mike, did ya get hit?"

"I did, but it didn't get through. The shirt stopped it, like it did for you."

"Gosh, what a relief, I was really scared."

"It's gonna be allright, kiddo. Thank God we had the shirts, and thank God we have a warranty to get this baby fixed, and thank God we escaped what coulda been a terrible tragedy, just like always."

"Yeah, just like always. Ya know, God is really smilin' down on us all the time. No matter what goes on, we always bounce back together."

"Cuz we're good guys, kiddo. We're good guys."

"What now, though, Boss-Man?"

"Well, we gotta get this thing in the shop, and just take a breath or two back at the house. We'll get these guys, don't you worry about that."

MIKE - We take care of business. It wasn't easy, having to call the tow truck, then taking a cab back to our place, but before we knew it, it'd just be another memory - like it is now. We get back home and spot an envelope, addressed to us, which was slipped under the door. I pick it up.

"Watch it, Boss-man, it could be a letter bomb."

"Good point."

We slip on our protective gear - goggles, gloves, and we change into new bullet-proof tee-shirts just in case the shards hit us in the torso. I slowly peel back the flap on the envelope and empty the contents, which was only a photo with a note that read:

FOR YOUR INVESTIGATION.

"Holy cold creeps - someone knows we're on the case - but who?"

"Look. This is the church's return address."

We looked at the photo and we were shocked. At first glance, it seems as if someone had caught Fr. Stephens in the act. Eddie was overwhelmed, "holy hoodwinks. How could he do such a thing? He blatantly lied to us. What the heck is his game? And why are you still staring at it?"

There was something about it I couldn't take my eyes away from.

I kept staring and I muttered, "disturbing..."

"Oh, you bet it's disturbing. All that time I spent around him as a kid, and he could've gone for me...unless he didn't wanna touch me because I was already USED GOODS!"

Eddie threw a couple of punches at a wall and was shouting. He let his emotions overcome his sense of duty and I couldn't stand back and let this happen. He was letting himself disappear in this - I thought about calling him off the case, but he's my partner and I never want to take his work away, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him throw it away, either. I grabbed the kid and he started to wrestle a bit, "Mike, please..." Then I surrounded him, and kissed him - I took his hands and put them on me, I made him feel my coat, the one I always wear on the beat. It seemed a drastic move, but I had to reach in and grab his inner Robin, his inner detective. It was the Kiss of the Crimefighter and he needed that because I needed him.

I shout at him, "Eddie - it's not the preacher - it's not him!"

"Well, who the heck is it, then, huh? Who is it?"

"Take a closer look. Something looks a little odd about the jawline. We're gonna blow this photo up."

Blow it up, we did. We scanned the image, saved it to a computer program and increased the size, sharpening, descreening, the whole shot. I grinned that shit-eating grin I always grin when I'm right about something, and by God, was I ever!

"It's a picture of a picture on top of a picture."

"Of course, I see what you mean. Someone took a picture of Fr. Stephens' face and stuck it on whoever's ravaging that poor kid."

Eddie fell silent for a second. "And to think I had Father tried, convicted and hung just on the strength of a blurry photo. Gosh, I feel miserable." Eddie leaned on his arms on a table, and I walked over and put my hands on his shoulders from behind. "That's all right, kiddo - anyone else woulda thought the same thing."

"But I'm not anyone else - I shoulda been a better gumshoe than that - this guy was the greatest to me back then and I just turn on him."

I grinned and said, "Nah, only for a second - I timed ya! Now, ready to hit the church and kick some major ass?"

"Thought you'd never ask! Let's hit it!"

"Good, 'cuz I just got an idea - we stake it out for a while, go kinda slow, see? Sorta infiltrate the establishment, if you will."

"Sounds cool."

"We'll set up a sting with the Deacon. You're gonna spend some time around the kiddies, check 'em out, see if they'll talk."

"That's cool - I'm pretty good with kids - but what's my disguise, am I some sorta school counselor or somethin'?"

"Not quite - I remember you tellin' me that lack of funds forced the school to close down, and the students were scattered to other schools around the area."

"Holy cutbacks!"

"Exactly. So, in addition to kids who show up for church events and the like, there are also altar boys on Sundays - that's where you come in."

"What? Mike, I'm too tall - I can't pass for a kid."

"You've seen a lot of overgrown 13 year-olds before, right?"

"Well, yeah, but...."

It was fun watching his face change expressions, ranging from confusion to utter bewilderment.

