CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR - Wretched, Roguish Role-players

THIS CHAPTER BEGINS WITH OUR HELPLESS HEROES IN PURSUIT OF THE PERPETRATORS AND THEIR KIDNAP VICTIMS - TWO MEN DRESSED LIKE BATMAN AND ROBIN FOR A SUPERHERO CONVENTION. THE VAN CARRYING ALL CONCERNED PARTIES PULLED INTO A SECURED PARKING GARAGE ONLY ACCESSIBLE WITH A KEY CARD WHICH MIKE AND EDDIE DO NOT HAVE. OH, WHAT DO THEY DO NOW?

MEANWHILE, IN A BEDROOM IN ONE OF THE APARTMENTS, THE KIDNAPPERS LOOK ON AS THEY WAIT FOR THEIR VICTIMS TO WAKE UP FROM THE CHLOROFORM, WHICH THEY DO. THE MAN DRESSED LIKE ROBIN WAKES UP FIRST - HANDS AND FEET TIED TO THE BED RAILINGS. HE REALIZES WHAT A PREDICAMENT HE'S IN AND BEGINS STRUGGLING, ONLY TO BE TOLD:

"No good trying to escape, kid. You're here for the duration."

IT'S THE KIDNAPPER DRESSED LIKE RIDDLER

"Listen, you, whoever you are, you're not gonna get away with this."

"Whoever I am? Why, don't you recognize me? I'm the Riddler!"

THE BATMAN DOPPELGANGER ALSO WAKES UP

"Look. Cut the crap, fella. A little fantasy is one thing, but this has gone too far."

"Why who said anything about fantasy? This is your reality - once you don cape and mask, you're catapulted into another stratosphere."

THE ROBIN DOPPELGANGER SAYS,

"What are you going to do with us?"

"My boy, you can be sure my intentions are NOT honorable! SORRY to crib a line from one of my criminal colleagues, but I felt it to be apropo."

THE 'RIDDLER' STARES AT THE ROBIN'S LEGS

"Nice. I notice you're bare-legged - no tights. Always a good thing. I noticed that when I hoisted you over my shoulder, my hand on the back of your thigh. I did NOT want to let go."

HE LIGHTLY STROKES THE LEG UP AND DOWN

"Nice shape, not a hair out of place - not a hair anywhere, actually. Firm. muscular. I'd say you did some pretty good work on these. It's a shame I gotta mess them up!"

'ROBIN' PANICS "Mess them UP? What are ya talking about?"

'RIDDLER' CUTS THE CORD FROM AN OLD LAMP - REMOVING SOME INSULATION, EXPOSING SOME BARE WIRE. HE WEARS HEAVY GLOVES AS HE PLUGS THE CORD IN, AND SLOWLY ADVANCES TO THE 'BOY WONDER', WHO PANICS AND REALLY STARTS TO STRUGGLE.

"Please - I beg you - don't do what I think you're doing!"

"Too late. I'm already doing it. I've got to get you to cooperate somehow."

HE TOUCHES THE BOY'S LEG WITH THE EXPOSED WIRE, MAKING HIM SCREAM AND GYRATE. HE TRIES TO MOVE AWAY, BUT 'RIDDLER' TELLS HIM THAT NO MATTER HOW HE MOVES AROUND, HE CAN MOVE AROUND, TOO, AND ZAP HIM AS MUCH AS HE WISHES.

'BATMAN' THREATENS TO KILL HIM IF HE EVER GETS LOOSE

"Yes, that's right - IF you ever get loose. Loyal henchman - the point and venom, too."

"Gotcha, Boss!"

'RIDDLER'S HENCHMAN THROWS A PUB DART WHICH LANDS RIGHT NEAR THE BATMAN ACTOR'S COLLAR BONE, CAUSING HIM TO SCREAM AND STRUGGLE.

"Well, get the kid, too."

AND THE ROBIN ACTOR IS ALSO DARTED AND REMEMBERING THE TV SERIES, HE MOANS, "Holy D'artagnan", CAUSING THE 'RIDDLER' TO STOP.

"By Jove, I think he's got it!"

"Got what?"

"Looks like we got a couple of playmates."

THE BATMAN ACTOR SAYS, "Playmates?"

----------------------------------------------

MEANWHILE, OUR HEROES ARE STUMPED OVER WHERE TO FIND THE KIDNAP VEHICLE. EDDIE SUGGESTS THEY GO OVER TO THE MANAGEMENT OFFICE AND SEE THEIR RESIDENTS' RECORDS. BUT IT'S CLOSED

MIKE - "Damn. It's closed!"

Then Eddie asks, "what're ya gonna do? Use a credit card to pry the door open?"

I say to him, "Not yet - maybe we can jimmy the lock. Ya got anything in that tool belt of yours?"

"Gotcha, Boss", Eddie says as he looks for something.

I start lookin' for somethin' to jimmy the lock, but for some reason, I look up and notice a way in.

"BOSS! I got it! That transom up there - looks like it's open!"

"By God, you're right, boy! One of us can climb in there and open the door for the other."

"I'm on it, Mike!"

"Not just yet, kiddo. It looks a little narrow. You're muscles are a little too bulky for that, but I think I can squeeze in there. Gimme a boost."

"Roger!"

I clasp my hands together as Mike steps into them and uses me shoulders as a hand-hold. He gets up on my shoulders, but it's still a little high up.

"I got it. I'll hoist ya up there."

I grab ahold of the sides of the door and climb up, pushin' Mike as high as he can get.

"Good goin', Kiddo - I'm in. Wait just a sec."

The Boss-Man gets on the other side and shimmies down, opening up and letting me in.

"Okay, if we can JUST figure out which drawer has the parking garage files, we can see which license plate goes with which unit."

"Got my digi-can, Boss!"

"Good. Bring up the image with the license plate number."

We find the right drawer with the parking garage records on it. We start searchin'. As luck would have it, it's alphabetized. The van is registered to a tenant named Mitch Andrews.

"I GOT IT, BOSS! He's in Unit 2-C at Building A!"

"Great job, kiddo! Let's go kick some bad-guy butt!"

"NOT SO FAST! HANDS UP!"

Me-n-Eddie freeze, reachin' for the sky.

"Holy Johnson Wax! It's a Janitor with a Gun!"

"No, no, no what the hell are ya talkin' about? I'm security. Here's my badge."

Then he says sheepishly, "security and maintenance uniforms kinda look alike. But what do you think you're doin' here?"

I explain our presence.

"I'm Detective Batz - he's Detective Robinson. If you'll let us move our hands, we'll produce OUR badges."

"Not so fast. Tell me where they are - I'll get 'em myself."

This is one sharp cookie.

"I've had this tried on me before. I fell for it once - literally. As soon as their hands were released they clobbered me, took my gun and tied me up in a closet. No thanks to that again."

"I gotcha. They're clipped on our belts on the left side."

MIKE - Security feels his way around, then spots our badges.

"Okay, so you're legit. What's goin' on here?"

"Steve's Comic Emporium was knocked over - all the Batman merchandise was stolen and the owner and a friend of his were shot."

"Yes! And we staked out a Comic Book Convention and two guys dressed like Batman and Robin were kidnapped right in front of our eyes."

"Until we were maced, but we pursued them and managed to snap photos of the kidnap vehicle."

"We followed them here, couldn't get access to the parking garage, so this was the only way we'd find out which unit they're in."

Security thinks it over.

"Ya know - that sounds familiar. Man, I bet it's those two kooks in Building A!"

"What do ya know about them?"

"There's all kinds of complaints about them - always making too much noise - they dress funny, that kinda thing."

I ask if he has a pass-key - maybe we can get a jump on 'em!

EDDIE - We head out to building A. We keep our ears open at every unit we pass, then we start hearing familiar noises - at least familiar to me. Recreations of the Batman series.

--------------------------------------------------------

MEANWHILE - INSIDE THE APARTMENT - "Riddler" begins to cackle hysterically, "all this torment is getting me hungry - time to barbecue some Batman!"

"You don't mean the spit, boss?"

"Eggs-actly. Here, keep your piece trained on them."

THE HENCHMAN AIMS HIS GUN AT THE TWO HELPLESS, HAPLESS ACTORS. "BOY WONDER" IS UNTIED FIRST, BUT KEEPS HIS HANDS UP AND IS LIMPING DUE TO HIS LEG INJURY. "BATMAN" IS THEN UNTIED, ALSO ORDERED TO REACH FOR THE SKY. "RIDDLER" TURNS HIS HEAD FOR A NANO-SECOND, THEN "ROBIN" SUCKER-PUNCHES "RIDDLER", KNOCKING HIM TO THE FLOOR. "BATMAN" LUNGES TOWARD THE HENCHMAN, AND AS THEY WRESTLE FOR THE GUN, IT GOES OFF.

MIKE - We hear a ruckus down the hall - must be them. We start running toward the sound, but then we hear what sounds like a gun going off, and a guy screaming, then some more noise. Me-n-Eddie stand outside the door, nod to each other, then break the door down, and we see the guy dressed like Batman holding his ribs.

EDDIE - I was furious. I saw the guy playing Batman clutching his ribs and grimacing, then the guy dressed like Robin had his hands up and one of the bad guys was aiming his gun at him, so we decided to divert their attention.

"DROP THE GUN - DON'T MAKE ANOTHER MOVE!" We kept shouting over and over.

Then the bad guys instantly did as we told them, getting kinda freaked out, begging us to not shoot them 'cuz the actors were only shot with air guns.

"Air guns?", asked Eddie as he ran over to the damaged duo to check their wounds. He noticed a bruise on "Robin's" leg.

"Wow, how'd that happen?"

"This sicko took a cut up lamp cord and stung me with it. How am I supposed to pose as Robin with a messed up leg?"

"I wouldn't worry about that - it's just a superficial mark - it'll heal. Let me check on your friend."

Eddie checked on "Batman" and saw there was no bullet hole in his outfit, or in him, for that matter. He turns to one of the bad guys,

"Hey, how close did ya shoot this guy?"

"About maybe an inch or two - it was only a blast of air, I only wanted him to fall over and scream for a second, I didn't wanna hurt him all the way."

I was getting confused about this whole thing - kidnapping, fake guns, scorching the kid with a lamp cord.

"Would any of you kink-oids mind telling me what the hell this is all about?"

"It's role play"

"'Scuse me?"

"Look, we dress up like the villains and make up new scenarios, getting a couple of guys to dress like the Dynamic Duo. We couldn't find any voluntarily, so we snatched a couple of them."

"well, all righty then - kidnapping, bondage, assault - not to mention being possible suspects in tonight's comic store robbery."

"Not only possible, Mike, but definite."