"...an Altar boy? How'm I gonna fit in?"

"We'll set it up that you're the rather...athletic type - took a lotta vitamins in your time - pretty good shape - hopin' to get a football scholarship for high school. Also, when you're snoopin' around, be sure to take my digi-cam. When ya snap a photo, just press this button here, it'll automatically send the image to our e-mail address and I can monitor stuff from here."

"Holy mission control. Just hope I can pull it off, 'cuz...what if I get found out?"

"Not a chance in hell, man, it'll all be set up with the Deacon."

"Do you think he can be trusted?"

"Come on, kiddo, he's a man of the cloth - if ya can't trust a....."

Suddenly remembering the nature of the case we're working, I felt like an idiot.

"If the wrong people get wind of me, and my cover's blown, they might take some - - pretty heavy action."

"That, my boy, is a chance we'll have to take. We gotta go in there and get Father back his life...while possibly paying the price of our own."

Eddie rubbed his fist, "Right, Boss!"

"We must away! We gotta get to the church ON TIME!"

CAN OUR HEROES PULL THIS OFF? EDDIE POSING AS AN ALTAR BOY TO INFILTRATE THE ESTABLISHMENT, AS IT WERE? WILL HE BE THE NEXT VICTIM OF THE MYSTERIOUS BACK-DOOR MAN? KEEP READING ON, FOLKS. IT ONLY GETS WEIRDER FROM HERE!

CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN - The Kiss of the Crimefighter Part 1

Me-n-Eddie had a great night last night. How was yours? You know, I don't ever wanna go through this with him again, but I gotta tell ya, the reunion sex was fantastic. I knew I missed him, but I didn't know I'd missed him that much. Aw, holy crap it was a long, hard...time.

Sorry - I just kinda like the word play. Anyhow, we were back in business in all respects.

The doorbell woke me up - it was about 10 - and it was a UPS guy, kind of a cute, hunky kinda kid - it was hot out that day, so they let 'em wear shorts. He had the sleeves rolled up on his uniform shirt and he was kinda sweaty. I gotta admit, I kinda stared at him through the keyhole before I actually opened the door. He did something that drove me wild, and Eddie does this, too, once in a while. He'd take one of his sleeves and wipe the sweat off his brow with it. The sleeve rides up and you can see a bit more upper arm. Can't go wrong with that. Anyways, I sign for the package, while looking at his package, and it was just what I ordered. I'd kinda forgotten about this, 'cuz I had, ya know, other things on my mind the last few days. It was a stash of special tee-shirts I'd had made special - bulletproof tee-shirts -.

Eddie walks in the room, yawning and stretching, "'mornin', Boss - who was that so early? It's like the crack of dawn."

"Eddie, it's 10 am"

"Yeah, like I said"

"You know, heroes always rise with the sun."

"Then why do so many bad guys do their stuff at night?"

I didn't have a comeback for that, so I grinned at him and says, "okay, you win this one. But JUST this one."

He grinned back at me. He was looking pretty fine this morning, too. As always, a super tight shirt, no tee underneath, but that was gonna change PDQ.

"Eddie, you're lookin' real hot today."

"Well it is almost 90 degrees."

I walked over to him and whispered, "naw, that's not what I meant and you know it. Come here, beautiful..."

And I grab him and start kissing his lips, real soft-like, "you're so hot" (kiss) "gorgeous" (kiss), "studly" (kiss) "and I'm gonna keep sayin' this til you believe it yourself."

Eddie was kissing me back, "I believe...I believe"

"You look amazin' in that shirt, but I think it needs an accessory."

"Aw, yeah? Whatcha got in mind?"

I break away and get one of the tee-shirts.

"This - I want you to start wearin' these from now on - we both are."

"Gee, black and white tee-shirts. This feels kinda thick. I might sweat bullets in this."

"Better to sweat bullets than to take 'em."

"Huh?"

"You remember us readin' one of our guys took one for the team a couple of weeks back?"

"Yeah, but he's all right - his vest stopped the slug."

"Exactly - only I had a better idea. I figured I'd have tee-shirts made of the same fabric. Vests do a good job, a lot of bad guys aim for the chest or the stomach, even the back, the cowardly ones do, anyway. There was a guy, an innocent guy, had a kid with him in the car, someone opened fire, hit him in the upper arm from the side. The bullet ricocheted and tore through his heart and one of his lungs, killing him instantly."