"Whatcha mean?"

Eddie spots a pile of comic books, still wrapped, with the name of Steve's Comic Emporium on the front of each issue.

"These are the stolen comics."

"Aw, shit - we never had the chance to hide those."

"So now we gotcha for breaking and entering and two counts of assault with a Taser Gun - NOT TO MENTION it's illegal for a civilian to own one in this state. How'd you get your grubby mitts on it in the first place?"

'Riddler' sighs and admits, "I slept with a cop once, and, well, you know...."

All I could do was just snicker and shake my head, "Jesus Murphy".

By now, I'm standing next to "Batman", who's standing next to Eddie, who's standing next to "Robin".

"So...you guys just want a little role play, eh?"

What's peculiar is that both Eddie and "Robin" are clutching their fists at the same time, and Eddie growls, "Oh, let's give it to 'em, Boss. I'm ready for a good-old-fashioned Bat-fight."

Then "Batman" intercedes, touching Eddie's shoulder and looking back and forth between me and him,

"Please let us - if you wouldn't mind. The two of us have been wanting to do this all night."

"Yeah, sure thing, be our guest. Me-n-Eddie will be over there out of range if ya need us."

So the bat-fight begins - I stand with my arms folded, legs spread, and Eddie stands at my right side, fist in hand, held up to his barrel chest, legs spread-eagle. We're enjoying this - here's the play-by-play:

Batman throws the first punch, sending the Riddler reeling and falling over...

"say, kiddo, that Bat-guy is pretty good."

...but his henchman sucker punches Batman from behind, only to be counter-clocked by Robin as he punches him repeatedly...

"and Robin's not that bad, either"

Robin grabs the henchman and throws him across the room, sending him to the nearest wall, at which me-n-Eddie happen to be standing. There's enough room for him to land right between us. We just look down when he crashes.

Eddie observes, "Gosh, that's gotta hurt."

"Ya think?"

Batman subdues the Riddler and Robin shouts, "slap on the bat-cuffs"

"I don't have any on me - they didn't come with the costume."

Eddie interjects, "Here, use ours."

I throw mine to Batman, Eddie throws his to Robin and the bad guys are all locked up and ready to go. I call 911 and get the cops over here in just a few minutes, then the four of us relax after a long night of crimefighting. We sit chatting for a little bit.

"Boy", says Robin, "all I thought we were gonna do was just walk around and pose for pictures all night. I never dreamed we'd actually go through this."

"Ya know something", says Batman, "I got a real kick outta this. It was a lot of fun."

"Maybe we oughta do this all the time."

"Wait, hold up there, guys", says Eddie, "now, this was all just a part of role play. Do you think you'd be able to tackle the real villains out there? Ones that use real guns?"

"Yeah, you don't wanna go out and get yourselves killed out there. You guys are only actors, after all."

"Yeah, I guess you're right - I just got a little carried away."

"Hey", says Eddie, "We never got your real names, or even saw your faces".

They remove their masks and reveal their true identities. Batman is actually Greg Burton and Robin is really Dick Adams.

"Believe it or not, those are our real names."

"Yeah, we laughed a lot about that when we first got together."

"So, did you guys meet through this?"

"Oh, no, we knew each other before. See, we've been together for a couple of years and had a real thing about Batman between us."

"Since we had that in common, we went out and got the suits, then we heard about these conventions and stuff, so we went for it."

"It pays a pretty good buck, but we still have our normal day jobs."

"Hey, Dick, speaking of which, maybe we oughta get back there - we still got some time."

"Holy AWOL< you're right - I hope they don't think we took off early."

"Never you boys mind. We still have our tickets and we'll be glad to go back with you and explain the whole thing."

"Gosh, that'd be swell!"

"Well, what are we waiting for? TO THE BAT-CONVENTION!"

And we were off - the rest of the night was a real blast. The convention organizers understood the whole thing and we were even publicly acknowledged for rescuing Batman and Robin and bringing them back safely.

A job well done.

EDDIE - Holy post-script - Steve and Scott were released from the hospital the next day and we went back to the convention with them. They got away with just a couple of bruises, lucky guys. We wanted to give them back their stolen merchandise and they wanted to see the convention, at least for one day anyway. They even got to meet Dick and Greg.

After everything was all over that night, me-n-Mike went back home, thoroughly trashed - it was a pretty long weekend, but a lot of fun.

"Ya know somethin', Boss? I know we've been through this a million times, but no matter how long we've been at this, it still warms my heart as much as ever to have been able to save the day. I hope I'll always feel this way."

Mike kisses me and says, "that's why I love you with all my heart, but I'm kinda gettin' a warm feelin' somewhere else."

He walks over to the closet and takes our costumes out - a huge smile comes across my face.

"Ya wanna have a little fun? It's our turn now."

"GOSH! YES!"

CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE - The Case of the Heinous, Hateful Hoodlums

A BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY AFTERNOON AT A COMIC BOOK STORE - BEAUTIFUL IN THE SENSE THAT IT'S CLOSING TIME AND THE SHOP OWNER, STEVE, AND A BUDDY OF HIS, SCOTT, A REGULAR CUSTOMER, ARE HANGING OUT AND SET TO ATTEND A SUPERHERO CONVENTION THAT EVENING.

"I've never been to one of those - what's it like?"

"Aw, man, it's a blast you're gonna love it - I go every year - you get these guys who dress up like Batman, Superman, and all the rest - that's where I got that bootleg Batman DVD set."

"Oh, yeah, you never did burn me a copy of that, by the way."

"I tried a few times, but my computer wouldn't read the signal for some reason - but you can always come over and watch 'em, any time."

TWO GUYS WITH WOOL HATS AND SUNGLASSES WALK IN SUDDENLY.

"Uh, sorry, but we're closing in a few minutes."

WEAPONS ARE DRAWN:

"You're closing right now! GET YOUR HANDS UP!"

STEVE AND SCOTT REACH FOR THE SKY. ONE OF THE BANDITS TAKES OUT SOME ROPE AND ORDERS THE OTHER ONE TO TIE THEM UP.

"Aw, no, please - you don't gotta tie us up - just take what you want and leave us alone."

STEVE IS PISTOL-WHIPPED AND FALLS BACK AND HIS HANDS ARE TIED IN THE BACK, THEN HE'S YANKED BACK UP. SCOTT IS ALSO TIED UP.

"Take 'em to the back room!"

THE TWO TERRIFIED TWENTY-SOMETHINGS ARE PUSHED AND SHOVED TOWARD THE BACK STORE ROOM AND ORDERED TO SIT ON A SOFA WITH A GUN TRAINED ON THEM IN CASE OF ANY SUDDEN MOVES.

THE TWO GUYS HEAR A HUGE RUCKUS OUT FRONT, THEN THE OTHER GUNMAN HEARS "Come on! Let's move it!"

"What about these two?"

"STUN 'em!"

AT THAT POINT, THE TERRIFIED TWENTY-SOMETHINGS TRY TO ESCAPE, BUT THEY'RE BOTH SHOT IN THEIR FEET WITH TASER DARTS AND THEY GO DOWN SCREAMING. STEVE HITS THE GROUND FIRST, BANGING HIS HEAD ON THE FLOOR. SCOTT HAS IT SOFTER, HIS HEAD LANDING RIGHT ON STEVE'S BARREL-CHEST. HE SLIDES DOWN A LITTLE, THEIR BOUND BARE BICEPS TOUCHING.

THE ROBBERS ESCAPE

AS THE TWO LAY WOUNDED, SCOTT CRIES, "What'll we do now? I -- I can't--MOVE!" TEARS OF AGONY ROLL DOWN SCOTT'S SMOOTH CLEAN-SHAVEN FACE, AND LAND ON STEVE'S TEE-SHIRT.

STEVE HAS A PLAN - "We're just hit with Tasers - when that wears off, we gotta get ourselves untied, then make a phone call."

"The cops?"

"Nah - I know somebody better..."

STEVE AND SCOTT SIT BACK TO BACK UNTYING EACH OTHER, ALL FOUR ARMS RUBBING AGAINST EACH OTHER - THEIR TEE-SHIRT SLEEVES HIKE UP AS THEIR SMOOTH, SHINY BARE ARMS ARE TENSED-UP. THEY GET THEMSELVES UNDONE, VIOLENTLY FLINGING THE ROPE TO THE OTHER END OF THE ROOM. SCOTT RUBS THE ROPE-BURN MARKS ON HIS HANDS - STEVE RUBS HIS UPPER ARM AS HE LANDED RIGHT ON IT WHEN HE FELL WOUNDED.

HE THEN TELLS SCOTT:

"You haven't had a chance to meet this guy, but a regular of mine, really into comics...he's a detective - Eddie Robinson."

"You mean Batz & Robinson?"

STEVE PUTS HIS HAND ON SCOTT'S SHOULDER AS SCOTT CONTINUES TO RUB HIS WRISTS. "Precisely, chum! I think they're the best ones for this."


MIKE AND EDDIE APPEAR ON THE SCENE. EDDIE GOES IN THE BACK TO DEAL WITH THE WOUNDED HOSTAGES AS MIKE CANVASSES THE AREA.

"Thank God, Eddie, we gotta get to the hospital right away."

"Gosh, Steve, where'd they "Tase" ya?"

"In our feet. We were trying to make a break for it when the robber started shooting at us. He was aiming right at our chests. If we didn't get movin', it'd be a lot worse."

Scott replies, "Yeah, we might've been killed on the spot. But this sucks - now we can't go to the convention."

Eddie asks, "what convention?"

"Comic book convention - Steve recommended it and we were headed out there just when these bastards ran in and did their stuff."

I interjected, "I just looked over the whole area - a box marked "Batman" was tipped over and empty. My guess is that they took the whole inventory of Bat merchandise, and they spray-painted 'Riddle me this' on the walls, with a huge question mark."

Eddie was amazed, "wow - all the Batman stuff? I can see where they'd want somethin' like that so badly, but still, we gotta get these guys and recover the stolen merchandise. Sounds like we got a couple of real sick puppies on our hands".

Then I had a thought - the convention - this perp just might know about it and decide to strike there, too.

"This convention - how long does this go on?"

"Tomorrow's the last day - it runs from Noon to midnight."

I look them both over and try to console them, "hey, ya know, you're both a couple of young guys, pretty strong, I guess. Ya might get treated and released tonight - you could probably go tomorrow. Hey, Eddie, I just had a thought. Maybe we all oughta go tomorrow."

Eddie rubs his fist - "I think we oughta go tonight - whoever this is has to know about the convention - I think he might strike tonight if he hasn't already."

Steve says, "Couldn't we go with ya guys?"

Eddie replies, "Nah, best if you lie low tonight - thank God you only got Tasered bu that'd still pose a risk of nerve damage, and we don't want your lives on the line any further than they were already."

"Eddie's right - if ya wanna help us with this case, we'd like to have you guys around, but ya gotta get healthy first."

I chuckle as I just remembered something - this might embarrass Eddie a little, but he'll get over it.

"As a matter of fact, whenever the two of us get hit on the Job, Eddie's always the first to leap back into action, no matter how badly he gets hurt."

Steve smiles at this, "I'm not surprised - Eddie's always thought about others first. Quite a guy."

Eddie's face turns redder than the Taser marks on these boys' legs, but, hey, it's the truth. A good gumshoe always tells the truth.

"So, we'll get goin' to this convention - see if anything untoward happens, hopefully we'll be able to stop it."

"If we hurry"

Steve pipes in, "hey, guys, you can use the tickets we had for tonight" He and Scott both reach inside their wallets and hand us the tickets. Eddie pats Steve's arm and says, "thanks, Steve, you're a pal."

Scott says, "you guys are pals, too - just let us know when you need us" - he slams his fist into his hand and snarls, "I really wanna crack their skulls".

The paramedics show up to treat the boys, then THESE boys were on their way to the comic-book convention. "We'll stop by and check how you're doin' after the convention ends tonight - you're in good hands now".

Steve mutters, "holy Allstate".

"LET'S GO!"

MIKE - Racing against time, as usual.

EDDIE - I'm reading the address on the tickets and say, "It's not very far from here, we should be there in about 10 - 15 minutes."

"Excelllent! One thing worries me."

"What's that?"

"Suppose this is too easy - I mean, we can only assume the bad guys'll be there."

Eddie disagreed:

"That comic book store - much as I love it - is really a door prize compared to the jackpot that is a superhero convention."

"You really think the villains will strike there."

"It's almost as if I'm being told - that's how strongly I feel. Strange, huh?"

"Yeah, kinda - but even if nothing happens tonight - at least we're taking action, and those kids are gonna be okay".

"That's what really gets me, Mike. They should be on their way, if not there already. I don't know this guy, Scott, but Steve's a real sweetheart. I got to know him when I started hanging out there a couple of years ago. At that point, I never knew anyone so friendly, so funny, so into this. I swear he'd be a superhero right now if he could. Once, I didn't have the scratch to come out here, so he bought my ticket and the two of us had a real blast. Now, he's sittin' there in an ER, getting a bullet taken out of his leg on THE night he looks forward to all year. Just based on that, I really wanna get these guys. Why they didn't wait til the store was closed is beyond me. Heinous hateful hoodlums, that's what they are."

I smiled and put my hand on his leg.

"You have such a beautiful heart, my boy. But I think you're treadin' a dangerous path."

"Letting it get to me personally."

"Exactly. I know he's your friend and you want to avenge his shooting, and I love you for that. It makes you a great crimefighter, but we do have to treat this as though it happened to strangers. You have to keep your wits about you at all times."

"Gosh, yes, Boss-Man. I will."

We pull up to the convention center. The parking lot is almost surrounded by fighters of evil - heh, at least a bunch of guys dressed for a night of fighting evil. A couple of Supermans, some Aquamen, Spidermen, Clark Kent and Lois Lane, and all that. Yeah, this looks like it's gonna be a fun night, I hope we get to have a little fun, too. Bustin' a couple of heads. We're really ready for some action.

"Ya see any Batman and Robin types yet?"

Eddie scanned the parking lot, "Not yet - let's check inside."

We turn the tickets in and get our hands stamped and they give us back the stubs.

"Keep your eyes peeled. If there are any Dynamic Duos around here, we gotta get their backs, watch 'em like a hawk."

"Right - LOOK! Blue and yellow capes at 3 o'clock!"

And there they were. Two guys dressed like Batman and Robin. Poor stiffs, they don't know what may or may not hit 'em. We follow them - keeping a distance to be sure, but we've still got an eye on them. We walk past a Batman stand. Still intact, nothing wrong there. People start comin' up to the boys, looking like they're admiring the suits, taking pictures and that.

"Hey, check it out - there's a Joker."

"Man, I always thought he was strange - always gave me the creeps."

We saw some Penguins, a couple of Riddlers, an occasional Lex Luthor. We accidentally bump into a Catwoman.

"Oops, sorry about that. 'Scuze us."

"Put 'em up, knaves."

She pulls out a couple of guns from her holster.

"I've got you covered with my cat-darts."

Eddie's eyes popped open - not outta fear, but admiration.

"Wow - that's a great looking suit - and where did you get those cat-guns. They look just like on the tv show."

"Yes, they cost a pretty penny, but I treated myself out of the proceeds on my assault on Mount Gotham. The rest was WORKING CAPITAL."

Eddie laughs and says, "you're the boss, Catwoman."

"Yup - how are you boys feeling?"

"Purrfect."

"You're learning. TTFN"

Eddie smiles, knowing what the next line is, "What's TTFN?"

"Ta Ta for Now. MEEEEOWW!"

She walks on her way, and we on ours.

"People actually carry on like that, huh?"

"Aw, you bet. Things like these are like a god-send. Ya get to come down to something like this for one weekend a year and just hang with your bat-people. It's great. Ya really feel like ya belong somewhere sometimes, ya know?"

I smile at him. "You feel right at home here, dontcha?"

"Aw, Mike, it's like a family. You never know who you'll really get to know here, you might not really bond with anyone, just a bunch of passin' ships, but for two days outta the year, the whole building knows what you're talkin' about."

"Ya know somethin', kiddo, I'm glad you had this in your life, to get ya through - that Robin kept ya goin' - gave ya somethin' to hang onto, somethin' to believe in. When I first knew ya, I thought it was a little odd, I didn't watch the show much when it was on, or anything, but when I see not only how happy it makes you, but how much it's influenced your life for the good, I'd say that somebody up there did you a real good turn."

Looking into his eyes, I say, "you've been a great sidekick to me, kiddo, the best Robin any boy can. I've been a good Batman to ya?"

A huge smile swept across Eddie's face and he reached over and kissed me, "Awww, Boss-man - you've been the best ever."

"Hey, when this wraps up tonight - and we get back home, ya wanna - ya know - "

"The minute we get in."

Then outta the corner of his eye, Eddie sees the capes.

"Hey, Boss-Man, there they are again."

"Good eye - let's tail 'em."

I know - I know - how can we be sure they're the same guys dressed like the duo? Hey, this is a detective talkin' to ya here. I checked their height, the hair on the guy bein' Robin, his smooth, silky, supple arms, how beautifully he fills out them tights of his. Aw, you bet I remember these guys.

They stop for a sec to chat with someone else givin' them the once-over. We gotta make our move, right as soon as they split. They do. We move.

"Uh, 'scuze us. Can we talk for a sec?"

The Batman says, "sure, but not too long - we're kinda workin' here tonight, we gotta do the whole room."

Our badges come out.

"So do we."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Potential security problem - havin' to do with you."

'Robin' says, "why - what'd we do?"

"Nah, nothing you did - but what someone else may do - to you."

"What're you talkin' about?"

"Tonight, there was a comic book shop that was robbed. The bad guys stole all the Batman memorabilia - and they tied up and Taser darted the two guys workin' there."

"And we suspect they might strike here tonight - even tomorrow - we'll be back here then, too."

"Which comic book shop was it?"

"The one on 8th and Jefferson."

'Robin' hypes out "holy home week - a guy named Steve owns the joint?"

"Yeah."

"Great Scott! Steve's been Tasered?"

"Yeah - he should be okay pretty soon, we hope - but we're kinda keepin' an eye on you guys - I hope we're wrong, but we just wanted ya to know, you might need protection this weekend."

Just then, a "riddler" comes running up behind the duo and shoves a rag on both of their faces. They struggle and fall to the ground. Me-n-Eddie try to rush the guy, but we get hit with a blinding flash-bomb by his henchman, with smoke all around us. Eddie takes his shirt off to wave the smoke away so we can see. We see the two poor guys being carted away. The rest of the room, thinking it's just a re-enactment of the series, laughs, applauds and even hums some of the background music.

"Let's go after them, Boss-Man!"

We go running after them, don't see hide or hair of them until we get out to the parking lot and see the two bad guys stuff something into a van.

"Holy cargo! He's kidnappin' them."

Eddie takes out his digital camera and snaps a shot of the back of the va, license plate and all. We leap into action, jump into the car and go speeding off. As it looks like we might catch up to them, the henchman starts shooting at us. We don't care - the car is bulletproof, and even if not, we gotta get our man and save those boys.

"That could've been Steve and Scott - good thing they didn't show up here tonight!"

I don't believe it - it's not an abandoned warehouse they're pulling into, but a paking garage at a condo complex. We're stymied. How can we get into that garage? Which apartment are they going into? Will we ever find the villains and rescue the heroes? Lord only knows what's next!

CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO - The Drop

EDDIE - Me-n-Chet were setting up the video camera in the room he would occupy, while Mike was setting up the monitor in our room. He gave an "A-OK" shout that let us know the image was coming through.

"Yeah, I can see half of each bed - got a full shot of the dresser and the door. Chet, just make sure the dirt-bag gives you your stuff in that area."

"Got it, Mike!"

"Boy, this is really gonna be somethin', huh? Me in on a sting. Holy mackerel."

Chet's remark gave me pause. Sure it was great that he was into it, but I had to find out why. It's always a good guy that wants to fight the bad guys - that's just the law of averages, but I had to ask him something.

"Chet - can I ask ya something?"

"Shoot."

"You're studying Criminology to get into the PD, and all. Why exactly did you choose that line of work?

"'Cuz it's always been interesting to me - it looks like a cool job."

I kinda frowned, "uh-huh".

Chet was a little concerned, "what's up?"

"Chet, I gotta tell ya a few things - I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but coolness is not a reason to fight crime. Not a good one."

"What do ya mean?"

"Let's sit down here." Chet and I sat next to each other on the same bed. I put a hand on each leg and Chet just looked at me. I had to summon just the right words to get my point across - finally I looked at him and put one hand on his knee.

"Chet - I'm afraid it's a lot more complicated than that. You see, I'm glad you admire the work and those who do it - that's how I started out, by admiring Mike most of my life, but the fight against crime calls for the right man to be pure of heart, and to know that this is the right thing to do - cool or not."



"Well, don't you enjoy it - don't you get into it? It looks like the two of you are having a real blast."