Eddie froze at the thought, "go-o-o-sh. I didn't think an arm wound could be that bad."

"Dependin' on the type of slug, the speed of the shot, yeah, it can wipe ya out right on the spot. Kid was only 6 years old and he saw his dad die right in front of him."

Eddie suddenly grew chilly and brought his arms up to his chest, each hand rubbin' the other arm, as if to hug himself. "(gasp) Holy nightmare, just the thought of it."

"And I don't want any of that happenin' to either of us. With these babies on us, sure it's gonna hurt like hell, but all we'll get is a couple of bruises. You remember that dame that got us both good in the ribs and we both lost a lotta blood. Now, I've been thinkin' - sure, layin' down our lives for the Job is a part of it, but it's a part I'd as soon put off as long as I can, 'cuz we both got long lives ahead of us and there's a lot of evil out there for us to fight, and I wanna be around as long as I can, and I don't wanna see you cut down in your prime. I don't wanna lose ya like I thought I did at that art gallery."

"Or like I thought I was gonna lose you in that dame's house."

"Exactly - if you hadn't stuffed your shirt in my chest, that woulda been it for me. But let's wear these things - let's stick around for each other, huh?"

Eddie pursed his lips and nodded, "absolutely".

I paused and a mischievous grin spread across my face. "Ya wanna, uh, model one of these? Ya know, try it on for size - see if it fits?"

Eddie grinned back, "Aw, boss, you are a little devil, aren't ya?"

"Here, try one of the white ones. I love how white contrasts with your skin tone. Gets me ev'ry time."

Eddie puts on one and models it - MAN, does he look good.

"Ya know, I really love how this fabric feels against my body - real smooth."

"Ya know, I really love how this fabric looks against your body and how it makes me feel - all wet and hard."

Eddie rolls his eyes and groans, "awwww, Boss-Man...."

The doorbell rings - guess ya know what that means - not that we ain't popular and don't have people over for the heck of it, but nine times outta 10, it's trouble.....

I open the door and there's a priest standing there.

"Uh, hi, somethin' I can do for ya?"

"Is there a Robinson that actually works here?"

I'm lookin' at this one suspiciously and I'm a little uneasy.

"Sure."

"Is his name Edward? Is he what could be in his early 20's by now?"

I'm gettin' freaked out here. I know this one's a priest, but what gives here?

"Uh, yeah, there's someone here like that. Whatcha need?"

"I need to see him myself. Just to be sure."

"Okay, I'll call him over here - hey, Eddie - someone here to see ya!"

Eddie walks over to the door, "What's up, Mike? Oh...oh my God - - Father Stephens?"

"You know this guy?"

Eddie was lit up like a Christmas tree - "Wow, DO I! He was pastor of my church when I was a kid. Well, whaddya know! Come on in, Father. Great to see you again."

We walk in to the living room and "Bing Crosby" here was happy to see Eddie happy to see him, and all, but he said, "it's nice to see you, too, and I'm glad you're the Robinson in the name of this agency, for, you see, this isn't exactly a social call."

"Gee, I get it - you're in trouble or somethin'?"

"Yes, and it's the worst ever. This is happening to a lot of us in my community. So many lives have been damaged by this sort of scandal. You never think it would happen to you, but it's now happening to me, hard as it is to believe."

"Uh, I don't getcha - what's goin' on?"

"I've been asked to step down from my duties due to allegations against me of sexual abuse of minors in 1985."

Eddie's face was now as white as a KKK meeting.

"What? I can't believe it! YOU?"

"Yes, I'm sad to say."

"But..you couldn't have done it."

"Yes, I know, son...I didn't. Serving God was all I ever wanted to do with my life, nothing else mattered. I wouldn't have ever dreamed of doing anything so heinous."

I interjected, "Preacher, if you can remember back to 1985, is there any incident you can think of where you might've gotten physical with some kid?"

"Mike, what are ya sayin'?"

"I'm not saying a thing - I'm only building a case for the preacher's innocence."

"Did you have a favorite student there? Were ya kinda friendly to some and not to others? Maybe you might've hit a kid for actin' up."

Then Eddie steps in, "For the record, all I can say is you were always good to me. You made my childhood a lot easier to deal with. You never hit me for anything."

The preacher smiled and said, "well, you never deserved it. You were a perfect student, never caused any trouble. You never got into any fights in the playground, you always broke them up. You were so protective of some of the other children."