"Oh, we are. I have never had as much fun in my life as I do now - but that's just the icing on the cake. Our real enjoyment of the life comes from the good feeling we get when we know we've done the right thing. When we see the bad guys in handcuffs and the cops comin' to get 'em, toss 'em in the clink and throw away the key, that tells us the good citizens of this town can be free to walk the streets at night, that they're safe. We've served and protected society against another threat to their safety and / or their lives, and..."

Suddenly I felt emotional, I had to look away for a sec as my eyes were starting to well up. Chet put a hand on my shoulder, "Eddie? You okay?"

"Never better - this is joy, Chet. Doing good just for the sake of doing good gives me such joy. Tomorrow morning, when we send Juan Verona to the slammer, I pray that you find that sense of joy in you, too. You're a good man, and as your friend I can't think of anything better I'd wish for you."

A big smile came across Chet's face while he thought over what I said to him, then he looked at me, "as my friend?"

"Absolutely. All who step up in the fight against crime will always be a friend of Batz & Robinson. Anyway, I better see if Mike needs anything. Just remember what I told ya, okay?"

"Uh, sure. Thanks, Eddie."

CHET - He smiled and winked at me, then went into the next room. While his advice was helpful, I perked up when he said the word 'friend' - but he meant in a sort of spiritual sense, like when you go to AA, they call ya a friend of Bill W., but you never actually meet him, 'cuz he died about 60 years ago. Damn. I guess I didn't really have pure intentions after all. I mean, yes, I do want to fight crime, but really, with them. Sure, I can join the PD and all, but any cop I get partnered with can't really hold a candle to these guys. I don't think any cop on the beat is as hot as Eddie or Mike. Yeah, the cat's outta the bag. I like them. I'm gay. It's been kinda hard 'cuz this is so new to me, having only been honest about it the last couple of years, or so. When I was rescued by the Dashin' Duo, I got so hard for 'em, I really didn't know which of 'em I wanted to bang the most. Mike, so tall, so commanding, so 36-inch waist, with that hat and coat, so powerful. Then there's Eddie, so muscular, so super-hyper, those tight shirts, those fists, those spread legs. He's about my age, and he has such a boyish enthusiasm about him. Just a beautiful, beautiful guy. I really love both of them.

Remembering our meeting time of 8am, Mike and Eddie walk over to my room and both look at their watches. "It's time, Chet. Are you ready?"

"I sure am".

Then came the knock on the door.

----------------------------------------------

MIKE - We were watching the sting on a video surveillance in the next room - Chet gets up and answers the door and it was the dealer. As Chet closes the door and before he turns to carry out this "transaction", Verona reaches inside his jacket and brandishes a gun.

"UP with your hands - COP!"

Chet is shot instantly.

Eddie sees this in the other room and calls out to me, "HOLY WEAPONRY - Chet's been hit!"

As we leapt into action, Chet falls to the floor, screaming! He then holds his wounded arm up and is kicking at the dealer, who's taking a couple of more shots, more shouting, we don't know if he's wounded, scared, or both! As we run into the motel room, we see the bad guy fallin' back, gun falling to the floor - Chet must've knocked the piece outta his hand! GOOD JOB!

Then we leap in - the pusher is knocked over for a second, but tries to get back up - that's when I throw myself right on top of the loser, cuffing him in seconds flat.

Eddie goes to see about Chet as he tries to make his way up, so he grabs hold of him and helps him sit on one of the beds. Poor guy, holding his bleeding arm, moaning, grimacing, even letting out a scream.

"He got me again! He got me again!"

EDDIE - I asked Chet where he was hit again and he pointed to his neck, and I look to see there were only a couple of scratches. Nothing penetrated. As a matter of fact, I looked between the beds and saw a bullet hole in the end table between the beds and another one in the wall.

"Naw, you're good - just got grazed, the bullets hit something else, but we gotta get that other one out of you as soon as we can. Just hang in there, Chet, it's gonna be okay."

CHET - Man, this is painful! I remember cutting my foot on something once, and it only really hurt at first, just kind of stinging later on, but this thing - boy, it feels like my whole body's hurtin'. But when Eddie helps me up and sits me down, he tries to assure me that it's gonna be okay. In fact, he even calls 9-11.

"Shots fired - wounded civilian needs an ambulance - we got the shooter here - send back-up."

This is like the second time Eddie's saving my life here. As we both sit, he puts one arm around me, and as I tilt my head back a little, the back of my neck touches his arm. Flesh on flesh. Feels pretty good. The feel of his flesh on mine is really warm, really beautiful, really soothing. He puts his other hand close to my right pec. Just a few inches above it. I swear, this kid's hands are those of healers. He's got a real healing touch. So, as he's talkin' me through this, I turn to look at him, and I just loved lookin' at him. He and his boss don't know this, but I saw them gettin' kinda chummy, I guess when they didn't know I was looking. I gotta admit I had a crush on the two of them at first, the way they swept in and pummeled our kidnappers from before - I was a kidnap victim of those photographers, so when they put the ad out saying they needed help with confidential information, I knew I wanted to work with them. They do real exciting work and they're such good guys, too. I hope they want me back for something else later on.



"Say, what the hell is this? What's all this for?"

"Mmm, let's see - leading a drug ring, selling dope to school kids, the attempted murder of a civilian aide to the police - boy, I wouldn't wanna be you right now, that's for sure!"

EDDIE - As he says this, he puts on a pair of gloves and seizes the gun. I run over and ask where Chet was shot, and if he was wearing his bulletproof tee, and he shows me.

"Just right below the tee-shirt sleeve - darn lucky shot!"

"Naw, he knew what he was doin' - he had me made - you probably didn't hear it, but he yelled at me to put my hands up and called me a cop!"

Eddie was alarmed, "Holy sunken ship! How'd he find out?"

The dealer answered for himself, "The night clerk ratted you out - said there were two other guys and described you both - I recognized you dashing dick-heads and put two and two together."

MIKE - Chet was holding his arm and let out a gasp - natural as sometimes the bullet shifts a little when settling in. The dope dealer snarled at him.

"Don't you go making any noises, cop! I was aiming for your heart which I wish I hit. I shoulda killed all of ya!"

I backhanded him across the face, "you shut the hell up, dirt-bag. You're just uptight 'cuz this fine boy's life is worth a million times what your life'll ever be."

Eddie comforts Chet and asks me how big the bullet was that hit him. I put my gloves on, emptied the gun and handed Eddie one of the bullets which he showed Chet, who gasped, "I hope they can get it outta me. Hey, uh, do you guys think you want me to do this again for ya sometime?"

Eddie looks at me, beams, and puts one arm around him and puts his other hand on the boy's good shoulder, "don't you worry, pal, you're a member of the family now. Just hang in there with us, buddy, you'll be okay."

The cops and the paramedics came and got their people. Eddie mutters, "hey, see if you can get up and walk outta here. Show that scumbag he can't put a good man down."

A paramedic temporarily bandages Chet's wound and he, still holding his arm, gets up and walks out the door to the ambulance, stopping and glaring at his assailant, "I hope you never see daylight again for what you did to these kids."

Eddie nods and winks approvingly. I'd say we got another one on our side. Me and Eddie stand in the doorway and look at our work. I was still holdin' on to one of the bullets and said, "pretty big slug he took there, I hope the kid's gonna be all right."

Eddie wrapped his arm around my waist, and I in turn wrapped my arm around his shoulder.

"He's more than all right - he wants to stick with us"

THen he turns to face me, wrapping both arms around me and kissing me. "Then again, who wouldn't wanna stick around a studling like you!"

I kiss him back, "well, you too, ya know."

Eddie thinks for a minute, "hey, Boss-Man, how much time we got left with these rooms".

I wear a sly grin and play dumb, "Oh, a couple of hours, I guess. Why - whatcha have in mind, kiddo?"

Eddie giggles and grins mischievously, "whaddya think, gumshoe?"

I giggle and grin, "ooh, you're so bad - I gotta take ya in."

"I surrender, Detective - I'll come quietly."

"Oh, you'll come - but hopefully not quietly."

Later on, we pack up all our stuff and head out to see Chet. Oh, he was in great spirits. His face lit up like a Christmas tree when we walked in.

"So, how ya doin' there, kiddo?"

"Aw, just great, Mike. Man, I loved the way you tackled that guy back there."

"Hey, you did kick the gun outta his hand."

"So, ya know what's gonna happen to the bad guy?"

Eddie interjects, "we're goin' for life without the possibility of parole. Give that thug enough time to live with his crimes."

Chet purses his lips and nods, "ya got that right".

"So, Eddie tells me you wanna come back and do this again."

"Oh, you bet! Gettin' shot hurt and ev'rything, but I really had a blast. Can't wait for the next time."

"Anyone with the desire to fight crime by our side is always welcome and has a special place in our hearts."

"So, when ya gettin' outta here?"

"Tomorrow - I gotta come back for therapy and all. Oh, yeah, that's right, thanks for drivin' my car over here. That's like a part of my body - I can't live without it."

He paused for a sec and said, "so, uh, did I do okay?"

"Okay? You were fantastic! Knockin' that guy over, causin' him to drop his gun after you'd been shot. You talk about a hero!"

"Am I one? Really?"

"Sure thing - you took the slug, still fought back, protected me-n-Eddie..."

"...Not to mention any other kids the dealer may have harmed along the way. Taking one bullet did all that."

We get the announcement that visiting hours are over.

"Hey, looks like we gotta roll, but you know our door is always open for ya - you're a real nice kid and we like havin' ya around."

"Thanks, Mike and Eddie. You two guys are really somethin'."

EPILOGUE

It was the next day - me-n-Eddie were just relaxin' not doin' anything special, just bein' with each other and that. Then the doorbell rings.

"Gosh! A new case!"

We both sprint to the door, only to find Chet on the other side. It's pretty hot outside, and he's wearing a white tee-shirt and black jogging shorts with a stripe going up the thigh. His left arm is in a sling, the right side of his neck bore a couple of stitches. Yet through all this, he wears a really happy smile.

"Hey, so ya got out, huh?"

"Yeah, just a little while ago - sure'll be nice to just crash on my sofa. But there is somethin' I gotta tell ya, if I can come in for a sec."

"Sure"

We walk into the living room and I motion for Chet to sit down, but he declines, sayin' he's only passin' through, but he's got somethin' on his mind. The warm, determined "ready-for-anything" smile gives way. A mild feeling of sadness coats his eyes.

"Gosh, Chet, what's wrong?"

"I wanted to do something that I couldn't do last night. Hope you don't mind."

"Uh, okay."

He leans over to Eddie, puts his free hand on his shoulder and kisses him on the cheek, and he does the same with me. Me-n-Eddie look at each other all non-plussed. It's as if we can read each other's minds. HE KNOWS!

"I, uh, saw ya kinda chummy with each other when you both were rescuing all of us from that photographer, and...I noticed it again when we were settin' up the sting in the motel."