I was amazed, and muttered to myself, "Hell, even then."

"In fact, I was so hurt and shocked for you when I heard you were expelled from the police academy."

Eddie smiled and said, "thank you. But me-n-Mike got it all straightened up. It was all a frame-up and my name was cleared - -just like we're gonna do for you."

"But you didn't go back and become a police officer?"

"Well, in the meantime, I met up with Mike, here, and he helped me become a Private Investigator. As much as I dreamed of becoming a cop in those days...I think the best thing happened. If I'd gone on, sure I woulda been in uniform right now, but I wouldn't have had such a rich and meaningful life if not for how ev'rything happened. I wouldn't have met Mike, I don't think, and I wouldn't have learned as much as I have about law and order if I'd stayed."

"He ain't just whistlin' dixie, Padre. The kid's a crack gumshoe."

"I beg your pardon."

"He's one of the best detectives around. Has a real keen eye for this stuff. This boy was born to fight crime. As a uniform cop, he wouldn't have been in a position to help you out here as he is now."

"That's right. Father, it would be a privilege and an honor to give you back your good name."

He sticks his hand out and the preacher responds, by shaking his.

"Oh, Edward, I always believed in you. I always thought you were such a good boy. I was right."

"And I'm right about you, and we're gonna prove it, isn't that right, Mike!"

"Absolutely."

"Thank you both. Oh, here's where I'm staying for the time being. You can reach me anytime at this number."

"Will do."

The preacher leaves - Eddie sees him to the door.

"Father?"

"Yes?"

Eddie then put his hand on the preacher's shoulder and looked deep into his eyes.

"We're gonna get you your life back. I promise."

With that, the preacher gave Eddie a bear hug and nodded his head on the way out.

You do know I had my reservations, though. This sorta thing happens all the time, and, well....

I was pacing back and forth, in deep thought.

"Mike - Mike, what's the matter?"

"Dunno, kid. I'm not sure how we can prove his innocence."

"I believe him - that's a good head start. Do you?"

"I'll keep an open mind and remember that all are innocent until proven guilty."

"There is no guilt to prove - I'd stake my life on that."

"It's just that this sorta stuff happens all the time and, you never know, he could just be sayin' all the right things, here. You don't suppose he's hidin' anything, puttin' up a front - puttin' on an act?"

"Trust me, this is no act. I'd seen this man appear in school plays - he was awful. But seriously. I know what you're sayin' and I know where you're comin' from, but this is not a man who molests children. He really took the edge off my troubles as a kid and, heck, I even looked forward to school every day - that's why I did so well, I guess. Father gave me a reason to hang in there and do something good with my life. I wanna return the favor - give him a reason to hang in there, too."

I looked into his eyes and I could see real passion, real conviction. The boy really believed in the preacher's innocence and who was I to doubt that - even for a second. I put my hands on his arms and said,

"You really believe in this guy, don't ya? You've always had a level head, you've always had a good eye for stuff, and, while I have to remain impartial until all the facts are uncovered, I do believe in you, and I'll work with ya, goin' after the truth. I just need you to promise me that you won't become emotionally involved. It's a good thing, you wantin' to help a friend of yours, but ya gotta keep away from this gettin' personal."

"Oh, I will, Boss-Man... I will."

"And remember - you're a Boy Crimefighter first, and ev'rything else falls a dead second."

Eddie looked at me, then cast his eyes downward, inhaled deeply and let out a heavy sigh.

"You're right, Mike. It's just that I want to prove his innocence, is all. I just want him to be innocent. He just has to be."

"One step at a time, kiddo."

A visit to the local archdiocese seemed promising. We figured they'd not only tell us who it was that lodged the complaint, but also let us talk to this one ourselves. No dice.

"Good afternoon, I'm Detective Batz, this is Detective Robinson. We're conducting an investigation into the allegations against Father Stephens."

"Yes, what about him?"

"We'd like to interview the one or ones who filed this complaint against him, just to get their side of the story."

"I believe you already have that side. The injured party has filed a claim of sexual assault against Fr. Stephens and we're looking into it."

"You mean right now - as we speak?"

"No, of course not. We have many duties to see to from day to day. These things take a good amount of time and must be handled delicately and properly."

"Meaning what? Are you also using private investigators."

"The Church has deemed it unnecessary to utilize the services of outside parties. We are investigating the matter ourselves."

"Now, look here, Missy - how can a bunch of priests decide if one of their own is a perpetrator? We're trained in this sort of thing. We can read between the lines during an interview. We can hear things in statements that an ordinary layman can't."

"Detective Batz is right - which is why we've been asked to check this matter out, and we need to talk to this - what you call an injured party - maybe we can scoop out something, hear the chink in their armor, so to speak."

"We have already interviewed the injured party and we're conducting our investigation based on that claim, and we have requested Fr. Stephens to step down until our investigation is over."

"Which makes it sound as if you think he did it, hidden away like a fugitive until you guys think he's innocent. Doesn't the constitution dictate otherwise?"

"Detective Robinson is right. Innocent until proven guilty. My God, wealthy murder suspects are free to be chauffer-driven down the streets until the day they're hung, and one mild-mannered priest has to go into hiding. I just don't get this whole thing."

"Who is it that hired you to pursue this investigation?", asked the Church Lady (sorry).

"That's confidential information - investigator-client confidentiality."

"Well, this is parishioner-archdioicese confidentiality. I cannot allow you any information on the injured party, and even if I could, I'm not certain I would."

I thought to myself, "heh - injured party - how would this broad like to be an injured party herself!"

"Now, you gentlemen have taken up much too much of my time. I am a very busy woman with a full day's work ahead of me. Please remove yourselfves from my office - good day."

"Good God!"

THE BOYS LEAVE THE OFFICE AND THE CHURCH LADY GETS BUZZED ON THE INTERCOM. "Yes?"

"Did those two pseudo-cops take a hike?"

"Yes, they've gone. I don't think we'll be hearing from them anymore."

"Good. You know, it's a bitch about that one commandment - Thou Shalt Not Kill"

"Grant you, they were pests, but enough to deserve to be killed?"

"Well, they're dicks - gettin' rubbed out is an occupational hazard with them."

"I assure you, that wouldn't be a proper way to handle them. They were just doing as they were asked, just like I was."

"And you handled that beautifully, but one more word outta you, and I'll have to find a loophole around that commandment - savvy?"

"Yes. Savvy."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So as we left, totally empty-handed, Eddie says, "so what's our next move here?"

I stare straight ahead, crossing my arms, squinting.

"we wait"

"Of COURSE! A stake-out. Maybe we can catch up with the Bishop and talk to him ourselves."

"Great minds do think alike."

We sat for what felt like hours.

Eddie said, "someone's got to come out of there sometime."

And come out they did - a figure all dressed in black and wearing....a wool cap? This time of year? And sunglasses yet. He also had what looked like two bodyguards.

"Can it be the Bishop?"

"Well, he is dressed in black, boss, but it sure is funny him wearing a cap like that on a day like this - OR... it could be a detective for the other side."

"A nemesis if there ever was one. Good thinking, Eddie! Let's hit it - see what this guy's up to!"

We follow their car for a few blocks, and catch the driver looking in the rear-view mirror right at us. He looks to the passenger seat and the passenger, one of the bodyguards, maybe, starts looking back at us, too.

"Damn it! We've been made!"

"We gotta keep goin', Mike. Whatever goes down goes down."

"Absolutely."

Then it got real interesting. The car started making all kinds of turns, speeding up, slowing down, even.

"The rat - he's teasing us!"

We made every move they did. We stayed right on their tail. Then one of the bodyguards leaned out the window and brandished a handgun and began to fire at us. We were in the bullet-proof car, after all - good thing. Those handgun slugs just kept bouncing off, but I began to worry. The bullets could ricochet and hit an innocent bystander. Luckily for us, there was no other traffic around, but still.....

The passenger went back inside - all that was on our windshield was a little gun powder from the shots.

"You okay, there, Eddie?"

"Never better, Mike. I guess this one ran outta ammo and they'll be stoppin' for us real soon. Then we'll finally get to the bottom of this."

Then the bad guys accelerated their artillery. Eddie got a glimpse and gasped.



"HOLY ARSENAL! AN AK-47! What'll we do? Is the glass strong enough to withstand it?"

"I hope so, boy. Better cover your head, though, just in case."

"What about you?"

"I gotta drive this thing - I gotta see. You're wearin' your tee-shirt, I hope!"

"Sure am! You?"

"You bet your sweet ass I am. Nothin's gonna get us. Hang tight.

The bodyguard opened fire. Eddie shouted out, "HOLY GAUNTLET!"

That's just what it was, all right. Bullets flew left and right - still deflecting off the car, thank God, only a few slugs hit the windshield and they were bouncin' off, too, at least for a few minutes.