Me-n-Eddie nod slightly.

"I kinda liked ya both during the rescue. I couldn't stop thinking about either of you. So when it turns out my professor said he recommended me for this, I was real happy. It was a chance to really do something for law enforcement, a chance to help nab a bad guy, and to hang out with you two. I'm not out - I just got honest with my sexuality over the last couple of years or so, I'm kinda young, and it's still kinda new to me, and I'm a little scared of it, and I just wanted to be around guys who know - who understand, and...well, I'm real grateful for everything you've done, and...I was real happy I could help, if I did, and...I love you guys."

Astonishment glazes over our faces. We can't believe our ears. The boy volunteers his services, suffers greatly, bearing the brunt of the evil of our ememy, nearly losing his life - for us - and yet, he's grateful - and he loves us.

Imagine that. Imagine.

CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE - The Case of the Predatory Pill-Pusher (or The Case of the Stung Stinger)

TWO POLICE OFFICERS ARE ON PATROL - NOTHING'S REALLY BEEN GOING ON ALL DAY.

"God, this is boring, just driving around all day."

His older partner gently admonishes him, "now, now, be grateful for days like these. It's a sure fire guarantee you're going home at the end of your shift."

"Yeah, I know, but when I joined the Police Department, I was ready for some action, and still am."

The older officer, driving, chuckles at his younger partner. "Well, this is the day shift - and this is kind of a quiet sleepy town - not a lot happens around here, but it's up to us to make sure of that."

"I guess I just wanna make a difference around here - really serve and protect others, like the motto says."

"Yeah, I hear ya, but we're doin' the servin' part now - patrollin' the streets - ya never know- the sight of a squad car is enough to discourage someone from pullin' a fast one."

UNTIL - THEY DRIVE UP NEAR A SCHOOL AND SEE A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER WAITING OUTSIDE THE PLAYGROUND. THIS CHARACTER IS WEARING A WOOL HAT AND SUNGLASSES, AND IT'S IN THE HEART OF SPRING.

"Hey, he looks a little strange. Maybe we oughta question him."

AT THAT MOMENT, SCHOOL LETS OUT AND CHILDREN ARE RUNNING OUT TOWARD THE GATE, HEADING HOME. THAT'S WHEN THE STRANGER MAKES HIS MOVE. HE APPROACHES SOME OF THE CHILDREN WITH SOME OBJECT HE TAKES OUT OF HIS COAT POCKET. THE OLDER OFFICER EVEN SUSPECTS SOMETHING'S UP. THEY PULL IN RIGHT NEAR THE SCHOOL.

"All right, you, just what do you think you're doing?", says the younger officer. T

THEN THE STRANGER PANICS AND STARTS RUNNING OFF. THE OFFICERS ARE IN HOT PURSUIT. THEY DRIVE THE EXACT SAME PATH THIS GUY IS RUNNING, THEN HE DECIDES TO HEAD DOWN AN ALLEY WITH SPEED-BUMPS. THE OFFICERS GET OUT OF THE SQUAD CAR AND DO A FOOT CHASE.

"Stop! Police! Stop in the name of the law!"

THE GUY DOES STOP, BUT ONLY FOR A MOMENT - JUST LONG ENOUGH TO BRANDISH A PIECE.

THE YOUNGER OFFICER GETS HYPER, "Holy Shit! He's got a gun."

THE OLDER OFFICER ORDERS THE GUNMAN TO DROP THE WEAPON, BUT HE OPENS FIRE INSTEAD - STRIKING THE OLDER OFFICER RIGHT IN THE CHEST. THE YOUNGER OFFICER TAKES COVER AND SHOOTS THE GUN OUT OF THE BAD GUY'S HAND, AND YELLS FOR HIM TO FREEZE, BUT THE GUY INSISTS ON RUNNING, THEN THE OFFICER STRIKES THE BAD GUY IN THE LEG, CATCHES UP TO HIM, AND SLAPS ON THE CUFFS. HE CALLS FOR BACK-UP.

"Shots fired, officer down, officer down, shots fired."

HE DRAGS THE BAD GUY OVER TO HIS WOUNDED PARTNER.

"See what ya did, ya piece of crap?"

"So the fuck what! He had it comin'!"

THIS SENDS THE OFFICER INTO A RAGE AND HE BEGINS PUNCHING THE BAD GUY. OTHER SQUAD CARS PULL UP TO THE SCENE, THE OFFICER POINTS TO THE SUSPECT AND HAS HIM DRAGGED AWAY, THEN HE RUNS OVER TO HIS PARTNER.

"Come on, Jack. Ya with me?"

HE RESPONDS, "Yeah, kid, I'm still here. (gasp) Damn good thing I got my vest on, I think it stopped the slug, but man does it hurt like a bitch. Ya call an ambulance?"

"I put out an officer down call, so one should be here pretty quick."

AND SURE ENOUGH THE AMBULANCE COMES AND PARAMEDICS TREAT THE WOUNDED OFFICER, GETTING ALL THE DETAILS FROM HIS YOUNGER, LOYAL OFFICER. THEY ALSO CHECK THE GUNMAN'S WOUNDS AND A POLICE SERGEANT SAYS IT LOOKS LIKE A CLEAN SHOOT. THE OFFICER IS RELIEVED, BUT SAYS,

"Hey, Jack, it figures you'd go and get yourself popped when it's your turn to get the coffee today. You owe me one, ya know."

Jack gives his young charge a look of mock indignation, "yeah, kid, I owe you one, all right - right up your ass."

THEY BOTH LAUGH AND THE YOUNGER OFFICER ASKS THE PARAMEDICS IF HIS PARTNER'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. HE'S REASSURED THAT THE VEST DID STOP THE BULLET, BUT THERE COULD BE SOME BRUISING AND JACK HAS TO GO IN AT LEAST FOR ONE NIGHT'S OBSERVATION.


MIKE - I was on the phone with the cops - they were telling me about the shooting and that they nabbed a guy.

"Shit! How's he gonna be? Oh, uh-huh, good to know. Yeah, for sure - we're on our way. Hey, Eddie!"

"What's up?"

"Pot-pusher peddlin' to prepubescents right outta school."

"Holy cripe - gettin' kids hooked on stuff at that age - what sense does that make?"

"Absolutely none - but they got somebody - and it looks like it might be a ring - we gotta talk to this guy!"

"Right you are!"

We sped off to the police station and were escorted to the holding cell where they had this piece of crap. As we were being led in, the escorting officer joked with us, "no rough stuff, boys, kick his ass gently, but give 'im a good backhand for me - I had that crap pushed on me as a kid. Miracle I didn't get hooked."

The dealer looked up at us and snarled, "well, if it isn't Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen."

"Right idea, wrong hero, asshole. Enough about us..."

I took a chair, spinned it around backwards and sat down. Eddie stood right by me, fist in hand, legs spread apart, givin' this scumbag some real menacing glares, ready to pounce at any given moment.

"I want you to tell me what's up with pushin' this shit on little kids, resistin' arrest, attempted assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, and attempted murder of a police officer with a deadly weapon."

He shrugged and said, "hey, guess it just wasn't their day, huh?"

Eddie starts to lunge, but I hold him back, "not yet, kid. I'll give you the signal."

"You won't let your buddy beat me to a pulp?"

"The longer the wait for dessert, the sweeter the taste, dick-head. Now, the boys outside are suspicious that you're a part of a ring - we've heard about other kids at other schools, so, seein' that you can't be in two places at the same time, how's about comin' clean - givin' the other ones up - even your ringleader."

"You can spare yourself all kinds of grief - we know what's goin' on - give us the dirt-bag's name, and where we can get him."

The suspect was cornered. He reluctantly, but in a state of resignation, sighed heavily and said, "all right - maybe this'll cut some time off what I got comin' - - it's Lex Luthor."

"Eddie - the signal!"

Eddie lunges for the guy and gives him a killer right hook, knockin' him outta his chair, then picks him up and shoves him into a wall and punches him a few more times, I'm callin' out, "hey, kiddo - let's share the wealth, eh?"

"Gosh yes, Boss-Man, how selfish of me."

Then I rip into him, almost knockin' him into the fetal position. I say to Eddie, "watch me set the table with this jack-off!" and I lifted him up and was about to throw him on the interrogation table - -

"Holy Atlas!"

- - when he started screaming,

"okay! okay! I give up! I'll tell ya what ya wanna know!"

"Say uncle first."

Eddie laughs, "What?"

"Your kingpin's name - NOW!"

"Okay, okay, it's Verona - Juan Verona."

"I said say it, you hose-bag!"

"All right, all right, fuck it, uncle - okay?"

I release my grip and let out a breath, "all right - that's what I'm talkin' about."

Me-n-Eddie take off and Eddie just has to ask me about all that uncle stuff.

"Holy cliche - it's like straight out of a Bowery Boys movie. You guys said that in real life?"

"Oh, yeah, that's what the bullies did to kids back then - they'd pin 'em to the wall and make 'em say it."

"Lemme guess - you did that to a lotta kids, didn't ya?"

I paused and said, "no. They did that...to me", I said haltingly, still bugged by the memory. "I wasn't always this mighty mass of muscle I am now - no, I came up the hard way. I only had myself to rely on in them days, but all that's changed now. I can beat 'em as soon as look at 'em, and I got somebody really good on my side now."

Eddie smiles and blushes, shufflin' his feet, "aw, Boss..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After we made a hit with our suspect, other members of the ring started showing up and rattin' out their fearless leader. The ball was in our hands now. From what we all heard about this guy, he was pretty damn dangerous, and we were just the men to stop him.

Eddie sat on the edge of the settee with fist firmly in hand, plotting how we were gonna sack this son of a bitch. Then we get a call from the hospital - one of the kids coerced into coughin' it up for cocaine was carted in with convulsions. We raced to the emergency room. ER docs worked tireless over this kid, finally settling him down.

"Is he conscious?" we asked after it was all over.

"Oh, yeah. We drained his blood and performed a transfusion with his type. He's going to be fine."

"Do you think he's up to talkin' to us?"

"Only one way to find out. He is a pretty strong kid."

We walked into the kid's so-called room. Energency rooms only have partitions, like those cheap-ass motels that charge ya 30 clams a night and give ya paper walls and a light socket - all the comforts of home, right?

We were shocked at the youth of this one - he was only 10 years old. Eddie introduced us to him. The boy is really good with kids, I tell ya.

"Hey, there slugger - I'm Eddie, and this is Mike - how's it goin', pal?"

"Uh, okay, I guess - how's it with you?"

"Real good - knowin' you're gonna pull through this."

"I wish I coulda fought him off - he was bigger than me."

I interjected, "how'd he do this to ya?"

"I was walkin' home from school - the principal told me mom was gonna be late pickin' me up 'cuz she got tied up with somethin', so I waited about half an hour, I got bored and just started walkin' - then that's when this man grabbed me, shoved me in an alley and made me sniff some stuff."

"Dirty son of a bitch", I growled through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, that's how they get ya hooked - they find a way to force it in your system, says it makes ya feel real good, then ya gotta have more. Then you end up stealin' from your mom and ev'rything just to get another nose full."

"Can ya describe him? Would ya know him if ya saw him again?"

"Well...he had like a black crew cut, a moustache with some hair on his chin, sunglasses, wore gloves, a tee-shirt under a jacket, and jeans."

"Turns out ya may be in luck", I said. "we caught this guy's friends today and they all gave him up. Now that we got a description, we got his name, number and all, so all we gotta do is track him down."

"Yeah, rest easy, kid. We'll get him. We always get 'em."

The kid stared out for a second and said, "Your names are Mike and Eddie? Are you the Dashin' Duo?"

"The two and only, kiddo."

"This bully at our school - - all the kids started pickin' on him 'cuz I think you busted his dad, or something. I feel kinda sorry for him."

"Why?", I said with a very furrowed brow.

"'cuz no one likes to get picked on - even bullies."

"Don't worry about him - if we got his dad on somethin', then the creep definitely deserved it - and if this kid's out bullyin' the likes of you guys, he's gettin' what's comin', too."

"Anyways, we're gonna let ya get some rest - ya had a pretty tough day - and we're gonna get this guy and bring 'im to justice."

"You think you want me to identify him in a line-up?"

I grinned and chuckled at the kid, "the line-up? How do ya know about all that?"

"My dad's got Dragnet on DVD - he watches it all the time."

"Ya know what else he should get if they ever put it out? Batman!"

"Aw, that's silly. I saw that a few times - that's a pretty weird show."

"It's really just a parody of the comic book - they do the same stuff Gannon and Friday do, but in brighter clothes, that's all."

The kid starts laughing, "and that kid that's always sayin' holy this and holy that - where'd they ever get him?"

"Well, he's just real into fightin' crime, that's all. But in any case, we really appreciate your help, and you'll get better real soon. The doc says you're a pretty strong kid."

The kid laughs again, "yeah, I know - when I was shakin' one of them tried to hold my hands down, but I belted him. I didn't mean to, but I still did."

Me-n-Eddie both laugh and say, "take it easy, kid, and thanks again".

We walk out down the hall aqnd I chuckle at Eddie, "looks like you guys are gonna agree to disagree, huh?"

"Yeah, but he's young yet - he'll come around. But ya know somethin' - about what ya said about bullies gettin' it - kids who turn around and pick on bullies when they're down aren't really any better than they are."

"Yeah, I know, but it feels real good. More importantly, though, now that we got a feel for this guy, we gotta devise a way to nab him somehow. We gotta catch him in the act somehow or else he may just get a slap on the wrist, and we want him locked up for the rest of his life. Let's just go back home and think this through,huh?"

"You said it, Boss-Man - been a pretty tough day so far."

Back at the homestead, Eddie was slowly pacing back and forth, slamming his fist in his hand. I stood with my arms folded.

"Very crafty, cunning and clever, this suspect of ours. Is never once physically present at any crime.

"Holy Charles Manson."

"Apt observation, boy. He has his minions carry out his evil endeavors."

"But with all of 'em locked up and out of circulation, if he wants to stay in business and keep his hands clean, he's gotta round up a whole new crew - and fast, before a new fish comes into the pond."

"Keep talkin', kid, you're gettin' warm..."

Eddie smacks his fist in his hand and points, "and I move in and infiltrate - RIGHT, Mike!"

"WRONG, Eddie!"

"Wrong?"

"Yes, you're too well-known in these parts. Your presence is bound to raise a few eyebrows."

"I could say I'm a turncoat - that I'm..."

"I appreciate your bravery and your willingness, but your accidental self-betrayal might just be the death of you."

"Self-betrayal?"

"Season One - episode 16 - the conclusion of 'Joker Goes to School'. Ring any bells?"

Eddie didn't skip a beat. "By gosh, you're right - Dick Grayson goes undercover, tries a little too hard to keep up his disguise, chokes on a cigarette, then the gang figures he's working for Batman, which almost leads to them getting shot to death in the bar. Holy buckshot!"

"That's too big a chance for us to take. What we need is a decoy."

"I see what you mean - do we go to the police station? The academy?"

"You got the right idea, but those boys'll see their own action soon enough - I was thinking of a student. There's a Department of Criminology at the local university - we can speak to the head of the department and give one of his best students the chance to test the waters of law enforcement first-hand."

"Holy extracurricular activity!"

"Right on the nose, boy."

I kiss him but not exactly on the nose.

"To the university."

----------------------------------

Later that day, we hear a knock on our door. There's a young boy standing there, about 6'3, I think - looking pretty eager. Big, beautiful smile - clean shaven, kind of a dishwater shade of blonde hair. He's been out for a jog, it looks like. He's a bit short of breath, he's wearing a slightly sweat-stained tee-shirt - the tight sleeves reveal a couple of well-tanned, muscular arms of smooth, silky, but strong flesh - and a pair of jogging shorts which showcase his muscular, smooth, silky, sinewy legs. As I answer the door, he raises his arm up to wipe his face with his tee-shirt sleeve. I catch a glimpse of pit-hair.

"Hey - good to see you guys again. I hear you're lookin' for someone to help you out a little."

"Have we met before?"

"We sure have. Only ya probably saw me for like a second. You were too busy saving my life and rescuing me from that creep photographer."

Eddie hears the whole thing and walks over, "Of course, Mike - I remember - your name is Chet, right?"

"That's right - Chet Gracen."

EDDIE - GRACEN? Holy serendipity - you talk about a sign.

MIKE - I usher him in and invite him over to our living room to bang this plan out here. Eddie continues.

"I remember you telling me you were nabbed at school. So, you're a Criminology student?"

"Yeah, that's right. I wanted to become a police officer, but I hear ya gotta have at least a couple of years in college first, so I majored in the thing that would matter most - Criminology."

"Good choice, all around. Did the Dean give you any indication of what's going on with us?"

"No, not a thing - just confidential and sensitive information, which is a given, anyway."

MIKE - I try to break it gently to him, let him hear everything before he gets the chance to think it over.

"We're presently pursuing a pill-pusher who runs a ring which forces narcotics on school-children. Now, all the rats in his ring are racked up in the joint, so he's probably out lookin' for new faces."

"Wow, holy talent scout"

Eddie interjects "of the worst kind - he probably promises paydirt, but these goons mostly take the heat for the sale and then this one goes in and collects whatever he can get his hands on - holy talent scout is right."

"We have the name and a method of contact for this scumbag as well as a description. What we're gonna do for the time being is follow him around, stake him out. You ride along with us, and when it looks like you can get him to yourself, then you apply for the job. You wear a wire of course."

"Of course,", says Eddie, "as soon as we catch this louse in the act, then we pounce."

"Boy! Sounds cool - when do we do this?"

"Right away - but there is one thing we have to let you in on. I gotta run this by you and tell you everything there is about our line of work. We put in a lot of hours. We don't even think of sleep til the bad guy is busted and behind bars. We get the upper hand and swoop in for the take most of the time, but we deal with a very crafty, cunning, clever bunch of creeps, and sometimes we're taken by surprise."

"In our time, we've been captured, roped, drugged, beaten, shot. If the enemy doesn't succeed in maiming or mudering us, they'll try to put us asunder - turn us against each other, if they can."

"They never have."

"The boss is right - they never have and they never will because we devote our lives to this line of work, always defending against the loss of our lives, but knowing full well of the possibility, willing to pay the price. If our injuries or, one day, deaths, lead to the arrest and convition of our nemeses, then it's a price well worth it."

MIKE - I lean in, look Chet right in the eyes, hand on his shoulder. Eddie leans in, too.

"Look into my eyes and tell me you still wanna fight crime with us."

He stares right into my eyes, "I wanna fight crime with you."

Eddie pipes in, "now look into mine, and tell me you'll endure anything for the eradication of evil."

Chet does as he's told, looking right into Eddie's eyes and repeating word for word, "I'll endure anything for the eradication of evil."

We stand up straight and excuse ourselves as we discuss the deputization of a decoy.

I stand with arms folded, furrowed brow, Eddie stands with fist in hand, held up to his chest, leaning in and whispering, "whaddaya think, Mike? Is he in."

We look back to see Chet looking right at us with eager, hungry eyes, then turn around again, "it looks like we found ourselves a decoy."

"Right, Boss-Man, as a former hostage and a Criminology student, there's no one better."

We walk over and I stick my hand out, "congratulations, my boy. Consider yourself a decoy."

He leaps up, his eyes widen, his mouth opens.

"Wow! Honest?"

"We're never anything but. Now, this is going to temporarily take you from your studies, so I'm gonna clear this with your Dean - any time you spend in our service will get you extra credit, so no worries about your grade point average."

"Wow! This is the greatest! Ever since you guys saved my life, I was always wishin' I could do something for you in return and now this is it. It's gonna be a privilege and an honor to serve you in any way I can."

"It's an honor and privilege for us, too, to have someone aboard as eager and loyal as you are. Now, back to business, I see no reason why we can't start staking out the scumbag straightaway."

Eddie enthuses, "what the heck are we waitin' for?"

And we were off. We googled the given cell-phone number and traced it to an address and held a stake out a small distance from his residence. We see him leaving his house and walking toward his car. I hand Chet a pair of binoculars and ask him to read off the license plate number, which he does as Eddie writes it down. Then we take off, still keeping a distance. We see him soon pulling into a bar. This was Chet's cue.

"This is it, kid. Ready?"

"Never readier."

"That's my boy. See whatcha can get - we'll tape the whole thing out here."

We hear the following:

CHET - "Miller light, please"

Some bar noises and some music in the background - a jukebox, maybe. We hear some shifting around, Chet's mike picking what sounds like changing bar-stools. It was. He made our man.

"hey."

"Hey, yourself, whaddya want?"

"Are you Verona?"

"How the hell do you know that?"

"I got my ways. Besides, I hear your guys got all locked up - lookin' like ya need some help out there in the field."

"Maybe. You ever did this before?"

"Mostly sold to my friends in high school."

"Yeah, who was your connection?"

"Not important - fact is, you gotta stay in business, and I wanna hit the streets again. I'd be good for ya."

"Strange thing, kid, ya look more like an honor student."