THEN - they must've reloaded - they began firing again. They must've loaded more gunpowder in the rifle, for one of the bullets, almost as big as my......my hand, actually cracked the windshield. Eddie covered his head and face up with his arms. A tiny fragment of glass bounced off and scratched Eddie on the hand.

"OW! MIKE! IT ALMOST GOT IN! THE WINDOW'S CRACKED!"

The firepower intensified.

"HE SWITCHED TO MACHINE GUN MODE!"

As Eddie looked in my direction as he said that, a couple of bullets hit him in the chest and I was hit a couple of times, too. We both reacted, shouting, we were both hit pretty bad. I lost control of the car.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING!"

"I can't stop this damn thing. I'm afraid we're gonna crash!"

IS THE END OF THE DAPPER, DASHIN' DETECTIVE AND THE BUFF BOY FRIDAY - THEIR WATERLOO - THEIR NORMANDY?

IN ANY CASE, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A DAY AT THE BEACH FOR OUR GORGEOUS GUMSHOES.

READ ALL ABOUT THE GRISLY GRUESOME DETAILS IN CHAPTER 68!

CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX - Lonely Little Lads

MIKE - When Jake burst into the house, making one last vain attempt to shoot me-n-Eddie, he did get me pretty good - a graze to the ribs, but I was gonna be okay, Eddie really saved the day, jumpin' on him and wailin' the tar outta him. The last few days had been very painful for me. I really missed my boy in my arms in our nice, soft, warm bed, his nice, warm, firm, ripplin', rock-solid body next to mine, his nipples which I love to lick, his torso which I love to caress, to hold, I love the feeling of my hands on his arms, and his hands on my arms. We'd switch back and forth, burying my head in his chest, or the other way around. That had all been missing the last few days. I felt my boy didn't want me anymore. I mean, he had a hot young prizefighter goin' down on him, so what did he need me for. I did somethin' that in my life I never did before. I walked away. I gave in. The fight with Jake just now, with Eddie by my side, Eddie had my back, taught me somethin'. You never walk away, you fight to the death, you let your enemy know you're not gonna take anything lyin' down. You charge at your enemy, you look your enemy in the eye and throw every punch you have in ya. God, I was dumb - I was lettin' AJ win, I was lettin' all my insecurities win, I was fightin' with Eddie when I shoulda been fightin' for him. I realized all of this when Jake burst into the house. As Eddie might tell ya himself, when Robin was drugged and was against Batman, he didn't fight him off, he dug his heels in and fought for him, and he won. That's what I was gonna do. I went right for the hall closet and dug out our bat-suits - naw, these weren't for sale anymore - I didn't even put it up on e-Bay just yet. My boy was gonna wear this and be back with me if it took every last breath from my body. I want my boy back and I'm gonna get him. I was startin' to get the suits out of the closet when I caught a glimpse over at the guest house. I saw him cryin'. He lowered the shade on one of the windows, but I could still see him in the other one before he lowered that shade, too. "My God", I thought to myself, "he's all upset. I better race over there and get him back before it's too late."

No matter what it took, the two of us were gettin' back together. I was pretty rough on him, and I was all wrong for it, too. I'd give anything if Eddie would just forgive me. I didn't care about catchin' him with AJ anymore, all I knew was Batz & Robinson were gonna ride again. I swooped into action, racing across the way. I walked into the guest house and went straight for the bedroom. Eddie was fast asleep. Didn't matter, he could sleep later on - next to me. It must've been pretty warm in there because he was sleepin' in the raw on top of the sheets. Then, outta the corner of my eye, I spotted somethin' - it was a bottle of pills. Pills? They were knocked over, some of the pills fell onto the floor. There was a pad of paper on the nightstand, I picked it up to see if anything was written on it, and sure as shootin', it was a note that said, "Mike, I....." and then nothin'.

Holy Sweet Mother of God, the kid's tryin' to off himself. What if he was already dead? I tried to wake him up - nothin', but at least his body still felt warm - good sign. I kissed him a few times, shoutin' his name - come on, Eddie, wake up!

"My God, he's unconscious, he's not movin'!" I was too late - why did I let him leave the room? Jesus Murphy I'm the stupidest guy alive, why'd I walk away and say good night? Why'd I let him go? Why didn't I make up with him right then and there? Why'd it take me so long to realize what I had to do to get him back? Now you've done it, Batz. Ya killed the love of your life. Ya happy now? Oh, so strong and proud, ain't ya - not so right now, are ya, ya putz! What was I gonna do? I turned my back and wept buckets. Punches, bullets, ropes, nothin'...nothin' hurt as much as this. My boy was gone and it was all my fault.

As I sat sobbing, I heard a groan in the back. "My God, it's Eddie, he's still alive!"

I turned around and grabbed him, shaking him awake, "come on, Eddie, come back to me, come on, snap out of it!" I begged. He opened his eyes.

"Mike, what's...what's goin' on?"

"Oh, Eddie, I thought I lost ya there, but you're back now, you're gonna be okay."

"I'm back? I'm gonna be okay? What're ya talkin' about?"

"These damn pills ya took! Why'd ya do it?"

"Pills? I - - "

I grabbed the empty bottle and scooped up the pills off the floor. "These. Ya took all of these, didn't ya - just because I threw ya out. Eddie, I had no idea you were that broken up. I'm so sorry."

Eddie started to regain his sea-legs and thought for a minute.

"Oh, gosh. No. Mike, ya got the wrong idea. Read the label."

I read what it said on the bottle. Somethin' about 1 each night. It was a prescription, dated in April 2005.

"You takin' medication? For what? Robin never woulda..."

"Remember the universal bat-antidote, Mike. I only took one, got groggy and knocked the bottle over after I took a sip of water. I have chronic insomnia."

"Insomnia?"

"Yeah, I could never sleep a wink - not on my own, anyway."

"Were you takin' these all this time? I don't get it. You always slept like a baby with me."

"Well, that's because you made me cum so hard, I always just passed out."

Oh, I had to let this one sink in. I thought for a sec and then a huge smile came over my face and I chuckled, "I did, huh? Heh-heh, how about that!"

"It relaxed me - that and the fact that I had my head on your warm, sturdy hairy chest. It was better than down."

I still didn't get this insomnia thing, "how did you get insomnia? How long have ya had it?"

"Ever since I could remember. I couldn't ever get to sleep, even when I was a kid. I couldn't sleep when my mom and dad were fightin', when he slugged her and I jumped up and slugged him back. I was a bad-guy buster even then. I couldn't sleep when they were fightin', I couldn't sleep when he was out all night and mom was drinkin' non-stop. I lay there with one eye open, waiting for her to moan, or to fall down and I had to go out and pick her back up and take her to bed. I couldn't sleep when they finally split up and she had other boyfriends over to the house. Then when my dad kidnapped me and I was tied up in that closet. I couldn't sleep when he kept sayin' he was gonna get rid of the dead weight - meanin' me. He didn't wanna pay child support and offin' me was gonna be his way out. Then you came in, rescued me. You slammed the door open, I saw your coat swing back and forth, as you stood spread eagle, bendin' down to grab me. Ya swept me up in your coat, your arms around me, I hung onto you for dear life. You said, 'come on, kiddo, your mom's been worried', and ya took me home. That was the first time I slept for real in a long time. I hung onto your arm and slept on it as ya drove me back, then we got home and ya carried me in, brought me back to my mom. I just loved you so much, but I didn't know the way I loved you. I thought ya might be my new dad. My mom thanked you, you tipped your hat to us, and rode off into the sunset, your black coat swingin' back and forth as you walked. I had nightmares for years after that, then I finally went to see someone about it, and then the doctor gave me these pills. I didn't take very many, 'cuz that's when I met up with you again. That night at the hotel, when we got together and styaed together. I didn't need them anymore. You rescued me again. You were my hero again. You've always been my hero. I've always loved you."

He grabbed me and held on so tight, just like he did as a child.

"Oh, God, Mike, I've missed you. I know I did somethin' wrong and I'm real sorry about it. I never meant for it to happen. AJ was just all broken up and I just looked at him and tried to comfort him. I know I stared at his pic and thought he was hot-lookin' and all, but I had no real feelings for him. He was into me, and ev'rything, and I kept tellin' him this was wrong and he went down anyway. I saw that look of hurt on your face, and I've been real broken up about it ever since. Mike, I don't know how I can ever make it up to you. I don't wanna lose you, Mike, please don't leave. I'm sorry, I'm sorry......"

He cried buckets. Just like at the closet. Just like at the hotel. I could see that I was ev'rything to this boy. This boy was ev'rything to me. We held each other like there was no tomorrow.