[HOLY IRONY]

"Just my cover - good honest face gets me anything I want."

"You're funny - I like that."

"Hey, what's life if ya ain't got a sense of humor. So, how do ya wanna do this - where do I get my wares, so to speak?"

"I'll get 'em to ya - pays 20% of the take. Sound good?"

"Heck, yeah. Ya live around here?"

"I prefer to not disclose that - let's meet somewhere more discreet. Ever hear of the Schachter Motel?"

"Oh, yeah, that dump on 47th Street, looks like a housin' project."

"It might as well be - got more niggers in that place than on B.E.T. Get a room out there - I'll reimburse ya - meetcha tomorrow, about 8 am."

"The morning?"

"Yeah, little shitpots in school at that time - ya gotta be ready for the afternoon rush."

"Oh, yeah."

"Tomorrow - Shachter motel - 8am - what name ya usin'?"

"Chuck Smith, I guess."

"No, make it Bates."

Chet laughs, "Bates?"

Me-n-Eddie laugh at it, too. This guy is pretty stupid. No wonder he can't hold down a job.

"Hey, like ya say - what's life without a sense of humor. Better finish your drink and get lost. Don't wanna get anything suspicious."

"Right - see ya."

"Yeah."

Chet gets back in the car and we take off.

"So, how'd it feel, kid?"

"Wow, it felt great. I hope I fooled him."

"No worries there, I just hope we get adjacent rooms?"

"For what?"

"Video surveillance for one thing. The minute Dr. Feelgood walks through that door with your stash, we wanna nail him and get everything on video. No jury's gonna get all PC and let 'im go if they see everything."

"Right."

"Let's get home first, set up everything we'll need, then off to the Schachter. May as well be ready to give this slug a good morning punch he'll never forget."

Wouldn't ya know it - tons of rooms available. Chet was right, too, this place was a dump, and looked like a housin' project. Chet signed in under the "Bates" name, raisin' an eyebrow from the desk clerk. Me-n-Eddie sign in under the usual Smith and Jones thing.

MOMENTS AFTER OUR HEROES LEAVE THE OFFICE AND HEAD FOR THEIR ROOMS, THE DESK CLERK PICKS UP THE PHONE.

"Hey, Juan, it's me. Yeah...yeah, the kid just got here - two other characters looked like they were with him - they got a room next to his, named Smith and Jones. Let's see - the older guy got a hat, suit, the whole thing, the younger guy, maybe his kid, lookin' like he was born in a gym. Not too shabby, that body...what's that.....you're kidding! That's them? Shit, I never knew what they looked like! So, you gonna keep your distance - lay low or something?"

THE VOICE ON THE OTHER END SAYS,

"Not on your life - I'm gonna be ready for those assholes, you just wait. They're gonna get more holes in them than in a nigger's window. Thanks for the tip. You'll be off duty by the time I get there, but I'll take care of ya - see ya."

HOLY HORRORS - MIKE, EDDIE, AND CHET VICTIMS OF THEIR OWN TRAP? WILL THEY AT LEAST WEAR THEIR BULLET PROOF TEE-SHIRTS? EDDIE LOOKS PRETTY HOT IN HIS - BUT WILL THEY DO ANY GOOD? WILL THEIR TRAGIC FATE BE BROADCAST ON WORLD'S WILDEST POLICE VIDEOS NARRATED BY THAT ANNOYING HOST WITH THE WHINY VOICE? KEEP THIS WEBSITE UP AND GET READY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER - OR, MORE APPROPRIATELY - STAY TUNED!

CHAPTER SEVENTY The Deviant Diabolical Deacon

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, MIKE WAS AT MISSION CONTROL, MONITORING THE EVIDENCE EDDIE WAS SENDING VIA HIS DIGITAL CAMERA, SNAPPING PHOTOS OF WHO THEY NOW KNOW TO BE THE SEXUAL PREDATOR, THE DEACON HIMSELF. EDDIE WAS CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF CATCHING THE DEACON IN THE ACT AND WAS KIDNAPPED AND CHLOROFORMED. MIKE SPRANG INTO ACTION AND HE IS NOW ON THE WAY TO THE CHURCH TO RESCUE EDDIE AND WHICHEVER CHILDREN ARE FALLING PREY TO THE DIABOLICAL DEACON.

MIKE - I arrived at the church just as the last congregate was leaving. Noon is the last Mass here, so I imagined all the doors were about to be locked. And I was right, too. I started prowling the place, looking for an open window - anything, that was gonna help me rescue Eddie and this kid and deactivate this deviant, diabolical Deacon.

EDDIE - I woke up feeling woosy - it took a few minutes or so to get my bearings and I looked around - - and THEN...I found myself tied to a crucifix, wearing nothing but a loin cloth. "Holy de ja vu, not this again." I remembered very well my ordeal with Mike's ex-boss who had me chained in this position. But these were just ropes, and I figured I could break myself outta these. I had to, that kid was in deep, dark danger - so was I, but I didn't care about that. Scotty had to be saved, and I was just the boy to do it, too. As I started to struggle with my bonds, the Deacon walks in, with a goon at each side of him.

"Well, now, my fine detective - got yourself in a spot of trouble, I see."

"You should know - you put me in it."

"Uh-uh-uh...I'm afraid you have it all wrong - it was you who put yourself in this trap. Snooping around as you were, trying to find out who was really the predator of these fine prepubescent cherubs. Yes, it was me, and now you know, which is exactly why you're in this position."

"So, you're gonna torture me, eventually rubbin' me out so the truth can't get out, well guess what! Those images I snapped are being sent straight to the authorities, and they'll soon be on you like white on rice."

"Is that so? Charming, I'm sure. You consider yourself quite the saviour, do you not?"

"You bet I do - it's what I was put on this earth to do, to serve and protect the good citizens of this town and to vilify vicious vermin like you, to bring you to justice where you belong."

"Dear me, quite the Christ complex we have."

"It's no complex, it's the truth - Jesus lives in all of us, even you, if you'd only embrace that and use your position for the good of others instead of your own perverted needs."


"Ah, so you think He lives in all of us - you, too, eh? Which, again, is exactly why you're in this boat. I know you can't see it from your vantage point, but there's a sign above your head, which reads, and I quote, "King of the Snoops". It doesn't have quite the ring of "King of the Jews", but it'll do. And since you're so, pardon the expression, HELL BENT, on thinking you're Jesus, well, there's only one way to authenticate your claim."

"Which is why you have me tied to this cross."

"Not just tied."

At that point, my heart began to race, sweat started pourin' down my head. Does this malicious maniac have in store for me what I think he does? All right, Robinson, get ahold of yourself. Holy occupational hazards, but whatever it takes, whatever the dear Lord has in store for me, I'll accept.

One of the Deacon's goons was sent to another room and came back with some sort of apparatus. He handed to the Deacon and he brandished it in front of me. It looked like some sort of weapon, but I wasn't sure.

"I bet you thought I was going to nail you to that thing. Well, not really, after all, we still need these things for more official use."

He pressed a button and I was hit right in the palm of my hand with a sharp object. Was it a dart? Was it a nail after all? I let out this scream and was writhing, struggling to free my other unwounded hand when that was hit, too. He shot my ankles with this deadly device, too.

"You fiendish FRIAR, what have you done to me?" It hurt so badly I couldn't catch my breath and my voice began to crack.

"Just some thumb tacks, my boy - industrial sized. This gun wasn't of a high enough caliber to shoot straight through your hands and feet, but as long as you're in pain, that's enough for me."

"You satanic sadist, take these things outta me!"

"In three hours, my boy. You should probably expire by then. Oh, by the way, if you look over here, you will notice my congregants putting up another crucifix. That would be for your beloved mentor, Detective Batz! He should be over here soon, if that last photo we sent was any indication. I am sure he's on the way over here right now. So...off we go and lie in wait. After all, a watched gumshoe never surfaces."

MIKE - As I crept around the church, I could hear voices. My God, it's where they got Eddie - it must be. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a door slightly ajar, so of course I went for it, but slowly and carefully. I took my piece out and kicked the door open, yelling FREEZE and that's when I saw Eddie. I went straight for him and considered the tacks in his hands and feet.

"Holy Mary Magdeline, Mike, am I ever glad to see you! Get these outta me, they're killing me. It's the Deacon all right, he shot me with tacks and said I was gonna die in three hours."

"Oh, no, not you, Kiddo, THEM! Brace yourself, this is gonna sting."

EDDIE - and they did, oh, boy, and how, but it didn't matter, it would pass. Mike yanked the tacks outta me and I was bleeding a bit, but that would heal. After all, it was time to leap into action. I'd see to my wounds later on. Mike untied me and asked if I was all right. I said I was now that he was here. I was facing the doorway and Mike was facing me and didn't see what was behind him. It was the goons ready to chloroform him, too.

"BEHIND YOU, BOSS-MAN - WATCH OUT!"

MIKE - I turned around and saw the goons about to attack me and I got them both with a punch. Eddie jumped into the fray and we pulverized each of them, grabbing them and sticking the rag to them. Eddie growled, "now let's see how YOU maggots like it!" and they were unconscious. We cuffed their hands and feet just in case they'd wake up and prevent us from pulverizing the preacher, which we set out to do. We locked these guys up and took off looking for the kingpin. We found him, we had him cornered and shouted for him to surrender, but he had a piece of his own and opened fire on us. We ducked, none of us was hit, lucky for Eddie, 'cuz he was wearing nothing but a loin cloth at the time, and I knew that wasn't bulletproof. The Deacon ran out of ammo and started to run and we gave chase, Eddie running a little bit ahead and leaping for his feet, throwing him down on the ground and holding him while I swooped in and put the cuffs on and read him his rights.

"You are now under arrest on numerous counts of sexual assault against minors, and two counts of attempted murder of officers of law enforcement. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, any thing you say can be held against you in a court of law....."

"Yes, yes, yes, I know my rights, but I'll relinquish them. You have enough evidence against me that I shall just plead guilty and am willing to do my time."

"Wow, just like that?"

"No sweat, kiddo, we take anything we can get."

"But what was all this...."

"I have a serious problem, Detective Robinson. I know it and have known it for some time. I wanted you to catch me, figuring it would be better somehow if I were forced to seek help for my problem, and I only inflicted pain on you and defamed the character of Fr. Stephens to ensure I'd get a stiffer sentence and never walk the streets again."

"You mean you went through all this..."

"My only other recourse was suicide, which our church does not permit, and I felt myself too weak to surrender on my own recognizance, so this way, I'll express remorse for my sins, pray to God for mercy and forgiveness and never be lead into temptation again."

"Gosh, Mike, what do you think the courts will do with him? Go easy on him?"