I stroked the back of his soft, warm, sweet-smelling hair, saying "ssh - it's okay, let it out. I'm right here. Your Boss-Man's right here and he's never goin' away again, that is, if you want him to stay."

Eddie pulled back and looked at me, "Of course I want you. Why would ya think otherwise?"

"Look, kid, I carried on the way I did 'cuz it seemed like all my worries were right."

"Worries?"

"Yeah, In the back of my head I always wondered what ya saw in me. I know how ya felt about me when I dug ya outta that closet, and all, but your love for me went beyond hero worship and I sometimes thought you could do better. Ya know - bein' around a broken down old man like me."

"What makes ya say that?"

"Come on, kid, I'm at least 20 years older than ya. You're always so wide-eyed, gung-ho, ya really love life, and I had to wonder was I suckin' the life blood outta ya."

"No, way. Ya put the life blood back into me, not only bein' my hero when I was a kid, but havin' the chance to actually give ya back what you gave me. It's like when a cop saves a kid's life, pushin' him outta the way of a speedin' car, the kid never forgets and grows up to be a cop, too. I wanted to do good for others just like you did. Outside of your physical attributes, you have the most beautiful heart. I see how ya look at people when they come in askin' for help, I see ya lookin' so hurt when it turns out they were stringin' us along, lurin' us into a trap, and ev'rything. You have such sweet soulful eyes, a really warm voice, you're a great protector. You've dedicated your life to the good of others and you make people feel as safe as you do me, and I think that's so beautiful and I thank God ev'ry day 'cuz I'm right there doin' that with ya. Yeah, there's still some hero worship but I also got to know you as a man, as a powerful, gentle lover, as a friend. It takes a real special kinda guy to do all that, and you are that, and....then ya have me there. You took a chance on me. I always wonder if I'm good for you."

"If you're good for me?"

"Sure. I mean I'm a good fighter and all. I'm pretty strong, I work out and have the muscle and all, but I get insecure, too. You're the best and I wanna be the best right with ya and I wonder if I can cut it sometimes."

I had to chuckle when he said that. "Geez, what're ya talkin' about? You have the same thing inside you as I do. You're a hell of a crimefighter, you're the best partner I've ever had. You're my Boy Friday. Sure, I love my work, but since you came along, ya made it - - well, ya made it more fun. I sometimes smile when I see ya gettin' all excited about a new case and the way ya throw yourself into it. That sweet smile of satisfaction when we win one, the passion that comes across ya when things don't look so good, 'cuz you, too wanna make the world a better place and you're such an all-american, ya got such a great body."

"Yeah, well, the body's okay, I guess. I never really looked at it much. Sure I got muscles, but that's cuz I need to stay in shape - I wanna fight crime for the rest of my life. It's what I'm s'posed to do and I love it. I only look the way I do 'cuz that's what heroes do - it's to show the bad guys we mean business. I never thought it turned anyone on."

"You're serious!"

"Yeah, I mean, I appreciate the things ya say about me, and all, but I didn't start gettin' in shape to meet some guy, that's icin' on the cake, but...when we got together the first time, I wanted to work with ya and I thought you were hot, I never thought I was such a turn-on. I'm just this big, goofy-lookin' kid with stars in my eyes, is all."

"You don't know. You've never seen yourself as I see ya. As AJ saw ya...Skip, or anyone else for that matter."

"Naw, I can't say I have. I'm just doin' my job is all. My body's a tool for the job, it's like an office supply. Heck, even the way I dress is part of it - we gotta move around a lot when we get goin'. I never, ever knew what that was doin' for other guys, and it's sweet when they tell me, and all, I mean, who wouldn't blush when someone gets a crush on them, but....all I am is just this kid who got lucky and really loves what he does...and who really loves you. We're like a couple of lonely little lads who found each other."

I smiled from ear to ear, my eyes brimmin' with tears.

"Eddie, I dunno what to say. I'm...moved, touched. Choked up."

He leaned in and wiped my eyes with his fingertips.

Then I stopped for a second, scooped up his stash of insomnia pills.

"You're never gonna need these again."

I walked over to the bathroom and flushed the whole thing down the toilet and tossed the bottle out. I walked back over to Eddie with my arms outstretched. He looked up at me kinda quizzical. I smiled and nodded to him. He gets up and embraces me, and I do likewise. One arm around him...I stroke the back of his head with the other. I kiss his neck.

"Welcome home, baby...welcome home."