"I'm not sure, kiddo, that's up to them. Our job here is done."


EPILOGUE:

We then took Fr. Stephens back to the archdiocese and he was vindicated and granted the right to resume full duties with the church. The Church Lady was even happy to see us, as her life was no longer in danger. She apologized for her actions toward us and asked if she would be arrested, too, as an accessory. I assured her that wouldn't be the case she was under coercion at the time. She thanked the both of us.

We also attended Mass the following Sunday - it was the first one Fr. Stephens had said after his vindication.

"Ladies and gentleman, and boys and girls who are here today, I must thank you all for your prayers and your letters of support during my ordeal. It was very hard on my heart, mind and soul to think I would be stripped of my purpose in this life."

He paused, bowed his head, and his voice began to tremble. I wasn't sure if he was gonna get through this next part.

"And I especially want to give thanks to our Lord, for directing me to a former parishioner, Eddie Robinson and his partner, Mike Batz - the two detectives who solved this case, and even put their own lives on the line, so the quality of my own life could be returned to me. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be standing here right now. May God bless you both - uh, please stand so the congregants can see you."

MIKE - We looked at each other and felt a little modest. The real reward in this Job is the Job itself, but, okay....we stood up and the crowd applauded us.

"Holy Lone Ranger and Tonto, Boss-Man - no easy modest exit here, huh?"

We looked around and smiled and nodded, even gave a little wave. All of these people applauding and smiling at us, showing their appreciation, their love.

It's what life is all about.

CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE - Appropriately Enough

EDDIE - Mike got it all set up that I'd be posing as an altar boy, seein' if maybe we can catch this deviate in the act. I do like working around kids, and stuff, heck, sometimes I still feel like one myself. Anyways, the Deacon gave me my choice of masses to serve on Sundays, and I chose noon. After all, one does need his hunk sleep - as opposed to beauty sleep for chicks. I was introduced to all the other kids at a special meeting for them, and a lot of them said I was pretty tall to be looking like an altar boy, but then we gave them the football schtick, so that was good with them. After the first mass, as I went back and changed outta my robe, the Deacon came back there and was tellin' me, "good job, my boy - no one really noticed."

"Aw, that's good - this is the first time I really worked undercover - usually, me-n-Mike just swoop in and bust the bad guys - I gotta admit, I kinda like doin' this - I used to go to Mass every Sunday - maybe I'll start it up again".

With that, the Deacon smiled a real big smile and firmly put one hand on my shoulder and patted my back with his other hand, "glad to hear it, son, glad to hear it."

The kid I served with came into change, too, but walked in kinda nervous-like. I guess he didn't wanna interrupt or anything. The Deacon turned to him and said, "Not to worry, I'm just leaving - just thanking our new Altar Boy for stepping in. See you kids later."

I looked at the kid and said, "somethin' eatin' you?"

He stuttered and looked away, saying, "uh.. no...I just got a lotta chores to do at home, I gotta get goin'." and just took off like a shot.

Later, me-n-Mike went for our run - get some physical fitness in and talk about the case, although I think the case was more on my mind than anything - 'specially that kid. I figured I'd run it by the Boss-Man.

"Anyway, this kid was all nervous, even during the Mass, just kept lookin' away, not sayin' much, then when I tried to do a little small talk, he just bolted."

"Ah, well, kids are nervous around new guys, that's all. I'm sure once he gets wind of your charm, he'll be putty in your hands."

"I dunno, man, he seemed pretty scared."

"There's always next Sunday."

"Gosh, another week. What if this pervert strikes again in the meantime? I think it would've been better if I was disguised as a counselor or something, spend more time at the church."

"You could get into some activities during the week, can't ya - I mean, isn't that what you were doin' before?"

"Well, I could hang around the activity center - I remember they had backetball and all that other stuff."

"Basketball, eh? Sure would be hot watchin' ya run around in that uniform."

"Who would you disguise yourself as - my dad?"

"Oh, yeah, that's it, kid - play the age card again - thanks a heap - just for that, I'll race ya!"

"You're on!"

And we ran 10 laps around the track, Mike beatin' me by a nose. I was a little winded I gotta admit.

"So, who's your daddy now?"

As I stood stooped over, my hands on my knees, catchin' my breath, I looked up at him with this huge grin, "you are".

Mike bent down and kissed me on the lips. He sniffed.

"Mmm - a little ripe there - me, too - come on, kiddo - let's hit the shower".

I loved takin' showers with Mike - the water was always not too hot or not too cold - just perfect. I got my whole body wet, then turned to face Mike while he lathered me up, first my face, then my neck, down to my chest, where he rubbed my nipples for a bit, then down my arms, my pits, my groin, my cock, my balls, the shaft, my legs - all over. Then he turned me around and lathered up my backside. After I was all rinsed off, he made beautiful gentle love with me. His freshly-washed cock inside me, slidin' back and forth. I leaned forward and held onto the wall with the shower head spraying on both of us. I moaned, and even purred a little - even growled somewhat. Aw, yeah, he was such a bear with this thick, hairy chest rubbin' up against me as he made love. We both contracted, moaned, grimaced, and both came together. I gotta admit I was pumpin' my own while he was at it. It was beautiful. I turned back to face him and the two of us just kissed and took turns licking each other's nipples. While he was licking my nipples, I bent over and licked his neck, then we took the other's face into the other's hands and just gazed. We were like star-crossed lovers. Each time always felt like the first. Beautiful. We ran together, showered together, made love together, and now, we were gonna solve this case together. Can an all-american boy ask for anything more? I know I sure don't. I got everything I need in life just staring me in my wet face.

Day in and day out, there I was hangin' around the activity center at the church, nothin' much happenin', but, gosh, it sure did take me back to the old days. Everything looked exactly the same - it was like the past bunch of years hadn't gone by. As I walked around, it was kinda like Monroe's character in that movie about the desert island. She was marooned for 5 years, then came home. I really love that scene where she's walking around the backyard and feels like cryin' 'cuz she's so happy to be back, then she spots her kids across the way - 5 years older. Gosh, that's a touching scene. I guess I'm just a romantic softy at heart.

Boys usually don't get those kinda feelings - they're too busy bustin' bad guys and lookin' out for their men, 'cuz, ya know, I'll tell ya, sometimes the man gets himself in a little deep and needs his boy to get his back. I take pride in that - I was put on this earth to bring safety and comfort to others, and I thank God every night for that gift. It means everything in the world to me to be chosen to protect and serve.

Speakin' of servin' - it's back to the Noon Mass for me. Man, that day rolls around real quick. I was servin' with that nervous kid again, only this time, I think he was tryin' to tell me somethin'. He looked up at me with real puppy eyes, being about 6 inches shorter than me, it was pretty easy. Anyway, he stammers the word, 'detective'. He was addressin' me, but I told 'im to call me Eddie.

"Oh, okay. Uh, Eddie...."

"What's up?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, anything."

"It - - it hurts..."

"Uh, what does? Your throat, your tummy?"

"...no....it's that man..."

HOLY WITNESS PROTECTION - the kid's confiding in me - I hope he's not gonna tell me what I'm afraid he's gonna tell me.

Right then and there, the Deacon walks in - "hello, there, boys, havin' a little chit-chat are we? Well, it's good to get to know some of the kids here, Eddie..."

He firmly puts his hands on both of our shoulders.

"Glad to see it, boys, glad to see it. Good job out there again, kids, appreciate the service."

"Oh, well, hey, you're welcome - glad I could help out."

And I looked down on this kid who's eyes were just as wide open as mine when I stared at the barrel of that AK-47 recently. It was a look of almost terror. I could be wrong, but it was kinda disturbing.

"Oh, uh, could you excuse us, Detective? I need Scotty's help with something out near the altar."

HOLY SET-UP - That kinda made me jittery. Scotty looked at me with sheer terror, for sure.

"Really - anything I can help you guys with? I'm kinda free this afternoon."

"No, no, no, you've, heh-heh, done quite enough for this parish, Detective. I'll see you next Sunday."

"Maybe before then, I've been having a good time hanging around here during the week, too."

"That's all well and good, but I think the two of us can handle ourselves here, boy. SEE YOU NEXT SUNDAY."

"Oh...right..." I said, makin' like I was leavin', but I wasn't - really.

Nosiree - I stuck around, went around the corner and peeked back as the Deacon took Scotty back with him. I stayed 10 to 20 paces behind, thank God I had sneakers. Now I could really sneak. When it looked like the two of them were alone, that's when the Deacon made his move. And that's when I was makin' my move. I took the camera out and started snappin' some photos - some real sick stuff, too. I'm not gonna describe a thing - I'm a detective, I'm in the business of law and order, so I can see these things objectively. Sure as shootin', it's upsetting - in fact, I felt my heart breaking and I felt my fists about to form, but I started snappin' pics and sending them to Mike, who was monitoring the computer back at headquarters. After gettin' a bunch of evidence, I was about to leap into action when the Deacon turned around and saw me!

MIKE - It was about 1:00, I'd say, and I was watchin' the PC for anything that was coming in - sure enough, it was. God, it was awful. I'm just gonna leave it up to you readers to imagine what was goin' on at that time. I'm preachin' to the choir here, I know, but if I described what was bein' sent to me, what Eddie was snappin' up, it's sure to get the attention of some folks out there that don't need to read the likes of that from us

I know what the subject matter is and I was saddened and outraged by what the Deacon was doin' there, but at the same time, I couldn't have felt more victorious. The Padre's claim of innocence was a true as I am to truth, justice and the American way, if these J-pegs were any indication.

I was cheerin' Eddie on as one image after another appeared.

"All right, kiddo, that's the way - you got 'im, boy - - ya got 'im...oh, this is so GOOD!"

Then there was a photo of the Deacon looking back and catching Eddie in the act of catching him in the act.

"uh-oh,- not so good...Get the hell out, kid - get out with your life."


EDDIE - As the Deacon met eyes with me, I became enraged and leapt into action.

"You keep your scummy hands off that kid. I know it's you now - I have evidence that's been sent straight to the authorities."

"Oh, really - well, if you wanna snap some more pics, I suggest you look behind you."

Too late - somebody held a rag up to my mouth, and another guy grabbed my camera and started snappin' photos of ME!


MIKE - HOLY CRAP - they got my boy - gettin' the hell to the church - like RIGHT NOW!


AS MIKE SPEEDS OFF, HE HAS NO WAY OF KNOWING HOW THE DEVIL HE'S GONNA FIND EDDIE - IF HE DOES, AT ALL - AND WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS IN STORE FOR HIM. SORRY THIS HAS TO GO ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER - BUT WHAT THE HELL ARE YA GONNA DO, YA KNOW?